Bespero Yates (from the planet of Penibone) was a well respected theorist and part time writer. He had been fortunate enough to write 9 novels in less than 2 years. His first novel tells the story of a businessman who sells dreams for large amounts of money. Each person gets to live out the life they would have had if there had only been the time to chase each dream. It has a scene where a man buys himself the dream of being a messiah. He starts speaking randomly of past lives and then he says calmly,”
I was me, long longer ago than I’ll ever know. But that person I walked around as bore no resemblance to who I am now physically, but he was a thousand times me. And when his triumphs and travails were felt, I feel them now with an unexplainable vigor. For you see whether or not I ever find myself in the sands of time or the annals of history, I already know and have already been his friend. And when the lights go out and a new me arises. And he walks with these eyes and the same foresight, I know one thing and I know it true…he’d say FUCK YOU, you pricks can’t ya take a joke! So what if I’m a bastard, what were you my dad? What’s your fucking excuse?!”
Bespero wrote many of the Doramocs war strategies and ideas for the distribution of brain washing ideas. He got them into the hands of generals and field soldiers. He wrote about making a man lose his will and anger in battle,” When you look a man in the eye with unyielding calmness it sends a kneejerk reaction to his brain that it’s being duped and may need to panic. Then once you have them panicked do only things that are non-aggressive and he’ll panic even further. Then when he yields and purports his own calmness by acting nonchalant he is able to attack with unbelievable destruction that causes his will to crumble without you having to use very much effort.”
Meanwhile at Pat and Amo’s new home in Manhattan Each of them sat eating breakfast as they were on their balcony looking out over Central Park. The balcony is shaped like a wooly Mammoth and has a large round bed on the left. It also has white silk sheets and black blankets and pillows. There is also a full kitchen set up on the right and it includes holographic images of each food you were cooking as they would flash red when an item was perfectly cooked. There are 2 large cigar store Indian chairs with leather recliners set inside the carved out bottom.
Also there are 15 foot high statues that Pat and Amo are sitting in.
“So you have a big day today, Pat. You’ve got to go to the Friends Again Club and help Rocka and Righter with their ultimate deception later,” said Amo happily as she sipped her French vanilla coffee.
She thought how great the sex that morning was with Pat, as her vocal cords were strained from yelling.
“Yeah, I’ll be runnin’ steady but don’t forget, Me Lovely, you’re comin’ too,” said Pat slyly as he grinned at Amo. Pat felt very happy that the sex had been so good. He hadn’t had sex in awhile and was worried he’s cum very fast, but was able to go for 2 hours.
“Of course, you think I’d miss out on the adventure that this day is about to become, then you’re dreamin’! I say we grab our jackets and head out into the world with unmistakable confidence hmm, Me Pat,” said Amo playfully as she stood up and walked over to Pat. He set down his coffee mug and she kissed him and snuggled him in close.
“I would have it no other way, Love O’ My Life. Let’s take the Buick, I like how smooth it drives,”
said Pat implying a question as he thought how amazing Amo was and held her close. Amo smiled and then jumped up as he patted her on the butt.
“I’m all about the Buick, but what about our two Rolls Royce’s, when will they get to greet the world with a smile?” asked Amo warmly as she pouted at Pat. He grinned back at her not feeling totally comfortable driving such an expensive car, but feeling Amo wanted him too.
Pat thought for a second and then said quickly,” Well, Sweet Amo, today and not a day sooner,” said Pat jokingly as he stood up and started dancing with Amo.
They walked into a lavish ballroom slash living room. It has green marble floors with gold inlays and the words,” To dance with danger can be to miss a step Cliffside, or simply laugh while staring down the barrel of a gun. But I shave while asking my wife about three-ways. And wonder why she screams back at me, I knew there was another woman. It is then I realize that dancing isn’t part of the equation,” written around the head of a wild boar covering the floor. There is a pair of Rolls Royce’s front seats sitting side by side in the room with large stuffed animals on them like Papa Smurf and Garfield eating a bass. There are paintings by Picasso sitting in and around a small pool as well as a large holographic TV stand made from white marble that has an episode of,” Honest Thief,” playing with low volume.
Honest Thief starred Reng Brando a distant relative of Marlon Brando. It centers on a high class thief who steals luxury cars and priceless paintings then uses the money to rebuild his community. He also pours a lot of his ill gotten gain into building free hospitals and pharmacies for the needy.
“Oh I love this episode, Amo,” said Pat happily as he stopped to watch Reng giving a homeless man a stack of hundred dollar bills.
“Is that the one they used for the telethon last month?” asked Amo as she looked at Reng and thought how handsome he was.
It showed Reng standing next to a dirt covered old man named Runnin’ Ronny and then Reng said sternly,” You either take this money or I’m gonna burn it! So take it right now!”
Runnin’ Ronny looked at the money and waved his head no and then said sternly,” I can’t we both know I’d just drink it up in an hour. You take that money and help someone else.”
Reng looked at Runnin’ Ronny blankly and tried not to cry and then said sharply,” You take this fucking money or I’m gonna kill you! Take the goddamn wad, TAKE IT!”
Runnin’ Ronny made a motion like he was drinking a bottle of whiskey and then sucked in a wad of snot and spit it against a wall. And some if it not getting off his lip and then said sharply,” I won’t take it you little Bitch! Now I told ya I don’t want your fucking money, and don’t you use language with me you Shithead!”
Reng glared at Runnin’ Ronny and looked around while he kept the money a few inches from the man’s face. Reng said sternly,” I swear to God, Shit for Brains, if your ass covered fingers don’t reach up and quick, and grab hold of this prosperity! I’m gonna put 2 bullets through the front of your head and out the back of your stupidity!”
Runnin’ Ronny looked at Reng and knew he was serious. He eyed the money and said sharply,” I say a fucker like you gets 2 chances to make it right, one get out of my face cause I’ll snort that money if I don’t drink it! Or two, never refer to me in a derogatory fashion again! ‘Cause if you do I’m 3 kinds of ugly and fierce right through my fists! Now beat it, You Jackass!” shouted the Runnin’ Ronny as he tried to stand up, but fell helplessly into a pile of dog shit face first.
Amo and Pat howled with laughter and Amo rubbed Pat’s arm.
“Oh I love this next part,” said Amo happily as she watched Runnin’ Ronny wipe the dog shit from his face.
“Oh that’s disgusting, I’m keeping the money. Fuck you, you Turd Ass Bum! I outta beat you to death for even looking at me. I feel sick,” said Reng in disgust as he started to feel nauseous. Then Reng ran and vomited in the alleyway, as Runnin’ Ronny started masturbating.
“Oh Jesus that kills me, Amo,” said Pat happily as he sipped his coffee. “Whoever writes a scene like that should win an award or golf membership,” said Pat joyously as he and Amo laughed hysterically.
Then they started for the Rolls Royce couch.
Pat moved the stuffed animals off the couch and he and Amo sat down and strapped on their seatbelts. Then the couch descended down through the floor and into Amo’s Rolls Royce. It came to rest in the front seat of the seal black car. The car sits in a spacious garage filled with the 2 Rolls Royce’s, the Buick, a pair of Harley Davidson anti-gravity motorcycles, as well as the walls have 6 cases filled with designer clothes and weapons like a Knockout rifle.
The Knockout Rifle can shoot a thin film over a 30 foot wide area that will shut down the Central Nervous System of any person that breathes it in. This effect lasts for 30 minutes. The rifle itself is tan in color and shaped like a Rhino’s head, with 6 large bullets in a gun belt along the side and the words,” I won’t sleep while justice naps. Instead I’ll be the flicker in the candle that guides the way,” written along the 2 foot long round barrel of the gun.
The room also has a pair of helmets that can be worn to see at night or through thin walls that are called Lasams. The Lasams are used primarily to navigate while keeping your lights off and look like the head of a Hyena.
The roof of the Rolls Royce closes and Pat shoots out a doorway that opens up 200 feet above Central Park. The anti-gravity Rolls Royce shoots forward through a floating blue tunnel above the park (that is used to help the rich residents get to and from without having to worry about traffic) and it is called the Amus tunnel.
Amus Swartio was the inventor of the synthetic steak called a Duby that he grew in a test tube. The Duby has twice the nutrients of a real steak, but with half the fat and all the flavor. If you hadn’t been told it was a Duby you would never have known. Amus made the Duby by taking the same genes as a cow and throwing them together with a growth accelerator as well as only growing the actual usable meat portion in a sterile environment. This enraged the cattle ranchers as they lost the bulk of their business, but even groups like P.E.T.A were for it as they said,” If you must eat meat, at least no one died for this meat.”
