Thirty Five
I close the door softly to my bedroom and walk towards the bed to see my younger sister curled up like a cat in the middle of it. She has started coming over more and more ever since Aria was let out of the hospital, almost as if she thinks that if she isn’t here to watch me I’ll run over to Kel and Lucas’ and beg her to see me. Has it crossed my mind, yes but she asked me for time. I’d hoped that after a few days, I could convince her to come home so we could work on us. So we could be what we were only a few short months ago. Happy. In love. Free from the weight of the past, both hers and mine. But except for three chance meetings where I got to see my Aria, she’s refused to see me. Lucas told me she is putting all her focus into the ballet show she’d auditioned for back in June. I’m so happy she’s found a way to fill her passion that drew me right to her when we first met, but it feels worse knowing that I can’t be there to see her perform, to see her fall and then get back up and try and try and try until she lands her routines perfectly. To see her curtsy after each show, to see the pride and elation in her eyes. Christ. I dig my hands in the back of my scalp and rub out the pressure that I feel there. It feels as if I’m going out of my mind without her. Before I met Aria Georgia Morgan, my life was complete. I had my family and my colleagues and my work. I had all the money and things I could ask for and I’d thought I was content. Damn, was I wrong about that? True happiness was Aria and the love she’s given me. I won’t survive losing her and that is the only thing keeping me from running to her and pushing until she takes me back. I promised her time. I have to give her that, at least for now.
"You miss her," Callie’s sleep slurred voice wakes me from my constant thoughts of Aria and I turn my head to see her resting up on her elbows and her eyes narrowing at me.
"What?"
She laughs under her breath, shaking her head at me.
"I said you miss her, big brother. You’re like a shell of the man you were when you were with her.
Why don’t you call her?"
I blink a few times in surprise at that. She’s said numerous times how I should give Aria space and that if I push too hard, too fast I could force her away for good.
"I’m not saying go over there and profess your undying love, I’m saying call her. It might help to talk without any pressure to make decisions. Just let her know you’re here for her, no matter what she needs. Trust me, it might help."
"Hello?" Her voice is soft and I can tell she either just woke up or she saw my name before answering and was unsure of herself. I hate the thought.
"Aria," I say her name and it feels like coming home. Three long, torturous months missing her and I can finally hear her voice again. I hate myself for calling her when I know she asked me for time after we’d lost our daughter. But three months feels like an eternity and I can’t stop myself. As I hear her exhale as if in relief, I inwardly thank my nosy sister for telling me to do the one thing I should have done every day since I left her. But it was the right thing to do, to wait for her. It hurt like hell, though.
"Are you OK?" She whispers and I want to laugh at the thought of me being OK without her.
"No, Beautiful. How are you? I know I shouldn’t have called you…"
My voice trails off, unsure what to say first. Am I sorry? No. I miss her more than anything and I am done wishing and wanting the one girl who’s turned my world upside down. She is mine and I won’t give up on her now.
"Gavin, I’m so happy you called. I – I miss you."
My chest warms at those words and I can hear the sorrow and the longing in her beautiful voice.
"Christ, Aria. I feel like I’m going crazy without you."
She sighs softly and I can hear the conflict in her voice. She’s not there yet. Maybe I’m not either, but I want her with me.
"I know I’m asking a lot for you to wait for me Gavin, I’m so sorry."
She has no reason to be sorry. None.
"Aria, I’ll wait forever for you. You have nothing to be sorry for."
"It won’t be forever. Just a little longer?"
There is hope in her voice and it stirs my soul to hear it.
"I’ll be waiting," I vow, then I let her go for what I hope is the last time.
***
The final curtain falls in front of where we all stand in a line, curtsying and bowing to the enormous applause from what has to be hundreds of people. I’m filled with elation that we pulled off such a seamless production, without the common glitches that new crews find themselves with. Alas The Night was a perfect success and I’m proud to be part of it. The moment the second curtain goes down we all erupt in cheers. A few girls that I’ve practiced with and gotten to know these past three weeks enfold me in a hug so tight I start to laugh with them. The weight in my chest feels a lot lighter today and I’m so grateful for that.
"You were amazing, Aria!" Becca exclaims and we all turn back and smile at each other. While she is a more refined dancer than most of us, she has such a bright way to her that I truly have no room to be jealous of her talents. Dance has been my life for so long and I love being able to share it with all of these talented and beautiful dancers.
Leo, the stage director and a mentor to all of us, claps his hands and I can see how excited he is about what just happened. All faces turn towards him, we are all buzzing with excitement.
