Ethan
I woke up the next morning feeling horrible. Tomorrow night was prom, and I still haven’t gotten anywhere with Lyla. I knew helping Miranda out was a bad idea, but what was I supposed to do, send her out in the cold naked? I’m not that cruel. Even after everything she did, I felt bad for her. Just because she’s so selfish and has so much hatred, something had to of happened to make her this way. No one acted like that without a reason why. Maybe her dad beats her, or maybe her mom is an alcoholic. I didn’t have a clue, and I felt bad because I used to date her.
I felt bad because she didn’t trust me enough to tell me.
The burns from Lyla still hurt like a mother fucker, but what was I to do? I’m surprised she didn’t burn the hair off of my chest. I threw ice at her, but she was in such a violent rampage, I didn’t want her to set my house on fire.
I went into the bathroom and began shaving my face. It was getting pretty scratchy, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. After, I jumped in the shower, and scrubbed my skin until it was raw. I sprayed cologne on myself, and tossed random clothes on.
I went upstairs after I got dressed and ran into my mom. She was sitting at the table, glaring at me. That’s something I haven’t seen my mom do for a couple years. She never glares. She never gets mad.
I went to the fridge and opened it, pulling out the milk and pouring a glass before I asked my mom what was wrong. I took a long sip, and in a second, I drained the glass. I felt really dehydrated all of a sudden.
“Ethan. I want to know why you had two girls in your room last night. I hope you’re not doing some weird threesome stuff. I hope you’re only with one girl at a time.
You know the risks of AIDS and other diseases. I’m your mother; I have to look out for you. I don’t want you doing any weird stuff, okay?
“Mom, Miranda had some trouble so she stopped over, and Lyla came over also. Nothing sexual happened last night. And yes, I know the risks of things like that. Trust me, I’m very careful.”
“I heard some screaming in the basement. I thought you guys were—”
I cut her off. “Nope, the girls just got into an argument over something dumb, nothing to worry over, I promise.” I gave my mom my best not-guilty smile.
Her face softened, and she turned back to whatever she was reading.
I put the milk back into the fridge, and went to the door to put my shoes on. I crouched down to tie them, and then my mom started talking again.
“Prom is tomorrow… Your senior prom, honey. I’m so proud of you. My little boy is growing up so fast.” she said, starting to cry. “Then you will graduate, and you’ll move away and I’ll never see you again.”
I went to her and gave her a big hug. “I’ll always be here, Mom. Even if I am becoming an old man,” I joked.
That made her cry even more. “Then you’re going to have your own kids… and then grandchildren…”
“That isn’t going to happen for a long time.” I said with a chuckle. There was no way in hell I was ready for kids anytime soon. Even if for some reason Lyla wanted a baby right now, I don’t know if I could give her one. I didn’t mean I couldn’t, I work very well in that department, but I didn’t want to.
“I know, sweetie, but you’re my baby and I love you. I still remember the first day of your kindergarten year. You were so small and happy; I loved you with everything in me. Now you’re all grown up, and a man. I’ve never been more proud of you. I remember the day I gave birth to you. You still had a mop of curly hair on top of your head, that hasn’t changed in all these years. You’re such a handsome young man. Oh, and I remember the first time I changed your diaper… You peed all over me! And the first time you said a word—”
“I love you too, and thanks mom. I do have to go though, or I’ll be late for school.” I zipped my coat up, and started to open the door.
“That’s right, I’ll see you later.” she said with a small wave.
My mom really was getting worse for wear. Her mind couldn’t even stay in one place for long before she’s rambling about something else. I think she believes I’m never going to see her when I graduate or something. I almost laughed. She knows I’ll be staying here when I’m in college, because the place I’m going to is only ten minutes away. It isn’t like I’m going to be a lawyer or a doctor. I wanted to take culinary classes and business management. Someday I wanted to open up my own restaurant. I wanted to open one close to the beach, maybe in South Carolina, or, on Staten Island in New York.
