CHAPTER 31
Outside the atmosphere isn't the one to call bliss. The darkness is here, and so is the light. My heart is heavy. A little sigh escapes my sullen lips as I move my gaze around, getting acquainted with the chilly breeze enveloping my skin. The palm trees are dancing gracefully, forcing a smile amid the sorrow, and I decide to join the calm swimming pool.
I slowly take off the robe, without any frenzy, just calmly and smoothly. Again, the coldness wraps my skin, but my body refuses to succumb to its charm. Could it be I'm burning inside? I just smile, heading myself towards the pool entrance. I take the stairs in similar pace, slowly, getting intimate with the coldness against my feet. I love it.
My body sinks unhurriedly into the depth, and I feel resurrected. I start propelling like a dolphin. Tears begin cascading down, yet again, making me speed my swimming pace to the pool end, where I flip back in the same manner. I just cry in the water, for it's easier to even fool myself that I'm okay while I'm not. The water washes my tears as quickly as they come.
I can no longer take this feeling. I love him, I really do, and losing him terrifies me now. What should I do, Dear God? I break into heavy cries while taking a breath, floating. Why did I agree to leave Los Angeles in a first place? Why did I have to meet Liam only to lose him? My heart tightens.
Feeling too weak, I lie flat on the water, facing the dangling stars that mock me in a dazzle. If someone appears right now may think I'm a dead body. Well, I won't be surprised if I'm dead, it'll be much better. Have I reached this point, really? Is love the reason for my insanity?
“No, Kira Jones,” I breathe.
"Kira!" I suddenly hear a sharp voice screaming in horror.
I roll my head quickly, and my body loses its balance. I sink partially, watching a familiar body charges my way at the speed of the light. Woah! I don't even have time to react, as a pair of strong hands grabs me in what seems like a rescue.
"Malik?" I utter slightly, breathless, and realize he's gravely worried as he pants vigorously with relief upon meeting my safely looking face that's between his big palms.
I’m stunned.
"Are you okay?" he questions, and I smile, bobbing my head. He's all wet, and we're floating in the middle of the pool like a scene from the movie.
Titanic? My subconscious appears unbidden.
"Of course I'm fine." I laugh. Malik pulls me to his side for a very tight bear embrace.
It takes me by surprise at first, but I end up clinging onto his neck, to reassure him that I'm perfectly okay.
We're both drenched but I can still feel the warmth of his body that strangely reassures me that everything is really okay.
I hold him a little longer than necessary, and I feel like only he understands my pain, as he doesn't let go, and allows me to grieve my sorrow.
"I was so scared," he says in a whisper, without letting go of my body. "I thought you—“ He stammers, looking flustered.
"I drowned myself?" I tease between my tears, and he immediately pulls back.
"Don't say that, pleas.” He sounds apprehensive, his face blanched. I shoot an amused eyebrow at him, smiling gratefully. He slowly wipes my hidden tears with the tips of his thumbs.
The look of his eyes is so intense and hypnotizing, but I immediately tug into a safe distance.
"I'm stronger than a bull, my prince, but thanks for being such a knight."
Now he smiles and looks quite handsome. "You have no idea what I felt." He sighs ruefully, his face hardening mindful. I pinch his nose. "What kind of swimming is that?" He grimaces.
"Snap out of it, mister! Let's get out of here," I urge with a lighted laughter.
We get out of the pool and I quickly dry myself. As the adrenaline withers Malik’s gaze rests on my bikinied-body. Our eyes collide and he instantly averts his. Oh boy! Turning the night into a beach day is not a clever decision, is it? He probably has a lot to ask.
"I'll be back in a second, wait for me," he says and rushes inside the house.
I stay puzzled for a while, staring at the Miami night sky. It's not as starry as the Montana sky but it momentarily helps me to drift away. It makes me wonder how it feels like to be up above, where I can see everything before me, and able to fly high.
"I hope you can see me," I say in a whisper. I can't help thinking of my parents.
I miss them.
It usually happens when I'm too overwhelmed. I wish they could show me a way so that I won't get hurt in the end than I already am.
Malik returns and he's already changed. "I think you've had enough, Professor. Let's get back inside,” he says gently, yanking my shoulders. I smile indulgently as we walk in. “You're so crazy about water, aren't you?" He glances down at me.
"Mmm. It’s magical," I murmur, and he shakes his head to the sides, amused.
I’m lucky to have his friendship.
"Okay, Professor," he says with a deep sigh. "It may be summer but the night at the beach doesn't justify the shit; you may catch cold,” he admonishes.
I notice he's not as cheerful as he was a while ago.
"Are you okay?" I ask, gazing worriedly at him.
He smiles, but it’s a sad smile. "I am, Professor. Let's go in." He removes his one hand that's been dug inside the pockets of his sweatpants and pushes the door.
Inside the house feels warm.
"How did you know I was here?" I no longer tolerate the curiosity.
"From the very start," Malik prompts pensively as she shuts the door. "I heard some noises while in the kitchen so I came to check, and there . . . you were heading outside." He smiles playfully; his eyes regain the usual gleam.
"And what were you doing in the kitchen?"
"Having a late-night snack?" He grins. "I mean a glass of whisky." He now wriggles his eyebrows, and that's the Malik I know.
I finally smile. "Maybe I could use one shot myself, or double," I blurt out and I'm damn serious.
I want to get wasted.
"I think a tea or coffee will be best for you," Malik suggestively says, "so as to warm your body."
