Chapter 4 Jane
Oh god! That feels so good. Why didn't I think about doing this before? “You seem to have a lot of stress” the masseuse says as her fingers work on my neck and shoulders. That is an understatement of the year she has no idea how stress I am. My body feels like it has been run over by a train over and over again. I thought I was going to freak out about having some one touching me but it seems like I only have a problem when some one is trying to show me affection. I'm all fucked up in the head. “This is the life,” Sammy moans from besides me I almost forgot she was even here “we can go where ever we want this is so refreshing”. Of course they let us go any where we want we are miles and miles away from home. No one knows who the hell we are or who our fathers are. It might be refreshing for her but in my case it's a different story.
I'm not allow to have a phone, money, or anything that can get me access to the internet. It's like I'm a prisoner no worst than that because even prisoner are allow to make at least one phone call. “Prima are you still awake?” she ask. I should probably answer but instead I close my eyes and enjoy my massage.
After 2 hours of pampering our self we are finally back in the hotel room. “I'm so excited for tonight what are you wearing?” Sammy ask as we enter the room. “I don't know” I shrug my shoulders I'm fine with wearing this robe all night. Actually I don't even feel like going out no more I rather stay in the room and order a few bottles of wine. “Oh no you don't” Sammy crosses her arms reading my thoughts “You agree and you can't go back on your word”. I did agreed on coming out tonight with her but that was before I knew that Raul was coming along. If I would of known he was coming I wouldn't agreed in the first place. “Please,” she pouts as she gives me her sad eyes. The same face she used to give me when we were younger. Back then I was never able to say no to her. I always use to give into her demands but now it's a different story. I'm a grown as woman that little pouting trick isn't going to work on me no more. I stare right into her big brown eyes to let her know I mean business. I swear her eyes get bigger by the second but it doesn't matter because I'm not going and that is my final decision.
“Fine! Pick some thing out for me to wear” I spin around and walk away in shame. I guess I haven't change that much since I can't say no to that face. “Yay!” I hear her cheer from behind me “I promise you won't regret it”. Too late for that I already regret it. I throw myself on the bed and stare at my bracelet I never take it off. I can't afford to lose this like I did my necklace. Every time I look at my bracelet it takes me back to the day he gave it to me. That was the night that I gave my virginity to Gabe. “God how I miss you Gabe” I say out loud. Every chance I get I talk to him. I don't know if he hears me but I have to believe he does, it helps me stay sane or something like that. “It's been so hard trying to fall asleep with out you by my side and no it's not because of my snoring because we both know I don't snore,” I fake laugh as my eyes start to swell “let's not even talk about waking up every morning”. I don't even bother mentioning the nightmares there is no need for him to know about that. “I really miss you,” I whisper.
Every morning for about 5 seconds after the nightmares I wait for my morning call or text but when it doesn't come I remember the nightmare I'm living. I have to say that is the worst part of my day realizing that he really isn't here no more. The door flies opens and I quickly recover my composure last thing I need right now is for Sammy to want to have a heart to heart. I pat my eyes and try to hide any sign of tears. “I got our dresses and this,” Sammy pulls out a bottle of champagne form behind her, just what I need right now. “Let's get this party started” she hands me a champagne glass. She opens the bottle and Champagne spills all over “To a great night and a better year” she yells. I lift my glass for her to fill it up. I have nothing to toast for so I just drink to drown my feelings.
Two champagne bottles later we are finally dressed and completely buzz. I'm wearing a form fitting strapless gold sequin dress that stop right before my knees. My makeup is on the natural side, my hair is out thanks to Sammy who insisted me to get it straighten, and I decided to wear no jewelry the dress is all the accessory I need. I got to admit I look fucking hot. If Gabe would see me in this dress he would have a heart attack. “Is that a smile?” Sammy ask sneaking up on me. “I'm not sure” I say as I recover my poker face. Sammy looks like she wants to kick her own ass for saying something. I reach for the champagne bottle to pour me out a drink. “Prima, I-” I hand her a glass interrupting her sentence “More champagne?” I give her my fake smile.
She gives me a small smile “Yeah more champagne” she reaches for the glass. God bless her little heart she always know when to drop a conversation. “You look stunning” I say trying to shift the attention off me to her. She is wearing a beige lace dress that has a sweetheart neckline exposing her back, her hair is in a nice neat bun on top of her head, and she is wearing the most beautiful long earrings I have ever seen. I can't believe how fast Sammy grew up. Just not so long ago she was running around with pigtails and her missing tooth. Now she has blossom into a beautiful young woman when did it happen? “Thanks,” she twirls around checking her self out in the mirror “You look amazing yourself”. I might look amazing in the outside but in the inside it's a different story. “Thanks” I chug the rest of my drink not really caring how I look. “Raul should be here any second now,” she sounds so excited to see him. I don't understand why.
