I heard soft and happy giggling from a distance. I took a deep breath and felt as peaceful as the calmest water on a windless day. Just breathing in and out, taking in the scents of the forest around me. My soft cotton dress touching my skin like a warm welcoming hug. Erin was playing a stonesthrow away with a couple of fairies that she had made friends with. One of the fairies, with light pink wings and a glowing white dress was making bubbles out of a long grass straw that she had twisted together. She dipped it into the water by a little pond and somehow made shiny big bubbles with it by flying around in the air waving it about. Erin tried to catch them and was bursting with laughter. I looked around and noticed that the forest was alive. The trees were moving from a warm wind in the air making a rustling noise. The river was flowing near by and I saw golden fish jump up and dive down again.
But it wasn’t just the trees and river, there were flowers literally dancing past me in the wind, as if they were alive. There were tiny troll-like figures walking among the stones, they seemed happy and peaceful. A few Shetland ponies stood by a clearing eating grass, their manes were beautifully cared for with flowers and plats of different shapes. Erin had always wanted one of course. I mean, most little girls dream of having a pony.
Dream… I was dreaming, of course I was, it hit me like a slap in the face. Life wasn’t this glorious. I frowned and let myself feel sad for a couple of seconds before shaking it off. I was going to spend time together with my daughter and I was going to start asking more questions. Getting her back was my number one priority, even if it meant having to be more straight forward with Erin and less playful in the time that we shared. I ran over and gave her a big hug, making sure I didn’t scare off the fairies.
“Mummy!” she said joyfully.
“My little angel, how are you?” I asked, still holding her.
“Amazing,” she said looking at me with her big blue eyes. I felt something soft at my leg and looked down.
“Hey Erin, isn’t that your teddy?” I asked pointing towards it.
“Yes, I missed Mr. Cuddles. He smells like you and like daddy,” she said picking it up. It was the same teddy that I had held everyday since she had disappeared. Peter had also held the teddy and smelled it. It had still smelt like Erin, even after a few weeks, but it was starting to fade now. “I miss daddy,” she said, suddenly looking a little upset.
“Ah sweetie, he misses you so much. He wants you to come home.”
She fiddled with her teddy and then gave it a big hug before suddenly pointing away from where we were standing, like she had just remembered something.
“There is a really big park over there in the forest,” she said excitedly. “Can we go there mummy, can we…? Please!?” she asked eagerly. I smiled widely. “Of course we can honey,” I replied.
She grabbed my hand whilst still holding onto Mr. Cuddles and led the way.
We walked for about five minutes and arrived at a magnificent park filled with bright coloured tunnels and loads of slides. There were mini clouds made out of cotton candy right above the park. The stairs went really high up, the highest, by far, out of all the parks I had ever seen. It was pretty spectacular. The other kids weren’t human so to speak. they all looked like they had come out of a fairytale book. There were mythical creatures that you could tell were children because they were all playing together and had the look of children, even though I had never seen most of them before. I wondered what species they were?
A really cute little creature close to us had huge bunny shaped ears that seemed to be listening to everything. The creature suddenly bounced up so high that I could barely see it. Up to one of the highest slides which was way past the cotton-candy clouds. A fluffy bright blue ball on the ground right in front of us startled me as it suddenly opened up two huge brown eyes as if waking up. The creature’s feet came out beneath it. They were fluffy as well, and two tiny arms popped out at the sides. After my initial shock I burst out laughing. It was just so cute. Erin went over and patted it’s head. It looked up at her with warm eyes and then wobbled away to a nearby swing and attempted to get up on it. Erin could see that the little guy was having a hard time getting up so she went over and helped him. She came back over to me after helping him and looked longingly at all the tunnels and slides.
“Go on then,” I said cheerfully.
She looked up at me and smiled, the way someone smiles just before they are about to do something exciting. She ran over to the nearest steps and started climbing. I followed her, not wanting to loose sight of her. We climbed up a couple of flights of wide, white marble steps and found ourselves at a bright coral-red tunnel. We looked inside. It had little windows on each side so you could get the view as you were crawling. It was a fairly big tunnel. An adult wouldn’t have felt claustrophobic in it. It was spacious enough. Erin started walking into it and I followed her. She was just the right size for it, because she didn’t have to crawl but she sometimes had to bend down slightly if there was a nice ornament hanging from the roof of the tunnel. I, on the other hand, had to crawl, but the surface was soft to the touch and made it easy and light to crawl through, even though it looked like metal. The tunnels went in different directions as we took our time to enjoy the view from the windows and the shining ornaments from the roof that shone like stars.
