EAST BOUND
I just wanted to get the hell out of the area, many miles away due east. As soon as I entered the junction I took notice of a dozen cargo trains. I had to find one that was heading east.
I decided a new approach, direct. An elderly man in light green-coloured overalls was the closest train worker to me. The sun was beating down on the area making it that much more urgent to go indoors.
“Sir, excuse me. How are you doing?”
“Huh, nobody ever asks the train conductor how he’s doing. But I’ll answer your question since you asked it.
I’m doing just fine. In my 70 years of experience living on this pathetic planet there’s one thing I discovered, if a stranger asks you me how I’m doing, I must be careful, especially if he or she is a cat, no offense intended. This person more than likely wants something from me. Exactly what do you want from me?”
“Sir, I’m too tired and anxious to give you a run-around, I’ll give you a straightforward answer. (I pulled out a couple of 50 dollar bills from my pocket then made the conductor a sweet offer) sir, I’m going due east and I don’t want any trouble with you or your superiors. Also, I don’t want to end up rooming with a filthy, stinking, drunkard wino. I want a private train cart with the basic amenities and I’m in a big hurry to leave. Do we have a deal?”
“Kitty, you’re very lucky, because today is my last day working for Canada Railroad Inc. I went 5 years over the 65 year-old retirement age because I wanted to make a little extra money. I’ve been working as a train conductor for over 50 years now. My pay totally stinks and I’m always lonely when operating a train.
I want the 100 dollars! And this’ll be between you and me. I don’t want Revenue Canada getting its canines or claws on my beloved money. As far as I’m concerned Canada owes me a lot more than the 100 dollars that you’re going to give me.
As for heading east, look over there, cart number 500100-A. Go there, that train’s going due east as far as eastern Quebec. Here, take this piece of paper. It contains the list of towns and cities it’ll stop in. Put it in your shoulder bag. And above all else, you and I have never met.”
“Thanks sir, but I can’t understand how you just happened to have this particular piece of paper on your person.”
“Kitty, my replacement is going to be conducting that train. If I hadn’t been retiring I would’ve taken you to your destination in person.”
“Oh, thanks a million sir, and umm, when’s it leaving?”
The conductor pointed his finger at the train. I redirected my gaze onto it, immediately noticing that it was starting to move. I handed the conductor the money, grinned at him and then said goodbye. Without a moment’s delay I sprinted to the train zooming in on my particular cart and then leaping into it, and I must say in the nick of time.
Upon landing into the train cart I studied the area well.
There were piles of boxes stacked on the right side. The center and left side of the interior of the cart was empty. I could smell food and I saw boxes of bottled water within the stacks.
I felt an awe of respect for the conductor, he was a man of his word and thank goodness for that.
I craned my neck and then sniffed the air making sure that there were no other persons in the cart. I didn’t want to take any chances whatsoever. Thankfully, I only detected the faint scent of animals that were previously in the cart.
Noticing that the train was gradually picking up speed I walked to the sliding door, and then closed it. Believe me it wasn’t an easy task. I had to use every single muscle in my body to do the job. That was good for me because I didn’t want anyone to board my cart while I was resting or sleeping.
Soon after, I began to feel claustrophobic, thereby feeling a strong urge to alleviate my discomfort. I walked to the sliding door and then opened it several inches. That was enough. I could feel a slight breeze entering into the train cart.
I walked to the boxes and then sat down leaning on one particularly large box. I closed my eyes for a short while and then opened them for a short while alternating this behaviour pattern on and off for the following several hours. I had to be patient. It was a long trip.
When it was time to eat I sniffed and searched through the boxes looking for something tasty and wholesome. I opted for 3 cans of salmon, crackers, fruit salad, and then grabbed a bottle of water. I enjoyed my meal in the privacy of the train cart. To tell you the truth it was the first time that I’d ever had a meal in real peace and quiet. The real world’s full of good, neutral, and hostile stimuli, but hardly any real peace and quiet. But in the train cart I had none of those stimuli to deal with, only calmness and tranquility.
I spent the following 2 days eating drinking and sleeping, spacing out, and waiting attentively to arrive at my determined destination. The train stopped every few hours. This was the most dangerous time for me because my train cart was opened on 3 separate occasions. I understood why, the Canada Railroad employees were performing random checks. It was understandable, considering that free loaders are often a problem. Not me though, I didn’t urinate or defecate inside the train cart. What I did was shove my butt into the small opening of the train cart door. Everything came out just right however, I think some of my fecal matter and urine may have splashed back into the train. It really didn’t pose a problem because everything already dried up by the time the train stopped.
