4
A Lesson on Personal Greatness
I spent most of the week thinking about what the Professor had said. As part of the course requirements, we had to complete a reflection paper after every session. This included reflecting on what we were learning, how we could apply it in our own lives, and some additional ideas to experiment with.
It also entailed becoming mindful of our micro-moments and taking forcing ourselves to make decisions that we wouldn’t ordinarily make. It was an experiment at trying to live more consciously by thinking through our decisions and mode of action instead of giving in to a habit. It involved thinking about the personal freedom we had to choose how we were going to respond to everything that was happening around us.
As I tried becoming more conscious of what I thought and how I responded to the things around me, I began to realize how difficult it was. As I better identified these micro-moments, I began to understand what the professor had said: it was all up to me.
I didn’t have to continue reacting the way I had in the past. People in my orbit were going to be surprised at first but they would adjust accordingly. The idea was scary, but it was also liberating.
Moreover, it wasn’t easy to put the 100% responsibility principle to practice. After all, I had spent years placing blame outside instead of taking a hard look inside the mirror. It hadn’t made my life any better, but I had continued to seek the answer to my problems elsewhere. I figured that was something I couldn’t really do anymore, or I would be lying to myself.
However, by trying to take more responsibility for what was happening in my life and by living more consciously, I began to feel small a sense of control which I hadn’t felt in a long time. If there was one thing that kept coming back to me from the last class, it was the idea that no one was going to come save me. There was no use waiting. As Professor Ismat had bluntly said, there were no saviors. If my life was going to change, I was going to have to do something about it. Part of me wished that I had had this courage and realization earlier.
Perhaps I would have pursued that journalism degree I was passionate about. Perhaps I wouldn’t have readily accepted the first job offer that came my way. If only, I thought. Things would have been different for me.
As I began to think about my life, I couldn’t help but feel despondent. If what the professor had said was true, hadn’t I wasted over 20 years of my life? Perhaps for the very first time in my life, I began to feel a sense of deep regret.
I chose not to talk to my Dad about it. I didn’t even tell Furqan for a change. I wasn’t sure they would understand. Moreover, if what Professor Ismat said was true, I was beginning to realize that my immediate circle of family and friends wasn’t perhaps the best source of advice. I recalled what she had said – ‘people judge you based on where you currently are in life instead of what is possible for you.’
There was some truth to that. I recalled time and again sharing my ideas with those around me only to be shrugged off. It was always too outlandish or too difficult or too impossible. If there wasn’t one thing, there was another. With the passage of time, I had stopped even sharing my ideas. The worst part was when I saw someone else actually going ahead with that idea and succeeding! Oh how I would curse myself for listening to ‘them’!
I wondered why the people closest to us were often our biggest dream killers. Instead of being on our cheerleading squad, they would join the discouragement squad. And it was that quiet insinuation that made all the difference, didn’t it?
The more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that contrary to what I believed, I had been living a mediocre life because I accepted my limitations. If others could go through much worse and still succeed, why couldn’t I? If Oprah and Disraeli could, why couldn’t I? I couldn’t find a compelling reason.
I sent a text message to check with Sarah if Shehryar would be attending the next session. I had reached out to the Registration Office once again earlier, but they refused to budge from their stance of not increasing the student enrollment. It had seemed like an eternity before Sarah replied but to my delight, I found out that Shehryar was still confined to his bed. While I knew I shouldn’t have been taking delight in his illness, the excitement of attending another session with Professor Ismat overrode all that guilt. The night before class, I tossed and turned with these questions in my head. It was only after many perturbed hours that I was able to get some sleep.
* * *
On the day of our next session, I arrived early only to find that most of the students were already in their seats. The students excitedly chatted away, barely noticing my entrance. Sarah, as promised, had saved a seat for me right next to her.
“Hey, look who’s here!” she exclaimed as I walked in. I raised my eyebrows in surprise and smiled back.
“Good to see you too, Sarah,” I responded with a cheekiness in my voice. Before Sarah could respond, the door opened and Professor Ismat walked in.
A hush fell over the classroom. Ordinarily, professors usually had to spend at least a minute or two asking the class to settle down so we could start. But then again, this was different. This was Professor Ismat. We knew better than to mess around with our own Thatcher.
She kept her bag to the side and turned towards the class. She looked as elegant as always in a light gray dress and an emerald necklace.
“Good afternoon, children,” she said, taking a sip of coffee. “I’m delighted to see so many of you today,” she smiled, as she looked around the classroom. She was right. I had expected many students to drop out but if anything, the class felt even more packed today.
“So, who would like to build on Mahnoor’s brilliant work the other day and start us off today?” she asked. I glanced at Mahnoor to see a smile on her face.
