Chapter 2 Jane
Now......
“Prima,” Sammy says as she knocks on the door. Maybe if I don't answer she'll think I'm still asleep and she'll go away. “Open the door” she knocks again. I cover myself from head to toe with my bed sheets using it as a shield to protect me from the world if only that was possible. “Go away Sammy” I growl from under the sheets. I hate acting like a bitch to her but her good mood pisses me off. I rather stay in bed all day and night avoiding everything behind that door. “Please Jane” she pleads. I can almost see her bottom lip out as she pouts like a little girl. I really don't want to get out of bed but knowing her as well as I know her she'll keep knocking until I open it. I roll out of bed I don't even bother putting my slippers on I'm just going to climb back in bed anyways. “Come in” I yell as I walk back to my bed. “What are you doing?” she ask from behind me as she enters my room. I climb into bed and pull my sheets over me again “Going to sleep”. Well not really but I think she gets the point. My sheets fly off me in a quick movement “It's 12:30 in the afternoon Jane you need to get out of bed”. Did she just tell me what I need to do? I sit up and face her “I don't need nor do I want to get out of bed and if that's all you came for you can leave now”. I know that I'm being harsh with her but she just pissed me off.
“You're such a bitch” she scowls as she throws my sheets on the bed. She is right I am a bitch but that's the way I like it. “Funny thing that's what death does to a person” I snap back as I reach for my sheets. “Jane I know this has been hard on you,” her face softens as she moves closer to the bed. I drop my head and start playing with the corner of the sheets avoiding her stare. I can handle people being bitchy but not sympathy. I can't it's to much. “But he was the one that died not you. I don't think he would want you to live the life you are living now” she says. How dare she say that? I know he is dead the pain in my chest is a constant reminder of that. I don't need her to throw that in my face.
How does everyone want me keep going on with my life knowing that I am the reason he is dead? I killed him. I feel my throat closing up on me “I think it's time for you to leave before I say something I might regret” I say through clench teeth. I'm biting down on my teeth trying my best to control my anger and keeping my tears at bay. “Fine,” she spins around “all I wanted was to invite you to a New Year's Eve party so you don't spend it alone in bed like you did for Christmas but never mind now” she slams the door on her way out to make a point. So what if I spend Christmas in bed while every one else was downstairs celebrating? I wasn't up for a family reunion or in the mood to celebrate Christmas. I throw my head back into my pillow out of frustration. Thanks to Sammy I'm in a pissed off mood. I might as well shower to calm myself down.
After a 30 minute shower I change into Gabe's black shirt, the one that I wore to work that day, it doesn't smell like him no more but I know that it belongs to him and right now I take any closure I can get. I walk over to the mirror and swipe the condensation off to stare at my reflection. It's funny how much a person can change in 2 months. I'm nothing but a shadow of the girl that I used to be. You can see my brown roots growing in, I haven't bother in retouching my hair. I have bags and dark circles under my eyes due to the lack of sleep caused by my nightmare. I can never go back to sleep after I wake up no matter what time it is. My eyes don't have that sparkle of life that they used too instead they look dead. I don't even remember the last time I smile or even laugh and to top it all off I've lost about 20 pounds. Everyone keeps saying that Gabe was the one that died but what they don't know is that I also died with him. I'm no longer the same sweet caring girl. I've become a heartless bitch and I wouldn't have it any other way. The way I see it is if I don't open up to any one there is no way I can get hurt.
“Butterfly,” Nina calls from the door snapping me out of my thoughts. “Coming” I turn off the lights and walk out the bathroom. “How are you feeling today?” she ask as she puts down my tray of fruits. She always brings my breakfast upstairs since I refuse to eat downstairs with everyone else. “Like I feel every day” I brush my hair avoiding looking at her. Every morning she asks the same question hoping to get a different answer but it is always the same. “Oh I see,” she walks towards me “I saw Sammy leaving your room earlier she looked pretty upset”. I take a few steps back putting some distant between us. Since I came back I haven't let anyone near me I don't allow them to touch me. It's nothing against them it's all about me. Every time some one tries to touch me I feel Gabe's cold fingers on my skin.