Thank goodness, I finally heard that beautiful word, a Canada Railroad worker said ‘Montreal’. I opened the train cart door, sniffed the air and then studied the area carefully. The coast was clear. I leaped onto the ground and then slithered and searched my way to an exit.
I found my exit after 10 minutes of hard work. It was roughly 100 yards away and there was a large 2-way street just beyond it. Vehicles were travelling in both directions. Figuring this, I decided to hitch a ride off a motorist. I was so far away from western Canada no one would ever suspect that I was wanted for several horrible crimes.
I walked to the exit but stayed low too. I wasn’t taking any chances. I did this for 50 or so yards then felt confident that there was no danger in sight. I was wrong though, because someone began to shout at me.
“Hey you, what the hell are you doing here! You don’t belong here! Stop or I’ll call the police!”
Whoever this person was, he had a very rugged voice. I didn’t even turn back to see who it was. I ran like crazy beyond the border of the Canada Railroad junction and then onto the shoulder of the street.
I shifted my position right, and then ran like crazy not stopping until I was far enough away to feel safe. The shouting man, whoever he was could no longer see me. I was now behind a small rocky mountain. This being the case I crossed the street and then hitched a ride in the opposite direction. Just in case the shouting man had called the police. He last saw me heading in one direction, now I intended to head in the opposite direction.
I stood on the shoulder of the street, desperate for a ride. One vehicle after another passed me. It seemed that no one cared about me. I had to change tactics. I got up on my hind legs like a grizzly bear and then began to roar and hiss.
At first, vehicles began to honk as they passed me, but then they started to slow down and give me a thumbs-up. Finally, a young woman roughly 20 years-old parked her gray-coloured Ford beside me.
“Honey, do you want a ride?”
“It depends on where you’re going. I’m going to Montreal or anywhere in the greater metropolitan area therein. Are you heading in that direction?”
“Honey, yes I certainly am! Come on in!”
I approached the Ford with extreme caution. I didn’t know this young woman, perhaps she was a hard-line cat hater. Maybe, she had pepper spray in her hidden arm, or worse yet something quite noxious or poisonous.
I sniffed the air intently as I was approaching the Ford. Nothing dangerous appeared to be in the air. With no other viable alternatives I decided to take a chance. But I did place myself on yellow alert just in case. My claws were extended and my canines were ready to bite deeply into human flesh if needed.
As soon as I leaped into the Ford I was met with a handshake. Still yet, I wasn’t sure what the young woman’s intent was. Perhaps she wanted to squeeze my paw really hard. Or maybe, she wanted to neutralize one of my forelegs. Regarding her physical appearance she was a total knockout. She had beautiful shiny jet black hair, shiny blue eyes, milk white skin, and freckles scattered throughout her body especially on her face. And she was quite tall too I mean for a woman, perhaps 6 feet and had the build of a super athlete.
“Hi honey, how are you doing?”
“Umm, Miss, I’m just fine thank you. Are you an undergraduate student?”
“Yes honey, I’m a psychology student at Concordia
University. Have you ever heard of my school?
“Yes, I’ve heard of it. And, umm, from what I know you have 2 campuses, the main one is in the hub of downtown Montreal, right? The other campus is west of it.
“Yes, honey, you know your stuff. And umm, I’m a fourth year undergraduate student too. When I graduate I’m continuing my education, maybe at McGill University or The University of British Columbia. I’m not ending my schooling until I get my doctoral degree. I want to be a clinical psychologist like my mother and father.”
“Miss, where in Montreal are you from?”
“Honey, I’m from Montreal North, I’m Italian. Have you ever spoken to an Italian Canadian before?”
I almost said ‘duh’. Thankfully, I cupped my mouth with my paw just in time. And this girl wanted to be a clinical psychologist. Was she that naive and stupid or was she just trying to be funny?
“Honey, I’m only teasing. Of course you’ve spoken to someone from my ethnic group before. Canada is made up of numerous cultures and traditions, it’s a multi-cultural society.
Oh my dear, honey, I forgot to formally introduce myself. My name is Sandra Cantaloupe. It sounds different in Italian though. Honey, I opened up to you. Now you must tell me what your name is and where you’re from.”
“Hey, move your fat ass bitch!” shouted a motorist behind us.
“I’m not a bitch! All right, I’m talking to my friend, okay!”
Apparently, Sandra and I completely forgot about traffic. An aggressive driver had enough of Sandra’s stationary vehicle blocking the street.
“Sandra, I think it’s time for you to resume driving.”
Sandra shifted into DRIVE then off we were. But there was something different about her demenour now. She had an expression of rage on her face. More so, she slowed down and then waved on the belligerent motorist to pass her. Maybe Sandra was trying to be nice. But I wasn’t going to put up with him.