Immediately about a dozen students raised their hands.
The professor called out on a student in the 3rd row who got up in her seat and pulled out her notes. She flipped a few pages and then began speaking. Professor Ismat meanwhile pulled a chair to the side with her frail hands and took a seat.
“As you all are aware, Professor Ismat asked us to find out more about the Stockdale paradox,” said the student as she glanced at the professor to make sure she was on the right track. Professor Ismat responded with a quick smile, encouraging her to continue.
“The author Jim Collins in his research for the best-seller Good to Great came across an example of Admiral James Stockdale to illustrate a concept called the Stockdale paradox. Admiral James Stockdale was a former U.S. vice-presidential candidate and was the highest-ranking naval officer during the Vietnam War,” she continued.
“Held captive as a prisoner in Vietnam for over 7 years, Stockdale had no reason to believe that he would make it out alive. However, despite the grim reality, Stockdale found a way to stay alive through accepting the harshness of his reality alongside a balance of healthy optimism,” the student said as she paused to turn the page.
“This is what is today referred to as the Stockdale paradox, the concept of confronting the most brutal aspects of your existence while also having the belief that you will succeed at the end,” continued the student.
“To quote Admiral Stockdale, ‘You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.’” she added, before taking her seat.
The students turned their eyes towards Professor Ismat who took another sip and slowly got up from her comfortable position. After applauding the student’s effort, Professor Ismat turned her attention to the entire class.
“Students, if you have been thinking about what we discussed last time, it is natural to feel a bit disappointed,” said the Professor. You bet, I thought to myself.
“It’s hard recognizing and then accepting that in getting to where you are today, you played a role. It’s hard to accept that we created our current present circumstances by our past choices,” stressed Professor Ismat.
“The reality of your current situation may seem incredibly bleak. However, this discomfort is good. It tells you that you have more inside you that you still have to explore,” she added.
“But regardless of how you feel, there are hundreds if not thousands of individuals who have been in worse situations than you are but chose to make the most of their lives. They started much later in life, with little or no money in the bank. More often than not, they didn’t have any support. Many of them didn’t even have a quality education,” continued Professor Ismat as she took another sip.
“What they did have was a strong desire to make the most out of themselves. What they did have was the courage to confront the most brutal aspects of their existence and then take responsibility for it. The desire and courage to take full responsibility encouraged them to change their lives. If I take full responsibility for my life, then I, not someone else, has the power to change it for the better. It is an empowering feeling, isn’t it? It’s also scary, but no doubt empowering,” said Professor Ismat. She took a deep breath and smiled as if the idea reminded her of a personal experience.
“The reason I asked you to look up the Stockdale paradox is that it’s important to consider the brutal facts of your existence and not lie to yourself about where you are and what you lack. It takes a lot of courage to objectively look at who you’ve become and what it will take to get to where you want to go. You’ve got to be brutally honest about where you are in life and what you lack. It is awful tasting medicine, but the patient needs it,” she continued. I couldn’t help but smile at this description.
“No one can do this assessment for you. You’ll have to do it for yourself. And please, don’t lie to yourself,” stressed Professor Ismat.
“However, as you begin to take 100% responsibility for what happened to you and perhaps the role that you played in arriving where you today, while it is important to confront the most brutal facts about your existence, it is also absolutely important to have faith that in the end, you will persevere!” emphasized Professor Ismat with a vigor that was downright contagious.
“While you must have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts that you face, you must also have unwavering faith that you will find a way to prevail in the end. Whatever situation you are in, you can get yourself out of it. Tell yourself that you got yourself here, you can get yourself out, and most importantly, that you’re now getting out! Learn the lesson and move on!” she added, as she pressed the clicker and projector screen lit up.
“What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
20th Century Philosopher
“If where you are is rock-bottom, then you can only get better from here no?” asked Professor Ismat. “You are not your past. Remember that. Regardless of where you are today, remember that your current situation is not representative of your potential. It is only a representation of who you are today. It doesn’t matter where you are as long as you know where you’re going. That’s the only thing that matters,” she added.
It was enough. For the first time in two years, I finally took out my crumbled notepad to take some notes. Sarah gave me a wry smile.
What a powerful idea, I thought to myself; it doesn’t matter where you are as long as you know where you’re going. Realizing I didn’t have a pen, I plucked one out from Sarah’s case and began writing. She nodded her head and kept writing.
Professor Ismat continued.