Losing Gabe fucked some thing up inside of me. I can't go through that sort of pain again. I won't be able to survive losing some one else that I love. I put on a strong face but underneath it I'm just a shattered mirror. I'm damage. In order to keep that hidden I keep people at a distant. “Yeah I was kind of mean to her earlier” I ignore her hurt expression and walk around her. I know that I hurt people around me by keeping them at arms length but that's the only way I can protect myself. “She is by the pool if you would like to talk to her” she runs her hand down my bed trying to get rid of the wrinkles. “Okay thanks” I walk towards my breakfast never looking back at her. I hate that I'm so cold with her when all she is trying to do is give me some comfort. But it's to late for that I've already bundle all my feelings in a safe box and throw the key away in the ocean. “You're welcome” she walks towards the door. I wish I can tell her why I act the way I do but I don't know how to explain it to her or any one else. “Nina I'm sorry” I called after her as I stare out the window. “I understand” she says as she closes the door.
I look down at the fresh fruits they look good but honestly I'm not even that hungry. I should probably go apologize to Sammy now that I think about it I was sort of a bitch to her. All she was trying to do was include me in her plans and on the other hand I can use a little sunlight. My skin is looking a little pale these days. I change into my 2 piece bathing suit and wrap my towel around me.
“Dracula what are you doing out your cave?” Sammy jokes as I walk towards her. “Funny” I smirk. I should of known she was going to crack a joke. I drop my towel and take the seat next to her by the pool. “I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier” I say as I rub sunblock all over me. I need some sun but I don't want to over due it. “I'm sorry too I just-” she stops half way. I know she isn't done talking so I wait for her to finish “miss you”. Well that makes two of us. I miss the old me too but we better get used to this new me because the other one isn't coming back. I put on my shades to hide the fact that my eyes are getting watery. “So about this party?” I change the subject before I start crying. Her face lights up as soon as I mention the party. “Okay so the party is on a boat! I was thinking we can spend the whole day at the spa to relax ourselves, and to be honest you can use a little pampering, and then we can rent a room get a little drunk and from there go to the party” she beams with excitement. I ignore her comment on me needing some pampering because she is right I can use a little pampering.
“You want to spend New Years Eve in a boat?” I ask confuse. How much fun can a party be if it's on a boat? For all I care the party can be in the middle of the desert and I'll go. “Well since we are in Dubai why not? Plus I herd there is no better view of the fireworks than on a boat” she adds. I'm not in a mood to be going to any parties but I refuse to spend New Years Eve locked up in my room again or under the same roof as my father. “Fine I'm in” I lay back down to enjoy the sun. “Oh my god really?” she claps her hands as she smiles brighter than the sun. I love seeing her smile it almost makes me want to smile. I said almost.
“Sammy baby” and there goes my good mood out the window no scratch that out the universe. Okay that's a little extreme but you get my point. “Over here babe” she jumps up to her feet like her ass is on fire. I pull out my iPod and start plugging in my headphones maybe he won't notice me here. “Well look what the cat dragged in or should I say out?” Raul laughs. Seriously who laughs at their own jokes? Psychopath that's who. “Leave her alone babe” Sammy jumps in before I can say something back. She runs into his arms and I have to fight the urge to throw up. I hate seeing her with that dick head but every time I try to bring it up we always end up fighting. The only reason why he is even going out with her is because I turned him down. Since I saw right through his good guy act he went for the next best thing. I don't want to sound conceited but it's true. At the end of the day it isn't even about Sammy and I. All he really cares about is the money and the power that comes with us.
“Jane agreed on coming with us to the party” she informs him never looking back at me. That bitch! She played me! I should of fucking know he was going. “She did?” he looks over to me and smirks. I give him the finger and turn on the music to tune both of them out. Funny enough 'Bring Me To Life' by Evanescence is the first song that plays. I wish some one would wake me up from this nightmare.