Ethan
I sat on the end of my bed with my face in my hands, trying not to scream. I couldn’t believe what happened. I knew Miranda was behind the whole thing. She set Lyla and me up. If Miranda wasn’t a girl, I would have punched her in the face. The look on Lyla’s face was more than I could bear. It was a mix between disappointment and repulsion.
I promised I would never hurt her, and look what happened. I hurt her in the worst way possible. She thinks I was cheating on her. There was no way that she didn’t hate me right now.
Lyla freaking despised me, and I didn’t even mean to be the cause of it. I should have known something was funny about that note. I cursed myself for not knowing what Lyla’s handwriting looked like. I also should have been more careful about slipping that note into her locker, because I’m sure Miranda was standing there watching the whole time.
I know she said something about it, but I wasn’t positive to what it was. Did she say she watched Lyla read my note, or, did she say that she saw me slip it into her locker? Heck, I couldn’t even remember.
I reached under my mattress and grabbed my Rambo knife out. I pulled the sleeve to my shirt up, and pressed the blade to my skin, making blood well up instantly.
I closed my eyes against the burning, sharp pain, and slid the knife further down into my skin. I haven’t cut myself in a long, long time, and I promised myself I would never do it again. I first started doing it when I found out my mom was dying. I continued doing it after I thought that my dad had died.
The pain in my heart was so bad I didn’t have a choice. I slid the blade across my arm a little more, causing a gash about five inches long. I went to the bathroom and dumped alcohol on the cut. I hissed from the pain—I was grateful for it.
I got a towel, and wrapped it around my arm.
It glanced at my alarm clock and found it to be slightly after seven.
I picked up my phone, and started to text Lyla. I didn’t know what to say really, but that I’m sorry. Sorry I was such an asshole. Sorry that I was such an idiot. Sorry that I didn’t know that I wasn’t kissing my own girlfriends lips until it was too late.
Lyla, I’m so, so sorry for what you had to witness today. I received a letter in my locker about meeting you in the gym, and it told me to keep my eyes closed. So I did. I sat there and waited. When I felt hands cover my eyes, I thought it was you, baby. I never meant to hurt you like that. I should have known it was Miranda when I first pressed my lips to hers. Please forgive me. I love you so much… Please come over so we can talk about it. I still have the note so I can prove to you it wasn’t my handwriting. Look at the other note I gave you; you should be able to tell that the writing doesn’t match up to mine.
I hit send, and waited for a reply.
Two hours later, and still no text. I didn’t think she was ever going to forgive me. I could see if I did it on purpose, but I didn’t! I really didn’t know!
After I put on some antiseptic cream and wrapped gauze around my arm, I grabbed my keys and decided to go see Lyla. I knew I should leave her alone, but I couldn’t while knowing she was hurting.
When I pulled up in front of Rylan’s house, I saw that one of the front lights were on, so I snuck over to the window to look inside.
Lyla was sitting on the couch with Rylan. They were both watching TV. He had his hand on her leg, and I felt anger swell within me. I can’t believe this is happening. I freaking lost the girl that I’m in love with. She’s already moved on with him.
My shoulders slumped, and I started for the door. I still had to at least try talking to her. I had too. I wasn’t going to give up that easily. No way in hell.
I knocked loudly, and stood there waiting. A few seconds later, Rylan stood there, glaring at me.
“Go home, Ethan, she doesn’t wanna see you.” “Please, I’m telling the truth, I never cheated on her! I swear on it, Rylan. Do I seem like the type of guy who would do that?” I threw my arms out to the side. “Can I please talk to Lyla? Please. I’ll do anything!” I was ready to get on the ground and kiss this guy’s toes if that would help me talk to my girl.
He pursed his lips, and thought about it.
Lyla suddenly appeared next to him, and crossed her arms over her chest. She narrowed her eyes.
I immediately smelled booze, and knew she’d been drinking.
“What, Ethan?” she said in a harsh tone.
“Lyla… Please. It was an accident.” I felt my eyes start to get wet, but I did nothing to try to hide that fact.