Amus squandered his unprecedented wealth on high end prostitutes and designer drugs called Cetos.
That’s the drug he claimed gave him unbelievable creativity, but it also led to many poor business decisions. Like the time he bought the Miami Heat basketball team and its bad debts which numbered in the billions. All the while he thought if they won the championship he could erase the debts, but the team failed to make the playoffs for 9 straight years and he lost everything he had. He died naked and alone in a ditch out behind the stadium he formerly owned at the age of 50.
Pat and Amo emerged from out of the multi-colored Amus and they were at the far end of Wall Street only a block from the address they were given. As they neared they saw the dark blue, orange spotted, and black sign that read,” Friends Again Club.” The sign is hanging out in front of a 398 story high rise made of gold marble and in the shape of a lion. It has 2 large hangar bays in the mouth of the lion with a half dozen red BMW anti-gravity security vehicles floating out in front of them (that inspect each vehicle before allowing entry). There is the Beatles song,” Magical Mystery Tour,” booming out of the lion’s eyes as a set of 10 Air Floaters flew in front of the building.
Air Floaters are modern day skydivers only they wear solar powered flying suits with wind riding technology that allows them to continuously fly as long as the suit is charged up. Each of the arms of the suit will heat and cool air molecules as you dive, that creates a controllable velocity. Many of the Air Floaters will race each year through the city in the Goomes race as it is called. It awards a prize of 75
million dollars to the winner, but also awards style points and gives out a shopping spree at Newman Marcus.
Pat flew towards the hangar bay and as he did several Air Floaters started flying around the car and one landed on the hood.
“Hey get the fuck off of there, you could scratch the paint!” shouted Pat as he stuck his head out the window and waved his hand and Amo laughed.
“It’s alright, Pat, we’re rich,” said Amo happily as she rubbed Pat’s arm. He realized she was right and stopped shouting while he continued flying up to the hangar bay.
As he did one of the Air Floaters started pissing on the hood of the Rolls. Amo laughed while Pat just smiled.
“It’s New York alright,” said Pat quietly then the Air Floater flew away. They flew up to a pair of security guards in red BMW’s and stopped.
“We need to see your key, Sir, or its trouble and I mean bad. Let’s have that key,” said Phil Bacar sharply as he glared at Pat and Amo with a no nonsense scowl. All the while he had a knockout rifle in his hands.
Phil Bacar has dark purple long flowing hair and devilish brown eyes. His skin is tan and he has a wide square nose and block jaw. He is 6’5” and weighs 450 pounds of watch out. He has on a white suit and white silk tie that has the words,” Climb me a story or sing me to sleep. For I never will regret the company I keep. But bear this in mind and never do question, I was once a friend and now more a jester,”
written along his jacket sleeves in tan thread. He also has on black leather Nike basketball shoes.
“Yeah, I’ve got it right here. Just give me a minute,” said Pat anxiously as he reached into his pocket and then produced the key. He handed it to Phil and then Pat asked happily,” Where do I go when I get inside?”
Phil examined the key and then inserted it into a dashboard kiosk. A dull green light filled his car and Phil felt very nervous as Pat’s key was a level one access. This meant he had free reign to go to any room in every building owned by the club including the Hall of Man’s Secrets.
“Anywhere you want, Sir. Your key is level one access so if you want to poke your head in a room
‘cause you’re curious, feel free,” explained Phil happily as he wiped the sweat from his neck. “It’s actually frowned upon not to. There’s your key back, your spot is straight ahead and up to the black marble doors,” said Phil nervously as he handed Pat the key back. Phil felt fortunate he didn’t piss Pat off or it could have cost him his job or his life.
“Thanks we’ll see ya later,” said Pat warmly then he drove into the hangar bay. Pat and Amo felt a strange sensation of ego grip them that they couldn’t explain, but they knew they liked it.
Inside the hangar bay were thousands of small and large kiosks and stalls. Each had lights triggered by a sensor in your key that would light up and lead you directly into your predetermined stall or kiosk.
Pat’s has a holographic bull that appears in front of the Rolls with the words,” Follow me thusly,”
blinking above it, as the bull runs through a 1 mile and a half long tunnel of green marble. There are luxury cars and trucks driving in and out in every direction. Pat and Amo followed the bull, as well as a stiff odor of chicken Alfredo pasta filling the air.
“Do you believe all this, Pat?” Amo asked excitedly as she rubbed Pat’s hair. “My God this is a whole other world that quite frankly I didn’t know existed. How did we wind up here is all I can ask myself?” asked Amo in disbelief as she felt her shoulders. She sat and watched the bull run and jump into a stall right in front of a large golden shrine. There was a statue of Faserisk and a large set of Hercules’
shaped black marble doors.
Faserisk is a man conjured up as most saw it to frighten children in the novel,” Lightning Breakfast,”
by Midwesterner Jefo Stolle. Faserisk is a half-man half-lightning bolt that shoots into a person’s home through their lightning rod then proceeds to kill their children. What Faserisk actually is, is what is widely known as a brainwashing technique, where you place a terrifying thought in the mind of otherwise confident children. You do this only to use that fear against them later in life by having them always think of death when there is a storm. The technique keeps many people from chasing their dreams and instead they get into the habit of being fearful. And thus they are unwilling to try new things or do anything risky.
This in turn means they are limited to only working regular jobs and never advance in life. The years that passed since Faserisk was introduced found 75 percent fewer part-time musicians or wannabe actors.
There is also a pair of round couches that encircle a hologram of the movie Too Much Nothing.
Too Much Nothing is a Bengo Nicholson vehicle picture about a poor coalminer who finds a stash of diamonds on his farm. The movie failed to find an audience and was lauded by critiques as,” Too long past the first 5 minutes,” and,” Bordered on a retard’s wet dreams while sedated on cough syrup,” as written by Tim Lions from the online magazine Told Stories. Bengo’s career faltered after the movie flopped and he ended up selling raisins on his family farm until he became senile in his early 40’s.
Next to the couches are holograms of blue skinned butlers wearing black t-shirts with the words,”
You can’t cast a spell on me, I don’t believe in magic,” and the words,” Does stupid do it for geniuses?
‘Cause I’m horny,” written on one shirt with a picture of Forest Gump on it showing him smiling from ear to ear. The other butler has the words,” Try being a sandwich for a day, they’ll eat you alive,” written above a smiling piece of apple pie.
“We’re here, Amo, because we’ve both suffered. God is watching and he knows now, is when we need him. Boy I can’t wait to check this place out,” said Pat excitedly as he eyed the butlers and smiled, while he parked the Rolls beside them. It was then Pat realized he could finally relax and enjoy his life.
They exited the car and the two butlers started singing in unison,” Baby’s bottom soft and smelly you’re the king of all you seeeee! When the rain falls ah so dryally! You’ll get punched square in the eye, but if you keep your locker clean, then never will you feel the painnn!”
Then the butlers started doing rapid spins and flailing their arms like a broken windmill.
Pat and Amo laughed hysterically and clapped their hands.
“This is heaven, Pat, oh boy did we hit it big,” said Amo happily as she tried not to laugh. Pat smiled at her like she was the only woman in the world. Then Pat kissed her as they each felt they were destined to be together.
The butlers abruptly stopped and one said sternly,” I hate to break it to ya, but head inside before they eat all the cake woho.”
“Cake, I’m all about cake,” said Pat playfully then they walked up to the doors. Just as they neared the doors swung inward and revealed a golden marble room with diamond encrusted mirrors. The mirrors rose up some 50 feet along the left side of the room and they were an exact 1 one hundredth scale golden model of New York City (they included a diamond studded Statue of Liberty).
There were little people in golden satin suits standing in a row from one end of the quarter mile long room to the other. Each of them wore exotic sunglasses like one that uses trick imagery to makes them look like mirrors. The walls of the room have phrases that each of the members had come up with like,”
Dyin’s easy, it’s living in sin with a virgin that’s hard,” as well as,” Possibly I’ve definitely done nothing wrong in stealing the unattainable, but you have got to kinda appreciate the lack of effort,” written in tiny green emerald letters in 6 inch boxes. The ceiling has heart shaped chandeliers filled with newspaper clippings made to look like birds. They detail all the crimes the members have perpetrated and never done a day in jail for like the one who’d killed a person’s pet pig with a handgun, because he said it smelled like he felt, bad.