"Thank you so much to all of you, that was magic out there. Let’s get out of here, shall we?" He smiles proudly and gives each of us a hug as we pass him towards the exit. We all cheer once we’re outside and I follow Becca and her friend Livy out of the backstage area of the auditorium. As the adrenaline I felt from the show starts to recede, I remember the sound of Gavin’s voice when he called me this morning. He sounded so… I don’t know. Sad. He misses me. I could hear it in his voice.
I feel like I’m going crazy without you…
I hate making him wait for me, but what else can I do? The past three months have been a long and pain filled process of rebuilding my cracked relationship with my mother who’s come home for good and faithfully attending group therapy and individual sessions with Dr. Madison. Gavin gave me her number before he’d left and I called her that same night. It’s made me realize that nothing could have prevented what happened to Tessa. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. I may never know why I lost our baby girl before I even got the chance to feel her kick or to hear her tiny heartbeat. I went through immeasurable pain in those sessions that followed my first call to her and finally I feel like I can breathe again. Talking to Gavin again felt like the best sign of fate telling me that I am as ready as I can be to face him after all that’s happened. I owe it to him to try.
I make my way out to my KIA and see a note taped to my front window. Curious, I walk faster and I see my mom’s perfect handwriting from feet away.
I’m sorry I had to leave before I could see you, but you were exquisite and I am so proud of you for following your dreams, Sweetheart. I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast.
Love, Mom.
I smile at her note and tuck it under my arm before carefully sitting down in the front seat. The white flow dress I wore for Lena’s last scene is made of a mixture of loose satin material for the skirt and thin lace covering my torso. It’s gorgeous and if I tear it I’m sure the theater will have my neck. It must cost more than my paycheck is worth. Once I’m sure it won’t tear from how I’m sitting, I put the car into drive.
I am ready to take back my life. I’m ready to heal. As that thought sticks in my mind, I turn around towards the east end of the city, knowing there is one thing I have to do.
I pull up to Marley’s Cove and pull the key from the ignition. I don’t know how I found myself here, but here I am. I remember when Gavin brought me, it was technically our first date because the day 
I get out of the car and lean my hip against the hood. I close my eyes and just stand there. I don’t think, I don’t feel, I don’t worry. I just be.
Behind my eyelids, I picture Tessa. Her messy brown hair like Gavin’s and her emerald green eyes like mine, so bright that they look almost yellow. Her first steps. Her first words. How would it sound when she said Mom for the first time? Would she have Gavin’s husky laugh that I love so much? Would she be like him or me or completely different from either of us?
Tessa Lynn Morgan, may you rest in peace. You were loved.
There was nothing that could be brought to rest in this place but when Lucas showed me the stone he and Kel bought for my daughter, it was the best gift I’ve ever been given. She has a place now. She is at peace now and as I stand up and press a kiss to my hand, press it to the stone, I feel at peace with my heart and know I may have not forgotten the loss I’d suffered, but I’ve healed from it. It still hurts, it will always hurt but I know she’s at peace now. That’s all I can ever ask for.
"I love you baby girl. You’re free now," I whisper before heading back the way I came and vowing to live each day knowing that she is not lost, but in a better place. She’ll live on through me and through whatever the future holds for us. I back out of the cove and head straight towards the only place I’ve ever called home, hoping I’m not too late.
***
My hands are shaking as I knock three times on the front door to the penthouse. It’s just after dusk and I know he should be home, but I didn’t bother to call him to check. Determination settles within me. I have to see him. I don’t care how long I have to wait to ask him this question.
I hear footsteps from the other side of the door and I suck in a breath as the door swings open in front of me, where Gavin stands. He’s dressed in a blue sweater with black buttons across his torso, dark jeans and bare feet. His eyes widen as we stare at each other, the blues and grays of his eyes are all I see.
Joy and relief and such love for this man tumble through me and I don’t know who moves first, me or him.
Does it really matter? All I know is we draw together like gravity. I’m pulled into his chest and my hands find their way into his messy brown hair that is long again. His head falls against my neck where he takes a deep breath and I wrap my arms around his back so tightly that I’m sure we’ll become one person in this embrace.
"Baby," he whispers, kissing the skin along my collarbone so gently it feels like a feather against me. "I missed you so goddamn much, Aria. So much."
I lift my head from his shoulder just as he lifts his and our mouths meet. We meld together in desperation, my mouth parts and I am completely consumed by him.
"Gavin…Gavin... God, Gavin," I murmur against his kiss, his tongue dancing perfectly with mine, his hands holding my face in between them as if I’ll slip away at any moment.
I pull away just enough to meet his eyes and smile his smile for him, I see the affection and wonder in his expressive eyes that I fell for so many months ago. Warmth spreads through my chest where all my missing pieces seem to fit together and I lift my hands to touch his dear face. I ask the one question I came here for.
"Is it too late to ask you to spend forever loving me?"