“I'm going to need another drink” I say under my breath as I reach for the bottle. “I herd that” she yells as I walk away. “I don't care” I mumble. “And that too” she walks towards me. “What?” I ask annoyed as I take a seat on the bed. “Please Jane behave for me” she pleads with her eyes. I feel bad for her so I take pity “Fine keep him away from me and I'll be on my best behavior mom” I say sarcastically. I can be such a bitch some times it surprises me.
Before Sammy can even get another word in, there is a knock on the door. Her whole face lights up as she turns to walk towards the door. I love to see her smile even tho he is the reason why maybe I'm wrong about Raul. Maybe he really does care for Sammy to be fair I really never gave him a chance to prove me wrong. “Wow baby you look fucking hot” Raul's annoying voice fills the room. Be nice Jane give him a chance. “Thanks babe let me get my purse” she walks back towards me with Raul right behind her. Raul's eyes are on me as he sizes me up from head to toe. I have to fight the urge to flinch under his gaze. “Mmm you look fucking sexy in that dress,” he walks towards the bed if he gets any closer I'm going to pop him in the head with this bottle “if you find yourself alone at midnight and need some one to kiss at midnight don't be shy to look for me” he winks. Nope same old asshole that I remember. I can't even believe I actually dated that asshole. “Go fuck yourself” I give him the finger. “Okay let's go” Sammy walks in with her head inside her purse not paying attention to what's going on around her. Raul spins around with a grin on his face “Let's go doll” he reaches for her hand. This is going to be a long as night I can already tell. I drown the last of my champagne.
The car ride to the boat was only a 20 minute drive but I swear it felt like an hour long. I can't stand one more second in this car with Raul acting like a sweetheart the only one who is buying his act is Sammy. Once the car pulled up to the valet stop I jump right out not giving the valet the chance to open the door for me. I need a drink and fast. “I invited some one I hope you don't mind baby” Raul says to Sammy. “Not at all babe” she answers. I don't care who the hell he invited anyone who is friends with Raul is fucked up in the head and I have no interest in meeting them. I made sure to walk a few steps ahead of them. “There he is” Raul says. Without even thinking about it my head turns to where Raul and Sammy are looking. I feel all the blood leave my face as my hands turn into fist besides me as I watch Mark walking towards us. Oh hell to the fucking no! It's one thing to deal with Raul but there is no fucking way I'm dealing with that asshole. I walk back to Raul furious “You did this on fucking purpose” I poke him in his chest. It's not a secret to any one that I can't stand Mark. “I don't know what you are talking about. Mark is my friend” he smirks. I'm so close to slam my fist into his face. “They really are friends” Sammy jumps in for him before I can punch him. I give her an evil glare if she knew he was coming and didn't tell me I'm not speaking to her all next year. “I didn't know he was coming I swear” she says reading my mind. “Hello ladies” Mark says as he reaches us. Just the sound of his voice makes my stomach turn upside down. I give Raul one last evil look letting him know I wish him a slow painful death and storm towards the boat avoiding Mark.
I need a drink or maybe 5. As soon as I step inside the room a waiter with a tray of champagne glasses walks by me. I reach for two of them and chug them down quickly one after another. I was so busy chugging down the champagne that I didn't notice that all the waiters are wearing a mask. I didn't know it was a masquerade ball. Now that I feel more calmer I take the chance to really look around. I'm guessing this is the dinning room, there are over 20 tables cover with white and silver table cloths, in the middle of every table there is a silver vase with white roses as a center piece. Every one in her is either wearing a cocktail dress or a tux. “Prima I'm so sorry I didn't know he was coming I swear” Sammy says from behind me. I'm so beyond pissed right now that I don't even want to speak or see her. In a way all of this is her fault for tricking me into coming in the first place. “I'll be at the bar” I inform her as I walk away never looking back at her. I don't even bother in inviting her because I already know the answer.
“Can I get 3 patrons shot” I say to the bartender as I reach the bar. I look around the room and notice Mark, Raul, and Sammy staring at me from their table. I wish I can stick my middle finger at them but that wouldn't be classy instead I roll my eyes and turn around to face the bar. “Here you go” the bartender sets my drinks down in a row. “How much do I owe you?” I ask but than remember I have no cash on me. “You know what add it to those guys tab I came here with them” I point towards the table. They might as well be useful for something. “Okay I will” she smiles. I take my shots in a row with out taking a break my tolerance for alcohol has gone up since the first time I drank with Sophia. “One of them days huh?” the bartender, who's name is Nikki, ask. “You have no idea,” I reach for a champagne glass to chase down the patron shots that are burning my insides.
