Chapter 19 Jane
After my conversation with Gabe last night I realized that it's time for me to go back home with him. First thing first I need to fix things with my father. Yesterday really open my eyes on how luck I'm to have a father in my life. I can't keep avoiding him. I need to make him understand and respect my decision. If I want to be treated like an adult than I have to act like one. I jump out of bed and hit the shower. I'm going to need it. I have a feeling it's going to be a long day. After I showered and changed I send Gabe his good morning text and head downstairs.
“Good morning Butterfly” Nina greets me like every morning. “Good morning Nina” I give her a good morning kiss. “I'll have your bowl of fruits ready in a few” she reached for the fruits. “Let me help” I reach for a knife and start helping her. “Thank you honey” she returns to the eggs.
“I'm going to eat at the table today with everyone else” I say as I pop a strawberry into my mouth, I can't help myself every time I'm cooking I have to be eating. “Oh really?” Nina tries to hide the fact that she is worry. “Don't worry I'll be on my best behavior”. Well at least at breakfast the rest is up to my dad. “I know you will” she says not to convince.
After I helped her out with breakfast I also helped her out with setting the table. “Well this is a beautiful surprise” Marks walks in while I'm folding the last napkin. Good vibes Jane remember act like an adult. He is probably just passing through making his way to the kitchen. I hear the chair scrap the floor and my head snaps up “What are you doing?”. Who the hell does he think he is only family eat at the table. “Oh I forgot you don't know well I eat here with everyone else” he smirks. What the hell has my father gone mad? I mean I don't have a problem with sharing a table with some one that works for us but Mark that's a different story. Breath Jane act like an adult remember? I walk to the other end of the table and take the seat farthest away from him as possible.
“Prima,” Sammy face lights up when she sees me sitting down. I smile but as soon as I see Raul walking behind her my smile drops. Seriously him too? God you're testing me. “What are you doing here?” she sits next to me and Raul takes the chair next to her. “Trying to be an adult” I mumble. “What was that?” she ask. I reach for my napkin and place it on my lap “Eating breakfast” I smile up at her and Raul winks at me from behind her. I have to fight the urge to jump over her and punch him in his face. Uncle Jay and my dad are the last one to arrive at the table. “Baby girl what a surprise” uncle Jay walks over to us. “So I hear” I say as he gives me a kiss on the forehead. My dad looks at me with a smile but instantly frowns. He knows I'm up to something.
“Princess” he says dryly. “Dad” I answer with the same coldness. Every ones eyes are on us waiting for our next move. Dad walks to my end of the table and takes his seat facing everyone like a king. Nina walks out with 2 maids and our food. “Nina take a seat” I say as I point to an empty chair. I think it's only fair she gets to seat with us. She is part of this family more than Mark will ever be. “No it's fine baby I need to get back” she gives me a small smile. Oh hell no there is no way I am dropping this. “Dad don't you think Nina should seat with us?” I ask never looking at him. I'm trying to keep my calm but I feel like I can lose it in any minute. “Yes I do” he says taking me by surprise. I turn to face him with disbelief.
“Actually I've always thought she deserved to sit with us as part of the family but she has always turn me down”. What? Why? I look over to Nina who gives me a nod of confirmation. “Sit with us Nina” my dad commands her. Nina gives him a smile and takes the seat next to Mark. What the fuck just happen?
“I'm happy you decided to join us this morning Princess” my dad announced to the whole table. “Yeah this is great” Sammy wraps her arms around me. “Thanks” I say still confuse on what just happen. We ate our breakfast like a family, well minus Raul and Mark of course. I avoid eye contact with both of them and just spoke when I was spoken too. I helped the maids clean up and I refuse to let Nina pick anything up she is part of this family so she needs to start acting like one.
After I clean the dishes I decide that there is no better time than now to talk to my dad. As I walk towards my father's office I get a feeling of deja vu. I'm nervous, my palms are sweating, and I feel like my breakfast wants to come back up. I take a deep breath trying to control my nerves once I have them on check I knock on the door. The only reason why I knock is because I want to start this conversation with the right foot. “Come in Princess” my dad calls already knowing it's me at the door. Well looks like he was waiting for me. I open the door and walk in. My father is sitting in his leather chair “Take a seat Princess” he motions towards the chair in front of him. No matter how old I am every time I sit in front of him I'll always feel like a little girl who is in trouble. I've been avoiding my dad since I got here. I've been so angry at him that I didn't even want to look at him. But now that I'm this up close to him I can really see how tired he looks. He has bags under his eyes, looks like he hasn't shave in days, and I actually can see his gray hairs. I guess this whole situation is affecting all of us. “Is everything okay?” he ask. We might as well get this over with.
“Yeah I just thought it was time for us to talk about everything” I say. He nods as he leans into his chair “I agree I want to start by saying that I'm sorry for how everything happen all I wanted was to bring you back home where I could keep you safe. I never meant for any one to get hurt especially some one you loved. I know what it feels like to lose some one you love and I would never want you to go through that” he says upset. I feel my chest tighten up how could I forgotten that Nina isn't the only one around here who lost the person she loved. I was so caught up in my anger that I never once stopped to think about my dad. How selfish am I?
