To my surprise, the moment we got to the bottom, Leland wanted to climb it again. This was a different kid than the one who arrived at the lighthouse less than an hour before! He had no fear on the second climb, and we did the whole thing without stopping. We descended again, and sure enough, he wanted to go right back up!
Luckily for me (I was getting tired!), the lighthouse keepers had stopped climbing for the rest of the day due to the threat of lightning. I breathed a sigh of relief, and Leland mentioned that since we couldn’t go up again, he was ready to go to his favorite café, where we had already agreed we’d go after the lighthouse.
As we always do on a Board Meeting, we shared a meal together, chatted, and enjoyed each other’s company. We talked a lot, but this meal was not yet the focused reflection time—we have a ritual for that. After we eat, we often go to Leland’s favorite beach where you can hear the waves as they crash. We’ll climb onto the rocks, relax, and have a chat.
In the early days, the focused reflection would start with me asking him what part of the day was his favorite. Now that we’re dialed into the process, however, I don’t even have to ask him. He starts talking spontaneously.
On this day, the theme was apparent, and we moved gently into a conversation about overcoming fears. Le- land asked me if I’d ever been scared. Imagine that for a moment; to our kids, we seem so bulletproof that they assume we don’t feel fear.
Notice, I didn’t force him into an awkward conversation. There was no lecture. It was a natural evolution—he had just finished overcoming a fear, and he wanted to know about my life experiences.
This was a perfect chance for real vulnerability. I thought about it for a moment, then told him about several times in the past when I was afraid. I also explained that fears are normal, that we will always have them, and that we can overcome them by taking small actions just like we did at the lighthouse.
What I didn’t do was try to pack in a long lecture about all of the little ways I thought Leland could improve, nor did I drone on and on. The focused reflection took just a few minutes, and when he was ready, we walked back to the car and headed home. It was as simple as that.
I couldn’t have scripted the Board Meeting any better if I'd tried. I could have told him a thousand times that he has to face his fears, but it wouldn’t have had one-thousandth the effect the Board Meeting did. Experiential education won the day.
Leland was happy and energetic for days after his revelation about overcoming fear. And it wasn’t just him, either. Jamie and I both beamed with pride when my friend asked him about his Board Meeting and he responded with a heartfelt (and elegant, I might add) talk about the importance of facing one’s fears.
Once again, the simple Board Meetings strategy had a lasting impact on a young child and his family. Leland developed a stronger character that day, and I saw this brave boy in a whole new light. And, naturally, I was proud of the role I played in helping him overcome his fear.