Maybe if she saw my tears she would know I wasn’t lying. “Miranda set us up. Look.” I said, handing her the note.
She snatched it from me, and skimmed over it. Her hand shook slightly, and I could tell this was just as hard for her as it was for me.
“Okay, let’s say I believe you, because I got a note also telling me to meet you there. But, the fact is, couldn’t you tell it wasn’t my lips you were kissing? When you were running your hand along her jaw, didn’t you know something was funny about it?”
I shook my head. “Not at first. When I started tasting some weird flavor on her lips, it didn’t click in my mind until I heard you scream and I opened my eyes to find that bitch there. Lyla, please, I’m sorry, and I love you. Please forgive me.”
“I’ll think about it. I love you too, but I need some time to process all of this.”
“I sent you a text, did you get it?”
“No, my phone died and I haven’t charged it. It’s late, you better get home. I’ll talk with you later.” Without another word, she shut the door in my face.
I felt kind of relieved that I sort of got through to her. Maybe she just needed a few days to cool off before she’d forgive me. I silently walked to my truck, and got in.
I went home to an empty bed, and an even emptier heart.
I climbed into bed and held her pillow to my face, breathing in her fruity spell that I loved. My eyes filled with tears again, and I let them fall. They soaked into the pillow. My body shook with silent sobs. I took a deep breath, removed my pillow, and replaced it with hers. I rolled over onto my stomach so I could breathe her in all night long. Maybe in sleep, my mind would still think she was here next to me.
***
The next morning I rolled over and grasped the sheets, searching for Lyla. Little too late did I remember she wasn’t sleeping by me. I scrubbed my hand over my face, and sighed slightly. I sat up, secretly hoping to find her here. Maybe she snuck over last night… Yeah, it was impossible. I would have heard if anyone came down the basement stairs since I’m a light sleeper. I always end up hearing my mom sneaking down to check on me in the middle of the night. She always thinks she’s so sneaky, but she isn’t. If the creaky steps doesn’t give her away, her giggle does.
I tossed and turned for most of the night. My dreams were filled with nightmares—most of them about Lyla dying, and me not being able to save her. One of the dreams was about her going underwater, and me not getting to her in time. She drowned. I think I woke up screaming a few times, but I couldn’t be sure.
I know I saw a dark shadow come into my room before I went fell asleep last night, but I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. I quite frankly didn’t care. If they killed me, so be it. It isn’t like anyone would miss me, anyhow.
The most important person in the world to me was mad beyond belief, and my mom? Well, she’s just my mom, I guess.
I picked up my phone and yawned. I shut my alarm off. I was a little early today, but that was okay. I was going to wait at the school for Lyla. I knew she liked getting there early. Maybe I would even pick her up some donuts for forgiveness.
All girls liked sweets.
By the time I got to school I had a brown bag in hand, and a mocha frappe. I stood just inside of the doors, and waited for Rylan’s vehicle to pull up. Hopefully she decided to come today, and not skip because she knew I would be here.
About ten minutes later, they showed up. I watched Lyla step out, and sling her backpack over her shoulder. She looked around before she made it into the building, most likely looking for me. The white shorts and lacy pink top she was wearing looked really good on her. She also had on a chunky beaded necklace, and some frilly Native American looking black boots.
When she pulled the door open, her eyes met mine, and she continued past in silence. I followed her up to her locker, and stood behind her until she opened it, then I tapped her on the shoulder.
She glanced over her shoulder indifferently.
“Yeah?”
“Here,” I said, holding out the bag and the iced-coffee.
She turned, and took it without hesitation. “You really must be sorry if you’re using my love of all things sweet to bribe me into forgiving you.”
“I am sorry, Lyla, it was an accident. Do you think after everything we’ve been through together that I would just cheat? Do I seem so stupid that if I was planning on cheating, that I would leave you a note so you could catch me? Huh? Because that would make no sense at all.”
Her face fell. “You’re not stupid, and that does make sense… But I’m not still over the fact that you couldn’t tell right away that it wasn’t me.”
