CHAPTER 07
“Every year in this little town they have a vine festival for about a week. During this period you get so many people coming for this festival and the town becomes very crowded. And our little guesthouse is full of people. Every day at the market place you get live music and during that week we get a chance to see and dance to the music of different bands. People of this little town loved it. On the last day of this festival we get to see an international band and this particular day there was a band coming from England. From the morning people waited impatiently for their arrival. Specially the German village girls were very excited about them. They came to the market place at about 2.00 in the afternoon and started enforcing their equipment. But all the time they were worried about their piano player as he didn’t turn up at two like the others.
At about four thirty they got a message from the Police saying that he is in the hospital after an accident on the auto bahn (high way). They got panicked. They said that they couldn’t perform without him. At this particular moment Rolf was there and he asked the bandleader whether he is willing to play with a substitute. Then he said if the person knows the songs he wouldn’t mind. I got a shock in my life when Rolf pointed me to him. Rolf said try him.... And the leader of the band came up to me and asked whether I can help them out. I said if I am good enough I will. So he came to our guest house and we went together to the piano. He gave me a list of songs and asked me how many songs I could play from that list. There were only four songs that I didn’t know from that list and I agreed to play. During the next two hours we ran through the starts and the ends of the songs and I was ready.
The performance started at seven in the evening and as everybody in the town knew me well they started cheering us more. Everything went very well and after the performance the bandleader gave me 400 D marks for performing with them and said that I should become a professional. He took my address and the telephone number in the guesthouse and told me that if he gets an inquiry for a pianist, that he will definitely contact me.
It didn’t take even four days for me to get the first call. It was from a Swiss band based in Germany. They were playing in the dancing sector like the Bayarisch Zell. I had to go to Karlsruhe for an audition and then and there they took me to their band. When I came and related the story to Rolf and Susie they were happy but they were very sad to see me leaving them. On the day of my departure from Kleetgau Rolf said my room will be always reserved for me and anytime I could come back to stay with them. Now that was one consolation for me as even today when I go out of work I go there and stay with them.
The best part is this Sera. ... The day I stopped sleeping with Susie I vowed to myself that I would never lust for a woman again. But by starting to play in a band I am going through a very testing period. The temptation is very high. So many girls come to me willingly but I have to control myself. I have promised myself until the day I get married I will never ever sleep with another woman. For the last four years I have been the winner as I have never slept with a woman. I know that someday God will find me the correct wife. Until then I will stay like this. The whole point is now I don’t have lust in me... I don’t lust for anything in this world. It is replaced by Gods’ love and I am happy that way.
“So Sera you have heard my story. Do you like what you heard?”
“I can't believe it Shane….You mean to say that you never slept with a woman for four long years?”
“Yes Sera... it is the truth and I don’t lie to people because lying is also sin.”
“You mean to say even in your dreams you.....”
“When I stopped what I was doing soon after I had wet dreams but I prayed to God about it and asked him not to give me any bad dreams and it stopped.”
After hearing this story I knew that I was going behind a mirage. So I decided to drop him to his room without asking him to sleep with me. But I wanted to give one more try.
“Shane I like you very much. From the moment I saw you yesterday I wanted to be with you. Will you sleep with me tonight?”
I have gone crazy.... real crazy.... for the first time in my life I am asking a man to sleep with me. There are hundreds of men outside waiting to have me. Here I am pleading with a man to sleep with me. I am crazy.
“My dear Sera please forgive me if I am hurting you. It is better for me to hurt you than hurting my Lord and my Saviour Jesus Christ. I am sure he will forgive me for refusing your proposal but I can’t do it. The next woman I am sleeping with will be my wife. There will be no one before that and God will find her for me in time. This day God is my witness for what I said.”
I felt tears filling my eyes, and the next moment I was crying. Fucking bastard.... So I have lost the fight. I have lost it to your fucking God!.... I hate you asshole... I hate you.... you have fucked my whole life, my prestige, my beauty, my mind, my body, my soul.... everything is fucked up. I will never forgive you for this.... Upon my mother’s grave I’ll get you for this.... You brought disgrace to me.... You made me feel small... I’ll get you mother fucker. . . I’ll get you for this.
Then suddenly I felt his hand feeling my head. He brought my head to his chest and covered my face with his chest. I felt that I am going to faint so I closed my eyes. I felt his shirtfront getting wet with my tears. I put my arms around him and held him tight. Then I heard his voice so softly whispering in my ear...
“Sera.... Will you forgive me?...I can’t give what you want from me.... I am sorry.... Will you forgive me?”
I can’t wait any more so I lifted up my face.
“Yeah!” that is all I could remember. I felt I am going to die... and then it was darkness.
When I woke up I looked for Shane.... He is gone... Why?... I asked myself.... Why?....I looked around again... Then I saw him... Kneeling on the floor and crying. He was talking to somebody in a different tongue..and he was crying...
Why?....
I can remember I was crying... but how come that he is crying also? Apart from that suddenly he has become foreign and he is talking to someone. Why he is on his knees? I never understood him from the start. Now it’s getting worse. I can’t remember how long he was like that. But at the end I heard him saying ‘Lord be praised forever and ever, and I asked all these things in the never failing name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, Amen!’ and then he got up and saw me.
He smiled at me. It was the same that I saw yesterday. He will never change and I will never change him. He is changed by his Jesus. If Jesus is God, I won’t stand a chance against him.....
“How are you feeling Sera? Are you alright now?”
“I feel very tired Shane... I want to sleep.. What time is it now?”
“It’s already six thirty in the morning. You don’t have to worry I will take a Tram from here. Please, please, forgive me for hurting your feelings.. will you?”
I tried to smile.
“Yes I forgive you.”
“Thank you Sera.... I wish you good luck and may God bless you.”
He kissed my cheeks and the next moment he is gone. I promised myself that I would never see this man again. It’s time to forget this whole thing and go to sleep. I took two sleeping dolls from the medicine cabinet and went to the kitchen to get some water. I gulped it down and came to bed. I haven’t slept for two days and it’s time to forget about everything and go to sleep.