I asked Nikki what was up with everyone wearing a mask and she said that after 12 the room turns into a club and that the mask helps to keep them safe from all the drunks. Which makes sense people don't know how to act when they are drunk. “Do you want anything else?” she ask. “Just keep the champagne coming” I order. It's easy to talk to some one who is wearing a mask. You don't know who is under there and you can't read their face expression. I asked her about the party and she says it get's pretty wild. All the older couples leave and only the young ones stay for the party. She told me that last year they even had a stripping contest.
“Jane,” Sammy says from behind me “there is only 30 minutes left until the new year arrives come sit with us”. Holly shit only 30 minutes left? How long have I been sitting here? I look over to the table and see them staring at us there is no way in hell I'm going over there I'm not that drunk. “Please Jane” she begs. I hate saying no to her. I know all she wants is to spend time with me but she should of thought about that before tricking me into coming knowing that Raul was coming. “I'll be there in 5” I turn to face Nikki if I stare at Sammy I'm going to end up giving in. “Okay” she walks away with her head down. “You're not going are you?” Nikki ask as I sip on my champagne. “Wow Nikki you have gotten to know me pretty well in 2 hours” I say laughing. It doesn't take a genus to know that I was never going to go over there. “I have a gift” she smiles. The room starts getting louder due to the excitement of the new year coming in. I feel so out of place every one in this room is ready for the new year and for the party except for me.
I don't want to be around people right now I rather be alone with my thoughts. No I need to be alone. I look around the room trying to find a way out of here. “You know if you want to be alone you can always go up to the roof no one will find you there” Nikki says. Maybe she does have a gift after all. I give her a sincere smile “Thank you, can you give me the best champagne bottle you have and give yourself a good tip” I order. She turns around and looks for the right champagne bottle. “Come see me after 12” she says as she hands me the bottle. I grab the bottle and my champagne glass and sneak out the room before any one notice me. The last thing I need is for Mark or Raul to follow me. I make my way around the boat trying to find a way up to the roof. I'm trying my best not to fall on my face. I think I had a little to much to drink since I'm having trouble keeping my balance and the boat rocking from side to side isn't helping my case. I bring the bottle up to my mouth to take a sip. Wow this has to be the best champagne I've ever tasted. It's so sweet and bubbly. Bubbly that's a funny word. How can something be bubbly?
I was so into my thoughts that I walked right into a waiter almost tripping over. Thankfully the waiter was fast enough to wrap his hand around my upper arm to help me catch my balance. “Sorry,” I laugh as I pull my arm out of his grip. I run my hand down my dress trying to save the little dignity I have left. Maybe he can help me find my way to the roof. “Do you know where the stairs that lead to the roof are?” I ask as I lift my head up. I have to fight the urge to drool over his deep blue eyes. They remind me of the sky in a happy morning which I haven't seen in a while. The waiter shrugs his shoulders and walks away with out saying one word to me. What a rude motherturker. “Thanks for nothing asshole you aren't bubbly!” I shout after him. I know I haven't been the friendliest person in the world but he takes the prize. Did I just say bubbly? I can't stop myself from giggling. I walk around the boat until finally finding the stairs that leads me to the roof. I take off my heels there is no way I'm going to be able to climb the stairs with them on. I walks towards the middle of the roof and take a seat. I stretch my legs out in front of me as I place my heels next to me.
This spot is perfect I can't see no one and most importantly no one can see me. All I see from here is the ocean and the open sky. It's really beautiful and peaceful out here I've never seen the stars light up like they are tonight. They look so happy and bubbly even their reflection on the water sparkles. Gabe would of loved it out here. “This is for you handsome” I pour out some champagne and lift it up in the air. Why am I even using a glass? I am the only one who is drinking from this bottle anyways. As I reflect on the pass year I can honestly say this has been the best and worst year of my life. In one hand I met and fall in love with the most amazing man, I made some extraordinary friends, and I even lost my virginity, which I honestly thought was never going to happen. I was actually happy with my life. Salute for that I bring the bottle to my mouth and take a big gulp.