As soon as the motorist was parallel to us he reached down into his pants. Well, I knew quite well what he was intending to,do. Not wanting Sandra to totally freak out I stood on my hind legs and then yelled out a very menacing roar. Instantly, them motorist went into shock causing his blue Chevy Pickup to dive into a ditch.
Sandra and I knew that we couldn’t go back to help the motorist. If we had the police would literally crucify us. More so, I was a cat on the run.
Sandra continued driving, stopping once to fill up her car and to purchase a couple of 1 litre cartons of 2 percent milk. We guzzled our milk cartons, and then Sandra resumed driving.
“Honey you haven’t told me your name yet. And by the way, don’t try to lie to me. I’ve read a lot of psychology books, and I’m an ace in the program. I can tell if someone’s lying to me. I don’t like it when people lie to me. My parents used to shove pasted red pepper into my mouth whenever I lied to them. Now, you don’t want me to do that to you, right ... I’m only teasing.”
I had to go into psycho mode. I had to behave like I was mentally disturbed like Sandra. Otherwise, something really terrible and ominous would likely happen. The fact that Sandra floored the gas pedal wasn’t helping any.
“Oh Sandra, I love you so much! I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the whole world. I think you and I will make a good pair.
As for that bothersome motorist, please, don’t think about him. We were in the right. He came to us for some trouble, not the other way around. Sandra, there were no witnesses; please don’t be afraid.
Sandra, why don’t you just slow down, okay? I know you’re the best and safest driver in the whole world, but I’m a cat. Cats don’t like to be in speeding vehicles.
I’m looking forward to us being best friends in the whole world. I’d like to be your roommate. Are you living in an apartment or in the dorms?”
My words had a soothing effect on Sandra. She slowed down her vehicle to normal speed.
“I live in an apartment located within the McGill Ghetto.” “Huh, you’re poor?”
“No honey, that’s what they call the area near and around McGill University; I’m referring primarily to the residences.”
Now tell me your name, please.”
“Umm, my name is ... umm, Tommy Baker.”
“I’m feeling some creepy vibes here. Are you sure your name is Tommy Baker?”
“Sandra, my name is Tommy Baker, really. And as for your vibes, umm, maybe it’s because you’ve never had a cat in your car before.”
“Oh my dear, Tommy, I think you’re onto something. You are the first cat that I’ve ever given a ride to. Now, c’mon, baby, tell me what your real name is.”
“Sandra, I promise, umm, cat’s honour I’m being honest with you. Why don’t you believe me?”
Sandra slowed down to a halt and then shifted into PARK, a moment later she turned off the ignition. She parked on Sherbrooke Avenue beside a small, but beautiful park.
Following a brief period of silence, she leaned over practically pressing her face against mine then she said “okay Tommy I understand.”
Sandra had an evil expression on her face. To make matters worse she began to shift her gaze back and forth, to the glove compartment and then to me. Perhaps she had a gun in the glove compartment.
“Umm, Sandra, why don’t we take a nice stroll through the park? You’ve been driving for quite a few hours. Your legs are probably feeling cramped. C’mon, parks like this one always have an ice cream cart in the area; ice cream’s on me.”
“Tommy or whatever your name is, I know exactly what you’re trying to do. Exiting my car will give you a chance to run away from me. You’re like every single guy that I’ve ever fallen in love with, damn you!”
Sandra’s hair became spiky, and her scary expression became even scarier. It was like, umm, she wanted to snip my thing off; like that weird woman who you hear about every decade or so, the one who slices off her husband’s you know what.”
As I was just about to pull the door handle to leave I heard a clicking sound. Yikes, Sandra had locked all 4 doors in the car.
“Sandra, c’mon, why are you being so nasty to me. I thought we were good friends. I never did anything bad or harmful to you, right?”
“Why do guys hate my guts? Just tell me why no man has ever loved me!”
I swallowed a large chunk of saliva then I hiccupped. What was I going to do? After a brief brainstorm it became apparent that I had knock Sandra out without throwing a punch. She gave me no other alternative.
Without warning I leaped onto Sandra’s neck and then clenched my teeth on her neck, making certain that I cut off the air and blood supply.
Sandra’s head bobbed to the right, then to the left, and then flopped forward. Anyone who saw her would think that she was sleeping. It wouldn’t draw any suspicion.
I exited Sandra’s vehicle and then galloped deep into the park. I hid behind a tree in order to see what would ensue.
Roughly an hour later I saw Sandra’s head move. Shortly thereafter, she gradually regained her composure. She drove off, never to be seen again.