Yeah, I liked New York. The only thing about it was that I hated the crowds. But, that would mean I would get more business. I would eventually learn to live with it, heck; I would probably end up enjoying it after a while. I planned on moving when I was done with college. I wanted my own home, and I hoped that Lyla would one day want to move away from Ohio with me, but the way things are going, it doesn’t look like that is going to happen. God, everything is so messed up right now.
I got to the school a little later than normal, but I found my friends still in the lunch room when I arrived.
Lyla was among them, and she was eating and laughing. I felt amazing knowing she was happy.
I planned on going to prom tomorrow with or without Lyla. Maybe I could be really romantic and ask her to dance with me. I planned on requesting some songs for her. Even if I couldn’t get to her, maybe music would.
Music always reached to me in ways other things or people, couldn’t.
I still planned on getting her a corsage. I promised her months ago that I would get her one, and I wasn’t breaking that promise. I never break my promises. I don’t promise anything if I know I won’t be able to fulfill it. It just causes disappointment with both parties.
I came to the table and sat down. I set my things on the floor. Lyla looked at me, and her smile fell slightly.
She looked beautiful today. Her hair was slightly curled, and she had on this really hot sweater that I wanted to rip off. I really wanted to reach over and touch her, but I stopped myself just in time before I did something stupid.
“I hear Lyla punched Miranda last night.” Hannah said, barely controlling her laughter.
“She did.” I said, not really knowing what else to say. I couldn’t tell them about her getting attacked. I just kind of wished Lyla wouldn’t have said anything about it. It was really none of their business about what happened between Miranda and Lyla and me last night.
“So… What was she doing in your room at midnight? Naked?” Katie asked, taking a sip of her juice.
“Nothing, her car ran out of gas, and she asked me for help. Lyla showed up shortly after.” I prayed Lyla didn’t tell them anything else.
“That’s funny, because from what I heard, you gave Miranda Lyla’s clothes.” Katie said, checking out her nails. “Primarily, her bra and underwear.”
“Miranda fell and was wet. I didn’t have a choice; I wasn’t going to let her freeze to death. I’m not a fucking bastard.”
“You technically are a bastard, Ethan. Your dad’s a jackass, and isn’t even around.” Lyla said with a malicious, sardonic smirk.
My heart stopped beating for a second, and then the anger spread through my veins immediately. It was all consuming. I clenched my jaw, and stood up abruptly, snatching my things off the floor in one swift movement.
I glared at Lyla, who still had that damn mocking smile on her face. I’ve never felt such rage toward her, ever. Last night was one thing, but what she just said? She really crossed the line this time.
“You know what, Lyla? You don’t have a damn father either, so you need to shut the fuck up. At least I know who mine is! Your mom is just a fucking whore!” I yelled loudly, causing her to gasp.
I stormed from the room, not looking back
I didn’t even realize that she said that in front of
Katie and Hannah, who think my father passed away three years ago.
I was so angry at him for leaving me and my mom.
He just didn’t want to be with my mom because of her cancer. But, from what Lyla told me, he’d been with her mom for years. They were married. So that means he was cheating on my mom with her mom. God, the whole thing was puzzling. It just pissed me off, actually.
I can’t believe Lyla said that to me, though. She knew how things were, and it was a touchy subject for me. I just can’t believe she would use it against me like that. It wasn’t fair. It was just plain disgraceful and cruel.
I shouldn’t have said what I did either, but she had it coming, and deserved it.
Maybe Lyla has changed, this isn’t the girl I fell in love with. She’s become so hateful, and I didn’t like it at all. I didn’t like hateful people. It’s one thing to think hateful things, but it takes it to a whole new level when they’re spoken out loud. She was being vindictive—if she didn’t wanna change, than she was going to lose me, because I wasn’t going to put up with it anymore.
I went to my first hour class and slumped in my seat. I laid my head on my desk, and turned away from the door. I turned my eyes to the lights on the ceiling, and then squeezed them shut tightly. I really didn’t wanna be here right now. My heart was hurting, and I felt like I was going to snap at anyone at any given moment. Maybe I should just leave and go down to the park and walk or something.