“Ok, Amo, we’re way past heaven now. This is super-heaven,” said Pat in awe and amazement as he and Amo walked slowly into the room. They felt they had hit the jackpot, but were worried about upsetting their karma so they stayed low key.
Amo looked around and wished Marci Sascas were there, that way she could stick it to her for all those times Marci used to randomly punch her in the stomach in high school.
Pat wished he’s brought a camera because he didn’t think anyone would believe him.
“Well I say, Pat Me Love of Loves, why don’t we just live right here? I mean it, we could bring over a tent and get that cake we were promised, and live off it for 6 or 7 years! Ya know cake lasts a long time,” said Amo sarcastically as she did gentle spins with her arms extended. Pat laughed and walked next to her with his hands in his pockets.
“That’s right there’s cake’s that are centuries old and still taste like pure satisfaction,” said Pat sarcastically as he grinned and tried not to laugh. Amo stopped spinning and looked at him aghast.
“I’ll pure satisfaction you. I was serious too, that’s it you’re sleepin’ outside the tent for the first month. And no late night snuggles only early morning,” said Amo playfully and sarcastically as she looked away from Pat who was trying to kiss her.
“Well the mornings are all I need anyway. So where is said cake I wonder?” asked Pat sarcastically as he jumped in the air and clicked his heels. This caused Amo to laugh and when he looked up he saw Peada Gam.
Peada Gam is a 6’2” inches tall, light blonde haired, vivacious and sultry woman of 30 years old. She has checkered black and red eyes that dance across your face as she speaks. Her hair cascades back from her face like a thick wave of blonde smoke. She has a long thin nose with a tiny pair of bumps on the bridge. She also has on a white t-shirt that reads,” I’m not laughing at you, you’re just a joke,” and has a picture of Jack Nicholson in the movie,” As Good as it Gets,” throwing the dog down the garbage shoot beneath it. She also has on a pair of dark blue skin tight spandex pants and a pair of 4 inch white heels with the phrase,” Don’t mess with Texas, ‘cause Delaware’s kickin’ its ass,” sewn down the sides in thick black thread.
“Hey, ah look the cake is this way if you two cake eaters and joke tellers want some. That said clothing is mandatory unless the option is taken,” said Peada jokingly as she glanced at Amo and Pat.
Both were startled to see her.
“I like clothes, clothes work for me. And Pat here needs his nuggets covered or he’ll traumatize young boys with his sheer size and girth. I’m not kidding we’re talkin’ about a tube steak here,” said Amo half jokingly as Pat grabbed his crotch and coughed loudly.
Peada smiled and didn’t let on that she was told not to laugh at anything that was said by Pat and Amo by the club’s president Jaramie Bone.
“Yeah, yeah that’s great. Follow me please, thank you, and amen for light beer,” said Peada dryly as she walked between two of the little people. Peada walked past the Statue of Liberty and up into a concaved section of the wall.
Peada kissed a golden face of a werewolf and it slid into the wall revealing a purple half moon shaped doorknob with the words,” We warned you, but who’ll warn us when you snap,” written above it.
Peada grabbed the handle, twisted it to the right and then pulled it out of the wall. And as she did the wall swung upward and revealed a spiral staircase of white marble with golden circles on each step. It had the words,” Proud perfect, but never in daylights’ embrace,” written inside each circle.
“We’re really moving down in the world,” said Pat jokingly as he and Amo followed Peada down the steps. Peada fought the urge to laugh, but couldn’t and she laughed briefly before catching herself with Amo noticing this and thinking something was up.
“Boy it’s boner in here. Are we going in the right erection?” asked Amo sarcastically causing Peada to cover her mouth with her hands as she tried in vain not to laugh. This while they walked down the stairs and Pat laughed and then Amo asked,” Is there some reason you’re not supposed to laugh?”
Peada smirked and knew she was caught and said softly,” Yes, they told me to keep you off balance until we got to the Jesau Center.”
“What is the Jesau Center?” asked Pat intently as they came around a corner and into a massive underground circus tent.
It has baby white elephants walking around, acrobats flying through the air, and dozens of booths filled with games. There is also a shark shaped white cake that has red ice cream eyes and the words,” We knew it was you, but who are you?” written on the base of the cake. There were 50 black leather recliners
set up around the shark cake. They each have holographic TV’s and a bubble of music surrounding the person sitting there. There are robots moving around the room bringing meals, drugs, and alcohol to all the members, as well as giving deep tissue massages. The walls of the tent have the words of Spoonem Lorod that include,” I never asked why you hated me until the moment I hated you, but I knew in my heart it was pity. Not pity for me, but a lack of pity or real sympathy for yourself. And pity for others in the world that all of you shared. It was this trait that you possessed in spades that left me feeling we could never be friends. Only now that I’ve left you behind a wall of regrets, I can see we we’re the same.”
Spoonem Lorod is a homeless man who has been spit out by the world for his unyielding honesty.
When asked by his girlfriend if he loved her he replied,” I just love your ass.” She dumped him and he got kicked out of their apartment. When asked if he was stoned when he went to work that same day he said curtly,” Aren’t I always.” To which he was fired and denied his last week’s wages citing breaking of McDonald’s substance abuse policy. Then he found himself at a friend’s apartment that night and when his friend asked him why he was his friend he replied,” So I can steal your stash and borrow money from you.” To which Spoonem was kicked out and found himself living on the street. He soon became mentally ill without his medication and set about panhandling and as he did this he wrote a 7,000 page novel that detailed all of his beliefs about the world. It lacked any real plot but contained the now famous passage,” Take a smart man or a smart woman and give them time to sit and stir and an artist of note is born. To date nary a fool won’t shout out these people as failures, even they know they won’t be for long.”
“What do you think it is, Ya Burnout? I’m Lar Famrence head of the festivities community. Go ahead and get yourself a mouthful of cake before it’s a mouthful of blood and teeth. Just kiddin’ ya buddy,” said Lar quickly as he patted Pat on the arm and flashed a goofy grin.
Pat and Amo laughed as they didn’t know what to think.
Lar Famrence has short dark red hair that is gradually longer from the bottom to the top. He also has a thick curly red beard that hides his high cheekbones as well as a small downturned nose and large white teeth. He is 5’9” and weighs 156 pounds with broad shoulders. He has on a yellow sport coat, white cotton dress shirt, and red tie with the words,” To ear is human, I’ve got two,” written along the length of it as well as a pair of white satin pants and tan leather Reebok running sneakers.
“Hey, Lar, I’m Pat that’s the beautiful Amo, nice to meet you,” said Pat warmly as he shook Lar’s hand.
Lar shook his head yes and grinned and Pat felt uncomfortable and grinned back at him.
“It is isn’t it, I haven’t met me lately, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t tried. God its breezy in here, the wind feels like it’s gonna break,” said Lar coyly then he ripped a loud raunchy fart that echoed through the tent and smelled terrible (Lar had been eating beans and cheese sandwiches all morning hoping a new member would happen along). Lar asked sarcastically,” Should we close some windows? I wasn’t sure quite honestly if you could taste my prostate.”
Amo and Pat laughed like a pair of embarrassed fools in the rain. Peada went over to the shark cake and started cutting slices out of head.
“Yeah, you need to eat more cheese. And maybe even vats of baked beans. ‘Cause I still have to fantasize about the last 4 inches of your inner intestine. But that said, how weird would it be to never find out, hmm?” asked Amo sarcastically as she grinned and Pat and Lar laughed. Peada walked up with 3
slices of cake. Amo smiled and said sarcastically,” Quick, Lar, there’s still usable air, scarf down some cake ya burnout. Hey everybody Lar just shit us a sad song in A minor who wants to play mandolin?”
asked Amo sarcastically in a loud voice. Pat howled with laughter and Lar started eating his cake very fast like he was doing what she said.
“Ya know, Amo, there aren’t many women I’d consider my equal. And damn it, there still aren’t,”
said Lar jokingly as he smirked and caught Amo off guard. She laughed and Lar said warmly,” Well why don’t we get the excitement going. I apologize it’s a bit of a slow day.”
Amo looked around at all the chaos in the tent and thought that he was crazy. Pat looked around and felt an endless glee. He thought he’d made it to a place he knew was out there, but he also knew it wouldn’t find him. He would have to go out and get it.
Then into the room came a dozen flaming robots that shot blue flames out of the top of their heads and shouted,” You will all die like the bastards you are! Meet your maker Fools!”
“Jesus, Pat, what do we do?” asked Amo frantically as she looked for a way out. Pat stood calmly and knew it was some type of rouse.
