When it’s cold, you can move around to stay warm.
When it’s hot, you should keep still and stay cool.
But whatever the weather, if you stay calm,
the world will sort itself out around you.
—Tao Te Ching, Verse 45
The first words in my new ice maker instruction manual were, “WARNING: You could be killed or seriously injured if you don’t immediately follow the instructions.”
My mind raced past the motivation for this ingeniously subtle form of Chinese warfare and into the potential fate of any victim foolish enough to mishandle such an appliance. Have rates of hypothermic death been on the rise since the development of this technology? Does lethal refreshment claim you after drinking room-temperature liquid your entire life? Are people dying of boredom while watching ice being made? Or is the first inclination of most to strip off the rubber coating around the wire and hold on tight as they plug it into the wall? The reasonable number of possibilities seemed endless.
Whatever the cause of early demise, I avoided it by reading the instruction manual—immediately, thank God—and now I’ve been enjoying the benefits of morning ice baths in my own home. And let me tell you: This is the way. Better than any cup of coffee. Better than Motrin for aches and pains. Better than motivational mantras you might be using to start your day. Remaining calm in the face of cold conditions: That’s the way to be. That said, if I ever neglect the instruction manual, I’ll be sure to tell your grandchildren hello after they cryogenically defrost me like Austin Powers.
Stay cool, my friends.