Seventeen
Gavin has been admitted to the hospital, he's been in an accident. Aria, he's in critical condition. The words repeat over and over in my head and all the breath leaves my lungs as I hold the phone to my ear, clasping the locket in my hand for some sort of comfort. Gavin is hurt. Or worse… God. If only I had been with him last night, if only I hadn’t run away. The fear unfurls in the pit of my stomach and pushes against my ribs as I struggle for words.
"Aria? Are you there sweetheart?" Lucas' familiar voice brings me back to the now.
"What? Yes, I’m here. What happened? Is he…"
I hear his slow exhale of breath, which only spurs my fears on even more.
Oh my God, no. He was coming to see me? Confusion clouds my thoughts as I remember the image of Gavin kissing Jasmine in his office, the pain of that moment so fresh in my mind. But then, he was coming to see me. What if - maybe, I overreacted? Oh God, what if I lose him because I didn't stop and talk to him?
Tears sting my eyes and I struggle for breath as Kel takes my phone from my hand and kneels in front of me with concern filled eyes.
"Luke? What’s going on?"
I don't hear his response as I force myself to move my arms, sliding my hands out of my leotard and shawl, unpinning my hair and forcing deep breaths in and out of my lungs. Once I look myself again, I grab the pair of ripped Levi jeans and white V-neck tee with a brown knitted belt that ties at the waist. I brought them with me for after the performance, but all I can wrap my mind around at this moment is getting to Gavin as soon as possible.
"Of course I will, love you too."
Kel helps me get dressed and pulls my hair back into a low ponytail to keep it out of my eyes. Silent tears course down my cheeks as I struggle to get a hold on my emotions.
This is all my fault, oh God, Gavin. Please….
"Come on Aria, let’s get to the hospital. It’s going to be okay I promise you, honey."
She turns me around in the chair and cups my cheeks so I have to look into her soft eyes.
"Do you believe me?"
I nod, knowing she's right. I have to hold onto hope, Gavin needs me now. And God, I need him so much. I can’t lose him, I can’t lose the man that I love more than anything. My thoughts never stray from him.
Once we reach the hospital entrance, I throw the door of Kel's Lexus open and run towards the double doors. My feet carry me across the parking lot so fast that I find myself struggling to catch my breath. I know I should slow down, I know I haven't eaten today and I should wait for Kel to catch up with me. I know all of that, but all reason has fled my mind, I just have to get to Gavin. I have to.
"Ari!" Kel catches up with me and I force my feet to slow, feeling my throat dry from worrying my lip between my teeth.
She grabs my hand and looks into my eyes with such concern and love.
"I have to drive Lucas to work, but then I’ll come right back I promise. OK?"
I nod as we turn the corner into the front lobby of the ER, spotting Lucas walking towards us with worry etched across his young looking face. His hair is messy and he's wearing a brown sweater with his usual styled black jeans that look wrinkled and worn. How long has he been here? Minutes, hours? God, why didn’t I just answer Gavin’s calls?
"Luke? Have they told you anything?"
I ask, my voice barely a whisper. He reaches us, and looks down at me before sweeping me into a hug and whispering in my ear. The strength of his hold is welcome as I sniff into his sweater.
"I’m not a family member, but I overheard the doctors saying that he has a concussion and some broken ribs when they were talking with Gavin's mother and his sister."
I suck in a breath, trying to find the strength to think positive right now . Does that mean he may have more injuries? Or is he going to be OK?
Unwillingly, my eyes are forced closed with the fear racking my body. How could this have happened to Gavin? Whenever I’ve been in his car with him, he’s been a cautious but decisive driver. He wouldn’t be driving recklessly to cause an accident like this. That is very much unlike him. Unless… unless he was going out of his mind after I ran away from him, from us. Maybe he wasn’t worried about his well -being and all he could focus on was getting back to me. I hastily try to rid my mind of thoughts like that. It’s not like there was any possible explanation he could have given me that would make me believe him. Believe that my initial thought when I saw that woman in his office was wrong or misguided. He was kissing her. His ex.