“Amo, we’ll wait ‘em out. Look at Lar, he’s not going anywhere see,” said Pat calmly as he pointed to Lar who was calmly eating cake. Lar did this as the robots raced after people as flames shot into the furthest reaches of the tent.
Amo looked at Lar quizzically as a trio of ten foot long and 6 foot high mega-motorcycles (with loud anti-gravity engines and orange flame throwing mufflers) raced into the room. Their riders screamed like they were on the verge of death and they started blasting flaming bullets through the walls of the tent that lit it on fire. The elephants ran right through a hole in the tent’s walls followed by everyone else.
“You sure about that, Pat? I say we run for it,” pleaded Amo as she felt nervous and looked at the chaos. While Pat still stood there calm and folded his arms with a smile. He did this while he watched Lar quietly eating his cake.
Then the mega-motorcycles raced right at Pat and Amo and started firing flaming bullets over the tops of their heads.
“Amo, I think it’ll all work out. Let’s get a bit of beer from that fridge over there,” said Pat happily as he gave Amo his arm. Pat and Amo started for a marble gargoyle shaped refrigerator behind the table with the shark cake, where Lar sat back in his recliner as the tent quickly vaporized from the flames.
The last of the tent burned and the smoke was sucked out of the room and what was revealed was a massive library that was 30 stories high and a mile long. It has bowed shelves filled with every great book and secret book ever published. There are thousands of cubbyholes filled with lockers and mini-living rooms every so often in between the books. Each of the rooms are equipped with full bars, hot tubs, kitchens, bedrooms, and large holographic TV stands showing any movie you wanted from a massive library of films that included, “Again with Ceiling.”
Again with Ceiling is about an out of work director named Hemran whose life collapses when he’s blacklisted by all the major movie studios. This happens after he’s caught having sex with a Terrier and a vat of grape jelly at a local eatery in L.A. The director then finds he was framed by a rival director who drugged his lunch. This sends the director Hemran into a sexual fury. It starred Richard Streep the great, great, grandson of Meryl as the director. Richard had been quoted as saying of acting,” I have no ability to ever not be acting or using my mind in creative ways in my daily life. So I might as well get rich, famous, and hopefully notorious for it.”
Pat opened the fridge and grabbed two Heinekens and handed one to Amo.
“So I take it you’re one cool customer, Pat?” asked Lar slyly as he stood up and made a cut motion.
This told the Mega-motorcycles to leave and a wry smile came across his face as Pat and Amo opened their beers.
“Yeah, I’d keep the tropics snowbound year round if I lived in their vicinity. How ‘bout you, Lar, ya feel your nerves creepin’ up on you in times of stress and strife?” asked Pat slyly as he knew that Lar was somebody important in the club and this was an initiation. All this while Amo started to think the same thing and fought off a smile. She put her arm around Pat’s waist.
“Not even slightly, alright then let’s get down to business. My name is actually Jaramie Bone and I am the president of the Friends Again Club, which you probably already deduced,” said Jaramie slyly as he implied a question and Amo and Pat smiled.
“We knew you were somebody. You were just too cocky,” said Amo happily as she grinned at Lar.
He chuckled and motioned for them to follow him as he started down the aisle of books.
They walked 30 yards and came to a cubby hole on the left with the words,” I only regret my concerns,” written above the doorway leading in. They stopped for a second and then Lar jumped inside and Amo and Pat laughed.
“This is yours now, so feel free to inspect it more closely at a later time. Now remember your locker needs to be clean, as well as your personal hot tub at all times. And if you do not adhere to this rule you’ll get a good hard punch in the mouth every day it isn’t. Ah I love it,” said Jaramie softly as he sat down on a brown leather chair and let out a sigh. He looked around and thought how lucky Pat and Amo were to have this room.
The room itself is 75 feet long and has 15 foot high white crystal segments mixed with navy blue squares covering it. There is a 10 man hot tub in the back that is in the shape of a dolphin. It has cushioned backs to each seat, as well as a built in beer cooler and snack dispenser. In the front of the room there is a raised up living room with a lion shaped golden couch. And you can sit on it and have someone lay on it at the same time because it is 20 feet long and has a twisted section in the center. There is a guitar shaped table in front of the couch that has touch holographic controls to run all the electronics.
They include (among other things) a pain spray that releases a mild pain medication into the air that makes you instantly euphoric. There is a large canoe shaped bed in the bedroom in the middle section of the room and it has a Temperpedic red mattress and soft crushed velvet blue pillows at the head of the bed. There are a dozen racks of Dadca soda pop that line the bedside table.
Dadca soda pop is made from water from beneath the planet Bapi. It has the ability to turn on the remainder of a person’s unused mind and make them instant geniuses. It does this by reengineering their DNA and their frontal lobes to constantly be firing images and ideas throughout the brain even if the person is unaware of this happening. By doing this is it is the equivalent of a mental steroid. It is rumored the Dadca is filled with a highly evolved microorganism that can thrive in a brain cell.
“We will make sure it is always spotless, Jaramie, if that is your real name,” said Amo playfully as she flopped down on the couch as did Pat who felt the room suited him completely.
“Oh you are incorrigible, you’re a lucky man, Pat,” said Jaramie slyly as he chortled to himself. Amo let out a playful sigh and then Pat rubbed his neck.
“Oh I know and she can dig a ditch too. And knows her way around the kitchen she’s always sayin’, it’s 2 lefts to the refrigerator and 1 right to the sink, and a quick jog to the fertilizer pantry! Aren’t you, Amo?” asked Pat sarcastically as Jaramie laughed and Amo gently punched Pat in the arm.
Jaramie looked over at Pat and Amo and then he stood up and quickly said sternly,” There are many places in our building to explore. And every major sports team has luxury seats for our members…” said Jaramie before Amo interjected.
“You’re kidding, even the Red Sox?!” asked Amo in disbelief as she looked intently at Jaramie and Pat perked up.
“Oh God yes, every stadium in the world!” replied Jaramie with a certain zeal in his voice. “Just show them your key at any back entrance and it’s all taken care of. But I wanted to tell you that you might want to become readers. There’s more here than can be fathomed in one sitting. We have a secret log of everything Tom Cruise did in the twelve years before he was famous. It includes conversations he had with girlfriends and friends. And you would howl with laughter at what a brat he was. It was all recorded by the F.B.I,” said Jaramie proudly as he walked towards the bedside table and Amo and Pat followed.
“Who the hell is Tom Cruise, was he a politician?” asked Amo anxiously as she squinted at Pat.
Pat didn’t know either and Jaramie stopped in his tracks and scowled at Amo.
“Top Gun, Risky Business, HELL-OOO movie star?” said Jaramie with his eyes wide open. “Ok maybe it’s before your time we’ll talk about it later. But for now I want you each to drink one of these.
Trust me you’ll be glad you did,” said Jaramie happily as he picked up 2 Dadca soda pops. He handed them to Pat and Amo who inspected the Dadca’s. They thought it odd that he would ask them to drink something, but felt comfortable because they were unopened.
“What are you tryin’ to poison us?” asked Pat half-jokingly as he opened his Dadca. Amo laughed nervously as she was thinking the same thing as what Pat had just said. Then she opened her Dadca too and Jaramie grinned sternly back at them.
“I already tried that with the cake. Go ahead for Christ’s sake I’m trying to help you. If it makes you any more comfortable, I’ll drink that one you’re holding, give it her?” asked Jaramie as he grinned and was a little frustrated they wouldn’t just drink them.
“Alright, here you go,” said Pat slyly as he handed Jaramie the Dadca. Amo laughed because she knew that Jaramie could be full of shit and that Pat had used his stern tone against him. They both knew Jaramie wasn’t going to be impolite and make a big deal out of Pat not wanting to drink the Dadca.
Jaramie smiled and looked at Pat and Amo. He nervously raised the can to his mouth as he was trying to dupe them into thinking he was actually going to poison them. Jaramie drank a little of the Dadca and quickly spit it out. He threw the can against the wall and shouted,” I’m fucking dying! Holy shit you killed me you bastards! Help somebody fuckin’ help me!”
Amo and Pat looked at Jaramie in shock and thought he was trying to kill them. Then Jaramie stopped shouting and nonchalantly grabbed Amo’s Dadca and opened it by ripping off the top. He shouted,” I don’t care if I die!”
He downed the Dadca as Amo and Pat looked on in horror and then slowly they started to realize something was amiss.
