The Reality of Planning a Wedding
First up, where would we get married? Patrick was really helpful throughout this process. We set up appointments at prospective places but quickly fell in love with a mansion in Frederick, Maryland. Patrick’s mom and I were surfing the Web one night looking for venues and came across the mansion. What really drew me in were their prices; it was really affordable. Even though my mom was paying for the venue, I wanted to be conscientious about the price. After all we were also planning a full-scale wedding in 4 months. It was only the second place we checked out, and we absolutely loved it. It wasn’t too big a mansion; it was really cozy and intimate with acres of land outside. Venue, check.
Next up was the honeymoon. My mom had a friend that had a timeshare in the Dominican Republic. She was able to book our stay for eight days at an amazing price. It seemed that we were going to DR. As for the flight, we thought that would have been a pocket-breaker but Patrick’s father let us use his sky miles, so we flew for free. When God approves of something, he really goes all out. Honeymoon, check.
We had booked the venue and the honeymoon in less than a month. Next up was the really fun part, finding a wedding dress. Not just any wedding dress, but the wedding dress of my dreams of course. I wanted to make sure to involve my mother and grandmother in this process. I made a weekend trip to NYC just to find the dress. I made an appointment at the bridal store like a giddy child. We set sail to the dress shop and in La Micia style, I prayed. I prayed for a dress within the $300 price range. I stepped into the bridal store and I couldn’t believe I was even at this stage of my life. It hits me: I am getting married. They took us to the back and one of the sales associates started picking out dresses. I was looking for lace; I wanted to look as vintage as possible due to my ring and the venue.
After about the third dress I think I had already found the one. I took a look at the price and it was way over what I prayed about! Funny how I was concerned about the price and I wasn’t even paying for it. Thanks, Mom! So my mom and the sales associate walked away to discuss price. As I was in the changing room, Patrick called me. He told me that his parents were giving us a very generous gift to put towards anything we wanted for the wedding. I was floored! I could not even believe what he was telling me. I have the best in-laws, really, that anyone could ask for.
I exited the dressing room and my mom’s face was a bit downcast. I was thinking, Well, if I get this dress it’s probably not at the price range I prayed for or worse yet, I may have to find another dress. No way could my mom negotiate down to $300. She came back and broke the news to me. The dress cost $350 dollars! My mom likes to play these games with me. I started to scream; I am telling you it was like I was winning the jackpot for months! All of this, I swear, is not made up. The dress was only $350 because supposedly it had a defect. When a dress has a defect they can’t sell it at the regular price so they drop the price drastically. This defect, I still don’t know where it is; the dress was perfect. Also did I mention that the dress didn’t need altering? It was my size, ha! Dream dress, check.
I had already been creating a list of songs but did not have a DJ. I expressed this to one of my close sisters in the church and she gave me the name of a guy who DJs for a living. The next Sunday I was approached by a brother who had just became a disciple; he was the DJ. He had heard that I was looking for a DJ and asked me what price range I was looking for. I told him basically not a very high one, and he quoted me a price that I thought was per hour. Usually DJs charge about a couple hundred an hour, so I thought, OK, that’s fair. I asked him, “Is that an hour?” He said, “No, that’s for the whole thing”! Out of his gratitude for the way the church gave to him, he wanted to give back any way he could. My jaw dropped again, and again I had to pinch myself. Is this all real? DJ, check.
Patrick’s sister designed our invitations and even had the invites printed -- check
Note: I understand if you close this book at this point. I understand if all these answered prayers are too much to handle. God is amazing, isn’t he?
Although I am sharing the victories, please don’t be mistaken; we had some hard times. Truthfully, if you ask Pat and I, after all was said and done wedding planning was also a nightmare. Poor Patrick checked out after two months and I wasn’t happy about that, but I was surprised he even hung in that long considering the headache I was giving him. The details that go into a wedding were the hard part. We had all the big things covered but the minute details were what drove us crazy, things such as finding dresses for the bridesmaids and ties for the groomsmen, the guest list (I don’t even want to get started on the guest list), the seating chart, mailing wedding invitations, and some bridal party drama. I got to a point where I didn’t even care about who did what. In the beginning I was very specific as to who I wanted to do each thing and how I wanted it done, but towards the end I just didn’t care anymore. My sanity was the priority. I needed to make it to the wedding in one piece. Patrick and I started to argue more as deadlines approached. I got a panic attack walking to my car from work. I’d never had a panic attack before. I did some things I am not proud of, like cutting a bridesmaid. I became what one would call a bridezilla.
8/28/13
I’m moved into the new apartment. My mom is here helping me clean up. She folded all of my clothes and put Pat’s shoes away, among a whole bunch of other things. I am on antidepressants and I guess I feel the same. The feelings of hopelessness aren’t as bad. I got a little overwhelmed a minute ago but not so much. Hopefully Pat can come later and Jenn and Chris, it would be really fun. I need to run errands. Hopefully Pat will want to come with us to do everything. I know he gets impatient sometimes. God, I pray that we grow in you, so we grow together. Please be with our hearts towards each other, our speech etc.; keep us pure and nice to one another, God. I pray that I rely on your strength as I do laundry, make dinner and lunch, drive to get him etc. I’m overwhelmed to think of all the things I have to do. And keep a house clean. I pray that Pat has compassion and empathy for me and will help me do things around the house. I pray that this wedding will bring you glory. Be with us, be with the Genova/Thomson wedding and our household.
I had to relax and let go of some of the things that I could have other people help with. It is not as though people weren’t offering to help; they were. It was me; I was the one who wanted to do it all. I am the one who took on way too much. All the while I had to make sure I was still connecting to God every day. I prayed a lot but I needed to read the Bible more; now more than ever I needed to be going to God. Once I surrendered it to God realizing that I could not do it all, he took a ton of things off my plate.
What was happening to Pat and me, you might ask? Well, because I was becoming very angry and stressed out, Patrick got the worst of it. Every conversation seemed as though it was about the wedding, and I was driving my fiancé crazy. Patrick called a married couple we were receiving counseling from to help us through our relationship. They really knew Patrick and I the best. We pulled up to the couple’s house and at this point Patrick and I weren’t even really talking. Usually we are very affectionate to each other, but we didn’t even hold hands on our way to their house, and that’s a big deal for us.
Patrick opened up the conversation by voicing his concerns. He was concerned that we were drifting apart over a wedding that really didn’t need to happen the way it was. We didn’t need a big venue; we didn’t need a ton of people there, and to him it didn’t make sense to have a wedding when the couple can’t get along. No wedding planning was worth our relationship. He was ready to cancel all the plans and go to a justice of the peace. I wish I was kidding, but no, he was serious. Guess what? At this point I agreed with him. My dream wedding could not even happen. We had to really talk about the relationships that were causing us to be overworked. Everyone wanted to help, but they wanted to help at times when I wanted to rest and not think about the wedding. There really was no time to waste, but I was losing my mind. I had to place boundaries on the input and calls I was getting.
After our session with the couple we decided that the plan was to make some calls and place some boundaries on the people helping us. Everyone was very understanding and actually left me out of much of the planning after that. I mean, I no longer was the point person. I had a wedding planner that was fantastic. We got together I believe once every two weeks and went over the extensive to-do list. My mother and my wedding planner spoke directly and I really gave them the authority over the wedding. You see, all it takes is communication; I had to let people know where I was emotionally and they rallied around to support me. Of course there was still stress because I still had to be involved in some aspects. I had to pack my honeymoon bag, prep my hair and do the things really no one else could, but doing the little girly stuff was fun to me and I enjoyed doing it.