We finally came out of the tunnel and arrived at a point were more tunnels joined up and there were also a couple of long slides that led back down to the ground. We sat down by a little wooden table that looked like a piece of a big tree trunk with white metal legs that swirled beautifully from under the table to the floor, as if it had grown there. The wooden chairs had the same glowing metal legs as the table. We went over and sat down looking out across the magnificent view of this fairy kingdom I was sure Erin had created in her mind. It was as if I was visiting her inside her own fantasy. I was a guest. This wasn’t my world but I was more than happy to be there. I looked at my beautiful girl as she sat there and wondered how she had come to this place? Why we were meeting in my dreams and if she could somehow come back to us.
“Erin?” I said, getting her attention. She looked at me and waited for me to say something. “This is all amazing and so beautiful but why are we here?” I asked her. She thought for a moment.
“I thought you said we could go to the park?” she answered looking slightly confused.
“No, I mean why are you in this world and not at home with mummy and daddy anymore… Do you think that maybe it’s time to come home now? We miss you so much,” I said, trying to keep it together and not get too emotional.
Erin looked a little upset.
“I can’t mummy.”
“Why not? What is keeping you here?” I tried. “I belong here now,” she said, still looking a little upset. “I like it, but I miss you and daddy…and everyone else,” she said as she came over and sat on my knee, holding onto her teddy. I wrapped my arms around her and found it increasingly hard not to cry.
“Do you think there is maybe a way to get back home? Remember how I told you that daddy and I met in our dreams before we met in real life.” Erin nodded her head.
“Well, daddy found his way back. I know you can as well. Please sweetie, please find a way!” I said feeling a desperation inside me.
Erin was tucked into my embrace like she didn’t want to leave.
“The angels say that this is different,” she said.
“How is this different?” I asked.
“I don’t know but they say that they will be my new family now, I see them sometimes but they don’t say much. I feel nice when they are around though.”
I felt so confused. How was this different? I needed specifics. Peter had been clueless when I had met him in my dreams. He’d had no idea that he was in a coma. Those dreams were slightly different though because they seemed to be a mixture of both mine and Peter’s fantasy and some kind of in-between world. These dreams were all Erin’s imagination coming to life.
“Erin honey, please try to figure out a way. Talk to the angels, make them understand that you need to come home. Maybe they’ll listen to you?” Erin was looking away suddenly, not listening to what I was saying. She hopped off my knee and disappeared into a tunnel. I followed her quickly but she was fast.
“Erin wait!” I yelled, trying to crawl as fast as I could. I looked up and she was gone. I crawled faster while calling out her name, panic hitting me hard. I came out of the tunnel and saw even more tunnels and slides than before.
“ERIN!!” I yelled as loudly as I could. I looked around not knowing which tunnel to start looking through first. There were so many to choose from. At the corner of my eye I thought I saw her pass by a set of stairs to my right where a bridge was crossing over. I ran there fast.
“Wait!” I shouted desperately but when I got there she was gone. The park had gone silent and it was turning dark.
“Erin?!” my voice echoed into the silent landscape filled with endless tunnels. It was as if all the life and joy I had earlier had vanished. Even the sound of the trees and the babbling brook were gone. I took a couple of steps back and tripped, forcing myself to land on a slide. I wasn’t quick enough to grab hold of anything to keep myself from falling before I started plummeting down the slide at an immense speed. I screamed, not knowing where I was heading. I was hurtling towards some sort of black hole that seemed to be pulling me in. I tried grasping at something, anything, but I was going too fast. It got closer and closer, I was going to hit the blackness. I was terrified. I started praying, something I normally never did, and tried finding peace with my destiny. I fell into the black hole and yelled out in bed, sweat dripping off me. Was this my black hole, this life that I was living now? A life of constant despair?
Chapter 17
Peter jolted up in bed.
“What is it? Are you ok?” he asked concerned. I had to take a few breaths to calm myself down before answering. Peter put his hand on my back, rubbing it gently.
“Nightmare…in the end,” I answered.
“In the end?” he asked.
I looked at him.
“I saw her again and I tried Peter…” I choked on my words as I was fighting back the tears. “I really tried to get some answers but she didn’t know and then she just ran off.” I was sobbing now. “She ran off and I couldn’t find her anywhere and then I fell.”
Peter grabbed hold of me, throwing his arms around me and comforting me.
“It’s ok… It’s ok,” he said into my hair. He put his palms on either side of my face and looked at me. “I know I’ve put too much pressure on you. I’m so sorry.”
We held each other for a while longer until I had calmed down. It was easier calming down when Peter was by my side. Everything was easier with Peter…when he was himself and not closed off as he had been these last few weeks. It was a weight off my shoulders to have him back. I felt like an idiot for taking those pills the other night. They didn’t work anyway. I might have fallen asleep then but I didn’t dream anything at all and instead ended up in hospital, worrying Peter even more. I hadn’t been thinking straight, I knew that, but I had to get a grip.