I stayed within the confines of the park. After 24 hours therein I walked to the western peripheral of the park to read the park sign.
I didn’t see a park sign. I approached a young blond girl who was about 15 or 16 years of age. She was a wearing high school uniform.
“Excuse me, umm, how’s it going young woman?”
“Umm, kitty, my parents told me that I can’t speak to strangers.”
“Please don’t be afraid of me. I’m a cat, not a creepy guy or gal who wants to hurt you. Please tell me exactly where we are.”
“Kitty, I’m only talking to you because you’re really cute.
Listen, I’ll tell you where we are on condition that we take a bunch of USIES together.” I froze stiff, so much so I thought that I’d turned into a corpse. A USIE; what if this little girl decided to show the USIE to her family and friends. I was terrified at the prospect of my face being recognized by anyone as the killer cat.
“Kitty, c’mon, let me take a USIE of us. I know you want to do this deep down inside? Don’t you want us to be good friends?
My teachers tell me that I have an incredibly high IQ.”
I agreed to the teen’s request. Soon I realized that I’d gotten in over my head. The little girl took 20 USIES of us and in one of them I was obligated to kiss her on the cheek.
“Kitty, I need to know what your name is. It’s not normal for 2 people to speak to each other like we are and not be able to call each other by our names.
“Umm, my name is Tommy Baker, and I’m very glad to meet you. Now that we’re opening up to each other, what’s your name?”
“Tommy Baker, that’s a very beautiful name. My name is Cassandra Davis. And I too am glad to meet you.
Tommy, you and I are on the west side of town, specifically in Westmount. This is Westmount Park. I live on the hill just northwest of our present location.
“Cassandra, thanks for the info. Now I need to know where the downtown core of Montreal is.”
Cassandra shifted her body to the right and then pointed straight ahead. She signified that downtown was east of our location.
“Tommy, let’s walk over to the pond. We’ll find a good place to sit in. I need 3 things, a pond, a bench, and a big tree.”
Cassandra and I walked to a designated bench. We sat down and then froze our gaze at the pond. We could hear the birds singing and the leaves rustling from the mild breeze. Soon, the sun would begin to set. I wasn’t going to stay in Westmount Park for too long. I had important things to do.
“Tommy, do you want to have some fig bars?”
“Oh yes, I love fig bars. Me mindful that I have a big appetite, give me a half a dozen fig bars, or don’t give me any.”
You’re lucky because I have 2 packets of fig bars. Each packet contains a fig dozen bars.”
Cassandra opened her back pack and then removed both packets handing me one of them. I almost felt embarrassed by her incredible generosity.
“Cassandra, I’m so shy, but I’m a cat too. Thanks for the fig bars.”
We ate our fig bars with delight, taking our time and watching people walk by in both directions. Everyone that passed us said hi, people were in a good mood for some reason.
“Cassandra, those fig bars were incredible. As soon as I settle down I’ll make certain to repay the favor.”
Cassandra gently held me in her arms then she gently pulled me towards her face. As soon as I was close enough she kissed me on each cheek. Then, she cradled me as though I was a baby perhaps she wanted me to be her baby.
Cassandra sang me several lullabies before I instinctively shoved my right paw into my mouth and then began to suck it.
Almost instantly my eyelids began to feel quite heavy. It became a strenuous task for me to keep my eyes open. I fell into a deep sleep. Much of my sleep consisted of consecutive dreams. I loved it because every single dream that I had was good.
I awakened at 9:00 P.M. refreshed but alone. Furthermore, I was on a bench in another part of the park, near the public restrooms beside a very large overhanging tree. Perhaps Cassandra had to go home, and she moved me for safety and security reasons. I had no way of really knowing unless Cassandra explained the details to me.
As soon as I started to get up I felt something unusual on my abdomen. It was a piece of paper. I held the piece of paper with my right paw and then I stood up. Looking at the paper more intently I realized that it was a letter from Cassandra. I had to read it.
Dear Tommy Baker:
I am sorry to have left you all alone without saying goodbye. As such, it is imperative that I explain why things turned out this way, Tommy; you fell asleep shortly after I sang you a lullaby. My maternal instincts took over, making me rock you gently, stroking your back and sides, and then kissing you on each cheek doing this for roughly half an hour. Unfortunately, I had to go home. As such, I stood up and then walked to the safest place in this park for a sleeping kitty to be in. More so, I noticed a couple of squirrels nearby. They were beside a tree each eating what appeared to be a strawberry. Because there are no strawberry trees in this entire area I`m certain a Samaritan gave them the strawberries.
