but he thought he was real. I suppose it didn’t hurt him and when I woke up, he would just disappear. Like blowing out a candle, he’d be gone, apart from in my thoughts. I felt sad thinking of Peter as ’not real’. He felt more real to me than any other guy had but this was my head, my subconscious, my own personal world and I should enjoy it whilst I could. Maybe this would be the last time I saw him, who knew? The thought made me squeeze his arm and I put my head on his shoulder, not wanting him to ever leave. I had to enjoy this moment no matter what the future held, so I let go of the fear of losing him and just tried to be in the moment of it all.
“Yeah, you’re right, it’s beautiful here,” I said and looked up at him with big eyes. He smelled fresh, like he’d just stepped out of the shower, mixed with a slight saltiness, like he’d been out at sea and the sea air had blown through his hair. I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes, his scent was nice, and it brought back some memories of being at the seaside with my family as a child, away from the school where I had been bullied. The seaside had always made me feel calm and given me peace of mind. The ocean was big and it made you see things from another perspective. Of course I had only analyzed that as I’d got older, but as a child I just remembered feeling happy there.
“What do you do when you’re not with me?” he asked.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that, I couldn’t tell him it was just a dream, so I decided to spin the truth a bit.
“Well, I fall asleep and dream of another world, one that’s not of the beauty we see here. I don’t know that I’m dreaming, so I have to wait until I wake up and see you again, and then I try and stay awake for as long as I can,