to let go of them or to ignore them and to
focus on the more likely positive outcome and
to take action.
Thirdly, if I were in the arena of self-doubt I
would talk to someone wiser than us about it.
It is believed that when we keep our thoughts
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on the inside they can become distorted,
exaggerated and not very much in line with
reality or reasonable expectations. This is very
much true when it comes to self-doubting
thoughts. So we have to let them out into the
light. Talk to someone close to us about our
self-doubts. Just letting them out and saying
them out loud can often help us to hear how
exaggerated these thoughts have become. By
talking about those doubts with someone that
is supportive of us can get a change in
perspective.
Then it would never be wise to get stuck in the
comparison trap. If we compare ourselves to
other people all too often, to their successes
and especially to their high-light reels that
they share on social media then self-doubt can
quickly creep up. A better way to go about
things is to compare ourselves to our own
conditions to see how far we have come, to see
what and how we have overcome and to see
how we have kept going, succeeding and
growing up as a human being.
The next wise thing to do is to start keeping a
journal. Keeping a journal can be a helpful
habit for many reasons. When it comes to self-
doubts it can really help us to:
Keep a realistic record of our life and
help us to remember the positive things,
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the successes we have had and how we
have overcome obstacles if we are prone
to remembering things with a negative
slant.
Gain clarity more easily. It is often
easier to alleviate fears and doubts and
to gain clarity if we have an issue laid
out on paper or in a computer document
rather than if we try to go through it all
in our mind.
By making lists of pros and cons, going
through our thoughts and emotions and
similar events from the past and by writing
down different perspectives on the issue it
becomes easier to find solutions and to see
our challenges in a clearer and more level-
headed way.
Of course, it is good to remember that most
people do not care that much about what we
do or say. When we worry about what others
may think or say and if we do something then
the self-doubt can quickly become stronger
and we get stuck in inaction and in fear. When
that happens we have to remind ourselves
constantly about the truth that people by and
large do not really care that much about what
we do or not do. They have their hands full
with thinking about themselves, their kids and
pets, jobs and upcoming sports matches and
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with worrying about what people may think of
them. Be mindful of what someone said or did
might not be about us at all. When someone
criticizes us then it seems easy to start
doubting ourselves. When someone rejects us
and we do not get a chance to respond
appropriately then we begin to get deeper into
our self-doubting castle.
The truth is that we do not know everything
that is going on in the life of another person.
We must be mindful that the world does not
revolve around us. So be careful not to
misinterpret and build blame and doubt
within without any reason. As has been said
by many wise people on this topic that It is
always helpful to get a boost of optimism by
letting someone else’s enthusiasm, motivation
and constructive optimism flow over to us by
reading specific articles on the subject. This
quick relocation of our hearts and minds can
greatly help us to shift our self-doubts into
optimism and into thinking constructively
about our challenge that lie ahead of us.
Whenever we have a setback then we may
start to see things through a negative and
dark lens. We might see this current setback
as something that will simply be our new
normal. This way of looking at things can trap
us in thinking that there is no point in
continuing to take action. So instead of this
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we have to remember that we are a failure just
because we failed.
Setbacks happen to everyone who take
chances. It is simply a part of living life fully.
Sometimes things go well and sometimes they
do not. So let us learn to make a failure into
this huge thing or into our identity. Let us ask
ourselves this vital question: “What is one
thing we can learn from this setback? Use the
mistake or failure to our advantage and to
move forward once again in smarter way.
If we, for instance, often get self-doubt before
a presentation in school, university or at work
then let us sharpen our presentation skills
and then read a few books about it and
practice at home in front of a mirror or in front
of a friend. Or join Toastmasters, Rotary Club
or any other such inspirational group to get
the experience or knowledge that is needed.
Then only we would be able to feel more
confident, competent and relaxed in such
situations.
A common way to handle self-doubt is to get
angry at ourselves and act on our lack of
motion then try to beat ourselves up as a way
to get us to move forward. If all that does not
help then wise people have found that being
kind and constructive when feeling and
dealing about self-doubt is a better choice. So
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let us use kind and understanding words
towards ourselves but also ask ourselves a few
more relevant questions: “What is one very
small step we can take to move forward in this
situation?” Then we should take that very
small step and start to step by step move
towards where we want to go.
When we have taken that one small but
important step forward and are done with it
then we have a win. It may be a small one but
it should still be a solid win to celebrate it. Let
us then have a tasty snack or our favourite
food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, spend
some time on our favourite hobby or buy
ourselves something we have wanted for a
long time. This will renew and recharge our
motivation and make taking action feel more
exciting and fun. That would push self-doubts
aside so that we can keep moving ahead in life
and get a lot more, smaller and bigger wins.