The woman that jilted him at the altar years ago. Gavin told me what that did to him. How could he? I feel the sharp glass of heartbreak in my chest from the memory of seeing him kissing another woman. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, but if I hadn’t run, would we be here now?
"Oh my God, this is all my fault," I whisper, a sob erupting from my chest as I bury my face into his shoulder.
Lucas rubs my back slowly and tightens his arms around me as I sob quietly into his sweater.
"Shh you have to stay positive, Ari. I saw him come in and I can tell you he wasn't in pain."
Was he truly not in pain? God, I hope that’s true. Even with the past day’s events I will never wish pain or hurt for Gavin. He’s the one that brought me up when I couldn’t stand myself. He saved me. God, he loved me. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him.
I sniff, nodding to reassure him I’m okay and I take a deep breath as Lucas releases me and wipes my tears away.
"I'm okay, go. It’s OK, I’ll see you later. Thank you, Luke," I whisper, faking a smile. Kel leans forward, giving me a kiss on my forehead.
"I’ll be back soon, go see your man, Aria." She smiles warmly, hoping to lift my spirits and I wait until they turn the corner before wiping my cheeks and finding the strength to walk towards the emergency room where I see Callie sitting in a chair with her chin resting on her knees. Her eyes are looking lost as she stares across the waiting room to a conference room; the door is open.
"Callie?"
She looks up and her eyes light up as she gets up and walks over to me.
"Are you okay?" I ask as she hugs me and we sit in the waiting room chairs, her eyes are filled with tears. My own prick with moisture at the sight of this young girl’s sadness.
"I can’t believe this is happening. My mom is in with the doctors now."
"It’s going to be okay, Callie." I turn, grabbing her hand as all my thoughts are centered on the last few weeks. The best moments of my life flood my mind. Making love for the first time with Gavin, breakfast in bed, the joy in his eyes when I told him I love him for the first time, and then, the terrifying image of his ex-fiancée locking lips with him inside his office yesterday.
I don't know how long we sit there, but eventually my legs start to fidget, feeling restless in the uncomfortable hospital's chair.
"Sweetie, I'm going to take a walk around for a bit."
She nods, giving me a half smile and I release her hand to head towards the bank of elevators. I pull out my phone, stepping into the thankfully empty car. I clasp the locket in both my hands as I close my eyes and take a deep, cleansing breath.
He's going to be okay. Gavin. My Gavin. He has to be OK. I love him. My goodness, I love him so much. Even if I’m so hurt by him right now, I know I still love him.
The voice mail alarm signals from my phone for the third time, and I can’t ignore it anymore. Last night I missed him so much, I missed falling asleep in his arms. The feeling of his lips on mine as we lie in bed together. The heavenly sight of his face, as relaxed and handsome as he sleeps in the early hours of the morning. With tears building in my eyes, I select the first of three voice mail messages he left last night at 9:45 pm. I press "listen" and close my eyes, leaning against the stop button on the elevator’s control panel.
The car slows to a stop between the third and fourth floors and Gavin’s soft voice comes across my senses.
"Aria, please, call me. I know what you saw, but I promise you with everything I am that I did not kiss Jasmine. Just please call me so I can explain. I love you, baby. Please call me."
Oh, my. His voice sounded so raw, so wounded. And so determined, there’s another message at 11:18 pm and I suck in a breath when I hear his voice again.
"Aria. I need to talk to you. Please. I love you more than anything and I promise you, I would never cheat on you. But since you won’t answer your phone, I have to explain. Jasmine showed up at my office around 6:30, she was upset…"
His voice is filled such raw emotion, it tears at my soul. Could he be telling the truth? Oh God, I should have just stopped to talk with him!
"Baby, it’s not what you think. She was barely holding herself together. Her father cut her off last week and she was a mess. I felt bad, knowing how she was feeling. When I was sixteen years old, my dad temporarily cut me off when I was getting into some trouble with my friends at the time. I felt so angry, and betrayed, and hopeless. I hugged Jasmine, told her everything would be okay, that she could make her own money with her modeling and that it wasn't as bad as she thought. She started crying. Aria I promise you I don't feel anything for her. She kissed me; I had no idea she was going to do that. I pushed her off of me in the next second and then I saw you. Baby, please believe me, I love you and I only want you. Call me..."