Before I sit down on a kitchen barstool, Malik takes off his oversized cardigan and wraps it on my shoulders. He's wearing a white singlet inside so no harm done for the sake of my broken heart, and he's such a darling.
"Thanks," I utter.
I’m back to my trance as Malik makes me a cup of spicy tea, claiming it works best for cold. I don’t argue. I'm not a tea person but I like the flavor of spices and their enriched aroma. I think it's from India.
"Now tell me, what's really going on with you?" He suddenly changes attitude, from the sweet prince charming into an overly meticulous butler.
"I don't understand, nothing is going on with me," I lie, staring innocently at him.
"Well, your eyes suggest otherwise." He plays with the glass of his ember liquid.
"Because I've been swimming for an hour, maybe?" I shrug elusively.
"No, you were crying," Malik rebukes. "It's about Liam, isn't it? I thought you were having fun earlier at the beach, what went wrong?" Now he looks at me in the eyes, incessant.
Everything went wrong.
The tea gets ready after a ping from the kettle. He pours me a cup, and refills his glass of whisky. Smiling gratefully, I take a sip of my delicious tea with a million thoughts in my head, while mustering the courage to answer his pending question.
"I'm thinking of leaving," I utter in a low voice, staring at my cup. "Maybe tomorrow . . . or the day after." I raise my gaze at him, and he looks shocked.
"You're leaving? Back to L.A? Why?” he snaps, and I hold my breath. He takes a deep sigh. “Don't tell me you're running away! I thought you're braver than that, Professor." He sounds thwarted.
"Yeah, I am running away," I admit, and a soft sigh escapes my lungs. "I'm such a big coward, right?" I scoff at my own demise.
Malik stays taciturn for a while, gulping his drink in one swig. I take a sip of my tea and then stare at him, hopeful.
"Well," he starts. Obviously he seems to be having a difficult moment as he even pours himself another round of whiskey. Oh no! I feel like so source of all troubles. "Look, Kira, don't you like Liam?" he suddenly inquires, his voice utterly calm.
"I love him," I say recklessly, but there’s no lie in it.
Malik looks startled that he actually winces back. "That's deeper than I thought. Well then, what's getting in your way? Because I'm sure my beloved brother has got himself caught in you. He is totally, stupidly smitten by you.” He grins.
"What?" I find the strength to finally laugh heartily.
"Trust me, Kira . . . I know Liam better.” He sounds earnest despite the small smile tugged in his lips, and I keep listening; I'd love to hear more. "He may act all cold and inflexible in the outside, but he's really a hopeless romantic."
"My cowboy?" I blurt out, and he laughs at the name.
"Yes, your cowboy," he muses. "If we were in a different era he'd probably write you a countless love letters and poems just to express his feelings for you," he says, and we both laugh. "My point is, don't let this chance slip away, Professor. Not everyone is as lucky enough to love and to be loved back in return, at the same."
He sounds sad for some unfathomable reasons, and I hate seeing him sad.
I take a heavy, audible sigh, meditating his words. "I understand, Malik. But the thing is—“
"I know you're caught between him and Samantha,” Malik interrupts. “But do you think she likes him as much as you do?" he asks and I don’t know the answer. He sits straight. "I mean, if your friend really likes him as she claims, then why hasn't she done anything to win him over?"
Well . . . I don’t know.
"Maybe she's scared?" I return. He creases his eyebrows with a speculative look. Another sigh leaves my lungs. "Oh, I don't know, Malik.” I drink the tea.
I've already thought of too many possibilities and they all drive me insane. Deep down I know Malik has a point. Why isn't Sam doing anything about it? She's not the type to keep her feelings to herself from what I know.
Well, not in this case, maybe? She says she's never liked any other guy as the way she likes Liam.
"I'm not an expert on the subject, Professor, but I can come up with two possibilities," Malik continues. "Either she doesn't like Liam as much as she thinks, or maybe her pride is bigger than the Pacific which proves she really doesn't like him as much."
Hmm, I don’t know. I can't make anything out of this mess. But one thing is for sure; I need to go back home, and I've already decided. A very long silence keeps us company and my head seems to be clogged. I take the last sip of tea and decide to break the silence.
"Aren't you asleep yet?" I ask Malik.
"No, and I don't understand why." His lips curl into a cheesy smile. I can feel some naughty idea coming my way. "I know what we can do to utilize this time,” he says.
"What?" I smile.
"Tom and Jerry." He grins.
"Seriously?" I have to make sure.
"Seriously," he quips. "I always do it when I feel down."
"But you're not feeling down, are you?"
"You are," he returns, and I can't help but smile gratefully.
For once I wonder how things would've been if I fell in love with Malik instead. I know better that he's only nice to me with no feelings attached, but I do feel so comfortable around him, and he never fails to bring back my smile whenever things go wrong.
Well, who knows, perhaps there'd be another mishap either way. No love story is a bed of roses and hearts only. Maybe he has a girlfriend, right? I smile to myself as we stare at each other. For sure things would have been less complicated, I still believe.
"You're right, let's hit the boomerang," I say with great enthusiasm. I can’t wait to revisit my childhood.
I'm one of those few adults who love cartoons, and I'm glad to find an ally.
"You're also a fan, huh?" Malik brags as we advance to the living room.
“I am.” My smile widens.
We completely forget about the time and get swallowed with the cat and mouse tales while cuddling with the comfy sofa. I forget my problems, at least for now. Life must go on.