Amo looked at Pat who was grinning and then she knew she was right. She sauntered over to the bedside table and grabbed 2 Dadca’s. Then she walked back over to Pat and opened them and as she did and handed one to Pat, Jaramie convulsed on the bed and then Amo said sarcastically,” Oh God don’t die on us, Jaramie, we need years to get to know you and loath your very existence first.”
They each started drinking the Dadca’s and felt a rush of blood shoot to their heads. They had to sit down on the bed next to Jaramie due to the rush. Jaramie looked at them and said reassuringly,” Don’t worry it will aid you for the rest of your lives. Just lay down.”
“That’s what my 3rd grade teacher said when she handed me my ruler. She also said it was good to measure things with. Boy did I get duped,” said Pat quietly and sarcastically as he blinked his eyes repeatedly and let out sighs. All this while he put his hand on Amo’s chest and she was sweating and breathing heavy.
Jaramie tried not to laugh, but was he relishing the moment and had a wide smile on his face.
Suddenly the effects of the Dadca wore off and Amo jumped to her feet and yelled,” God damn it I don’t need another hassle like that, Jaramie!”
“Me neither, I don’t care if that just permanently cleansed my colon, keep your gifts to yourself, whowee mamakins,” said Pat excitedly as he danced around the room. Amo joined in and Jaramie laughed as he knew what it felt like the first time you drank the Dadca.
Amo started running around the room and then darted out into the library and shouted,” My mind is on fire and I love it! I owe you one, Jaramie, but not one because I counted the cake!” shouted Amo as she ran past a cubby hole that had an old silver haired man in a white undershirt finishing up a shave. She stopped abruptly and said sarcastically” Yoooou missed a spot, there’s still hair on your ass!”
Pat and Jaramie ran after her and Pat yelled,” Amo, we’ve still got to go to Grega’s party remember!”
Amo slid on her shoes for a few feet and it made a loud shrieking sound. This caused all the other members to poke their heads out of their rooms. Amo gestured with her right hand and smiled at them nervously. Then she turned and ran back over to Pat.
“You’re right, let’s hit it already how many times do I have to ask you?” asked Amo sarcastically as she grabbed Pat’s arm. They ran off waving to Jaramie who was smiling at them.
Amo and Pat made their way back to the hangar bay. They hopped in the Rolls and set off for Gimothy’s Restaurant.
Meanwhile in the Arcade
Grega, Daserus, Den, Rosemary, Rocka, and Righter are at Grega’s Townhouse as they go over the last of the plan in the video arcade slash dining room.
The room has 2 levels with on one level having an expansive video arcade that has 90 games set up in a pair of circles. It includes the game,” Horse and other Misnomers,” with there being the ability to sit right in each of the games and use 3D holographic visuals.
Horse and other Misnomers is an adventure game where you play a handsome movie actor. He has his head changed to that of a horse by an evil scientist named Dr. Medasin. Then the actor with the horse head named Pob Gotup has to seek out a healer in the Resom mountains before Dr. Medasin turns the whole human race into animal heads that can barely walk and talk. Pob starts out at a bartering fair as he tries to get a vehicle to drive up the mountain. There are dozens of merchants trying to free him of all of his money as they think he’s an idiot with a horse head.
The walls of the video arcade have the image of a man on fire diving through a hole in a lake with the caption,” Danger is everywhere, but finding a way through can be even more dangerous.” The dining room has several red leather chairs set up facing towards a round center. There are black tables set up that will slide in close to you when you sit down and you could put your food on them. There is also a series of statues of Agisi P. Tloor lining the right wall.
Agisi P. Tloor was and is the,” Symphony of all Musical Desires,” as he was referred to by music writer Bess Dage. He is one third of the rock band Em Cool Riding and he plays lead guitar with 6 fingers as he was born with an extra digit. His blistering solos and unmatched new blues riffs made the point that no one would ever play the guitar better than he did. He wrote one song titled,” Give me what I stole back,” and it talked about all the old bluesmen who had their blues riffs stolen by rock and roll bands like Led Zeppelin. It talked about how they never received a royalty check or even a token of gratitude from those no talent bands. The song proceeds to create a dozen new blues riffs. The riffs weren’t borrowed from anyone and created solely by Agisi. He knew people would be stealing these blues riffs for a hundred years, but he didn’t care because he knew that they couldn’t write them and were all false idols.
Agisi lives in an artist retreat and only comes out to destroy and dominate the pop charts every 4 years, but many of his albums and singles rarely leave the top 40.
“Hey, Grega, when do we get the Swedish porn? My balls are way past blue quick save me, Rosemary,” said Den sarcastically as he danced up to Rosemary and flexed his muscles. Meanwhile Rosemary laughed and Grega continued eating a large strawberry Danish.
“As soon as they make one!” declared Grega proudly. “All’s I have are me and three hairless bears from last year’s hunting trip. Boy did it get weird after the 4 hours of sex when they tried to borrow 1500
dollars from me. And I had to tell ‘em me no roll that way. Get the fuck away from me,” said Grega sarcastically in an old man’s voice. Grega threw his Danish at the trash can, missed and said warmly,” So I missed it so what. Alright, Righter, what’s the last part of the street maneuver?” asked Grega coyly as he
tried to see if he could kill Righter’s confidence by asking him a dumb question. Righter knew what he was doing and didn’t immediately answer him. They all sat in the red leather chairs and ate.
“We have everything covered including the exit…which is through Gimothy’s kitchen down the stairs to the underground hallway. Where, we’ll have our lab technician waiting to begin testing the Doramoc flesh. Look there are a million things that can go wrong with this plan, but if any of you feel in danger just fucking run for it. It’s not worth your life, but if we pull it off it will save us all,” said Righter firmly as he drank his cup of espresso. Righter smiled at Rocka who smiled back as she ate a chocolate sundae.
“So you’re saying if death be a knockin’, say nobody home. I got ya, so why don’t we head on over?
This breakfast tastes like shit anyway?” asked Den slyly as he stood up and grabbed a dark brown mahogany pipe filled with marijuana. He started lighting it up as Rosemary looked at him and shook her head. She thought he was an idiot for smoking pot.
“Den’s got a point that doesn’t involve his usual haze, so I say we listen and head over,” said Rosemary slyly as she looked at Den.
Den blew smoke rings at her and everyone got up out of their seats. Then they gave a quick nod yes and started to gather up their things.
They grabbed a taxicab and shot across town at lightning speed. They rode into Washington Park and they could see Gimothy’s just down the street from it.
Gimothy’s is a curbside open air restaurant that borders the park. It has 70 green velvety cushioned chairs set up on a floating disc with a purple leather table set up in the center of the disc. You could buy entrees from inside its glass case and it had a touch screen to order your meals. Each of the entrees are hot and on large plates. They include among other dishes a smoked beef and cheese burrito that is only 150
calories, but is a foot in length. Each of the discs can rise up 15 feet and have views over the second level
of the park’s foliage (which includes a theater). The front of the restaurant has the face of Gimothy Torntub smiling over his now famous quote,” I almost took a nap on my atom bomb, but was awoken by a giant explosion fortunately,” written beneath it in swirling red and green letters.
Gimothy Torntub is the originator of the publicity stunt and other worldly pranks that have gotten him into a lot of hot water over the years. It includes the one where he filled the ice maker at Police headquarters with a powerful diarrheic. Meanwhile he paid 17 people to clog up their bathrooms with crap. Then when the mad dash for the bathroom started he called in a string of robberies with only half of them fake. He and his friends made off with over 10 million dollars in gold watches and diamond pendants. He used the money to finance his restaurant and he has been walking the straight and narrow ever since.
The taxicab pulled up in front of Gimothy’s and everyone got out and took a look around at all the paid pedestrians and thought how exciting this was.
Gimothy walked up to Rocka and said warmly,” We’ve got your table, Rocka, if you’re still hungry.”
Gimothy Torntub is 5’6” and weighs only a bit short of 150 pounds. He has blonde long hair that is curly and shoots back off his large forehead from a window’s peak. He has a small nose and thick full lips as well as tan skin with a tattoo of Elvis and the words,” I’m takin’ care of business, I sell 4 kinds of ugly at half price,” written around Elvis on his forearm. His hands are large with large square knuckles and he has wide feet and wears a size 14 shoe. He has on a black silk suit and a pair of orange round sunglasses as well as Gucci shoes with golden pointed tips that have the image of a sword engraved on them.
“Always, Gim, but are we making my favorite dish today?” asked Rocka coyly as she hugged Gim and smiled.
“It’s all ready, we only need the sirloin and we’ll dine a thousand times. Let’s head inside for a minute I want to show you all something we’ve added,” said Gim coyly then he started through a red barn door the size of a doghouse that swung inward. He was closely followed by everyone.
