31.
as-sayyid sent his companions back to the town
to return with a doctor, a cart, and other help
he told them to take most of the meager
food provisions they had
leaving only enough to feed his son
he planned to fast the three or four days
it would take for their return
the first night brought silence
as relieved exhaustion
laid the old man to sleep
beside his insomnia-stricken son
but as the sun rose
so too did the words of the excited father
inspired by the joys they would try to fit within
the little remaining time of their reunion
as the sun set again
so too did the old man’s body, to rest
yet in the sleepless hours under the stars
all majnuun could think about
was how impossible it would be
to live his father’s dream
everything that remained in him
vehemently revolted against
embracing such a fate
yet as the sun rose again
so too did the old man’s expectant words
which burned majnuun with excruciating disturbance
until the midday sun joined the burning too
the tipping point reached
he could no longer hold his tongue
he had to speak for the sake of peace
“oh father,
who through your roots i breathe
if i could,
i would surrender to comply with your aspirations
but i cannot serve your last days with my obedience
for all my soul, i cannot
“the blame lays with me, with my nature
you have prepared me well to succeed in the world
but i no longer live for this world,
i live for love alone,
layla alone
this lot of destiny has been cast
beyond the possibility of any change
not even the alchemy of a loving father
can alter my chemistry
“who i was lays buried in the past
the whole of it dispersed among these desert sands
completely irretrievable
lost beyond recognition
banished from all recollection
although i somehow know you to be my father
all memory and taste of those days have vanished
even your surname, the name of your clan
is a mystery to me
even my name has long departed
to leave me known as
simply majnuun
“my mind is preoccupied
with what is now its axis
only layla,
layla alone
all else has been eviscerated from my existence
burning even the surviving embers and ashes
to nothingness
i am nothing
how then can i possess anything
or hold a place among others who regard
themselves as somebody
if i am not within her arms
the only place suitable for me is the wastelands
where everything within them
is regarded as nothing
which i am now
“when such is my circumstance
what purpose lays in my returning to society
there is nothing of me to return there
you have fulfilled your duty to me
especially in imparting wisdom
but love exceeds the bounds of wisdom
what you wisely speak
reaches not the far distances of love
in which i have vanished
my nothingness is beyond your call
“i wish i could replace myself
with another to be your son
or erase the past to spare you the pain
of this severed connection
or if your mind could accept me
as what i am now
the nothingness of a majnuun
forever drunk on love’s madness
if i could i would do anything
to protect you from disappointment,
which is justified
i would give my last breath
to grant you the peace of relief
but i am helpless even to myself
drowning in a night that consumes all my days
“i am already dead
and wish not for the dying
to mourn those who have gone before them”
❍ ● ❍