Chapter 19
It was growing dark and the party was in full swing. Everyone was still dancing, talking, laughing and drinking. And I was tired. It’s only been one night and I’m already, ready to sleep for a whole day!
Nan had been showing me around to all the guests who were staying. They were all nice enough people.
Lots of men I realised.
I felt that this party was only created for Granddad to find me a guy.
Oh God! I bet it was!
I'm going to have to have a word with him. And Nan, his little helper.
But I was having fun. The night sky was beautiful; I could see all the stars, giving us little in the sky. Living in London you never see the stars about of all the city lights and pollution.
The stars were out, there was only a hit of a breeze but I wasn't cold. It could have been all the pimps I drank earlier. Having my beer-coat on always helped on a night out in the cold. But the summer night was perfect; there were no clouds in the sky.
No today, after weeks of threatening, has been great, I've meet new friends, different families and seen my Granddad and Nan for the first time in s long one. The feeling of seeing them again, them being so happy and all three of us re-united. It gives me this bubbling emotion in my belly that makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. I feel so happy and excited that I can't stop smiling.
I'm standing out on the Terrance, music more the jazz band and people talking and laughing behind me. While I’m outside smiling like a crazy person.
Maybe this week won't be the train wreck I was to believe it would be...
But then a thought entered my mind. Alex.
I know he's here and staying of the week. I know my whole family are here. I could only out run them for so all at this party. Even if there was near about hundred guests, we were sure enough going to walk into each other. And that sure enough took the smile straight of my face.
It took the fun and excitement of being at this party that I was enjoying so much.
I was more scared to meet Alex than anyone else. Back then we were only kids but now, as adults, it scares me what he could do it he wanted. I still have nightmares about that party, that night, where he tried to... I can't even say it.
I could remember it all like it had only just happened, like it was so fresh in my mind.
I could remember the feeling of the next morning in my mind as well. When my family disowned me and believed in that snake. Seeing his face in my head, remembering the cocky, smug look he had. He may not have done what he wishes to that night but he still won.
And I had lost.
Hate and hurt bubbled up inside me. I have never truly hated someone before. Like my Mum and Dad, I never hated them, just disliked them for pushing me out my whole life. But I always tried to see the best in people. Try to see it from their mind and see that they just don't know the whole story about that night and if only they would listen...
But I'm lying to myself; my Dad was just waiting for a reason to get me out of the house. Because I never followed his rules and did what he wishes for me to do. To him I wasn't his daughter, not anymore.
Ties where coming down my cheek.
Why was I crying?
Come on, I need to be stronger if I’m going to last throughout the week. I took a large breath in, rising and lowering my shoulders. That’s it I just need to keep calm.
Everything will be fine, I thought to myself.
“Leah” a strong voice came from be hide me, making my whole back turn to ice and my heart started to race.
I got that bubbling feeling in my belly again but this was different, it was filled with desire, lust, excited, fare and love.
I didn't turn around or speak straight away. I was too bust wiping the tires off my cheek.
“What’s wrong?” he asked moving to stand right be hide me. I could feel the heat coming of his body, on to my back.
I couldn't help want happened next. It was like his heat was pulling me in, so I let my back into his chest. My arms were at the side of my body and so where his. I could feel him taking in a large breath, saying shocked with my actions. I was shocked but I couldn't move from this spot. He was like a drug to be, I couldn't get enough of him, even if it made me do stupid things.
I lent the back of my head into his chest and closed my eyes. By just standing here, he suddenly took the nightmares away.
He moved his hands so they were rubbing up and down my arms. I like I was on fire, just by the touch of his hand. My arms weren't even bear but it felt like he was banding me with his hands.
I had to move away before I took my new addiction farther.
“I'm sorry” I said pulling away from his chest. “I'm fine now, thanks” I said turning to face him. It was the once time I look at his face at this moment and he looked, even more hot than before.
How was that possible?
“What happened?” he asked. He looked really at me with a straight serious face. “Did someone hurt you?” he asked angrily.
“No! No. It’s just me, I’m being silly. Overly emotional I guest” I said giving a nervous laugh.
“Did you want be to get your Grandfather?” he asked
“No, please don't tell him you saw me like this. He'll never leave me alone if he own' I said. It was true, I loved my Granddad back he wouldn't let me out of his sight if he truly knew how scared I was.
Chris gave a little smile and then moved closer again to me; he took my hands in his and was rubbing them softly with his own. My breathing was uneven, I thought I was going to faint.
“Lea, I know this is hard for you. I know, I feel do but you have to see that you have nothing to fear. You've shown them, you showed them that you can make it on your own, without their help. I know you won't be happy about this but your grandfather did tell me everything remember. I know what happened to make your family disown you. I want you to know that I won't let anything hurt you. Ever again, do you understand” he said looking straight into by eyes, into my soul.