They walked down the golden brick path to the silver front doors. The doors were shaped like a Faberge egg and lead directly into the lounge. They walked past the mist sprayers and everyone felt the cool water. They knew what would later be coming out of them and they had to keep themselves from smiling.
Inside there are 2 large white cotton couches propped up facing out the front windows and they have 4 brief black steps leading up to them. They also have a touch screen built into the small table in front of them and you could order meals, make phone calls, or surf the web or even send Triendsas to people.
Triendsas are a digital (or in some cases holographic) avatar child that you raised from infancy anyway you wanted. Each of the children can look exactly like you or even a hideous monster depending on what you created. You also decide the level of education they receive, as well as the way they would speak and their sense of humor. Then you could trade or sell your Triendsa at any age for unlimited amounts of actual money or for goods and services. The new owner could force their Triendsa to do whatever they want as they live in the holographic world of Pasiom. But, for most of the owners it also carried real world implications as they signed up to have themselves become Pagig as it was called, or have their lives dictated to them dependent upon the success or actions of their Triendsa. In many cases Pagigs found their poor producing Triendsa led to financial ruin even death by hanging. Regardless the game had become so popular that there soon became 2 types of people the Pagigs and regular people.
With the Pagigs having secret languages and code words that only they used to identify one another. For example if you said Rollum and then if they didn’t smile and say,” No pennies today, but thanks!” You knew they were Pagigs and it even meant they were more powerful if they were privy to different caveat responses.
The rest of the lounge has different minimum movement workout machines. They would counter every move you did with whatever level of resistance those muscles could handle at the time. There are paintings on the walls of a rabbit chasing a mouse with a lion chasing the rabbit, with a short bulbous man aiming a gun at the lion with the caption,” Only the smart survive the strong and the brave. God bless my Westchester,” written beneath the mural. There is a pair of red wooden shinny rotisseries set up between the kitchen and the lounge and they continually have waitresses picking up orders and bringing them outside.
“Follow me up, we’ll be safe to talk up here,” said Gim as he walked up the brief steps to the white cotton couches with everyone close behind.
They all sat down on the 2 couches and looked out the 2 way windows to the street and just had to smile.
“Ok, Gim, what are the chances a Doramoc finds his way directly here today? Because this plan is dependent upon said sirloin o’ Doramoc finding his or her way here,” asked Rocka as she looked out and saw Doramocs walking right by and she felt frustrated. This while everyone else thought how cool the whole thing was and eyed each Doramoc that came close.
“Well very good, we’ve had many of them come in here in the past. I’d say within an hour it happens,” said Gim as he pointed to a small Doramoc woman who was slowly walking by. Gim felt his heart race as he desperately hoped she’d come in to impress Rocka. and then said calmly,” that one there seems interested, but like most women she can’t commit.”
“Oh me’s disagrees, its fair Rosemary who won’t commit to Den’s total sexual enslavement!
Daserus, how do you put up with such a thing?” asked Den sarcastically as everyone laughed except for Rocka. Righter smiled and continued watching the Doramoc as he read a holographic menu on the outside of the gate.
“One blowjob at a time, but at least she knows how to tickle my nipples with her purple tickler while she’s doin’ it. I was just kiddin’ ya, Babe, I love ya with your clothes on,” said Daserus jokingly as Rosemary elbowed him. Rosemary felt a bit embarrassed and she started to plot ways to get him back while smiling to herself.
Gim looked and saw the Doramoc walk off and he felt let down. Then up strode Amo and Pat wearing matching dark blue velvet fedoras. Grega saw them and stopped smiling as he was still a little pissed. Amo and Pat looked around to see if they were at the right place. Rosemary spotted them and said excitedly,” Hey they finally showed up!”
“Who showed up, ‘cause I don’t see anybody?” asked Grega coyly as his eyes darted around the people outside. This as Rosemary stood up and pointed.
“It’s Amo and Patty Boy! You floor cleaner at a strip club, Grega, I’m going out to talk to them wait here,” said Rosemary happily then she hurried off the couch. She jumped down the stairs nearly colliding with a waitress who spontaneously laughed and clutched her tray. Rosemary ran outside and up the path hoping to catch them off guard. Then she ran and jumped over the barn door and shouted sarcastically,”
We don’t serve your kind here! Try the porn shop!”
This startled Pat and Amo who looked at Rosemary and their eyes grew wide. They laughed at Rosemary as she hugged the two of them.
“Rosemary, I thought they only let you out of the insane asylum on weekends?” asked Pat sarcastically as Rosemary hugged him tightly and then let go.
“They give me jello and men’s underwears on Fridays too,” said Rosemary sarcastically as she grinned at Amo. Pat chuckled and then Rosemary said warmly,” We need to talk more, but we should head inside and meet up with our amigos.”
“What, the Garcia gang has escaped prison again! OH NO hide Amo’s tits!” said Pat sarcastically as he put his hands in front of Amo’s breasts. Amo looked around nervously, as Rosemary laughed and thought how handsome and cute Pat was being. Then she pushed the thought out of her mind. Rosemary grabbed Pat’s hand and pulled him behind her into the restaurant with Amo close behind. As they entered everyone looked over and smiled.
“Good to see you, Pat, the world is about to change so find a place to gander. I’ve got mine,” said Den slyly as he put his feet up on the table. Then he made a sound like 10 bubbles bursting quickly.
Gim stood up and walked up to Pat and Amo.
“Nice to meet the two of you I’m Gim and this is my place,” said Gim warmly as he shook each of their hands. He thought how out of town the two of them felt, which meant they were from a place that made them unique in the city.
“I’m Amo and the one with half a tooth is Pat. He only speaks when I poke him with a hot iron poker,” said Amo sarcastically as she smiled at Gim. Pat shook his head yes and Gim laughed.
“I must admit it, because it is the only way I can travel from my dream world of Hlaswa to what you’d call Earth,” said Pat sarcastically. Pat felt he and Gim were becoming friends.
Meanwhile Amo looked out the window and saw a massive strawberry blonde haired 19 foot Doramoc man in a dark green dress suit. He was named Foru and he was milling about in front of Gimothy’s smoking a long cigarette.
“Hey we’ve got action on the western front over here, Gim!” yelled Grega as he stood up and waved his arm for Gim to come over. Grega smiled as it gave him a chance to ignore Amo and ingratiate himself with Gim.
“Really, let’s hope this one’s dumb enough to bite the hook. I put a special dish called Clatz on the menu that the Doramocs all love that is served on their home world,” said Gim excitedly as Foru read the menu and then suddenly started to walk off. Everyone gasped, but then he turned back around suddenly and bumped into one of the fake pedestrians.
Foru got pissed at this and grabbed the black haired man and tossed him up against the fence and Foru shouted,” Get the fuck off my street you Peasant!”
“Jesus did ya see that?” asked Grega nervously as he eyed Foru as he walked towards the man he’d just thrown. The man was named Henry and Henry shot at Foru and pulled a blade from his belt. Henry tried desperately to sink the blade in Foru’s stomach.
Foru saw this and with his lightning quick reflexes grabbed Henry’s arm and broke it clean off. Then he tossed his arm at a police officer on horseback. It hit the cop sending him end over end onto a woman on a passing bicycle. The two hit the ground hard with the cop breaking his lip and the woman fracturing her cheekbone.
Henry howled with agony as blood gushed out of his arm and Henry shouted,” You fucking asshole!
I hope you burn!”
“Wrong answer, let’s try another one,” said Foru snidely as he smiled and then hauled back and kicked clean through Henry’s chest. This sent bloody parts of his body flying upward while his torso and legs fell helplessly to the ground.
“That one’s an absolute monster to be sure. Let’s hope it’s not him that decides he’s hungry,” said Righter nervously as he started to sweat.
Everyone looked on in horror as Foru started wiping the blood off his foot and leg with a brown haired woman’s dress. He laughed hysterically and the paid pedestrians started to get nervous themselves.
This while Grega actually thought it was kinda cool.
“What a lovely pair we are,” said Foru as he swung his arm around violently and then said, “Me with my good looks, and you with my good looks. Can’t say we didn’t find a romantic way to fall in fuck,”
said Foru snidely as he wiped off the last of the blood. The woman averted her gaze and he laughed loudly. Then he slapped her ass and said condescendingly,” Go get yourself a life and get off my sidewalk.”
The woman hurried away and Foru walked into Gimothy’s and grabbed the barn door. He flung it to the far end of Washington Square Park and Foru tilted his head to the side and laughed menacingly.
