I felt warm. Not in the physical sense but I felt warm in my heart. I felt loved, so utterly loved. In a million ways it felt familiar, like I had come home and yet I felt like I hadn’t been here for a very long time. Like the feeling of sun on your face after months of the cold and dark winter. Only a million times more intense. I felt as though Gods’ arms were wrapped around me. If that’s what you could call it. Some called it source energy, some called it pure love and some called it heaven. Whatever it was, I wanted to bask in it, never to leave. To sit in this shining wonder and just be.
Moving bright sparkles of light hit my eyelids. Someone was there. I could sense it rather than see it. I opened my eyes and saw better than I had ever been able to see in real life. I saw every particle in the air, every drop of water from the small gentle waves just barely touching my feet, every grain of sand of the white warm beach I sat upon. I focused and saw the grain of sand up close and it looked like huge rocks, shining perfectly with every ray of sun kissing it’s surface.
Everything was so clear as were my other senses. I got up, pushing my palms against the sand for support but I didn’t seem to need it. I rose effortlessly, as if the thought itself had pushed me up by sheer will. I looked around and noticed that I was standing on an island. It was small but beautiful with every flower imaginable in the centre of the island amongst palm trees and other greenery. However, it was the flowers that caught my attention because of their vibrant colours and that there were so many of them. It made me wonder if they were conscious beings rather than plants. I heard birds singing beautiful melodies but I couldn’t see any other animals.
The presence I had felt before was now standing next to me like an old friend. I knew who it was, I had met her before. I had sometimes felt her presence in my life but only ever seen her that one time when I was having all the dreams about Peter. She had then come to tell me to let go of Peter. She had told me that he was dying and that I had to let go for both of our sakes. I had named Erin after her.
She stood before me in a magnificent white glowing dress. Her pale skin was also glowing and her long blond hair fell down to her knees in light waves. As I looked at her I saw myself reflecting back at me, like she was me somehow and I was her. We were from one and the same energy source. “Hello,” she said with the sweetest soft and incredibly soothing voice. I almost forgot to reply, it was so magical to listen to. I smiled at her.
“Hello again,” I said.
“Well, I’m always around so it’s never truly a new visit but I know what you mean,” she replied smiling warmly at me.
We started walking along the beach. The sand felt like the softest grains that massaged my feet gently with every step. Across the ocean the sky was a beautiful pink colour and the sea a turquoise glow.
It was mesmerising to look at.
“Do you know why I came to see you?” she asked. I wasn’t sure if it had to do with Erin or perhaps it was about my dad.
“I think so but I am not sure,” I replied. “Is it about Erin?” I asked questionably. Part of me was afraid of what she would say. “Yes, it is about your daughter.”
I felt a little dizzy with anticipation. Would I get some sort of answer to where Erin was? I stared at her.
“Do you remember when you were with Peter on the side of a mountain overlooking the ocean… when you met in in the dreamscape?” she asked. How could I forget? That is where Peter and I had made love for the first time. Even though it was in a dream it felt incredibly real. It had been magical in so many ways. The way he had touched me, the way he had kissed me, the way we had held each other after, the scenery, a gift bracelet that he had given me made out of my favourite flower - bluebells. It was a memory I would cherish for all time. Even if it had happened in my dreamscape and not in the physical realm.
“Yes,” I said smiling at the memory. “I remember every detail. Why do you ask?”
“I ask because that is when Erin was conceived.” I frowned.
“But how can that be?” I asked. “I mean, how could that even be possible? That is like another dimension…right?” I asked her, feeling intensely confused.
“When you met Peter in the dreamscape you had somehow managed to rip open a sort of hole between the two worlds. Everybody can feel energy more or less, what people in the physical realm would call your sixth sense. People of your world are meant to connect with the non physical. However, they are also meant to be separated to an extent. You are still meant to have your physical experience in the world you live in. The 3D world so to speak. But what’s happened when you created this hole is that things have started to sip through from both sides. This creates chaos if left for too long. The people that are currently having a physical experience aren’t ready for the nonphysical to blend. They would not understand. When you let the dreamscape in, you don’t just let the good in, you also let in the bad.
“Is that where the shadowy beings come from?” I asked remembering the unpleasant feeling of the shadow men I had seen.
“Yes, they are bad energy that combines itself like cancer, living off the fear of the people. This is why the people of the 3D world aren’t ready. People don’t understand that it is their own fear that chases them and that it is within themselves to stop it.” She looked out towards the pink horizon. “Now that those energies are sipping through, it could take a nasty turn. They become physical if left too long in your world.” She looked sad as she said it.
“What do you mean by 3D world?” I asked. “3D world is the world that you live in now. You, my friend have evolved consciously and are somewhere in-between the third and fourth dimension. This is a place where things and thoughts manifest faster and things vibrate quicker. Everything is lighter and love is the dominant emotion. You cannot get to the fourth dimension on a low energetic frequency. Love is a light and vibrant energetic vibration. And because the majority of people in the third dimension aren’t ready, this creates low frequency manifestations. Their main vibration is starting to show, hence the shadow entities that you have seen… You too have started to manifest your own shadow. You have been so sad of late. I know you have felt something, like you are being watched and it makes you feel terribly uneasy. That is your own fear intensified. You are the only one who can stop it.” I stood there gobsmacked. Was this my fault somehow? But I had a more burning question.
“But what has this got to do with Erin?” I asked.
She looked at me seriously.
“Don’t you see? Erin was never meant to have been born in your physical world. She was conceived here in the dreamscape, she was meant to stay here. With her in the physical realm it is allowing the hole to stay open. This is why she had to go back.”
I froze. I tried to say something but my mind was racing with too many questions at the same time.
Eventually I took a deep breath.
“What is it you are saying?” I asked, not being able to say it myself.”
“Erin is where she is meant to be now. The hole is healing and everything is as it was meant to be… shortly enough anyway,” she looked back towards the ocean. “Once the hole is healed she can never go back and all will be as it should. One day you will reunite but it is not in this lifetime. I know how hard this is to hear but we will look after her. She is safe.”
I wanted to scream at her and tell her that she was wrong, that it wasn’t Erin’s fault that the angels had a screw up on their shift of guarding the stupid wall between worlds. They couldn’t let me have her for five years and love her only to take her back when they felt like it. I wasn’t having any of it. “No!” I said firmly. “She is my daughter, I gave birth to her in my physical world. She is meant to be with me and Peter!” A single tear of anger and frustration fell from my eye and landed on the sand in slow-motion and hit it with a heavy fall. “Alex,” she said with her soothing, kind voice that I didn’t want to hear right now. I wanted to be angry at her. To make her see that Erin needed to be with us.
“Is there no way around it?” I asked desperately. She looked at me and put her hand on my forehead making me dizzy and relaxed. I felt myself floating on air without a care in the world. Who was I? Where was I? I felt my whole body drifting into a sort of meditative state. Whatever it was, I felt happy and fulfilled. I had forgotten everything. What could I possibly have to be sad about. I couldn’t recall my life at all but I just knew I was loved, completely and utterly loved.