Gavin’s voice breaks, cracks on the last few words and a strangled sob escapes me as my legs give out on me. I slide to the floor, my back against the glass wall of the car as the tears escape my eyes and I cover my face with my hands. Oh, God. He's telling the truth, I can hear it in his voice. And I just….walked away. I didn't even let him explain, I just… left!
His last message is at 5:22pm, today. Only twenty minutes before I got the call from Callie.
His voice sounds more determined now, but still laced with such pain and sadness. Regret, maybe.
"Aria, this has gone on long enough. I've tried waiting for you to call me, or to show up at the penthouse, but I can’t wait anymore. I'm coming to see you, baby. I'll see you soon."
He was coming to see me, he didn't kiss her, oh my God what if he blames me for this? Or, my breath evaporates from my lungs as I realize my biggest fear. What if…. I lose him?
Just like Jeremy, just like my darling brother. I can't, I won't lose him. I push myself to my feet and I press the button again to move the elevators car. But this time, I head for the first floor to go back to the Emergency Room. I have to see Gavin.
After twenty more minutes of waiting, a doctor comes out of the conference room and immediately, I stand along with Callie who's gripping my hand just a little too tight. Seeing the fear in her eyes brings me back to a little over a year ago when I was the one waiting for word about Jeremy, so unsure of what would happen, so scared of the inevitable. But now, all I want is for Gavin to be okay. So, I shake the doctor’s hand and try to remain calm as I wait. He looks down, wiping beads of sweat from his forehead and then his eyes meet mine, navy blue, filled with uncertainty.
I don't know how long I stand there, the worst outcomes going through my mind before the doctor gives me a small smile and shakes Callie's hand in greeting.
"I’m Dr. John Lee, I operated on Gavin Thomas."
I nod, holding in the burst of emotions threatening to be released from within me.
"I'm…um… Aria Morgan, his girlfriend and this is Callie Thomas, his sister. How is he?"
"Well, Gavin is in stable condition. He does have four broken ribs and a concussion, some major cuts and bruising on his stomach from where glass from the driver’s side window cut him, and from where he hit his head, there may be brain damage. We won’t know more until he gains consciousness. I doubt it, since there’s no indication of any in the scans we've run, but it is a possibility you should prepare yourself for."
I let out the breath I was holding in, my brain struggling to process all this information. He's alive, that's all I can focus on. Gavin is alive.
"If all goes well, he should make a full recovery. Would you like to see him?"
He takes my hand, getting my attention and I nod. Stay strong, Aria, just a little longer.
"Yes, where is he?" My heart beats faster at the thought of seeing Gavin, my Gavin.
"Room 172. He should be awake within a few hours."
I rush to follow the doctor, the fear still coursing through me though now it's mixed with a yearning of hope. Callie catches my hand as I walk away and I turn back, confused.
"You alright? Do you want me to stay with you?"
She shakes her head, her hand gripping mine. I hug her to me, whispering in her ear.
"If you need to talk, I’m here Callie."
"Thanks for being here, Ari," she whispers, pulling away with a half-smile.
"See you soon?" I nod, kissing her hand before heading back towards the corridor.
"Sure."
***
"Gavin, baby, I’m here." My voice is strained with emotion and I try to take deep breaths through the fear coursing through me. What if he doesn’t wake up? God, I can’t fathom being without him. How would I survive it?
I clutch his hand that isn’t bound up in wires and tape, press his palm to my cheek in an effort to connect in even the smallest way. I just need him to open those gorgeous blue gray eyes of his.
I’m taken back to that first night he held me, so many weeks ago.
"Beautiful," he says, and without another word he pulls me into his chest, lifting me as he sits against the headboard, his arms wrapped tightly around my trembling body. He sets me in his lap, holding me tight and I bury my face in his neck, clutching onto his shoulders for support. I let my emotions take over my body, feeling the pain and the terror and the relief of being held.
