though your goal is to learn from others, you need them to feel as though they are learning from you.
#3 - Conversation – If you get someone that returns questions back your way make sure you keep it going. This is a great indication you have met someone with a decent level of self- confidence, open to offering something to you, that you can benefit from, so figure out what it is. Ask any question that get’s a response back your way. Make sure you are maintaining eye contact and don’t be too long winded. You are there to listen, and there to get comfortable talking to someone you don’t know. Always remember to keep your head up, shoulders back, and as much as possible maintain eye contact.
Practice until this becomes second nature to you. You would be surprised at how many tips you get in life by meeting different people, and asking basic questions.
Depending on where you are in the world, you will most likely experience cultural differences with the people you’ll meet.
Reflect on the differences and try to think of the reasons why these differences exist. Is there something in the culture
of the place you’re visiting which presents to you a different way of thinking, one that might help you rethink your own situation in life, or even solve a personal problem?
When you reflect on differences between cultures, it can also give you a deeper understanding of how we are alike,
despite personality differences. You can already see how such an understanding can help you in dating.
In the crowds that you mingle in, find your human sources of inspiration. The little innocent child playing with her little brother—do you see how she shares her toy or ice cream with him, without hesitation? Watch a passing monk, priest or nun, striding purposefully across the square (or plaza, or piazza). What kind of mindset do they have, which makes them walk that way? Observe a busy and driven humble shopkeeper in a Chinatown. Or you can spend a few minutes watching a coach and the neighborhood football team during a practice at an open field, working hard at play.
Look at those who seem to be dating, those who look madly in love, and those who are married, young or old. What’s their body language like? What are their gestures toward each other? How do they communicate? Never mind if you’re in a place where people speak a language you do not understand; trust me, emotions are universal enough for you to discern without understanding specific words. Do you see a certain quality of tenderness between these couples? Do you hear a lot of laughter? Or do you find them bickering with one another?
Pay particularly close attention to the couples, especially to the behavior of particular couples who seem calm and content, smiling or giggling. That quiet young couple smiling at one another at a table in a café. And the other couple, with children in tow—see how gentle their movements are, leaning
towards each other as they walk and carry the groceries, or hold each other by the waist. (See if they rub each other’s backs, as if to say, I know it’s been a stressful day, but I’m here now.) Or that old man and woman, silently shuffling down the street side by side, holding hands.
You’ll then find yourself thinking: that’s the sort of relationship I want. If I want to find someone, let it be someone who can work with me to turn us into yet another admirable couple.
Or, you can perceive a particular trait in someone and think, that’s the sort of calmness and fortitude I want to have. If I have that sort of character, I would probably attract more people to myself.
Higher Education
Another way of traveling beyond your borders is getting more educated. As much as possible, invest in a higher education for yourself. A college education, a master’s degree or doctorate aren’t just good achievements to list in your resumé. If you’re lucky enough to have the means, go study in another country—this way, you get to expand your scope of experience physically and mentally! It’s a great way of
elevating your self-discipline and thought processes.
If you can’t afford formal education, you can still take certificate courses that will augment what you know. You can take correspondence courses, but if you can attend courses
that allow you direct interaction with people, that’s even better. You may meet instructors or fellow students with experiences of their own that are outside your own scope, and by talking to them you get to share in their experience.
Think about what sort of expertise you’d like to develop. Do you want to learn more about running a business? Are you into the performing arts? Do you love mathematics or economics? Would you like to augment the medical training you already have? These days, there’s an educational course or degree track for nearly every niche.
You can always distinguish someone who has higher education from the rest of the pack. Answers from an educated person are more well-informed, and are better communicated to others.
As you acquire a higher level of knowledge in your chosen field, you tend to acquire more self-confidence. (And we all know what self-confidence does in terms of attracting people.) Self-confidence leads to a calmer, more contented outlook in life.
A caveat: do not rely purely on what a college or university can teach you. You must always pair higher education with real life experience, and the act of traveling beyond your borders of experience which we just discussed.
And just because you’ve amassed a lot of educational and life experience points, doesn’t mean you know it all. You need to remain humble. To successfully expand your horizons, you
need to be a perpetual student. Allow both books and Real Life to educate you continuously, or you’ll become boastful, vain, neurotic or narrow-minded. And those aren’t very attractive traits.
Just imagine the last time you met someone with a Ph.D.
who suddenly displayed the emotional maturity of a 12-year old, and you’ll know what I mean.
Helena’s Story
To show you how crucial humility is to lifelong learning, I’ll tell you the story of Helena, a Russian tourist.
Like many Russian women in their late twenties, Helena was slim, tall, and model-gorgeous. She walked with a confident, slightly intimidating gait.
Helena came across as an intelligent, highly-educated young woman who wasn’t afraid to tell anyone