“I didn’t expect anyone other than you!”
She slammed her locker shut. “Okay… I just need time to process all this. You know how badly I was hurt when I saw you guys? I can’t just get over that right away. Let’s go to the cafeteria. We can be friends for now, and maybe I’ll give you another chance… Maybe.”
I wanted to reach out to her so bad and kiss her. I wanted to run my hands through her hair. I knew she wouldn’t appreciate that right now, and I didn’t wanna try it and end up getting slapped.
We got to our normal table and sat down. Katie and Hannah were already there, and they knew right away that something wasn’t right with Lyla and me.
“Spill it,” they said in unison.
Lyla got into the whole thing while she ate her donuts and sipped her iced-coffee. She told them about how we both got a note, but then when she told them about me not recognizing it wasn’t her, they both gasped.
“Ethan, come on…” Hannah said, rubbing Lyla’s hand sympathetically.
“I didn’t expect anyone else!” I shouted and slammed my hand down, causing people from surrounding tables to look at us. I didn’t care; they could all go fuck themselves.
“But you still should have known.” Katie said. “There’s no excuse. If she never forgives you, I would understand.”
“Lyla, come dress shopping with us after school, it will make you feel better. Prom is less than three weeks away, and I know just the place to go!” Hannah said happily.
Lyla shook her head. “I don’t know if I’m going to prom, you guys.”
My face tightened up in sadness.
“So, just come with us, we don’t have dates. Just come to dance and eat, that’s what I’m doing. You can’t miss your senior prom!” Katie scoffed. “It’s the right of passage.”
“Fine, I’ll go with you guys.” Lyla agreed, but not sounding too enthused about the whole ordeal.
All of a sudden, Lyla gasped. I looked at her in alarm, until I realized what she was looking at.
I tugged the arm sleeve down on my shirt. I can’t believe I was so careless that she saw my self-inflicted cut. It was red and swollen, and it really did need stitches.
“What?” I asked grumpily.
“What did you do?” Hannah asked, reaching across the table, pulling up my sleeve.
I glared at her, willing her to shut up. I didn’t need her to tell Lyla anything… because, obviously, she didn’t need to know. It was a personal matter that I wanted to keep personal.
“Oh my God, Ethan, please don’t tell me you’re cutting yourself again!” Katie said loudly. “After everything and you start this shit back up?”
“So what if I am? I have nothing else to help take my pain away.”
Lyla looked at me, and I saw a glimmer of tears in her eyes. “Please don’t hurt yourself…” she whispered.
“I’m sorry…” I whispered back.
Both Hannah and Katie were glaring at me, and I lowered my head in shame.
***
Lyla
I walked away from the table with a heavy heart. Ethan was hurting himself… I was worried that next time he might hit a major vein and bleed to death. It’s quite easy to do. I knew a girl once who cut herself, and she ended up cutting too deep. When they found her she was on the brink of death. They locked her up in the mental hospital.
I didn’t want to go to prom without Ethan, but I couldn’t forgive him yet.
I know I did the same thing. Yes, I kissed Rylan, and yes, I liked it… It didn’t matter. I was too hurt over this whole thing to… dammit, never mind. I didn’t know what the hell I was saying.
Even after I kissed Rylan, it was still Ethan’s fault for not knowing it wasn’t me. The thing is, I knew I kissed Rylan…
Plus, she’s taller than me! I know that I would know if I was kissing someone other than Ethan. I know how his lips are. How they taste of rain and boy. How they are feather soft. How his upper lip is a tiny bit plumper than the bottom.
Boy, did I love that upper lip…
As promised, Katie and Hannah were waiting for me after school in the parking lot. I already told Rylan not to come get me and that I was going shopping with my girlfriends. He happily dropped off an envelope with ten one-hundred dollar bills nestled inside to the schools office sometime during last hour, where I was called from class to come pick up. I couldn’t even believe that he left me that kind of money. I texted him telling him to come take it back, but I was just ignored.
