Chapter 11- It’s all about Uncertainties
We know the world is dynamic and so is life, it keeps on changing and evolving with varied circumstances, people and places. Since the day I became a friend with Lieutenant Rishab Singh Rathore my life too evolved in a positive direction. Love is not just about having romantic, passionate memories; it includes a sweet touch of friendship, understanding, care and compatibility.
At times all it takes to change the complete scenario is one awful Saturday evening. Rishi partied hard and he was drunk but this was not something new, he drinks a lot on weekends and then he talks all his stuff, on Sundays he usually have those bad hangover time and of course gets reprimanded badly by me. He regrets it, why the hell I was so drunk and I love it for I get a reason to pull his leg. This weird Saturday made me regret for the first time, why he was drunk.
Like every normal Saturday he called me, I picked the phone. The initial talks were as funny as always but suddenly he said.
“I Love you, but I can’t marry you because I want to see you happy.”
I was giggling on his insanity, thinking that he is out of his mind, I just ignored it.
“You know Priya, I never lie to you when I am drunk. I love you more than my life; in fact you are my life. Just because I love you I can’t be selfish and ruin your life.”
Such over melodramatic lines made me a bit anxious. I wanted to listen more. I allowed him to open his heart to me.
Baby, when you complaint to me, I feel bad. I feel upset when I can’t provide you the time and the care you deserve. You have a lot of emotional needs, I am an emotionless man. I am strong, I don’t have time for emotions and my needs are not as sentimental as yours.
What do you mean by all this emotional-emotional stuff? Are you trying to say that you don’t have any feelings for me? I seriously got furious.
I do have feelings for you but my profession doesn’t allow me to be with you when you badly need me. It hurts me when you cry alone. May be you deserve a better guy who can stand with you, when you need him around you.
He sounded so practical, he was advising me to move on and look for a new guy.
Are you mad or what? How could you say all that rubbish? Army men do have a wife, a family and they are normal like every one of us. Why are you trying to make things so complicated? I argued intensely.
Because: I love you. He screamed.
Why don’t you get it psycho? I want to see you happy. You will be happier, less complaining with a guy who can afford time for you. The one: who stays with you.
The professional success of a guy hardly matters when it comes to the personal relationship. My medals are meaningless for you if I can’t be a responsible husband.
O….wow…captain…!!! you are so brainy, The guy who loves me the most denies to be with me and you expect a guy who rarely knows me will love me and care for me than my own beloved and top of that I will be happy with him. That’s so logical. You have taken all the decisions.
I have seen you from past 4 years; you have been adjusting, compromising, sacrificing and crying. I don’t want to give you this pain for life long.
Who are you to decide and set the parameters for my happiness? This is my life and I have the right and responsibility to make my choices. I yelled.
Shut up and sleep! I am not talking to you anymore. Good night Rishi, you need rest.
Look girl. I can’t marry you; I will marry the girl chosen by my parents and family. No love marriage that’s for sure and its final.
Okay then enjoy the break up. Good night. I banged my phone.
I was blank and I was badly hurt. I couldn’t sleep the entire night wondering what’s wrong with him. Why he behaved so strangely?
Has he found someone better than me? Was he doing time pass with me? May be he was just kidding. I was waiting for the next morning; I wanted to talk with the conscious version of Captain Rishab Singh Rathore. This guy is crazy, I am so angry. I feel like murdering his mother.
Good morning.
A text message came from his side and I was all set for a battle.
I called him.
Hi…so I hope the hangover is over, can we come back to reality and have a serious discussion.
Woo...Oh. Lady you sound dangerous, firing on me like a dragon. Is everything ok? Why are you blasting in the morning? He said it innocently.
You were drunk last night and may be you were drunk heavily; so let me remind you- you denied spending your life with me last night. You said neither you love me nor you want to marry me. I said it all without taking a breath.
You are lying because drunkards don’t lie and I love you, I can never say that I don’t. He judged it correctly.
Ok, you only taught me that drunkards don’t lie and this is truth that you denied to marry me last night. I explained.
I was drunk, just ignore it honey. New morning, new beginning let’s have a fresh loving start.
Stop fooling me. Just be honest. What do you think about me, about us? What is your intention? Are you serious about me, I need clarification.
What sort of scrutiny is this Priya? Is this a civil court? Why you keep nagging all the time? Why can’t you just relishing and live in present? He launched his missiles of questions on me.
You can’t avoid my questions by throwing questions on me. We need to make a mutual decision. Some sort of understanding. Boy, I beg; please be honest and explain it clearly. What you want?
Priya. Love is not all about marriage and marriage is not end of world.
Yes… Rishi. Love is all about temporary flirting and time passing. It’s all about playing with someone’s heart. Is it so? I accused him.
I never played with you. I always valued you.
Valued me? Valued me by saying I love you but I can’t marry you? Am I Prostituting?
Keep your cheap mind shut. Behave yourself girl. He was angry.
If we can’t have a future together I am breaking up with you.
“Trust me, I don’t trust you anymore”.
These words changed our relationship status from committed to complicated. Of course we have relished those fragrant bunches of kiss, hug and intimacy since long and experienced the divinity of being two body one soul. Now, every dream was shattered. It merely looked like I was befooling myself. He didn’t love me rather he never loved me. How easily he said, find a new guy. He didn’t bother about my emotions at all.
Tears, tears and tears all around, I didn’t receive a single message I waited all day long.
After two days I received a text.
“I am going to Ladakh.”