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aving a close friend as the opposite sex after you are married may be seen to be harmless, but it does more harm than good. I am a living witness to this. After I got married, I still kept communication with female friends both directly and on social media. I thought it was not a problem, after all, we are just friends. Until I found out that the communication was getting more than normal. One of the ladies took it off-board, she always came visiting me in the office, calling me daily and sharing her deep secrets with me. Although my wife knew her, she would never have approved the kind of communication we were having. I had to disconnect with her because I was feeling very uncomfortable with the relationship. I also had to unfriend all the others from my social media platforms, deleted contacts, and blocked their numbers.
It does not matter how happy you think your marriage is; you must always protect it from close friendship with the opposite sex. Almost all the affairs begin innocently at work, social gatherings, school, online, the church etc. As you spend time together, you will find yourself gradually sucked into an emotional affair that might destroy your marriage. In the case of a co-worker, as you spend hours and hours talking with a co-worker, both of you get to know yourselves a lot more and start getting into this emotional tangle. The co-worker will seem to have a sympathetic ear with more understanding than your spouse. Then it moves from simply talking about general things to emotions, and then adultery. That's why many people end up falling in love with a co-worker and getting married to them.
A former colleague at work told me his divorce story, and I felt so sorry for him. He told me of how he loved his ex-wife of over 10 years so much that he always longed to go home every day. He even went home during his lunch break to have a quickie with her when she was not working. Then finally, she got a job, and it happened. She started cheating on him with a co-worker. Cheating with co-workers has become very rampant these days, and it’s increasing by the day. They often happen because the co-worker supposedly seems to understand you better and probably have more time than your spouse. This is just a gentle trap. It gets bad when you find yourself sharing personal information and feelings that should be kept between you and your spouse. After a while, you will just find yourself spending time with that friend, the time that should have been spent with your spouse and family.
Do you know the famous TV Reality show called, "BIG BROTHER?" It is shown in many countries worldwide. In the show, contestants called "housemates" live together in a specially-constructed house that is isolated from the outside world. Housemates are voted out (usually on a weekly basis) until only one remains and wins the cash prize. During their stay in the house, they are continuously monitored by live television cameras as well as personal audio microphones. This show is aired for about 90 days (or less). Can you imagine locking up a group of people in the same house for 90 days? After a while, you will start getting attracted to someone in the house because you guys are spending a lot of time with each other and attraction builds up that way. Avoid spending time alone with people of the opposite sex.
Some people even feel comfortable discussing with these friends than they do with their spouses. If you find out that you are more comfortable discussing with a friend than you are with your spouse, then you are not heading in the right direction. Your spouse must be your best friend. Every discussion you are having with the opposite sex must be discussions that you can have conveniently if your wife were present there. If you find out that you are having some secret discussions or exchanging some messages with the friend that your spouse should not see, then you have crossed the red line. Yes, the “red line.” You must draw a red line for every single communication with the opposite sex. It is important to know that no marriage is affair-proof (No matter how respected he/she is), we all have to draw a red line. Always ask yourself what your spouse would feel if he/she were right there, seeing those text messages, hearing the words coming out of your mouth or seeing the things you are doing. Most of those affairs begin with what someone once called "innocent flirt." You really have to keep your guards up and stay connected to your spouse. You see and know the good and bad qualities of your spouse while you may only see the good sides of that opposite sex friend.
In many cases, trash talking your spouse in the presence of an opposite sex will most likely lead to these kinds of relationships. Immediately you trash talk your spouse before this opposite sex, he/she will always have a solution for you. And they might want to keep advising and finding out how you are feeling. Slowly and gradually, this will lead to an improper relationship because you will feel that he/she knows how to treat you better than your spouse. He/she has a listening ear and cares more than your spouse. By not trash talking your spouse, you have been able to resist the wrong bonding. Always say great things about your spouse and talk about your happy marriage. It is not advisable to share the problems of your marriage with anyone, particularly the opposite sex, except he/she is a counsellor.
Another thing you must avoid is going on one-on-one lunch dates or hang out with the opposite sex. Some couples have not gone out with their spouses for months and end up hanging out with a co-worker or other opposite sex for lunch every day. One thing will lead to the other, and it will happen. Constant communication increases attraction. The more you spend time and communicate more with someone, the more you feel comfortable sharing things with the person, and it might end up in the bed.
It doesn't matter if you are a Pastor or a Reverend, nobody is immune to extramarital affairs, you have to keep your guards up and don't cross the red line. Relationship with the opposite sex will gradually reduce attraction for your spouse. It even affects your relationship when having sex with your spouse. I have heard many people tell me that they had to imagine themselves having sex with someone else when they are actually having it with their spouses. They claim they don’t enjoy sex with their partners anymore, and the best way to do it is to imagine them doing it with someone else. Wrong opposite sex relationships are the greater cause of these kinds of problems. If you are one of those people and reading this book now, I advise you to quickly cut off that wrong relationship and focus on your marriage. If you spend the same time communicating and thinking of your spouse as much as you do with that so-called friend, you will have a better marriage and even enjoy sex with your spouse.