It troubled me as once I was -- For I was once a Child -
Concluding how an Atom -- fell -- And yet the Heavens -- held --
The Heavens weighed the most -- by far -- Yet Blue -- and solid -- stood --
Without a Bolt -- that I could prove -- Would Giants -- understand?
Life set me larger -- problems -- Some I shall keep -- to solve Till Algebra is easier --
Or simpler proved -- above --
Then -- too -- be comprehended -- What sorer -- puzzled me --
Why Heaven did not break away -- And tumble -- Blue -- on me --
A still -- Volcano -- Life -
That flickered in the night -- When it was dark enough to do Without erasing sight --
A quiet -- Earthquake Style -- Too subtle to suspect
By natures this side Naples -- The North cannot detect
The Solemn -- Torrid -- Symbol -- The lips that never lie --
Whose hissing Corals part -- and shut -- And Cities -- ooze away --
602
Of Brussels -- it was not --
Of Kidderminster? Nay --
The Winds did buy it of the Woods -They -- sold it unto me
It was a gentle price --
The poorest -- could afford -- It was within the frugal purse Of Beggar -- or of Bird --
Of small and spicy Yards --
In hue -- a mellow Dun --
Of Sunshine -- and of Sere -- Composed -- But, principally -- of Sun --
The Wind -- unrolled it fast -- And spread it on the Ground -- Upholsterer of the Pines -- is He -- Upholsterer -- of the Pond --
603He found my Being -- set it up -- Adjusted it to place --
Then carved his name -- upon it -- And bade it to the East
Be faithful -- in his absence -- And he would come again -- With Equipage of Amber -- That time -- to take it Home --
604Unto my Books -- so good to turn -- Far ends of tired Days --
It half endears the Abstinence -- And Pain -- is missed -- in Praise --
As Flavors -- cheer Retarded Guests With Banquettings to be --
So Spices -- stimulate the time Till my small Library --
It may be Wilderness -- without -- Far feet of failing Men --
But Holiday -- excludes the night -- And it is Bells -- within -
I thank these Kinsmen of the Shelf -- Their Countenances Kid
Enamor -- in Prospective --
And satisfy -- obtained -
The Spider holds a Silver Ball In unperceived Hands -- And dancing softly to Himself His Yarn of Pearl -- unwinds --
He plies from Nought to Nought -- In unsubstantial Trade -
Supplants our Tapestries with His -In half the period --
An Hour to rear supreme
His Continents of Light -
Then dangle from the Housewife's Broom -- His Boundaries -- forgot --
The Trees like Tassels -- hit -- and swung -- There seemed to rise a Tune
From Miniature Creatures
Accompanying the Sun --
Far Psalteries of Summer -- Enamoring the Ear
They never yet did satisfy -- Remotest -- when most fair
The Sun shone whole at intervals -- Then Half -- then utter hid --
As if Himself were optional
And had Estates of Cloud
Sufficient to enfold Him Eternally from view --
Except it were a whim of His To let the Orchards grow --
A Bird sat careless on the fence -One gossipped in the Lane
On silver matters charmed a Snake Just winding round a Stone --
Bright Flowers slit a Calyx
And soared upon a Stem
Like Hindered Flags -- Sweet hoisted -- With Spices -- in the Hem --
'Twas more -- I cannot mention -- How mean -- to those that see -- Vandyke's Delineation
Of Nature's -- Summer Day!
Of nearness to her sundered Things The Soul has special times -- When Dimness -- looks the Oddity -- Distinctness -- easy -- seems --
The Shapes we buried, dwell about, Familiar, in the Rooms --
Untarnished by the Sepulchre, The Mouldering Playmate comes --
In just the Jacket that he wore --
Long buttoned in the Mold
Since we -- old mornings, Children -- played -- Divided -- by a world --
The Grave yields back her Robberies -- The Years, our pilfered Things -- Bright Knots of Apparitions
Salute us, with their wings --
As we -- it were -- that perished --
Themself -- had just remained till we rejoin them -- And 'twas they, and not ourself
That mourned.
Afraid! Of whom am I afraid? Not Death -- for who is He? The Porter of my Father's Lodge As much abasheth me!
Of Life? 'Twere odd I fear [a] thing That comprehendeth me
In one or two existences --
As Deity decree --
Of Resurrection? Is the East Afraid to trust the Morn
With her fastidious forehead? As soon impeach my Crown!
I Years had been from Home And now before the Door I dared not enter, lest a Face I never saw before
Stare solid into mine
And ask my Business there -- "My Business but a Life I left Was such remaining there?"