“Equipped with the knowledge that only you have the power to turn your life around, you can begin immediately. Today can be the first page of an entirely new chapter in your life if you choose to make it so. You can choose to become all that you can be, or you can choose to become less than you can be. No one else will do it for you. It will be hard and require a lot of courage on your part, but the journey will be worth it,” said Professor Ismat as she pressed the clicker again.
“It takes courage, to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”
Marianne Williamson
Author
She took a sip before continuing.
“While the inertia to change can feel overwhelming, ask yourself a question: if not now, then when?” said Professor Ismat.
“Don’t settle for anything but the absolute best for yourself! Imagine what is possible for you. You have one life and it belongs to you! You’re not here on this earth to live up to someone else’s expectations!” she emphasized.
“Your destiny is in your hands and you have the power to do something about it. It all starts with taking a hard look in the mirror and courageously figuring out what it will take for you to turn your life around. You have to impartially reflect on what you have been doing thus far and then start doing more of what works and less of what doesn’t. It’s really that simple!” she exclaimed.
“Taking self-responsibility can be a transformative and empowering experience. Once you begin to accept the harsh reality that you have agency and you have consciously or unconsciously played a major role in shaping the life that you currently have, you can now begin to take control. If you were to disregard this principle force, you will continue to seek external forces to change your life for the better,” she added.
“However, with this reality-check, you can develop the inner strength that you need because you recognize that when all is said and done, you are responsible. If things are to get better, you will have to get better,” stressed Professor Ismat.
“The power to change is in your hands and your hands only. You can now do something about it; you can take action. It is often said that true change takes place when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing,” added Professor Ismat as paused to take another sip.
I felt my phone vibrate. I chose to ignore it. Every word that Professor Ismat uttered was too precious to neglect. Besides, I was too hooked to her magnetism to even bother who was at the other end. Before proceeding, she pressed the clicker again to pull up another slide.
“The major key to your better future is you.”
Jim Rohn
Motivational Speaker and Author
“You know, deep down, you know this stuff already,” said Professor Ismat.
A student in the first row hesitatingly raised her hand.
“Professor, no one has ever taught me things such as micromoments or taking 100% responsibility,” she said. I agreed with her.
“My child,” responded Professor Ismat with a smile. “Before I answer, love the vocabulary you’ve been using’. The students laughed.
“I agree with you. No one probably did. Things aren’t as great as they should be, especially our education system. However, what I meant to say is that deep down, we all recognize that if things are going to change, we must first change,” she stressed.
“It is the lies that society tells us about what is possible for us that we must guard against. We are told to seek the answers to our problem out there when all that you seek is already inside you,” continued Professor Ismat.
“Our conditioning has strengthened and accumulated over years and years and it will take a lot of effort to change it. It will take a lot to change how we think about life and most importantly, how we choose to now respond to it. It will require repetition and persistence. It will require pain and suffering. However, you must be confident that your inherent greatness lies within you and not out there. Realizing your personal greatness is the answer to everything that you seek. You have to listen to the little voice inside you that guides you in the direction of your dreams,” she added.
“Professor,” continued the student, “I see what you mean. However, I’m afraid my friends and family don’t think that way.” Without pause, Professor Ismat approached the student’s seat and characteristically put her on the girl’s shoulder before speaking.
“Again, I agree with you. And it is okay to feel that way. I wish it could be better but unfortunately, it is a battle that we must all face. As you embark on this journey of personal greatness, you have to recognize that your life belongs to you. You have to do what gives your life meaning and value, rather than what others think is right for you. When writing the story of your life, you have to make sure that no one else is holding the pen,” she stressed.
“You are first and foremost responsible to yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself and seek what gives your life meaning and value, who do you think will do it for you? Who will take care of you? You have to prioritize yourself. You owe this to yourself,” she added as the students hurriedly took notes.
“Have you ever seen a rocket take off? The most resistance and stress will be encountered during take-off. It’s the same with the people around you. These will be times when you tear down all your false beliefs and start consciously living your life. When you take conscious control of your micro-moments. Times when you will pay more importance to what you think about yourself than what others think,” she added before pulling up another slide.
“In the inner courtroom of my mind, mine is the only judgment that counts.”
Nathaniel Branden
Self-Esteem Expert and Author
Professor Ismat returned to the front of the classroom before she began speaking again.
“Now, before I move on, I want you to remember something. During our time together, I want you to be a student. I don’t want you to be a follower,” she paused before continuing.
“In every class that you go to, you’re told to blindly follow what is being taught. I am not here to question that logic; I am sure there are reasons for why things are the way they are. However, I am responsible for this course and I want you to know that even though I’ve spent my entire life discovering and refining what I’m sharing with right now, I still want you to be critical of everything you hear,” stressed Professor Ismat.
