Hi, darling! It’s so good to see you! Oh, about tonight, don’t worry. You don’t need to do a single thing. I have chosen everything for you. The food I have ordered for our date tonight, it is fixed so you don’t have to decide what you want to order. And our movie for tonight, oh, you are gonna love it. We are gonna watch ‘The Titanic’ again where we can both sit still for HOURS and hold each other’s hands and just contemplate on the LOVE of the main characters. Oh, I just love the way their romance blossoms all the way till the tragic end, *sob*, it is just so touching… thinking about it just makes me wanna cry all over again. Oh, darling, we are so going to enjoy tonight, it’s gonna be so good that we can spend time together and I promise that this is going to be the most romantic date ever that we treasure a lifetime…
A controller’s worst nightmare is not being able to have any control of his surroundings and the might develop a claustrophobic feeling from being smoldered with sentimentalism and doing the same thing over and over again with the same results.
If you are a Supporter:
Do not smolder your date too much. They like to get things done, so don’t take up too much of their time. More important give your date the perception of ACHIEVEMENT by structuring the evening with activities he feels will be productive (yes, even the process of courtship is like list of achievements to him or her). Also give your date the freedom to make many different choices so they will not feel the lack of power in making decisions.
If you are an Analyzer:
When dealing with a controller, do not take too long to make decisions. You may enjoy the process of thinking it over, but the controller is more concerned with getting results. The greatest problem with analyzers is that they perceive activity as busy-ness and think that it is productive, but to the mind of the controller, it is not. Learn to comply with the controller to get to his or her heart. When a controller shares an idea with you, try not to offer your detailed analysis to counter his ‘proposal’. If it is possible, comply with their need to be in authority and structure other ways around it. Getting along with controllers is easy as long as you do not challenge them and help them to save time.
If you are a promoter:
Promoters can get along well with controllers if they structure their date around tasks that rewards with achievement and results. Controllers like being winners in a competitive challenge. If you are talking halfway, let the controller express their view, agree with them and continue on with your story. Don’t smolder him with too much colorful details. They like things to the point and showing the controller that you have worked out the entire evening without wasting too much of their time will satisfy their obsession with efficiency. They like being in control so before you start talking, ask them what they want to talk about so you can tell them your stories once you find their hot button.
If you are another controller:
Controllers might not like being around another controller. They don’t like the idea of sharing power. Do not struggle with another controller over who is going to settle the bill. They like being the ‘boss’ so let them. Also, behind every tough looking controller is also the need to be appreciated so try and take some time to listen to the feelings behind their words. Learn to give and take also when it comes to making decisions for the evening.
Warning Signal
When you are doing something a controller dislikes, his initial reaction to pressure is by become more controlling. You can see it in his/her face that she wants to take more control of the situation as the voice becomes more and more edgy. You know you have an unsuccessful date when the controller turns into a dictator.