I leaned upon the Awe --
I lingered with Before --
The Second like an Ocean rolled And broke against my ear --
I laughed a crumbling Laugh That I could fear a Door
Who Consternation compassed And never winced before.
I fitted to the Latch
My Hand, with trembling care
Lest back the awful Door should spring And leave me in the Floor --
Then moved my Fingers off As cautiously as Glass
And held my ears, and like a Thief Fled gasping from the House --
You'll find -- it when you try to die -- The Easier to let go --
For recollecting such as went -- You could not spare -- you know.
And though their places somewhat filled -- As did their Marble names
With Moss -- they never grew so full -- You chose the newer names --
And when this World -- sets further back -- As Dying -- say it does --
The former love -- distincter grows -- And supersedes the fresh --
And Thought of them -- so fair invites -- It looks too tawdry Grace
To stay behind -- with just the Toys We bought -- to ease their place --
I see thee better -- in the Dark -- I do not need a Light -
The Love of Thee -- a Prism be -- Excelling Violet --
I see thee better for the Years That hunch themselves between -- The Miner's Lamp -- sufficient be -- To nullify the Mine --
And in the Grave -- I see Thee best -Its little Panels be
Aglow -- All ruddy -- with the Light I held so high, for Thee --
What need of Day --
To Those whose Dark -- hath so -- surpassing Sun -- It deem it be -- Continually --
At the Meridian?
It would have starved a Gnat -- To live so small as I --
And yet I was a living Child -- With Food's necessity
Upon me -- like a Claw --
I could no more remove
Than I could coax a Leech away -- Or make a Dragon -- move --
Not like the Gnat -- had I -- The privilege to fly
And seek a Dinner for myself -- How mightier He -- than I --
Nor like Himself -- the Art Upon the Window Pane To gad my little Being out -- And not begin -- again -
613They shut me up in Prose -- As when a little Girl
They put me in the Closet -- Because they liked me "still" --
Still! Could themself have peeped -- And seen my Brain -- go round -- They might as wise have lodged a Bird For Treason -- in the Pound --
Himself has but to will
And easy as a Star
Abolish his Captivity --
And laugh -- No more have I --
In falling Timbers buried --
There breathed a Man --
Outside -- the spades -- were plying -- The Lungs -- within --
Could He -- know -- they sought Him -- Could They -- know -- He breathed -- Horrid Sand Partition -
Neither -- could be heard --
Never slacked the Diggers -- But when Spades had done -- Oh, Reward of Anguish,
It was dying -- Then --
Many Things -- are fruitless -- 'Tis a Baffling Earth --
But there is no Gratitude Like the Grace -- of Death --
Our journey had advanced -- Our feet were almost come
To that odd Fork in Being's Road -- Eternity -- by Term --
Our pace took sudden awe --
Our feet -- reluctant -- led --
Before -- were Cities -- but Between -- The Forest of the Dead --
Retreat -- was out of Hope -- Behind -- a Sealed Route -- Eternity's White Flag -- Before -- And God -- at every Gate --
616I rose -- because He sank -- I thought it would be opposite -- But when his power dropped -- My Soul grew straight.
I cheered my fainting Prince -- I sang firm -- even -- Chants -- I helped his Film -- with Hymn --
And when the Dews drew off That held his Forehead stiff -- I met him --
Balm to Balm --
I told him Best -- must pass Through this low Arch of Flesh -- No Casque so brave
It spurn the Grave --
I told him Worlds I knew Where Emperors grew -- Who recollected us
If we were true --
And so with Thews of Hymn --
And Sinew from within --
And ways I knew not that I knew -- till then -- I lifted Him --
Don't put up my Thread and Needle -- I'll begin to Sew
When the Birds begin to whistle -- Better Stitches -- so --
These were bent -- my sight got crooked -- When my mind -- is plain
I'll do seams -- a Queen's endeavor Would not blush to own --
Hems -- too fine for Lady's tracing To the sightless Knot -
Tucks -- of dainty interspersion -- Like a dotted Dot --
Leave my Needle in the furrow -- Where I put it down --
I can make the zigzag stitches Straight -- when I am strong --
Till then -- dreaming I am sewing Fetch the seam I missed -- Closer -- so I -- at my sleeping -- Still surmise I stitch --
618 At leisure is the Soul
That gets a Staggering Blow -- The Width of Life -- before it spreads Without a thing to do --
It begs you give it Work --
But just the placing Pins --
Or humblest Patchwork -- Children do -- To Help its Vacant Hands --
Glee -- The great storm is over -- Four -- have recovered the Land -- Forty -- gone down together -- Into the boiling Sand --
Ring -- for the Scant Salvation --
Toll -- for the bonnie Souls --
Neighbor -- and friend -- and Bridegroom -- Spinning upon the Shoals --
How they will tell the Story -- When Winter shake the Door -- Till the Children urge --
But the Forty --
Did they -- come back no more?