It was early in the morning, the day was hinting a sunrise that hadn’t quite begun yet. We got up and made some coffee. I picked up the newspaper at the front door for some distraction from my actual life as it were. Not that news made me feel any better. It was often bad news at that, but still, it was something to do. I sat down by the kitchen counter skimming through the headlines. My eyes stopped at an ad where a woman was sitting looking mysterious, almost haunting. I looked to the top of the add and read ‘psychic reading’. I had a sudden thought as I looked up at Peter.
“I could go and see that medium Lisa’s been talking about.”
Peter looked at me with sarcasm written all over his face. “Really?” he said as if wanting to see if I was being serious or not.
“Lisa has always said that this lady is so amazing and accurate, maybe she knows something about Erin? And besides, what have I got to loose.” Peter took a long breathe. “Yeah, suppose you’re right,” he said and took a sip of his coffee whilst he looked out of the window…always looking for our girl.
I felt a rush of excitement in my body. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of this before. Maybe, just maybe I could get an answer. Any answer. Well, apart from really bad news. Oh no, what if it was bad news? What if she told me something horrible had happened to Erin? Either way, I had to take a chance to go and see this woman. I wondered if she was able to see me today? I grabbed my mobile phone and dialled Lisa’s number.
“Alex, are you ok?” a sleepy Lisa answered after a few rings. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“It’s five-thirty in the morning hun…do you need to talk now or can I give you my undivided attention when I’m not sleepwalking?” she asked.
I had forgotten what time it was.
“Oh, sorry Lisa. It’s just… I need the number of that medium you’ve been talking about for so long.” “Oh my God, you mean Mary? Yeah I’ll text you her number straight away. She’s really nice, you’ll like her,” she answered with a sound of relief that nothing bad had happened. There was far too much of that going around as it was just now. “Thanks Lisa, and sorry for waking you up, I hadn’t realised the time.”
“No worries hun. I’m always here for you, you know that. Let me know what Mary says. I’m sure she’ll have some answers for you or maybe she can put you in contact with Erin somehow.”
“Yeah, I hope so… Talk to you later,” I said before we hung up.
I got a text message from her almost immediately with the medium’s number. It was too early to call so I texted her, saying that I would like to book an appointment as soon as possible and asked if she could get back to me today. I put the phone down but I kept staring at it until I realised that I was being obsessive.
Having this new thrill of maybe getting some information from the medium had put me in an almost pleasant mood. I looked down at my pyjamas and then felt my hair. I hadn’t washed for a while and I suspected that I was starting to smell bad. Hygiene wasn’t high up on my list of priorities these days. I decided to take a bath while I waited for a reply from the medium, which could take a few hours anyway since it was so early in the morning. I poured up the bath with some bubblebath and salts. I felt my hair as I undressed, it felt oily and dirty. I couldn’t believe I could let myself get so filthy without even noticing. Suppose grief did that to you? You sort of felt like…’what’s the point’. But today…today I felt hope. It was as if I had been lost in a dark hole and this medium idea was a light, a tiny little light of hope that I had yearned for.
I got into the bath and started praying. ‘Please God, please let the medium have some good news about Erin’. I kept saying it over and over, hoping that there was some bigger force out there that could help me. Call it God, call it source, call it whatever. As long as it was powerful and it was listening I was happy.
After washing my hair and body I got up and felt refreshed. The medium still hadn’t texted me back but it was still early. It wasn’t until i had got dressed, brushed my teeth and dried my hair that I heard a text message coming through. I ran so fast to my mobile phone that I startled Peter, making him spill some of his coffee.
“Sorry,” I said as I grabbed my phone. It was her. “She can see me today, she has a cancellation at two in the afternoon,” I said happily. “Great,” Peter said unenthusiastically as he cleaned up the coffee that I had made him spill. “Can I take the car? She lives out in Falkirk.” “Yeah sure, I don’t need the car today anyway. I can take the bus if I need to. Unless you want me to come?” he asked.
“No, that’s ok. I know you don’t really believe in that sort of thing anyway. I’ll let you know what she said after.”
Peter nodded his head, I think with a sense of relief that he didn’t have to come along.
I sat in the car with my shades on. The sun was out today. I felt like I was on a mission. It felt so good having something to do in the situation. Just something, anything that felt like a lead was a welcoming task. I was getting close to Falkirk with a thousand thoughts and questions my head. What would I ask her? Would she do all the talking? Did I want to hear everything? I felt a little scared not knowing what to expect. But also excited. I found her house pretty easily just by following my GPS directions. It was a white tiled house with a black front door that had a golden door-knocker on it with a lion biting onto the handle. I sat in the car for a good five minutes before getting out and knocking on the door. I felt nervous and all of a sudden unsure of being there. I finally took a deep breath and stepped out of the car and walked up to the house. At first there was no answer so I rung the doorbell by the side of the door but it opened just as I held my finger on the button. A short, elderly and kind looking lady with blonde bobbed hair and red-rimmed glasses was looking at me with a smile.