“Isn’t that a hot cup of Joe in your early morning face. Boy I thought only face fuckers got nailed that hard,” said Den jokingly as he fought back a smile knowing he was about to laugh. And then Den laughed and Gim looked out the window. Gim felt annoyed that his door was gone, but also fearful Foru was heading for a table at his restaurant.
“Alright look, it‘s show time. Let’s have him order first to set him at ease, but also you want the street team continually herding Doramocs away. Like that fucker right there! Jesus we have no luck!” said Righter in exasperation as a second Doramoc was heading down the sidewalk towards the restaurant.
They all looked at this in shock and dismay.
“There’s still a good chance the street team gets him. Let’s just relax for a second,” said Rocka calmly as she watched the other Doramoc (named Pead) get funneled out into the street by a dozen people. They impeded his direction just enough to force him to cross, as Rocka had to grin.
Pead got herded further out in the street by 30 people who wanted to cross and that only made Pead shrug his shoulders and continue to walk across and away from Gimothy’s.
“That’s so sick it defies logic, like a genius forgetting his middle initial at the bank. Oh let the good times Rowohawo,” said Den jokingly as he kept his eyes squarely on Pead.
Pead stopped at the hot dog stand and grabbed a half dozen Dr. Peppers and a fist full of hot dogs.
He started eating them as he squirted ketchup and mustard in his mouth. Everyone held their breath as they watched.
Pead finished eating his hot dogs and casually started popping the tops off his sodas. Then he guzzled them down like a pack of thirsty dogs at a fire hydrant.
“We’re so fucked if he comes in here it’s beyond belief. Just eat your damn dogs and drink those fucking Peppers and roll!” said Grega sternly as he was being over dramatic by throwing his hands in the air. Meanwhile he hoped it bothered Amo that he had the dark blue and gold stripped shirt she had bought him on, as he flexed his pecks.
Pead finished his Dr. Peppers and pounded his chest. He glared at every person that walked by and then shouted,” You ignorant jackasses find a new home in a coffin!” and then he said snidely,” Try wiggling out of your impending doom, I fear that will be your undoing!”
All the paid pedestrians were now terrified and barely holding it together as they pretended it wasn’t happening.
“Ok… ah it looks like he’s starting to fuck with people. That is never good with a Doramoc. We may have to scrap the whole thing and seek another time or even place to do this,” said Rocka sternly as she looked at Gim who looked sullen and felt terrible that what she said was true.
“Wait, he’s starting to move up the sidewalk,” said Grega hopefully as he watched Pead doing a dance in between two old women as he bellowed. Then he spanked one of their butts and Grega said happily,” I think he just slapped 2 old women’s asses. This guy is terrible I’d only have slapped one,” said Grega sarcastically as Pat and Amo moved closer to him and Grega felt them getting closer and said happily,” No, no, I’d never slap an old women’s ass, but if she slapped mine I’d love it wowee,”
Pead continued down the sidewalk and then pushed a man out into traffic. The man got hit by a small mega-motorcycle that flipped him end over end landing on his backside.
“We have lift off and hard on, but I can’t say it’s wrong. Did that sound like a bad country song?”
asked Pat sarcastically as everyone but Grega laughed. While Grega pretended not to hear Pat.
Pead took off all his clothes and started to strut down the sidewalk as he sang,” Another one bites the dust, and another one bites and another one bites the dust,” and then he shouted,” I gonna get you so watch it!”
Pead ran down the center of the street punching in car doors as he did.
Meanwhile Foru had ordered the Clatz and was smiling at a beautiful red haired woman at the table next to him. She blushed, her name was Bato.
“Do you find it hard to bask so close to my perfection?” asked Foru crassly as he flexed his pecks and Bato giggled. Gim picked up a red control panel that had the controls for the knockout mist. He pressed the button for the alarm for the street team to be extra aware because they were about to take out a Doramoc.
“Well, do we wait for our friend there to eat or do we crack the seal on this plan right now?” asked Gim as he eyed Foru.
Foru was flirting with Bato by rubbing her cheek and pushing her hair back from her face, as she giggled and smiled.
“Boy I don’t know, we only get one chance at this and if we blow it we are all cooked. That said I say light the candle and light it right fuckin’ now!” said Rocka sharply and Gim grinned and started pressing the first three buttons for the mist around Foru’s table.
The gentle spray filled the air around him with a lilac smell. He didn’t notice anything was amiss.
“Aren’t we beautiful, My Darling, on this day of pure perfection? I am intoxicated by your aura,”
said Foru slyly to Bato as she grinned back at him. He laughed loudly and then slammed his fist on the table (he knew he’d be sleeping with her later).
“He really is having himself a good time, on our time. Are you sure it’s not laughing gas you’re pumping out? Ya know and the real stuff in here ‘cause I feel a little loopy like I’m gonna pass out. I don’t know,” said Grega sarcastically as he pretended to be passing out. Rosemary and Daserus laughed to themselves while Gim chuckled. Grega noticed his corny laugh and felt superior to him. Grega asked sarcastically,” Maybe we should go out there with a couple of wooden clubs, and bash him over the fucking head? Yeah, yeah I know it would work. And if it doesn’t we’ll run for it like fucking jack rabbits.”
This caused everyone except for Gim to laugh. Meanwhile Gim could only force a smile and kept his eyes trained on Foru as he started to doze off. Bato kept smiling at him as the mist took hold. Gim saw this and increased the spray dousing Foru.
“We’ve almost got him, be ready to do what we agreed upon and I mean quick!” said Gim nervously as Foru slowly slumped over in his chair. They all looked on anxiously and thoughts raced through their heads.
“I’m really in love with you, what was your namo again?” asked Foru drunkenly as he went in and out of consciousness. Bato continued to smile at him while up the street Pead started randomly punching people in the chest as he headed in Gimothy’s direction.
“Oh Jesus look that other idiot Doramoc is heading back this way!” said Amo nervously as she pointed to Pead. Amo looked up at Gim who looked calm.
“The street team will buy us some time, but we have to move on the other one right now! Everybody out there, grab him quick!” said Gim sharply and excitedly as he raced down the stairs. They burst outside
and headed straight for Foru’s table. This while Pead grabbed hold of a 12 year old boy and started swinging him like a baseball bat. Pead swung the boy and took out a brown haired man nearby. He violently hit him right in the back of the head with the young boy’s head shattering both their skulls like colliding watermelons. This sent a spray of blood off into a vendor’s fried dough stand and shocked a passerby.
“Oh my God, oh my God did you just see what that bastard did to that kid, Jesus Christ?” asked Pat in shock and disbelief as he fought back tears and felt nauseous. This while everyone hurried over to Foru and Amo grabbed Pat’s arm.
“Pat, I saw it, but it doesn’t matter. They’ll kill all of us if we don’t do this right now, please, Pat,”
pleaded Amo as she looked sternly at Pat. He paused for a second and then ran over to where Foru was.
He helped lift him up out of his chair as he slept.
They pulled out a pair of anti-gravity gurneys and slid them under his legs. Then they started trying to move his upper body with 10 sets of hands. Pead was being kept at bay by using three tall leggy beautiful black haired women who were wearing black cat suits. They did this by having them saunter by and then they smiled at Pead.
“You could be the 3 goddesses sent to me after my last prayer, but I digress. Now get those clothes off and we’ll do it right here,” said Pead sternly as he eyed the 3 women. The 3 women were nervous that he wanted to have sex with them right then and there.
As this was happening Foru was stuck in his chair as his shirt was tangled in a large button on the back of the seat. Grega grabbed him hard around the neck and started tugging with all his strength as he let out an ear blistering scream, but Foru didn’t budge. Pead heard something odd as he started taking off the 3 women’s clothes. He was preparing to have sex with them and he started looking towards Gimothy’s.
“What was all that for God’s sake?” asked Pead quietly as he tried to see if there was anything out of the ordinary.
Gim had a lime green swirling design tarp in front of Foru as they fought to get him on the gurney.
“Jesus, Grega, stop shouting you fool! He’s looking this way!” said Gim sharply as he peered through a small hole in the tarp. The tallest black haired women grabbed hold of Pead’s penis snd Pead looked down at her and smiled.
“Yeah, who cares give us a kiss, Love,” said Pead in a British accent. Then he grabbed hold of the back of the woman’s head and she started sucking his dick.
Meanwhile Foru was still stuck and everyone was getting frustrated. Grega was reaching in behind Foru and trying to rip the button that was holding him clean off the chair. Sweat rolled down Grega’s face as he looked like he was about to explode. He was thinking he was going to do just that.