Then a softness -- suffuse the Story -- And a silence -- the Teller's eye -- And the Children -- no further question -- And only the Sea -- reply --
620It makes no difference abroad -- The Seasons -- fit -- the same -- The Mornings blossom into Noons -- And split their Pods of Flame -- Wild flowers -- kindle in the Woods -The Brooks slam -- all the Day -- No Black bird bates his Banjo -- For passing Calvary --
Auto da Fe -- and Judgment -- Are nothing to the Bee --
His separation from His Rose -- To Him -- sums Misery -
I asked no other thing -
No other -- was denied --
I offered Being -- for it -
The Mighty Merchant sneered --
Brazil? He twirled a Button --
Without a glance my way --
"But -- Madam -- is there nothing else -- That We can show -- Today?"
To know just how He suffered -- would be dear -- To know if any Human eyes were near
To whom He could entrust His wavering gaze -Until it settle broad -- on Paradise --
To know if He was patient -- part content -- Was Dying as He thought -- or different -- Was it a pleasant Day to die --
And did the Sunshine face his way --
What was His furthest mind -- Of Home -- or God -- Or what the Distant say --
At news that He ceased Human Nature
Such a Day --
And Wishes -- Had He Any -- Just His Sigh -- Accented --
Had been legible -- to Me --
And was He Confident until
Ill fluttered out -- in Everlasting Well -
And if He spoke -- What name was Best -- What last
What One broke off with
At the Drowsiest --
Was He afraid -- or tranquil --
Might He know
How Conscious Consciousness -- could grow -- Till Love that was -- and Love too best to be -- Meet -- and the Junction be Eternity
It was too late for Man --
But early, yet, for God --
Creation -- impotent to help -- But Prayer -- remained -- Our Side --
How excellent the Heaven -- When Earth -- cannot be had -- How hospitable -- then -- the face Of our Old Neighbor -- God --
624Forever -- it composed of Nows -- 'Tis not a different time --
Except for Infiniteness -
And Latitude of Home --
From this -- experienced Here -- Remove the Dates -- to These -- Let Months dissolve in further Months -- And Years -- exhale in Years --
Without Debate -- or Pause -- Or Celebrated Days --
No different Our Years would be From Anno Domini's --
'Twas a long Parting -- but the time For Interview -- had Come --
Before the Judgment Seat of God -- The last -- and second time
These Fleshless Lovers met -- A Heaven in a Gaze --
A Heaven of Heavens -- the Privilege Of one another's Eyes --
No Lifetime -- on Them --
Appareled as the new
Unborn -- except They had beheld -Born infiniter -- now --
Was Bridal -- e'er like This? A Paradise -- the Host --
And Cherubim -- and Seraphim -- The unobtrusive Guest --
Only God -- detect the Sorrow -- Only God -
The Jehovahs -- are no Babblers -- Unto God --
God the Son -- Confide it --
Still secure -
God the Spirit's Honor --
Just as sure --
627 The Tint I cannot take -- is best -- The Color too remote
That I could show it in Bazaar -- A Guinea at a sight --
The fine -- impalpable Array -- That swaggers on the eye Like Cleopatra's Company -- Repeated -- in the sky -
The Moments of Dominion That happen on the Soul And leave it with a Discontent Too exquisite -- to tell -
The eager look -- on Landscapes -As if they just repressed
Some Secret -- that was pushing Like Chariots -- in the Vest --
The Pleading of the Summer -- That other Prank -- of Snow -- That Cushions Mystery with Tulle, For fear the Squirrels -- know.