“Hello dear, you are Alex I take it?” she asked. “Yes, hello. And you’re Mary?” I said as we shook hands.
“Come on in,” she said making way for me to pass on through to her hallway. Her house looked more normal than I had expected. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was expecting but maybe more candles, maybe more darkness and glass bowls to see the future with. Instead it was light and welcoming. I felt very relaxed as I entered, my anxiety falling away. She guided me down the hall past her kitchen and living-room to a white door at the end of the hallway. The room we entered was cosy and light. She had some small angel statues on a little table in the middle of the room and on the windowsill. She gestured for me to sit down on one of the chairs with white cushion satin. I put my bag on the floor and sat down putting my hands on my knees and waiting for her to get ready for whatever she was about to do. I felt a little nervous. “Now just relax, there is nothing to fear here. What I do is I talk to spirits from the other side and they tell me what they think you need to know at this moment in time. I don’t go into the future too much. I can see the path that you are on but that can always change depending on the circumstances.”
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She was silent for about half a minute and I was beginning to wonder if she had gone into some sort of meditative state.
She smiled and giggled a little.
“I like your dad.”
“My dad?” I burst out. “He’s not dead,” I said and felt scared.
“No he’s not but I can feel his energy. He is a very funny man. He is very laid back. The calm in the storm so to speak. He likes to calm your mother down. It makes him feel special because no one else can do it like he can.” She looked at me. “He is so proud of you. More than you know. He sees you following your heart and passion. You two are incredibly close and he knows your situation is very hard. He will always be there for you… He needs you to know that.”
I looked at her in surprise. Well, that sounded almost good. Did that mean that he would recover perhaps? She took another deep breath. You met your husband under very unusual circumstances didn’t you? This is also a man whom you are very close to. He is, what some people refer to as, your soulmate. Not everyone gets to meet or recognise members of their soul cluster, but you have.” “Soul cluster?” I frowned.
“You could call it your soul family. Your vibration is of the same sort. You must remember, we are all connected, like a big ocean. You might be a wave upon it but you are still part of the ocean.” I thought for a while. That was a nice way of putting it.
“You have a lot of dreams, you are very connected to them.”
“Yes… Yes I am,” I answered, near enough staring at her with anticipation.
“You have a gift, an unusual gift. You connect,” she said. “It is important that you listen to these dreams. They are always trying to show you something.”
She paused for a few seconds closing her eyes in the process. She frowned a little, as if not quite liking the information she was getting.
“You have a daughter, she is about five or six.” I was listening intently now.
“You broke the veil… That wasn’t meant to happen and they are trying to fix it.” “Who?” I asked desperately. “Where is my daughter.”
“She wasn’t meant to be,” she said. “She…no… they are closing it from my eyes. I cannot see what they are doing,” she said. I could tell that she was focusing hard and I was leaning forward without blinking, wanting more information. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I backed away slightly. “Alex, all I could see before they shut me out was that your daughter is looked after, she is safe. I can’t see her in the physical world. I take it she has passed on?” she asked looking at me. I fell quiet. The medium looked at me with empathy in her eyes.
“I am so sorry…but if I can’t sense her energy on the earth plane it normally means that she has left and moved on to a better place…” She leaned forward and put her hand on my knee. “She is happy and well, I can assure you. Even when it is really hard for you, you must remember that she is in good hands now.”
I shook her hand off my knee and stood up.
“She is coming back!” I said angrily.
The medium looked at me with compassion in her eyes.
“She is, I know she is,” I continued as tears fell down my cheeks.
The medium got up and put her arms around me like a mother would a child. Completely ignoring my anger which frustrated me. She obviously thought that she was right. I knew she wasn’t, she couldn’t be. I came here for good news…not this. I tried not to let my annoyance show however. I just told her that I had to leave. I paid her and got ready to go when she grabbed my arm, hard. It startled me. She didn’t look the same somehow. Her kind eyes looked alarmingly intense and almost angry. “You have broken the veil between worlds, you must fix it. The shadows are coming… The shadows are coming.”
She let go of my arm and all of a sudden she was the same person that she had been before. “What do you mean by the shadows?” I asked, almost afraid to move.
“What’s that dear?” she asked, looking confused. I looked at her for a couple of seconds and realised, she didn’t know what had just happened either. “Nothing, I’ll just be on my way,” I said and turned for the door. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
I sat in the car and got the engine running. I backed down the driveway and almost ran over a poor cyclist. I had to hit the brakes fast and it made me a little shaky. I took a breather and then drove off.
What had she meant by t