“All I wanted was to get my baby girl back. The funny thing is that even tho you were here with me I never got my baby girl back, it killed me to see how broken you were. You wouldn't talk to no one, you wouldn't let no one touch you, you weren't even eating, and the worst part was the screaming. Every night you would wake up in the middle of the night yelling like some one was killing you. Every night I wanted to run into your room to comfort you, to make sure you was okay but I couldn't. I never felt so helpless in my life I was actually considering getting some professional help” he says as he rubs his eyes trying to get rid of the tears.
I didn't even think he was paying that much attention to know about my nightmares. I didn't even know he cared. I was in such bad condition when I thought Gabe was dead that I didn't care if I lived or not. I wipe my tears that I didn't even know where rolling down my face.
“But then out of no where you started to change slowly but I notice it. You started to come out your room, you started to eat more, you even stop having the nightmares, and then you started to let people in again,” he clears his throat trying to collect himself “I started to see my little girl coming back from where ever she was. You started to smile, laugh, and you even stopped crying yeah you were angry but I rather see you mad than depress. Even if your anger was towards me I know I deserve it for being selfish” he gives me a sad smile “I hope one day you can forgive me for everything”.
I hate seeing him this upset. I'm so used to seeing him strong and tough against the world. I feel a big knot stuck in my throat and no matter how much I try swallowing it down I can't get rid of it. Of course I can forgive him. I love him he is the only parent I have ever known. Growing up he did everything in his power to make me feel love. I want to tell him that I forgive him but I can't find my voice so I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him. It feels so good to hug my father again.
“I'm s-so sorry dad” I hiccup into his chest. I was so mad that I didn't realize how much I really missed having my father around. Even tho I had Gabe back in my life I still felt like a part of my heart was still missing. Now I realize that the part of my heart missing was my father. I wasn't mad at my father I was hurt because the only man that I trusted not to hurt me did just that. “It's okay Princess” he strokes my hair like he used to do when I was younger. I'm so sorry for the way I've been acting but I'm also sorry about what I'm about to tell him. “You'll always be my princess don't forget that baby” he gives me a kiss on the forehead. He is not making this any easier for me. I give him a squeeze and enjoy this moment before we start fighting again.
“I need to tell you something” I say as I clean my face. “I know” he nods. I walk back to my chair and take in a deep breath “Dad I love you and I forgive you for everything,” my heart breaks all over again just seeing tears in his eyes. I fucking hate that I have to pick between the two most important men in my life. Why can't I have them both like any normal girl? Because I've never been a normal girl. Even tho my choice is made for me it doesn't make it any easier. “Papi I want to go back to New York,” why does it sound like I am asking for permission? “I'm going back to New York” I correct myself. I lift my hand up to stop him from speaking “before all of this happen I had a life of my own back in New York. I made friends and I even fell in love for the first time” I smile thinking of Sophia, Liam, Logan, and Gabe “and I want that back I don't want to be a prisoner no more. I don't want this life and you can't force it on me. I'm not asking for your permission I'm letting you know what I've already decided. I'm going back” I say with a firm voice. I hope he can understand where I'm coming from either way I'm leaving and there is nothing he can do to change my mind. The only reason why I'm telling him is because I want to do this right this time around. I want to be able to live my life with out having to check over my shoulder every second.
“You do know that if you do this I will not be able to protect you anymore and we might never see each other again?” he ask. Just thinking of losing him makes my heart hurt. I don't want to lose him but I can't lose Gabe either. This is so hard. I drop my face into my hands and start crying all over again. All I want is to be that little girl again who's only problem was which doll she was going to play with that day or what color dress she was going to wear.
I feel my dad's arms go around me “I'm sorry Princess”. I lean into him and let him comfort me like I've been dying for him to do all this time. “Calm down Princess we'll make it work” he says trying to calm me down. How are we going to make it work? It's not like we can visit each other like normal fathers and daughters. “I am really sorry”. I really am. I'm such a hypocrite. Here I'm trying to reconnect Nina with her daughter because Bella is the only thing she has left of Randy but on the other hand I'm taking the only thing my father has left of my mom. “I don't know what to do” I sob. I know what my hearts wants me to do but at the same time I feel guilty for leaving everyone behind again.
“Listen to your heart Princess” he says as he rubs my back trying to calm me down. “Even if that means leaving you behind?” I say into his chest. He lifts my head up so he can see my face “Even if it means leaving me behind. I rather for you to be away and happy than have you close and miserable”. That's the man I know and love. The one who will do anything to make me happy. “Thank you Papi” I wrap my arms around his neck “thank you so much”.
Just him saying that means the world to me. “Anything for you Princess,” he wraps his arms around me “when would you leave?”. Now here comes the tough part. “In a week” I say so low I barley hear it. “What was that baby?” he pulls back. “In a week” I say a little louder. “In a week?” he pushes me away. I guess daughter and father time is over here comes the fighting. “In a week?” he shouts causing me to jump in my seat “Are you kidding me I thought maybe in a few more weeks or months”. I take a minute to get myself together before talking “What's the difference between a week or a month?”. He runs his hands through his hair as he pace back and forth “I thought I had more time with you I just got you back and now I'm losing you for good”. I walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder “You will never lose me I'll always be your daughter and we'll find a way remember” I say reassuring both of us. If anyone can find a way it's him. “Yes we will” he wraps me up in a hug again. “Te amo Papi” it feels good to say that again. “Me too Princess always and forever”.