Their Graspless manners -- mock us -- Until the Cheated Eye
Shuts arrogantly -- in the Grave -- Another way -- to see --
They called me to the Window, for " 'Twas Sunset" -- Some one said -I only saw a Sapphire Farm -- And just a Single Herd --
Of Opal Cattle -- feeding far
Upon so vain a Hill --
As even while I looked -- dissolved -Nor Cattle were -- nor Soil --
But in their stead -- a Sea -- displayed -- And Ships -- of such a size
As Crew of Mountains -- could afford -- And Decks -- to seat the skies --
This -- too -- the Showman rubbed away -- And when I looked again --
Nor Farm -- nor Opal Herd -- was there -- Nor Mediterranean --
I watched the Moon around the House
Until upon a Pane --
She stopped -- a Traveller's privilege -- for Rest -- And there upon
I gazed -- as at a stranger -- The Lady in the Town
Doth think no incivility
To lift her Glass -- upon --
But never Stranger justified
The Curiosity
Like Mine -- for not a Foot -- nor Hand -- Nor Formula -- had she -
But like a Head -- a Guillotine Slid carelessly away --
Did independent, Amber -- Sustain her in the sky --
Or like a Stemless Flower -- Upheld in rolling Air
By finer Gravitations -- Than bind Philosopher -
No Hunger -- had she -- nor an Inn -- Her Toilette -- to suffice -
Nor Avocation -- nor Concern For little Mysteries
As harass us -- like Life -- and Death -- And Afterwards -- or Nay --
But seemed engrossed to Absolute -With shining -- and the Sky --
The privilege to scrutinize Was scarce upon my Eyes When, with a Silver practise -- She vaulted out of Gaze --
And next -- I met her on a Cloud -- Myself too far below
To follow her superior Road -- Or its advantage -- Blue --
The Lightning playeth -- all the while -- But when He singeth -- then --
Ourselves are conscious He exist -- And we approach Him -- stern --
With Insulators -- and a Glove -- Whose short -- sepulchral Bass Alarms us -- tho' His Yellow feet May pass -- and counterpass --
Upon the Ropes -- above our Head -- Continual -- with the News --
Nor We so much as check our speech -- Nor stop to cross Ourselves --
Ourselves were wed one summer -- dear -- Your Vision -- was in June --
And when Your little Lifetime failed, I wearied -- too -- of mine --
And overtaken in the Dark -- Where You had put me down -- By Some one carrying a Light -- I -- too -- received the Sign.
'Tis true -- Our Futures different lay -- Your Cottage -- faced the sun --
While Oceans -- and the North must be -- On every side of mine
'Tis true, Your Garden led the Bloom, For mine -- in Frosts -- was sown -- And yet, one Summer, we were Queens -- But You -- were crowned in June --
632The Brain -- is wider than the Sky -- For -- put them side by side -- The one the other will contain With ease -- and You -- beside --
The Brain is deeper than the sea -For -- hold them -- Blue to Blue -- The one the other will absorb -- As Sponges -- Buckets -- do --
The Brain is just the weight of God -- For -- Heft them -- Pound for Pound -- And they will differ -- if they do -- As Syllable from Sound --
633When Bells stop ringing -- Church -- begins The Positive -- of Bells -
When Cogs -- stop -- that's Circumference -- The Ultimate -- of Wheels.
My Portion is Defeat -- today --
A paler luck than Victory --
Less Paeans -- fewer Bells --
The Drums don't follow Me -- with tunes -- Defeat -- a somewhat slower -- means -- More Arduous than Balls --
'Tis populous with Bone and stain -And Men too straight to stoop again --, And Piles of solid Moan --
And Chips of Blank -- in Boyish Eyes -- And scraps of Prayer --
And Death's surprise,
Stamped visible -- in Stone --
There's somewhat prouder, over there -- The Trumpets tell it to the Air --
How different Victory
To Him who has it -- and the One Who to have had it, would have been Contender -- to die --
I cannot live with You -- It would be Life --
And Life is over there -- Behind the Shelf
The Sexton keeps the Key to -- Putting up
Our Life -- His Porcelain -- Like a Cup -
Discarded of the Housewife -- Quaint -- or Broke --
A newer Sevres pleases -- Old Ones crack --
I could not die -- with You -- For One must wait
To shut the Other's Gaze down -- You -- could not --
And I -- Could I stand by And see You -- freeze -Without my Right of Frost -- Death's privilege?
Nor could I rise -- with You -- Because Your Face
Would put out Jesus' -
That New Grace
Glow plain -- and foreign On my homesick Eye -- Except that You than He Shone closer by --
They'd judge Us -- How --
For You -- served Heaven -- You know, Or sought to --
I could not -
Because You saturated Sight -- And I had no more Eyes
For sordid excellence
As Paradise
And were You lost, I would be -- Though My Name
Rang loudest
On the Heavenly fame --
And were You -- saved -- And I -- condemned to be Where You were not --
That self -- were Hell to Me --
So We must meet apart --
You there -- I -- here --
With just the Door ajar
That Oceans are -- and Prayer -- And that White Sustenance -- Despair --
Size circumscribes -- it has no room For petty furniture --
The Giant tolerates no Gnat
For Ease of Gianture --
Repudiates it, all the more -- Because intrinsic size
Ignores the possibility
Of Calumnies -- or Flies.
Me from Myself -- to banish -- Had I Art --
Impregnable my Fortress Unto All Heart --
But since Myself -- assault Me -- How have I peace
Except by subjugating
Consciousness?
