Chapter Twenty Four
So are you going to answer the question or aren’t you?
What question?
Are you still taking that stuff?
C’mon. Won’t you just let it go?
Your tone of voice tells me that you are. Besides, people want to know.
So what if I am?
Then you are. That’s all. Water under the bridge.
What? No punishment? No smack on the hand or guilt trip?
Is that what you want?
No. But it may be what I need. I was hurting today.
I know.
I had to take tomorrow off because I feel that I need to go jog and treat my body a bit. If I don’t I am afraid I might have some horrible repercussions.
There is no need in me punishing you my son. You are nearing, what may be, the most trying time of your life.
I know.
What you don’t know is that if it comes to pass you will endure pain far greater than most will ever bear witness.
I know. I have had glimpses of it. I am scared.
It does not serve you to fear it. Fear will only draw it to you more quickly.
Well, I might as well get it over with! There is an easier way.
I know! I tried. I am just trying to make it to a point in my life where I am finally successful enough to relax. Then I won’t have to worry about my life falling apart so much. I told you before, “every time I quit, things start to fall apart.” The whole world goes into an uproar and I am at the center of the cause.
So you would rather have success before your life turns to shambles?
No. That’s not what I meant. That’s what you said, plain as day.
What I meant was that I’d like to have a couple of months rent put back and things taken care of, then I can have a nervous breakdown and go through whatever kind of withdraws my body is going to conjure up.
Ahh. I must have been mistaken. Don’t be a smart ass.
Well, obviously you have it all figured out.
Okay, okay. I’m sorry. What is your advice then? What should I do?
First of all, change your mind. Stop thinking that your life is going to fall apart if you don’t have a box of medication! You are still, after all we have talked about, reacting mindlessly to every situation. When you judge an experience based on your past, you have already decided what it is going to feel like. Your thoughts about a thing have serious power over what opportunity that thing will present to you. It is the same in relationships with people. You think about last time you talked with a person and, sometimes, you never talk with them again, based simply on what you thought of them! Most of the time you have done this, It has been a person who had a gift that was astounding and life changing to give you, yet you overlooked it by not seeing the next interaction with them as a fresh and new creation. Have you never stopped and thought about your surroundings? Look around you. I tell you now, again, if you will have ears to hear: When something comes into your perception it is a gift. A gift you have sent to yourself. It is the present moment and it is always freshly delivered.
Indeed. Like they say, you can never step in the same river twice.
Exactly, and this is observably true. Did you know, as still as your skin looks, it is actually moving?
Right, right. The molecules.
Yes. Your body reproduces itself entirely every seven years. You could never count the cells that are constantly being replaced and regenerated anew. You are, literally, looking at a new person every time they turn around. You should treat them that way as well!
Then does that mean if I stopped drinking and taking these stupid pills, I would be all better in seven years, that my liver would be brand new?
It is a possibility. It all depends on what you think. Rather, how, you think. In the case of your liver, it is one of the most astounding organs.
You can donate a piece to a friend and it will grow back. It will regenerate itself. It has one of the most amazing healing abilities of the human body.
Yet still we manage to find a way to destroy it. That is really sad, huh? You bet it is. What is worse is that these acts have been falsely called ‘human nature’.
You mean it is not in our nature to destroy our selves? How do you feel about it?
Sickened. I shudder every time I look at those freakin’ pills.
Believe it or not, human nature is creative, not destructive. Though, some can only find a way to express their creative beingness by being destructive. It has been said, “In a perfect world, we would find beauty in destruction.”
Yet I still take them, even though I hate it. Showing my creativity by destroying my body I guess. Taking it reminds me that it may just be my last day on this planet so I better not, like you told me, let people talk down to me or treat me like dirt. Just like my job. I put in a three-week notice today.
Why?
Because one of the kids there is constantly treating me like I am still in training or something, and I feel that I am the one doing all of the work.
Why don’t you tell him to back off?
Because I can tell he enjoys his job there. He has a girlfriend who works there. Besides, the young manager girl doesn’t like me either. I think she is afraid that I will take her job.
This made you quit?
Yeah. I do my best not to disrupt peoples lives. I try and rely on faith to fix my situations. Another job will come up. I didn’t start in that place to become a manager anyway, I was only going to be there temporarily but I can see they want to move me up. If that happens, the girl will be fired and probably that kid, too. I am not going to let that be my fault!
And taking those pills made that decision easier?
In some ways, yes. I know it doesn’t make much sense. I think you tie this medicine to your faith.
You’re saying that if I didn’t take it I wouldn’t have any faith?
Perhaps.
Well, isn’t that what depression is, a total lack of faith?
Very good observation.
You said it before, “People take prescription medication all the time to keep their minds right.”
I did. I never said people MUST take it though.
It is a ‘values’ thing. People must decide for themselves what is right for them.
You are correct. At least I know you have been listening.
I learned well.
You had a good teacher.