Chapter 3

The Ability To Flirt:

It Will Define Your Success

Flirting used to be a term that was used to describe giddy little school boys and girls passing notes in class. Perhaps you were one that would flirt with a girl back then, but now, it just seems too daunting of a task. There is little doubt that you have to do it, though.

A flirt is an experience that accomplishes several key things.

1. It shows the other person that you are interested in them.

2. It gives the other person a very small but powerful look at the type of person that you are.

She will either come to you or she will turn and run. The decisive factor in this aspect is just how well you accomplish flirting. Before you become overwhelmed, though, realize that flirting is a process that you can be successful at when you take in our key steps.

Flirting is a process that can be fun, too. Once you learn how to do it, chances are good that you’ll be good at it and it will work for you as a charm virtually every time.

Learning To Flirt: Steps To Success

Flirting is a process. It takes a bit of learning, which we’ll provide you here. Consider these steps for successful flirting on your part. You’ll also be able to recognize easier when others are flirting with you!

Step 1: Learn About The Girl

Because flirting is an individual situation where two very different people must find some parallel to get to know each other, the first step must be to learn all that you can about the girl that you are planning to flirt with.

This means learning different aspects of what makes her happy and what will impress here.

For example, if you are interested in talking to a girl that is very traditional and loves romance, flirting with her may mean flowers or even a sweet poem that you write just for her.

One the other hand, if she’s more of a modernized woman, she may not find this type of treatment entertaining at all. She may find flowers boring. Instead, she may like it if you buy her a drink or even invite her for coffee before work one day.

The only way for you to know what will work for the girl is to learn as much about her as you can. The facts are simple: the more you know, the easier it will be to tailor the type of flirting you do so it will work in your favor.

What facts can you gather about her? What does she enjoy doing? What do you know about her from friends? Do you know about the types of activities she enjoys? If not, you can often gauge a lot about a person through their clothing and the way that they talk and act.

Gather as much information about her as possible.

Step 2: Take It Easy

It’s easy to gather information and stay back from the scene, but remember that you do need to approach her at some point to get to know her. Once you feel like you have gathered the amount of information that you need, you can then develop a method of flirting with her.

Slow and steady is important. Start by just making sure she knows who you are and where you are. You want to make sure that she knows that you are alive. You can do this simply, just by making your presence known in the situation that you are in.

Your goal is to go from the guy she may have seen someplace before to the guy that she has seen around several times.

If you move too quickly here and simply jump at her with all the lines you’ve prepared, you’ll scare her or make her nervous. Instead, you want to come off as a natural part of her life, someone that would blend right in with the way that she’s living her life now.

The best way to get to know her at this point, then, is as simple as saying, “hi.” That’s it, just “hi.” This will let her know that you are there, but that you are just an average guy that’s being polite. Even more so, it may spark her interest in you, too.

A short and sweet conversation is the idea at first. Later, you’ll do more to meet her. Each time that you see her (which you should make a point to seeing her) do the same thing. After doing this several times, you can easily benefit from the current situation.

Now, she even expects you to say hi to her.

Now, she’s waiting for a few seconds that she’ll be able to talk to you.

And, she may even be hoping that you’ll say something more. You remain calm and collected, as if you have many other things going on in your life. Eventually, you’ll start a small conversation with her.

At this point, she’s more relaxed and so are you. You’ll even feel less worried or scared about it.

Step 3: Flirt With Her

Now, it’s time to flirt with her to let her know that you are interested in her.

As you are talking to her, you want to flirt with her in a unique way, perhaps in the way that you have determined is the way that she’ll appreciate it. Flirting with a girl is a great way for her to actually know that you like her or are just interested in learning more about her.

Every woman, and man for that matter, wants to feel important and valued and this is the ideal time to make sure that she knows that.

When flirting with a girl, make sure that she knows that you value her. Give her the feeling that you value her, without actually saying those words. You’ll have to be a bit creative here, especially at first, but soon you’ll learn exactly how easy it can be to enjoy flirting with her or any other girl you want to get to know.

Techniques To Use

Here are some flirting techniques that aren’t too cheesy but that really do work in a number of different situations. Choose those that you know will impress and ignite her curiosity about you.

• Use a bit of humor to get things started, but don’t be rude or otherwise negative in that humor. For example, don’t say, “Did you see that guy with the overalls and the full beer belly?” Instead, say something humorous but positive. Joking about your own behavior is a great way to start. “I thought for sure I was going to make a fool out of myself.” Make her smile, and make her laugh!
• Be sweet. You’ve heard the saying that sugar is a better lure? It works here too. Be sweet to her. Use compliments about the way that she looks; hold open doors, been sweet in the words that you say to her. You can over do this to the point that she will become annoyed with you. That’s not what you want! Small, simple gestures make all of the difference.
• Be her friend, but only a bit. The last thing that you want to do is to ask her for coffee only to spend the next three hours listening to her talk about her boyfriend or her ex. That’s not what you want. Nevertheless, you should be a distant friend, just not her confidant. Of course, being a friend does mean being open to her. If you let the situation progress to where she sees you as a friend instead of as a boyfriend, chances are good that you’ll never pull out of that situation.
• You won’t look like a dork! Many guys refrain from doing what feels natural, such as holding her hand or opening a car door for her for fear that they will look like a dork to her. That’s not anywhere near the case as she’ll be impressed that you thought of her. Don’t feel like you are a dork if you want to make her laugh or you feel the need to say something stupid.