In trying to plan well our every move we would
be able to make on a rewarding journey
towards a goal or dream thus curing that
dreadful disease called self-doubt. Of course, if
this does not work then accept the fact that
the sometimes even the best laid plans start to
fall apart a bit or need some necessary
changes when they are confronted with reality.
So it is advisable to do a bit of rough planning
and then start our journey. We can always
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course-correct along the way towards what we
want. Empowered by the new knowledge,
experience and feedback we would be able to
get there as long as we keep going on that
path with confidence.
It is normal that on our journey we run into
many cross roads and need to make a decision
on which direction to head. There is no safe
road in life and our journey is the sum of all
the roads we travel and decisions we make.
Some psychologists think that this is when we
fear taking a wrong turn may ruin everything
and it is this doubt that can paralyse us into
not making a decision at all. Everyone
experiences this situation at some point in
their life; however it is with total commitment
and confidence that we keep moving forward
when faced with doubt.
We all have dreams, and our dreams can
sometimes start to fade as we get challenged
by unexpected situations of our life but for
most of us our dreams almost never
disappear. One is never too old to dream or
create a new dream. Our daily lives are
constantly saturated with thoughts. These are
our thoughts of the future, thoughts of the
past, and thoughts of the present. We all
would like to recognise these thoughts to try
and uncover what the next move should be.
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To know whether we are at a right and proper
place, have our dream job, chosen the right
partner, a safe place to live or maybe even
better friendships we need to get rid of all
existing self-doubts from our minds. We all
have doubts in our minds and would love
nothing more than the voice in ours heads to
distinguish itself as the voice of intuition and
whisper to us what our next move should be
but what happens when we fail to recognise
our own intuition? What happens when we
start to doubt our knowledge? Or when you
start to doubt our faith?
It is here that we must remember that it is
normal to experience speed bumps, hiccups
and sometimes even train wrecks in life so let
us not be troubled by this. This is an
opportunity to learn, grow and build
confidence in us. If we do not take the steering
wheels of life and dare to try we would
certainly deny ourselves some of the greatest
experiences and lessons of life.
One of the biggest triggers of doubt is
undoubtedly fear. Fear makes us doubt
ourselves, and when we live in fear we start to
doubt ourselves even more and this situation
causes more fear. Until you reach a stand still
and analyse that paralysis, then the fear of
making a decision becomes too great because
of the doubt we have in our own decision
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making. This is a very dangerous cycle and in
theory this may sound easy to comprehend
but the solution is obvious hard because when
faced with doubt it is not always so clear what
the next best move should be.
Let us revise and consolidate our points to
accept that faith helps us remove all doubt.
Once we have and develop a vision of what we
want and have faith in it, this would certainly
give us the needed faith and strength to get
there. Faith is a commitment and if we are not
able to have and maintain the desire in our
goals and if we did not have the ability to
achieve it then we have lost to conquer our
self-doubt.
Some scriptures reveal that doubt could only
be removed by action so we should always do
something. The only wrong choice is not
making a choice. As Martin Luther King once
said, “If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t
run then walk. If you can’t walk then crawl,
but whatever you do, you have to keep moving
forward.” or as Albert Einstein said, “Life is
like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you
have to keep moving.” Always choose an action
because any action, even the wrong one will
help you grow.
We cannot make a profitable investment in
self-doubt because our over-thinking would
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never be able to solve any problems.
Sometimes when we move away from the fog of
a situation we can see it from a better
position. So take a step back and look at the
situation from a different perspective and we
will find the required answer.
Then we will win if we make our decisions
from a position of love. Before making a
decision practice taking ten deep breaths.
Physiologically this will increase the oxygen in
your body to help you relaxed, feel more
peaceful and gain more clarity.
John Lennon made an apt remark once by
saying that there are two basic motivating
forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we
pull back from life. When we are in love, we
open to all that life has to offer with passion,
excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn
to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our
imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we
cannot fully open to our ability to love others or
our potential to create. All hopes for a better
world rest in the fearlessness and open
hearted vision of people who embrace life.
Those of us who are not afraid to fail get the
taste of success sooner than the others. So is
it best to stretch outside of our comfort zone.
If a fisherman casts his line multiple times to
try and catch a fish but only catches one on
his final cast, we conclude that he has failed
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many times but we fail to accept that he is still
successful in his endeavour.
Often the truth in life is that we have to let go
of some people, change our job, change where
we live, isolate ourselves in order to
understand ourselves better and trust our gut
that we are doing the right thing. Sometimes
we would out grow people, sometimes we
would out grow places, and sometimes we
would out grow situations that keep repeating
but one thing is certain that we cannot be
scared to clear our vision and make a move to
get rid of our self-doubt if we want to be
successful in life.
