Chapter Twenty Five
So we had begun talking about relationships.
Yes.
It’s funny, I was just talking to my very first girlfriend about relationships.
Denika?
Oh, I didn’t tell you, shortly after publishing the first copy of my book we began talking again and she is really great. She has actually been helping me edit my books and she had asked me a bit of advice on this subject but I really couldn’t help much.
How come?
Well, you weren’t exactly around to get an answer from.
Think again.
Yeah, yeah. I already know what you’re going to say so go ahead.
I never leave you. There, we’ll just leave it at that. I’ll give you a break this time. Continue..
Anyhow, I ended up looking back in some old books of mine for something I could send her and ended up with some information for her. So she may or may not be ending her relationship. It would be icing on the cake if that turned out to be my fault.
Why does ending a relationship always have to be a bad thing?
Well, when you love someone so much, it just hurts ya know?
I think you could learn a little something from an ameoba’s sex life.
An amoeba?
Yes. An amoeba, a single celled slimy organism that procreates through separating itself into halves.
And we’re going to learn what from this?
You could write an entire book on the subject. You could call it, “The sex life of an amoeba. How to have fun while splitting up.”
Ha. That’s pretty clever.
It’s what I do.
That actually reminds me of the joke that I came up with.
You came up with a joke?
Yes.
All on your own?
Yes. Actually it was all those lonely nights on watch in the Navy when you couldn’t take a restroom break. That coupled with a shit I had to take at work one day. There I was sitting on the toilet when it came to me. I couldn’t help but laugh.
So what was it?
Okay. So. What happened to the sergeant general major who shit his pants on night watch?
What?
He was relieved of doodie.
Hahaha.
Cheesy, isn’t it?
Only if you cut it. No it was good, really.
You’re such a dork. “If you cut it.” Like cut the cheese. Yeah I get it. You have got the driest humor of anyone I know.
Speak to yourself.
I am. But not in public places. This guy at work came back to the dish pit and asked, “what are you so quiet for back here?” I said, “There’s no one around, and I thought ya’ll might think I was a bit crazy if I was busy talking to myself.”
Yeah. Dry humor. What about the one you told at work, which no one even got?
The gas man thing?
Yeah.
Okay, so yeah, the gas guys come in to fix a gas leak on one of the fryers and while they are there it just hit me. I was about to call out for someone to pull up the chicken fingers from the fryer to sell them, and then I just had to say, “Wait! Listen up!” everyone stopped what they were doing and looked, “ I just want to take this rare opportunity, to ask the gas men to , ‘Please’,… pull the fingers.” No one laughed.
Oh they laughed! They just didn’t get it until later. I just wanted you to tell the joke.