Step 4: The All Important Touch

One of the most important ways to flirt with a girl is to touch her. It is never appropriate to touch her in any seductive way unless you have moved into that part of the relationship (which is no where near this point!) But, a touch doesn’t have to be about sexual urges. But, it is one of the most powerful ways that you can show your interest and spark hers for you, too.

The touch is a very complicated process right? After all, how are you supposed to get your hand to touch her skin? Instincts will kick in for you, we promise. You’ll know that it’s okay to make your move and experience will also help.

How can you touch her? There’s no need to actually have a huge box of popcorn during the movie and to hope that your hands meet. Instead, look for other ways to touch her.

Perhaps a strain of hair has fallen into her face as you have been talking to her. Gently move it to the side so that you can see her face.

Perhaps you want to show her that you would like to get to know her even though you just met her. If her had is on the bar, for example, touch it lightly with your own hand to get her attention. Don’t move it away too fast.

As you walk out of the location, you can easily open a door for her and brush her hand with your own. You can easily take a glass from her hand and touch her skin with your own. Other ways for you to flirt with her through touch include: a pat on the shoulder or her back, a hug goodbye, instead of a kiss, an invitation to thumb wrestle with you!

These things are very simple and that’s the point. You want to motivate her to enjoy being touched by you even in this slight way. This method of flirting is one that will have her begging for more attention from you.

When you touch someone, you are being a very small bit intimate with that person. This intimacy will later grow into an attraction that will bring the two of you together. What’s more it will create a link between the two of you.

Step 5: Know The No’s

There are plenty of situations that qualify as “just don’t do it” situations. By knowing what you should not be doing, you’ll be well on your way to empowering yourself farther without taking steps backward.

Here are some don’ts to know about:

• Don’t be too macho or too arrogant. Don’t assume that you have the right to touch her if she doesn’t enjoy it.
• Don’t touch her in any way that is provocative. If you touch her chest, your backside or her leg, you aren’t talking about getting to know her. You are talking
• about wanting to do more with her. That’s a definite drawback for most girls.
• Don’t call her too often. Once you get her phone number, you don’t want to make yourself look desperate by calling her several times. Call her once, leave her a message. If she doesn’t call you back, call her one more time and invite her to call you for dinner next weekend.
• Don’t over do it in the friend department. As we revealed, this is not where you want to be.
• Don’t say anything that could be insulting to her. You don’t want to say anything negative about her to anyone especially when you are talking to those that know her.
• Don’t lie or make yourself look like more than you are. Even if the agree to see you, once they learn that you aren’t who you say you are, they’ll walk away. They will do this because you lied to them, not because you don’t have what they want. 99 percent of girls are interested in guys that are like them.
• Don’t talk about other girls, ever. Just don’t. And, don’t let her see you looking at another girl across the room. This is an instant way to lose her once and for all.

There seems to be many things that you shouldn’t do. The fact is that you can rule all of these out when you simply act like yourself and be respectful of the girl that you are interested in getting to know. That’s all it takes to flirt with a girl!

When Time Is Short

The perfect girl just walked into the bar you are at. You want to flirt with her to get to know her better. How in the world will you do that when you don’t have time to get to know her first?

Don’t worry; in situations like this, flirting can still be done. Here are some tips to make that happen.

• Make eye contact with her from across the room. Here, you establish that you are there and that she sees you. She also knows you are interested. Hold her eyes until she pulls away.
• For those a bit more confident, they can have the bartender ask her if she would like a drink on you. She may decline, which may mean she’s not interested. If she accepts, make sure to nod her way as if to say “you’re welcome.”
• Walk close to her. Brush against her with your arm, just lightly without doing anything that would upset her.
• Sit next to her at the bar. Start a conversation with the bartender that may interest her too. Perhaps talk about what’s playing on the radio or what’s going on with the news report on the television.
• Smile at her. A woman loves a man that smiles at her. He’s happy, he’s got that twinkle in his eye, and he’s interested in her. Those are enough factors to keep her interested in you.

Although you may not realize it, most women will enjoy this type of interaction even if they have never seen you at all. No matter what situation you are in, these simple things can do wonders to help a girl to know that you are there and that you would like to get to know her.

For some men, it is easier to meet girls in this manner, where they can simply decline a drink and there’s no sham in the process. Yet, it is still important to flirt with her and to develop an opportunity in which you can get to know her a bit better.

In situations where you do have time to meet her, such as situations where you will see her over and over again, many men take for granted that their time to develop a relationship with a woman is unlimited. That’s not the case.

You should only flirt in the long term model we’ve revealed over a span of a couple of weeks or meetings. Anything more than that and she’ll think that you simply want to be a nice guy to her.

Learning to flirt is a must for any guy. When you can flirt, you can draw her in to knowing you.