I felt like someone had looked at me, really looked at me for the first time in my life. To him, I felt like the only girl in the world...
But I wasn't and never will be.
He had Jessica and hundreds of other women around him that were a thousand times better than me.
“Why do you care?” I said looking at the floor. I didn't want to sound rude but I really wanted to know. Why did he care about what happens to me why?
“I care Lea. I a lot” his eyes looked greener than I'd ever seen them. My heart was beating so hard, I thought it was going to jump out of my chest.
He means he cares as an employer, as by boss right? Or as a friend. Not 'cared' in the way my heart was thinking. Not caring in the romantic way I cared for him.
I would do anything for him. My problem was I cared too much and if I kept on by showing how much, he would run.
I can't loss him. I would rough live my life with him, than without him. As long as I was working for him that’s how it would be and I was fine with that.
People came on to the Terrence laughing and drinking and I jumped away from Chris.
“I better go” I said walking past Chris. I needed to get away from him.
Something had changed.
I don’t know if it was this place or meeting his family and seeing how great he was with this nieces and nephews. Or maybe it was the jealousy of seeing him with Jess that took me over the edge. Whatever it was, I was finding it so hard not showing my feeling to him. All the time I've worked with him and it’s been fine but knows seeing him outside of work I've meet a new Christian Howard.
The first one I met was powerful and strong, handsome and perfect. Smart and hardworking, who was kind and caring to his staff and to me. Generous and honest to everyone he meets. He didn't play games to get what he wanted; he just got them without having to play.
The new Christian Howard I met today was the same to all the above and more. So much more. He was loveable and sweet, he was a man who loved his family and a man’s whose family loved him.
I had to great away from this man before I embarrass myself by showing how much I love him.
I walked past him but he graded my hand. I stood still out of shock for a moment or two and then looked up at him.
“Take a walk with me. I need to talk to you” He said in his deep powerful voice, a nun couldn't say no to.
“Okay” I said as he gently pulled me with him down the steps and into the gardens. My heart and head were fighting with each other. I was losing control of my senesces.
All along the garden were fairy lights it looked like a magic wonderland.
“What did you want to talk about?” I managed to say.
________________________
Right what did I want to talk about?
I couldn't remember why I brought her down here. I just didn't what her to go. I wanted to make sure she was safe. But now she wasn't safe. She was alone with me.
God what’s wrong with me. I'm thirty-one years old; I’ve been with more women that I care to remember. Why is this one girl driving me crazy?
She’s not even doing anything either. She only needs to look my way and my blood starts to bowl.
Earlier when I saw her crying... it was my undoing. I didn't care anymore about staying to stay away from her. She was hurt and I needed to take her in my hands and keep her safe.
But I kept calm.
Until she was so close to me. Her back laying agents my chest, I thought I was going to lose control and take her right there on the Terrence where anyone could have seen.
She smelled so good; it was like coconuts and honey. I wanted to eat her all up.
All day I’ve been watching her with her Nan, making the rounds. Every time the men in the room touch her and kissed her so the cheek I stab on jealousy run over me. I never got jealous over women before, I never cared enough to be, until now.
When she was leaning her head on my chest I wanted this girl all to myself but I could be so selfish. God Ben was right; I can't share not Lea anyway. But she wasn't mine to have in the first place.
When she pulled away I felt cold all over my body and want to pull her back. But she looked so fragile.
That’s when I finally told myself that I would never able to have Lea. She was too fragile. I would hurt her, I know I would. I'd break my heart without meaning to and by the look of her I don't think she could take it. She needed someone to be strong for her.
I bet she’s been fighting so long, after her family disowned her, she needed a rest, needed someone to help her.
If I couldn't have Lea in my bed, then at least I could be her friend and protect her. She needed a man in her life and I'd be that man until she finds someone who won't break her heart.
But if they did I won't only break their legs, I’d send their whole world down.
We were walking along the garden when I stopped and turned to Lea.
“Lea I want...” what did I want? I thought “I want us to be good friends”
“Right... I thought we were friends” she laughed.
'Yes we are. But I wish...” for more “I wish for us to not just be as whom work together. I want you to don't think of me as your boss. Don't worry want you stay or do in front of me ok. I like you and I think that this week will give us time to really get to know each other” I said
“But what when we go back into the office. Won't it make things weird when you want to tell me off or whatever, when we are friends” she asked
“I don't think so, just don't give me reason to firer you than we will be fine” I said which made her laugh.
“Ok I’ll try”
“Good so know more Mr Howard or Sir. Are we understood?” I said pulling my hand followed for her to shake on it. Which she gladly did with a smile on her face.
“Friends” she said slowly
Yer Friends, I could do that. Be her friend, her boyfriend... I mean her friend who’s a guy.
This is gonna be hard.