And since We're mutual Monarch How this be
Except by Abdication -
Me -- of Me?
I could suffice for Him, I knew -- He -- could suffice for Me -- Yet Hesitating Fractions -- Both Surveyed Infinity --
"Would I be Whole" He sudden broached -- My syllable rebelled --
'Twas face to face with Nature -- forced -- 'Twas face to face with God --
Withdrew the Sun -- to Other Wests -- Withdrew the furthest Star
Before Decision -- stooped to speech -- And then -- be audibler
The Answer of the Sea unto The Motion of the Moon --
Herself adjust Her Tides -- unto -- Could I -- do else -- with Mine?
You left me -- Sire -- two Legacies -A Legacy of Love
A Heavenly Father would suffice Had He the offer of --
You left me Boundaries of Pain -- Capacious as the Sea --
Between Eternity and Time -- Your Consciousness -- and Me --
Bereavement in their death to feel Whom We have never seen -- A Vital Kinsmanship import
Our Soul and theirs -- between --
For Stranger -- Strangers do not mourn -- There be Immortal friends
Whom Death see first -- 'tis news of this That paralyze Ourselves --
Who, vital only to Our Thought -- Such Presence bear away In dying -- 'tis as if Our Souls Absconded -- suddenly --
646 I think to Live -- may be a Bliss To those who dare to try -- Beyond my limit to conceive -- My lip -- to testify --
I think the Heart I former wore Could widen -- till to me
The Other, like the little Bank Appear -- unto the Sea --
I think the Days -- could every one In Ordination stand --
And Majesty -- be easier --
Than an inferior kind --
No numb alarm -- lest Difference come -- No Goblin -- on the Bloom --
No start in Apprehension's Ear,
No Bankruptcy -- no Doom --
But Certainties of Sun --
Midsummer -- in the Mind --
A steadfast South -- upon the Soul -- Her Polar time -- behind --
The Vision -- pondered long -- So plausible becomes
That I esteem the fiction -- real -- The Real -- fictitious seems --
How bountiful the Dream -- What Plenty -- it would be -- Had all my Life but been Mistake Just rectified -- in Thee
647A little Road -- not made of Man -- Enabled of the Eye --
Accessible to Thill of Bee -- Or Cart of Butterfly --
If Town it have -- beyond itself --
'Tis that -- I cannot say --
I only know -- no Curricle that rumble there Bear Me --
Promise This -- When You be Dying -- Some shall summon Me --
Mine belong Your latest Sighing -- Mine -- to Belt Your Eye --
Not with Coins -- though they be Minted From an Emperor's Hand --
Be my lips -- the only Buckle
Your low Eyes -- demand --
Mine to stay -- when all have wandered -- To devise once more
If the Life be too surrendered --
Life of Mine -- restore --
Poured like this -- My Whole Libation -- Just that You should see
Bliss of Death -- Life's Bliss extol thro' Imitating You --
Mine -- to guard Your Narrow Precinct -- To seduce the Sun
Longest on Your South, to linger, Largest Dews of Morn
To demand, in Your low favor Lest the Jealous Grass
Greener lean -- Or fonder cluster Round some other face --
Mine to supplicate Madonna -- If Madonna be
Could behold so far a Creature -- Christ -- omitted -- Me --
Just to follow Your dear future -- Ne'er so far behind --
For My Heaven --
Had I not been
Most enough -- denied?
Her Sweet turn to leave the Homestead Came the Darker Way --
Carriages -- Be Sure -- and Guests -- too -- But for Holiday
'Tis more pitiful Endeavor Than did Loaded Sea
O'er the Curls attempt to caper It had cast away --
Never Bride had such Assembling -- Never kinsmen kneeled
To salute so fair a Forehead -- Garland be indeed --
Fitter Feet -- of Her before us -- Than whatever Brow
Art of Snow -- or Trick of Lily Possibly bestow
Of Her Father -- Whoso ask Her -- He shall seek as high
As the Palm -- that serve the Desert -- To obtain the Sky --
Distance -- be Her only Motion -- If 'tis Nay -- or Yes --
Acquiescence -- or Demurral -- Whosoever guess --
He -- must pass the Crystal Angle That obscure Her face --
He -- must have achieved in person Equal Paradise --
650
Pain -- has an Element of Blank -- It cannot recollect
When it begun -- or if there were A time when it was not -
It has no Future -- but itself -- Its Infinite contain
Its Past -- enlightened to perceive New Periods -- of Pain.
So much Summer
Me for showing
Illegitimate -
Would a Smile's minute bestowing Too exorbitant
To the Lady
With the Guinea
Look -- if She should know Crumb of Mine
A Rob