“It’s almost there I can see it starting to tear. Just give me a second,” said Grega anxiously as he grabbed the button with both hands and gave it one last pull with all his strength. The button snapped and Grega fell backwards into the tarp with the red square button still in his hands. Foru was quickly lifted onto the gurney.
“Yes, Grega, that was so super human sick that I am freaking out for fuck’s sake,” said Rosemary in amazement as she helped Grega to his feet. Rosemary helped him untangle from the tarp as Pead continued to get a blowjob. Pat watched him and thought how remarkable it was to see sex in the middle of the day in such a public place.
“Mother fuckin’ Doramoc gonna get what he deserves as far as I’m concerned. Yeah fuck ‘em all,”
said Grega fiercely as he dusted himself off and glared at Foru’s body as it was floating next to him. He thought how ugly he was and that he wanted to punch him.
“We don’t have time to chat, let’s get our new friend inside before another one comes our way,” said Gim sternly as his eyes darted around the street looking for Doramocs, but he saw none and felt relieved.
They brought Foru inside the restaurant and down a large blue marble staircase with rubber mats affixed to each step on it. There were also photos of Tenon the Last smiling menacingly on each wall.
Tenon the Last is a part time healer and full time religious writer who wrote a book titled,” Too Many Wind Songs to Hear.” It has the Things of Importance list and it includes the passage,” A fragile heart beats too fast when love draws near. That invariably causes love to run for its life but a strong and rapid mind can chase down the dreams of many and become them all on crests of perilous waves of confidence. Then and only then does the aforementioned love come back to roost and purr.” He also wrote a reminder to youth that went as follows,” You may often feel like you need me to be held down and embarrassed, as you feel the arrogance to do such a thing. But I feel no worry at you and your schemes of unknowing and lost lightning understanding. For I’ve gripped a new decade and I no longer value your counsel or see the memories of you as anything more than a milky memory of air.” Tenon started talking away the hypocrisy of modern life one word at a time. In recent months he has been seen many times spouting off random speeches like,” I wasn’t there when the racists of the world moved in next door to purity and justice. But I’ sure as hell will be there the first Sunday after deliverance to help them move out! And when the winds of focused amazement arrive, I’ll be handing out the brochures that read. We knew you’d be thrilled when you died a terrifying death, well at least we hoped as much,” he handed them out from a street corner in Harvard Square 3 days ago.
“It’s just down these stairs everyone and then we’ve done our parts so far. We still need to finish the job, but we’ll worry about that later,” said Righter as they brought Foru down the last of the steps. They jogged down a brief hallway of green bricks that had gold, blue, and turquoise tarps over the doorway at the end of it.
They shot through the tarp and saw a vast operating room with a lab set up that was over 500 feet long with 3 dozen catacombs in every direction. The catacombs have computers set up with holographic monitors on the left and a dozen leather inward facing couches set up around the room. Each of the couches face different camera angles of the street and restaurant and they have people sending messages to the street team through implants in their eardrums and on their brain stems.
There is also a half dozen black and yellow robot doctors. They are set up around a large operating table that also has different advanced medical tools that will be used in the operation. The walls of the room have 50 tunnel doorways in them that lead off in every direction under the city. They even link up with the subway for an easy escape. The floor in the room has a thick air suction orange and brown area rug. It makes the room completely sterile by sucking every diseased spec into the rugs and out through a set of tubes and into a large trash bin. The ceiling in the room has a fake Martian sunset from the planet of Kaopam (which is over 3 million light years away). And it shows a dark red sun going down in between two massive mountain peaks. The peaks are rounded with a huge hole cut in the center of each, as well as a statue of a Gorlac bear.
A Gorlac bear is a half lizard and half bear with a lizard head that is a third the size of its body. It also has a purple bear body with large claws that can slice through steel. The Gorlac bears are over 30 feet in height and weigh 5,000 pounds. They rarely came out during the day as they feast on sleeping humanoids.
“Get him on the operating table and let our metal friends of the robot persuasion do their jobs!” said Rocka sternly as they pulled the gurney up next to the operating table. They elevated it to slide Foru over to the magnetically sealed operating table.
Then Foru was administered a powerful knockout serum. They watched as the robot started cutting into his right thigh. The robot used a massive square saw blade that cuts a perfect 2 foot square piece of
flesh. Then they started draining the yellow blood of Foru and they hurried the piece of flesh over to the super computer for evaluation and to dissect it properly.
“I’m officially sicked out. God do I need a dozen beers and the same amount of hours of sleep. I just can’t take this stress,” said Grega softly as he walked away from the operating table taking great pains not to look at Foru. The robots added a synthetic square of flesh.
Rosemary and Daserus followed Grega as he walked towards a camera on the outside. Grega felt lonely as he saw Amo.
“Ya hungry, Grega, you want some bloody steak and liver pie?” asked Rosemary sarcastically as she patted Grega hard on the back. She saw he was queasy and as she did he almost vomited and shook his head no.
Grega coughed and thought how he’d like to give Rosemary a good hard punch and then said coyly,”
No I just ate a raccoon carcass, so I’m full up! Why you buyin’?” asked Grega sarcastically as he grinned and tried to hide how angry he was with Rosemary.
Rosemary laughed hard, because she knew what he was doing.
“Yes I am and there’s rat’s eyeballs and snot sandwiches too. Let’s go right now,” said Rosemary sarcastically as Grega knew he was grossed out and couldn’t laugh or he’d throw up for sure. He felt like he really would love to push Rosemary hard into the wall but didn’t want to be a jerk. She burst out laughing and put her arm around him.
“We need to send our new friend back out into the world and soon, but I need to know, Gim, if we have him patched up, One? And two if we have all the data we need to start working on that thing. And that we will finally wipe them out before we’re all dust and they’re laughing?” asked Rocka sternly as Gim analyzed the tissue sample and mapped out Foru’s DNA. This while Foru was being brought a new sealing bandage to hide the wound as well as cauterize it.
“Well, quite frankly it could take another couple minutes to know if we have all the data we need.
Also our new friend won’t be reported missing for at least a little while, so just give me a minute here, this is interesting,” said Gim slowly as he looked at Foru’s DNA strand. He felt a tingle go down his back as he realized that Foru had several allergies.
“What’s that Gim?” asked Amo as she watched the holographic computer screen and folded her arms while Pat rubbed her shoulder.
“It says that he has a series of allergies and a penchant for colds. I thought Doramocs were impervious to everything, how can that be?” asked Gim calmly as he eyed the hologram. Gim looked at Pat who was looking back at him with a concerned look as he pondered the problem.
“They must have some sort of all in one medicine they take for diseases that they haven’t made us aware of,” said Pat proudly in a soft voice as he realized how to kill them. And then he said firmly,” That means that if we could find this medicine and create diseases that it was unable to fight off. They would die like fleas in a forest fire.”
“Oh Jesus Christ Almighty, Pat, that’s the answer we were looking for, but where are they hiding it?” asked Amo excitedly as a flint of a smile came over her face. She felt enormously proud of Pat but didn’t want to seem overbearing. Pat looked at the floor as he thought of a solution.
“Well…where are there always Doramocs and rarely people?” asked Pat calmly as he looked at Rocka and Gim. They gazed back at him as they racked their brains.
“The Fleet Center in Boston has a luxury section for Doramocs only with its own hangar bay. If you’re askin’, that would be my guess,” said Rosemary calmly as she ran her hands through her hair.
Everyone grinned as they knew she was right.
“That is fucking brilliant, but how do we get in there? None of us are exactly V.I.P.’s for God’s sake!” Rocka said sternly as her eyes picked at everyone as Pat and Amo were smiling. Rocka asked,”
What are you both smiling at?”
“You aren’t, but we are. We can get into any V.I.P. room at any stadium in the world,” said Pat happily as he grinned and thought how great this moment felt. This while Amo rubbed his belly and she looked at him in disbelief.
“That Friends Again shit, really anywhere?” asked Den in disbelief as Pat and Amo laughed.
Pat reached into his pocket and pulled out his Friends Again key.
“This little baby gets us in anywhere in any fucking stadium we want. The only question is when do you want to go, and who’s comin’ with us?” asked Pat slyly as he waved the key and smiled. This as the room felt true amazement because they knew how important it was.
“Then it’s all of us, we’ll need the man and woman power. Give me a couple of days to prepare a plan and then we’ll fly up. What a great fucking break,” said Rocka boldly as she pumped her fist.