fun, I thought to myself.
After a few minutes of talking about how the band had been backstage, driving him crazy apparently, which I found awfully funny, I found him all of a sudden closer. His face very close to mine and his eyes lingering on my lips then up to my eyes. I stopped laughing. Just have fun, I reminded myself, just have fun. He put his hand quickly on the back of my head and then leaned in and kissed me. It wasn’t particularly gentle, his tongue searching mine straight away. It was wet and a bit wild. Would this have been just before sex it would have felt OK but I wasn’t enjoying it at all and more than anything it felt wrong, like I was cheating.
I pushed him away and put the back of my hand over my mouth and looked down. As I looked up he looked shocked and sad.
“Alex, I’m so sorry, was I going too fast?”
“No no, it’s OK. I just…” I paused, not sure of what to say. “It’s complicated. Maybe it was a bit much, you just startled me, that’s all. I wasn’t quite expecting that.”
He swallowed and nodded.
“OK, I’m sorry Alex. I couldn’t quite help myself,” he said scratching the back of his head nervously. “I really like you. We can take it slower if you want, you let me know when you want to kiss me, OK?” He looked me in the eyes with a smile and continued. “I’m ready whenever you are.”
I felt like such an idiot. Another girl might have loved the way he kissed. Maybe he’d had quite a bit to drink as well, or maybe he just went too fast, I don’t know.
It felt a little awkward after that. We both tried to talk about other stuff but it had killed the mood of the evening so I thought it was best to leave.