I knew when Lyla came in, but I didn’t acknowledge her. I didn’t want to talk to her right now. I needed to cool off before I had any kind of civilized conversation, or I was going to blow up again, which is something I didn’t want to do. I didn’t like yelling at her, but she said that to tempt me, because she was hurt over the whole thing that happened last night. I never did anything wrong, but she doesn’t wanna believe it, which is fine. She can choose to believe whatever she wants, I don’t care.
That was a lie, I did care.
“Ethan, I’m sorry.” Lyla whispered.
I ignored her, crossing my arms over my chest. It was going to take a lot more than sorry to cover up what she said. Her mocking words still played over and over again through my head. My heart pounded in anger, and in hurt.
I rested my cheek on my hand, and opened up my book, pretending to read. I was so mad all of the words were blending together in one incoherent page.
A little ways through class, my phone buzzed with a text. I snuck it from my pocket, and hid it under the desk. I doubled checked to make sure the teacher wasn’t looking before I read it.
Please, I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have said that, I was just angry. Please don’t hate me.
My anger kind of diminished. I wrote back:
Of course I don’t hate you, but what you said really hurt me, Lyla, :’( it feels like my insides are being gouged out by what you said. Why did you say it?
Because… I don’t know!
I shouldn’t have said what I did either, but whatever. I don’t care.
She didn’t reply back, but I snuck a glance at her, and her lower lip was trembling. She continued writing in her notebook, trying to pretend nothing was wrong. But I knew her. I knew her well enough, and she couldn’t hide her feelings from me.
I went back to my assignment, and didn’t look at Lyla for the rest of the hour. I knew if I did I was going to start feeling all sentimental again.
When I got to the band room for second hour, my mood lightened, and I was happy to be playing music. I was the best trumpet player out of all twenty of us. I was first chair. There were a couple of people who didn’t even need to be in band because they couldn’t even play their instruments. Some people couldn’t even play eighth notes, which was pretty sad. That’s something that’s learned almost right away. All of us have been playing since 4th grade, so that’s nine years at this point.
There was no excuse for why they couldn’t play.
We were practicing for the last concert of the year, and we were playing the music from The Lion King, and other stuff that had to do with movies and TV shows. We had ten pieces all together, and most of them were more than six pages in length. I didn’t mind, I loved the longer pieces of music. I really could get into it, and make everything in my mind disappear.
I checked the white board, and saw the pieces of music that the director wanted to work on today. I got them all out, and I set my pages on my stand for the Jurassic Park theme song. That song always made me sad, I didn’t know why. It kind of sounded like something that would be played at a funeral.
At the end of the class, I emptied my spit valve into the trash can, hearing it splat on impact. It was always amusing to me how much spit could build up after only an hour of playing. When you blow, you don’t even feel the saliva leaving your mouth.
“Ethan, are you ready? We’re gonna blow the audience away.” Mrs. B said. “It’s the last concert of the year, and the last high school concert of your life. Seems a little sad, doesn’t it? Four years went by so fast. I remember when you were a short, small, scared freshman coming through these doors.”
I laughed at her words. I was a scared freshman, and I was short. God, I think I was only over five-foot-tall when I was a freshman. I’m over six foot now. “Definitely, I’m super stoked. I know my mom is. She’s always so happy when she comes to listen to us. And I know, it flew by so fast. I’m going to miss everyone. The band feels like part of my family. It’s going to hurt to say goodbye to them when the time comes. I’ve known most of these people since kindergarten.”
“That’s good, I’m glad. I know how you feel. Every time a class graduates, I miss them fiercely. But, you will always have good memories to replay in your mind anytime you want.” she said with a smile. She patted me on the back, and walked away to go talk to someone else.
I gently put my instrument back into its case and dropped it off in my band locker. I swiveled the lock, and stepped out.
Lunch rolled around an hour later, and I was really uneasy to sit with my friends after my explosion this morning. I knew they all took it hard. They probably thought I was a mean, inconsiderate asshole. I acted like one, because of Lyla. Hannah and Katie should know that, and Lyla sure as hell knew why I said what I did.