"I can’t...." I stutter, trying to talk through my tears. His hand runs up and down my back, banishing away the cold, dirty feeling that lingers on my skin from the dream.
"Shh, baby. I’m here, just breathe," he whispers, kissing my forehead and tucking me close to him, his chin resting on the top of my head. I suck in a breath, slowly letting it out.
"Again, Aria," he continues to whisper, watching me while I take another full breath and release it. I feel myself calm down from his warmth and that intoxicating scent of mint that only Gavin can make both calming and exciting at the same time.
He lifts his chin and places his palms on my cheeks, tilting my face up so his eyes meet mine. He gasps, seeing my disheveled state. I see his forehead crease with worry as he wipes my tears away with his thumbs and showers my face with soft kisses.
"How? When did you get here?" I whisper, finding comfort in his soft blue eyes and gentle touch.
"I was on my way home and I wanted to bring you flowers to surprise you. When I got here, Jesus, you looked so scared, so helpless, I had to wake you. I can’t stand to see you like this, hurt and afraid, Aria. Are you okay? Please, be honest with me."
I can’t seem to form words so I rest my forehead against his, taking a deep breath to steady myself. I’m okay, it was just a dream. I’m okay.
"I’m okay, it was horrible, but I’m okay," I finally whisper.
Gavin exhales, not letting go of me. He traces a pattern across my thigh, calming me.
"What do you need, baby?" I get butterflies despite my nightmare, at the sound of him calling me that. I might even like it better than Beautiful.
"I don’t know, Gavin. I can’t fall back asleep after that. Can you just hold me for a while?"
He leans back, smiling warmly at me.
"That I can do, Aria."
He wraps his arms around me, his hands gliding up my back to soothe me. Pressing my face to his chest, I focus on breathing in and out. God, he feels so good.
After so long just sitting with him, I remember something Dr. Lee said. Gavin might be able to hear me, feel my presence. Suddenly it makes perfect sense to me. I have to give him a reason to wake up, to come back. I have to talk to him, tell him everything I’ve been feeling the last three hours.
"Gavin…" I press my hand to the left of his chest where I can feel his slightly slower but still steady heartbeat underneath my fingers.
"I feel it. I feel your heart. It’s still beating. Please, please come back to me."
Tears well in my eyes and I dip my head to his forearm as I silently cry. I’m so scared, so, so scared that I’ve lost this kind, passionate, beautiful man forever.
God, the truth of my last statement strikes right through my heart. I’d been so afraid to open up to him, to risk my heart. Afraid that I’d be all alone in this thing I’d found with Gavin. But when I looked up into his smoldering blue gray eyes while we were making love, I saw so much. I saw love. And I knew I’d fallen now and forever in love with him.
I kiss his hand and the tears don't stop as I pour my heart out for him. He’s owned it ever since I fell in love with him just a few weeks ago.
"Before I met you, I was so closed off. I was so determined to stay away from any attachment, knowing how deeply my heart could be broken and I didn't want to risk that again. But you, God, Gavin, you got to me, you saw me and I couldn't stay away from you. I was afraid that you'd hurt me, but more than that, I was scared that I would lose you, Gavin. These last three hours have been the most terrifying of my life and I realized something. I'm completely and totally in love with you, baby. I'm so sorry I overreacted and I didn’t let you explain. Please, open your eyes. Wake up so I can tell you how much I love you, Gavin. Please..."
I look tenderly at his face, waiting and waiting. Yearning for that soft smile to spread over his mouth, revealing his dimple. For those expressive blue eyes of his to bore into mine. But he doesn't stir, his eyes remain closed. I exhale and press my face to his neck, breathing his intoxicating scent into my nose. I press my hands to his chest, crying quietly into his neck. Gavin, please come back to me…
"I'm sorry, I love you" are the only words I can seem to utter as the sobs erupt out of me, my throat constricting as I release the emotions overwhelming my body.