During our brief but enjoyable meeting initially I didn`t trust you (I apologize for that). Somehow, I felt some unusual vibes, like umm, you weren`t being honest with me about your name. Thank goodness, the more we spoke the weaker my distrust of you became. Now, I wholeheartedly trust you.
Tommy, I really think you`re an awesome cat. I want you to be my best friend I the whole world. More yet, I want you to meet my parents. My phone number is (514)555-8800. Please wait a few days to make your call. I`ve got a whole bunch of school exams, term papers, and at least one pop quiz in math coming up within the next few days.
After all is done, perhaps you can be part of our family. My parents live in a really big home located at 955 Bumble Bee Street. Our home contains 6 bedrooms, 4 restrooms, a T.V. and game room, a study room, and more.
The first thing we’ll do is take you to a good veterinarian to have a complete physical examination. Then, we`ll take you out to the movies, the mall, and for a tasty meal.
You can have your own bedroom, HD television set, stereo system, and privacy, unless you want to be my beloved roommate.
Anyway, I must be off now. Please, don`t forget to contact me. By the time you read this letter my parents and friends will know all about you. I couldn`t help it but I posted our USIES on my Face book page. I`ve already gotten over a thousand LIKES on my Face book page and many good comments, a few of them were bad ones though.
Best of Wishes,
Cassandra Davis
Oh gosh my face was plastered on Face book! Now what do I do? Everyone in the whole world will have an opportunity to see my cute ‘wanted face’.
I stretched and then retracted my body. I pondered for a few minutes wondering what my game plan would be. I decided to stay in the area including Montreal and the nearby Boroughs for a few days. And, there would be no phone call to Cassandra. She had inadvertently ensured that I would stay away from her, forever and ever.
To tell you the truth a big part of me still wanted to go out west. I couldn’t help it. Well, west is west, everyone wants to go there, even Americans dream about going out west.
Anyway, enough with the daydreaming, I needed to contact my parents. I wanted to know exactly why the left me all alone in the airport, and what they were up to. I still love them. And although I tried to absolve myself of being their son it only worked for a short while. But the fact is my love for my parents was so great it would take a lot more than what they did to make me hate them.
Time elapsed like a speedy stallion, days turned into weeks, and so forth. Every so often I saw Sandra or Cassandra nearby. That’s when I ducked really fast and froze stiff. I felt bad about what I did, but at the same time I knew that it was the right thing to do. I had to worry about my own safety first, before anyone else’s.
On a cloudy Sunday afternoon I decided to take a nice stroll through the downtown core of Montreal. I walked to the eastern corner of Westmount Park, studied my surroundings carefully, and then entered Maisonneuve Boulevard heading due east.
Being on the sidewalk, every so often I came across someone walking his or her dog. Most of the dogs glared at me but one particular mutt, a Poodle-Dachshund mix threw an incredible tantrum. His owner was an elderly man who could barely pull back him back. I don’t know why, but some dogs have a horrendous hatred and enmity towards cats. It could be about envy, jealousy, and competition. In the looks department we win almost all the time. There’s hardly a healthy cat out there that’s ugly. Cats are the most beautiful and certainly by far the cutest animals in the whole world, everyone knows it.
I continued to walk despite getting bad looks from some dogs and humans. As soon as I reached Atwater Street I noticed that the traffic light was red. I stayed put, the last thing I needed was to get a ticket for jaywalking. In this regard, you need to show identification.
I waited until the world famous white-coloured ‘man image’ appeared before I crossed Atwater Street. Regardless, I still looked both ways. Cats are smart, we know that there are drunk and distracted drivers out there and cyclists too; it doesn’t matter what time of day it is or on what street you’re walking on, be careful.
After crossing the street I took keen notice of an all too familiar vehicle. It was a dark-coloured limo. For some reason the driver had passed me several times earlier. I first noticed the limo when I was in Westmount Park. Whoever was in the limo wanted something from me, or perhaps I was going to go head-to- head with a cat hater.
The driver continued onward heading east for several blocks before making a right turn. I chose to run as fast as I could to the downtown core. I doubted anyone would try to kill an unarmed kitty in broad daylight in front of many witnesses.
I ran until I reached the intersection of Guy Street and Maisonneuve Boulevard. I was panting heavily. Then, an overwhelming feeling of nausea engulfed me. Then I became dizzy, finally I puked my brains out. Passersby looked me over with content, one young man appeared to be worried about me, and a group of Concordia University students mocked me. A young blond woman amongst them wearing a university T-shirt took many pictures of me.
I wasn’t going to take this mistreatment lying down or puking either. My nausea eventually dissipated.
I followed the students to Mackay Street. There were other people in the area. I studied my surroundings,