I slid into the back of Katie’s car, while Hannah took the front.
“Okay, we’re going to head to that dress shop downtown. Is that okay, Lyla?” Katie asked, glancing at me in the mirror. I nodded because I knew she could see me with no problem. “After, we’re going to go grab some dinner, if you still wanted to tag along?”
“Okay, sounds great.” I said with a little too much enthusiasm.
Once we pulled up in front of the small shop called Cinderella’s, we all climbed out of the car and headed inside.
The place was filled from top to bottom with gorgeous dresses, shoes, and everything else that would make a girl shout in glee. I wasn’t really in the mood to be shopping, but these girls wouldn’t have taken no for an answer, anyhow. There was nothing I could have said to make them leave me behind.
Hannah and Katie began going through the racks while I hung back, hoping they wouldn’t notice I wasn’t looking for anything. That request was short lived because Hannah started tossing dresses of all different colors and shapes at me, practically begging me to try them on.
I looked at each of them, and found that I didn’t like them at all. They were either too long, too short, skin tight, slutty, trashy, and so on. I told them so, and with a deep breath, I began looking at some long gowns. I knew they wouldn’t leave me be unless I appeared to be looking for something. I kept on a neutral face, and pretended to be seriously searching.
When I got to the back of one of the racks, my breath caught in my throat at the most beautiful dress I’d ever saw. I pulled it out. It was strapless, and was black satin until the mid-waist, which then it turned into frills upon frills of bright pink lace. The back had a pink satin bow, and was laced up like a corset.
It was exquisite.
I held it up in admiration, and looked around for the dressing room. I knew this the one. I knew I would be going to prom in this dress with or without Ethan. I found the size on a yellow tag. It had a one on it. Perfect!
I spotted the dressing room, and walked quickly to it. The sales lady unlocked it and let me inside. I tore off my clothes in a jiffy, and slid the dress on. It was super soft, and it fit perfectly. I turned to look into the mirror, and gasped. It was remarkable.
I was in love with it.
A knock sounded at the door. “Come out, Lyla, we want to see!” Hannah yelled. “We know you snuck off and are in there!”
I took a deep breath, and opened the door. I walked out and heard my friends ooh and ahh over the dress. I blushed because I wasn’t used to being the center of attention.
“It’s perfect! Are you getting that one?” Katie asked, holding a short red dress in her arms. “I’m getting this one.” she said, holding it up. Hannah showed me a dark blue, long gown that she was getting. I knew these dresses would look great on them. They weren’t exactly my taste, but everyone had their style, I guess.
I nodded. “Yes, I love it.” I said, searching for the price tag. When I found it, I learned that the dress cost over four-hundred dollars. I was glad Rylan gave me the money, even though I wanted to choke him for doing so.
I also got some pink flats that had a pink bow on them, so they would match the dress. Those were eighty dollars, and the necklace I picked up was over two-hundred. At least I still had plenty of money left when we went for dinner.
Purple bags in hand, we got back into the car and drove the short distance to a restaurant. When we got our booth, my phone buzzed with a text. I pulled it out and found it was from Ethan.
How’s dress shopping?
Good, but I don’t see why you would want to know.
Remember, we broke up. Please, Lyla, I love you.
I slipped my phone back into my jeans pocket, and didn’t respond. I really didn’t know what to say. I was still hurt over the whole thing, and I just needed time.
Time that he didn’t seem to want to give me. “Ethan?” Katie asked.
“Yup, he wanted to know how shopping was going.”
“I’m not picking sides here, because both of your stories make sense. You just need to figure out what you’re doing. I know Ethan is really hurt over this.” Hannah said. “I hate seeing him like this. I’ve known him forever, and I know he wouldn’t purposely hurt you, Lyla. He really loves you, you can tell just by looking at him. You’re his whole world.”
I sighed. “I know he does. I’m just pissed about him not realizing it was her. I mean, shouldn’t you know what your own girlfriends lips taste like?”
“That’s very true.” Katie said with a nod.