April 5th
He says I'll visit him everyday. Maybe he’s going to jail. – April 3rd, 2017 note
So I was thinking that people who have killed people, have robbed, prostitutes, thieves - he tells them what kills their confidence or tempts their baser urges by suggestion and deception. Because he can't be responsible for everything, can he? We do have free will. We know the difference between right and wrong.
I can recall that after committing an intentional sin not wanting to talk to God. Maybe out of guilt or feeling that a prayer wouldn’t be answered because I had done something wrong and God was probably angry with me. So when I didn’t seek God, I had no guidance, and until I moved forward to reconcile, there was that in between space that I remember as a raw, wide open feeling. It was guilt.
Sinners still talk to God though they feel they're damned but haven’t been yet judged.
I am resilient. I can adapt to anything after the initial sting, but I could not get used to the raw feeling. Some people can and I guess some don’t care either way.
So I say I’m an advocate so to speak. I am writing this for the next person who has been or is being attacked. If you don’t have a relationship with God, you’d better get one.
People will say I’m crazy. I don’t care though. If you don’t seek a relationship with God, you’re vulnerable and that’s the bottom line.
He says, “They did not get away?” (meaning the rape victims). “Why didn’t the Lord help them the way HE helped you?”
So I asked the LORD ALMIGHTY and HE told me to get it all down.
“If you want to live in iniquity you reap the fruit of your labor.”
It’s been pretty quiet today, which is good because it (the devil) makes me tired.
I asked why he never mentions love; has he ever loved anything?
He says, “No.”
But God said he loved HIM.
He says, “It’s because God let someone else run the kingdom.”
So I ask God, “He loved you or loves you?”
God said, “It doesn’t matter because we’re done.”
I think I'm crazy as hell.
It’s the triggers that he uses to manipulate people. Small things that agitate you to get you to react - to become angry – and then it’s like a domino effect. You snap on somebody or become preoccupied and other aspects and people in your life are affected which causes them to have a reaction which they act on – chain reaction. Hopefully, a calm person is somewhere along the chain because a thoughtful person will reflect and regroup thus releasing the negative emotion without acting on and dispensing it into the air and onto one or more other people.
So I’m standing washing dishes and I’m thinking, man, I’m probably crazy. So God turns and shows me lifting my legs in the shower.
That’s so embarrassing.
He says that I can have my repentance.
I have about 90 days to go.
So I say, ”Wow, with this whole mind trip thing, what if I don’t know when the Lord is talking to me?”
It says to God, “See, she doesn’t even know.”
I guess he’s defending me? Gotta watch out for this...It. He’s telling me to stop worrying about what others think of me; that I tear myself down; that he’s got my back.
God says HE does not like that we think HE will cut us down in cold blood.
Why do we think that? Is it guilt?
HE also says that HE understands that not everyone wants to do HIS will. Just like those that refuse to bow to Satan, there‘s those that refuse HIM.
The devil raised his hand.
But God says that HE’s looking to fill a perfect kingdom. I wonder does that mean those who don’t fit will fall by the wayside.
God says it means, “Are you going to complain every time I ask you to do or not do something? Because that signals to ME lack of respect (HE waves a dismissive hand) because you can go on about your business, but don’t come running to ME when things don’t go right. I AM GOD. How many times do I have to say it?”
So I say, “Well, God, what about the people who believe yet get hurt?”
HE points a finger at me and tells me, “Don’t be so quick to accuse.” And tells me the same thing HE always tell me - and no matter how you want to look at it, it’s true –
That is:
“If it’s known within society that bad things are going on, why has not the government made everyone open their doors? Illegal search is a manmade excuse. Why aren’t you busting down these doors? Because a piece of paper ensures a murderers’ rights? No one should be uncomfortable with opening their doors for search. I gave you the whole earth. What’s the problem? You wanted your society - now you have it.”
I say that God is too easy - too good– but HE says HE wants respect, not trembling fear.
The devil asked me if I was really going to put this book out; if I was
really going to put it on the internet for the whole world to see; that people are going to call me crazy. He wants you all to know how he feels about it (that’s what he said).
Yes, I am. It'll be the last thing I do.
God is amused - says he has a good jealousy with me.
The devil says, “Yes, because you get to behold all that glory being a slut.”
So I said, “Well, what about you and what you do?”
He says, “And I'm still here.” God is holding him away from me.
I feel so small right now.
The devil says that he hates Isa.
Jesus told me that when I see it, don’t panic. He's going to try to get closer and closer.