I sat down next to Lyla, but she never looked at me. She just picked up her taco and took a small bite. She was watching me out of the corner of her eye while she chewed. It was almost mechanical.
Hannah and Katie glared at me from across the table, and I felt my ears burn with embarrassment. I’m usually so in control of my emotions, I hardly ever yelled, so it must have been a huge shocker to them. I didn’t even yell when someone threw an apple at my head in the eighth grade, even though I wanted to throttle the hell out of the little fucker who did it. That wasn’t a fun day for me.
“Don’t you have something to say, Ethan?” Katie asked, while digging through her bag a little too roughly.
I lowered my head. I had to get this over with, or I would never forgive myself. “I’m sorry for blowing up this morning. But what Lyla said really upset me, and I couldn’t control myself. I won’t do it again. And, Lyla,” I said, turning to her. “I’m sorry for telling you to shut the fuck up and saying that your mom is a whore.”
She turned to me, and I saw the dark marks on her neck from last night. I felt so bad that it happened to her and I wasn’t there. I could tell she tried covering it up with makeup, but I could still clearly see it. “It’s okay, I was a bitch,” she said, turning back to her food without another glance in my direction.
She picked up a piece of shredded lettuce and bit into it. It was such a small gesture, but I knew when Lyla picked at food like that she was stressed out.
My heart clenched tightly knowing that it was because of me. When would I ever stop hurting her? Never?
My stomach rumbled in hunger, reminding me that I haven’t eaten in over twenty-four hours. The hunger pains shot through my stomach, and I cringed, tightening my hold on my thigh. I’ve been so upset the past however long it’s been, and I haven’t been really eating. I think I lost ten pounds, actually.
“Ethan, are you hungry?” Hannah asked, passing me her cheese sticks and marinara sauce.
I held up my hand. “I’ll go get my own. Eat.” I pointed at her, and she slid her tray slowly back.
I stood up and got into the taco bar line. When I reached the buffet, I made myself six huge tacos covered in chicken, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, and sour cream. I carried both of my huge plates back to the table, and sat down.
“Tomorrow is going to be so fun. I can’t wait until we get dressed up for prom.” Hannah said, swooning.
“You’re still both coming to my house, right?” Lyla asked so low I knew she was trying to inconspicuous about it.
Hannah and Katie nodded.
“I need your address again so I can put it into my phones GPS.” Katie said.
Lyla tore off a piece of paper that was sticking out of her notebook, and wrote it down, sliding it across the table.
I picked up a taco, and ate over half of it in one big bite. My mouth tingled. When I swallowed, my stomach stopped hurting almost immediately. I shoved the other half in, and chewed it slowly, relishing in the spiciness of the chicken.
When I swallowed that half, I looked up, and everyone was staring at me like I was some circus freak.
“What?” I asked, gulping down half of my water bottle in one go.
They all raised their eyebrows, and since they decided not to say anything, I grabbed another taco, and ate half of it in one bite, again.
“Um, Ethan?” Katie said.
“Why are you eating like you’re starving?”
My cheeks heated up in embarrassment. “I’m, like, really hungry.”
“When was the last time you ate something?”
Hannah asked.
I was going to lie, but I knew she would be able to tell, so I decided to go with the truth. “A day ago.”
Hannah and Katie nodded. Katie spoke, “Wanna know how we both know?” She didn’t give me time to answer. “Because the last time you started cutting yourself, you never ate, and when you finally did, you ate like a pig.”
I ignored them all, and kept eating.
When lunch was over, Hannah caught up with me. “Hey, Ethan,” she said happily.
I smiled. “Hey.”
“I know you guys are still fighting, but I know you wanted to get Lyla a corsage for tomorrow. I don’t know if she would take it from you, but I could swing by your place on the way to Lyla’s house to pick it up. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I just agreed. I wanted to get out of here as fast as I could. I hated getting stared at like I was an evil, wicked person or something.
I was anything but.
I was probably one of the nicest guys anyone would ever meet.