An unknown soldier of self-doubt has said
that we have to believe in ourselves, in our
abilities, in our service, in our company and in
our ideas unquestionably and we have to have
faith which ultimately gives us prosperity,
peace, patience and progress. The fact is that
life is a wonderful adventure of rich
experiences, but life does not last. It passes,
and doubt paralyses our ability to move, and
then when we stop moving, all the precious
moments that we could live in that moment
disappear. So as we continue on with our
destination let us feel free to throw away the
fear and make a valued decision anyway. We
are the experienced captain of our own destiny
to get rid of any self-doubt.
267
MY STRENGTH AND
WEAKNESSES
There were a few very painful moments in my
life that changed my entire world in a matter
of minutes but these moments also gave me
added strength to move on with greater
determination and courage. Of course, those
painful and doubtful moments definitely made
me stronger, smarter and in most ways even
kinder. One thing remained with me always
and that was my determination not to despair
and go to become someone that I was not. I
screamed and even I cried but then I managed
to straighten out my head and kept moving
with added vigour.
I gathered from my experiences that all my
strengths were my following through with all
my dreams even though I keep experiencing
some bumps along the way. My true strength
was hidden somewhere in my soul and spirit
and not in my muscles and I needed to find
out and extract it to my advantage. I realized
that a flower does not think of competing to
the flower next to it but it just keeps on
blooming. So did I.
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I soon realized and gathered that my life had,
like that of other human beings, multiple ways
of testing my will to go one regardless. There
came times and moments when either nothing
happened at all or everything happened at
once. I gathered and improved my strengths
and courage when nothing happened but
when everything was happening at once I used
my gathered and improved strengths and
courage to manage these deteriorating
situations. I did not give up but kept
managing my life as a man of steel.
There were moments when I found myself
uncertain
about
how
to
handle
the
circumstances but then I gathered my wits
and remembered how far I had already come,
every odd things I had faced but overcome, a
few hard battles I fought and won and the
greatest of them were my fears that I had
turned into my confidence, calmness and
faith. This made me believe that the real
opposite of fear was courage and while I was
growing up my father continuously stressed
the benefits of being brave by reminding me
that courage was not only not being fearful
but overcoming all the fear around me.
After this I culled out my own meaning of the
opposite of fear which for me was my safety
and the security of my family, friends and
faith within myself. Consequently, I began
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preaching and practising real security and
safety and wanted to be safe and secure to feel
stressed out, to be imperfect, to solve
marriage, parenting and social problems. I
wanted to be safe and secure from the feeling
that I did not have enough to live well and be
safe and secure to admit my failures,
struggles, sins and any possible addictions.
This feeling of safety and security enabled me
to live a well-planned family life.
All my strengths came from my positive stance
and struggles because when I learnt to
positively
see
my
struggles
as
my
opportunities to become stronger, better, wiser
and calmer then my thinking shifted from “I
cannot do it” to “I can and must do it”. There
were occasions when I did not recognize my
strengths until I came face to face with my
greatest weaknesses. I then began to sail
safely and securely in the vast ocean of life
and living.
I made a point that I did not change so that
people around me liked me but I managed to
be myself and then the right and faithful
friends began to help, like and support the
real me. It became clear to me that if someone
truly liked me, they would not make me feel
like I needed to constantly fight for their
attention. So for this little fighter soon things
became brighter. I began to survive in this
270
competitive world because the fire of struggle
and inspiration inside me began burning
brighter than the fire around me.
Gradually I became the type of man who
would sat in my bathroom to mourn, cry and
lament but then when I walked out in the
world of competition I made it certain that I
had all my needed strength and nothing odd
ever happened to me. All my weaknesses
vanished. I then realized that all my strength
did not come from what I could do but they
came from overcoming the things that I once
thought I could not do. Then I became sure
that a strong person is not the one who does
not cry but the one who cries and sheds tears
for a moment then gets up and fights again.
My grandfather told me that I was given this
life because I was strong enough to live it the
way I wished and planned it. So I stayed
positive even when at times it felt like that my
life was falling apart. That is where my real
strengths were in order to overcome my
weaknesses. Therefore I became fearless in all
my pursuits that set my soul on fire.
Consequently, in the end some of my greatest
pains, sorrows and worries became my
greatest strengths.
I was often told by my elders that strength did
not come from winning but our struggles
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gradually developed our strengths. When I got
ready to go through all my hardships and
decided not to surrender, that became my
strength. From early in my life I was trained
not to pray for an easy life but pray to the
Lord who gave me this life for more strength to
endure all difficult situations. I did not want to
become Bruce Lee but wanted to be stron