On the other hand I got kidnapped, dragged to the middle of no where, and the only man I have ever loved is dead. If you ask me the bad overcomes the good. I'm not saluting to that I'm just drinking. Is it really better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all? If you would of asked me before all of this I would of said yes it's worth it but now I would have to rethink my answer. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't give up the time I had with Gabe even if that meant getting rid of this pain. I've never been happier than when I was with him and to be honest I don't think I'll ever be that happy again. The sound of some one climbing up the stairs catches my attention it better not be Raul or Mark. I grab the bottle from it's neck ready to throw it at some one's head. But first I take a last sip just in case I have to use it.
Thank god it's neither one of them it's just a waiter. Maybe Nikki send him to check up on me it better not be the same rude as waiter as before because I will push him off. “I'm fine you can go away now” I wave my hand in the air dismissing him as I turn around to stare at the ocean. A midnight swim isn't sounding so bad right about now. I hear the waiter's steps getting closer instead of farther and before I know it he is sitting right next to me. I slide to the right putting some space between us. “If you're going to stay there is a no talking policy” I inform him. I'm tired of fighting everyone I have no more energy left in me. It really is a beautiful night the full moon looks larger than life up in the sky it lights up half the night. “What a beautiful night” I say as I drink from the bottle. The waiter just nods his head in agreement. He must think I'm some kind of freak because instead of being inside partying like everyone else I'm out here alone. “You know I wasn't always so anti social,” I pick on the label of the bottle I don't know why I feel the need to explain myself to him “but shit happens”. I take a sip from the bottle trying to get rid of the knot that is forming in my throat. The waiter extends his hand and with out saying a word snatch the bottle right out of my hands. “I put my mouth-” I didn't even get the chance to finish my sentence when he bought the bottle to his mouth. My nose wrinkles as I watch him drink from my bottle.
“That's not healthy what if I had some kind of disease and was dying not that I do,” I laugh. I actually laugh! The sound of my laughter sounds so foreign to my own ears I don't even recognizes it. I can't believe he made me laugh.
The waiter drops his head and by the way his shoulders are moving I think he is laughing at me. “I can't believe I laugh,” I snatch the bottle back from him “it's been two months since the last time I laugh”. I take a drink not caring that his lips were just on them. I had it first and this calls for a celebration. “The last person who made me laugh was Gabe, he was the love of my life,” now that I think about it I was always laughing around him. He always found a way to make me smile or laugh just thinking about him makes me smile. “But then he died,” my smiles drops “and to top it off he died in my arms” my voice cracks at the end. Saying that out loud makes my heart sting all over again. I take a big gulp trying to wash the pain away. The waiter tries to reach for my hand to comfort me but I quickly pull away “Wow there cowboy I'm not a fan on touching it has nothing to do with you trust me it's something personal. I don't even let my own family touch me”. What the hell is wrong with me? I haven't talked this much to my own family and here I am opening up to a complete stranger. He slowly pulls his hand back as he watches me. I can't read his expression because of the mask I don't know if that is a good thing right now. “Yeah I'm all shades of fucked up” I mumble. I wounder if I'll ever let my guard down again? The better question is do I even want to?
The sounds of fireworks scares me right out of my thoughts. The sky lights up with all different colors looking even more beautiful than before. The water changes color every time a different firework explodes. I feel like a little girl again watching the fireworks on the fourth if July. Even tho I was never allowed to watch the towns firework my father always made sure to give me and Sammy our own private show in the backyard. I feel the waiter's eyes on me as I watch the fireworks. I turn to face the waiter and I can't stop the gasp that escapes my mouth. The reflection of the fireworks makes his face look ravishing. I can't really tell what color his eyes are because they keep changing due to the fireworks. I take in a deep breath and his scent hits me like a brick in the face. “Happy New Years” I whisper trying to break the awkwardness that has surrounded us. His eyes searches my face as he leans in. My brain is yelling at me to pull back but my body does the complete opposite. His large hand cups the back of my neck as he gently brushes his lips against mines. I feel a shiver run threw my body which is weird because there is no wind. My mind is telling me this is wrong. I don't even know who he is. I can actually hear my heart pounding again inside of my chest and here I thought it didn't work anymore. His kiss is so soft and gentle it's like he is afraid to break me. I part my mouth to tell him to stop but he takes advantage to shove his tongue inside my mouth. Once our tongues touch I feel like I've been shocked, a small moan escapes my throat out of pure pleasure. Oh god how can something so wrong feel so great?
“Jane where are you?” Sammy yells. I jump and pull away to look behind us but thankfully she isn't there. I turn back to the waiter but he is already walking away. Part of me wants to go after him but the other part is glad he is leaving. This is to much I'm not ready for all of this. I'm not ready for all these emotions. I run my fingers down my lips I can still feel his lips on them. I don't know what the hell came over me but this can't happen again.