“Take what works for you and discard what doesn’t. What I’m sharing has worked magnificently for myself and others but each of us is different and special. You need to decide for yourself what makes sense for you,” she added.
The students nodded in unison.
“Think about the countless number of people who have come and gone in your life. Perhaps at the time, it seemed that nothing was more important than their presence. However, today, they might not even be a part of your life. And children, I will come and go too,” she said with a smile before continuing.
“However, if there is someone that is still with you and you can be certain will be till your last breath, it’s you. Why not then consider yourself as your highest priority and consider what you think valuable? That is one person you should listen to” she added as she pressed the clicker.
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people but care more about their opinion than our own.”
Marcus Aurelius
Roman Emperor
She took another sip before continuing.
“Remember all the crises you’ve lived through and survived. Have faith in yourself and realize that whatever comes your way, you will be able to handle it. Why not do the things that you want to do? If the fear of failure is preventing you from taking action, remember that you can fail at what you don’t want probably just as much, if not more, at what you do want,” she emphasized.
“How many of the people that you have around you today will be with you 5 years down the road? 20 years? 50 years? You don’t want to look back and regret having wasted away your life for people who may or may not be a part of your life,’ she continued.
“There are millions of individuals who are living lives of ‘what if’ wondering what life would have been like if they had been courageous enough to truly recognize their greatness. They’ve settled for a life of mediocrity. If only they had chosen to listen to themselves instead of what others thought was best for them, they wouldn’t be living what the American poet Henry David Thoreau calls ‘lives of quiet desperation.’ Can you imagine how beautiful the world would be if everyone dared to follow their dreams?” asked Professor Ismat.
“You don’t want to look back and regret not giving in to your purpose. Find your purpose and then lose yourself in it. And don’t worry, we’ll talk about how to do that later,” she continued.
“A life of discipline lived in the pursuit of your dreams is better than a life of regret. The pain of a life of discipline is far less than the pain of a life of regret,” added the professor before pulling up another slide.
“What if you live your whole life only to discover it was wrong?”
Les Brown
Motivational Speaker
She paused for a few moments for the words to sink in and then continued.
“What if you live your whole life to realize that you didn’t accomplish what you could have? That you sold yourself short only because you were too concerned with what other people may or may not think about you?” she asked.
“People you don’t know but more importantly, people who you do know. You are not responsible to anyone but yourself for pursuing the burning desire that is in your belly. Don’t ignore it. Don’t throw away your talents because of what other people
will say, other people will say what they want to say regardless. And anyway, most people are more concerned with what is happening in their own lives to worry about what’s happening in yours. This is what the First Lady of the United States had to say about this,” continued Professor Ismat as she pressed the clicker. It was clear to the class that her presentation was timed to perfection.
“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
First Lady of the United States
“Do what gives your life meaning and value and don’t worry about what others think,” repeated Professor Ismat.
“Today, not tomorrow is the time to change. Your friends and family may be surprised by the changes they see in you but recognize that you’re doing it for yourself. You owe this to yourself. You can only control yourself, not what others choose to think about you. Don’t worry about what they think! Not everyone is meant to be a part of your life. Changing your life for the better is hard, but it is a price that you must be willing to pay if you are to discover what you can become!” she emphasized before continuing.
“For things to change, we must change. We can have much more than we’ve got because we can become much more than we are. The seeds of personal greatness lie within every one of us but unless we choose to take responsibility for harnessing them they will lie dormant. This quote is often attributed to Mark Twain,” said the Professor as she pressed the clicker again.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
“Regardless of what anyone might say or what you’ve been led to believe, there’s greatness within you. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past; the potential for human greatness lies within all of us,” said Professor Ismat in a matter-of-fact tone.
“All of us were put on this planet to serve a purpose - a purpose that gives our lives meaning and value. We might have to spend our entire lives discovering that purpose but once we do, we must fully hand ourselves over to it,” she added.
As I glanced at my notes, I realized that I already had taken over 4 pages of notes. This was more than what I had managed to accumulate over the entire semester. Sarah, on her the other hand, had already filled a dozen or so pages. What a nerd, I thought to myself.
Professor Ismat put down her coffee mug and pressed the clicker again.
“You were designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness.”
Zig Ziglar
Author and Speaker
When Professor Ismat was satisfied that everyone had read the quote, she pressed the clicker again.
“Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.”
Wilma Rudolph
Olympic Champion
“I share these quotes with you because I want you to recognize that these people are no different than you are,” continued Professor Ismat. “They’ve all had their journeys to complete and even today, despite having achieved ‘success’ in the eyes of the world, they are continuously working to develop themselves,” she added.
“You must recognize your worth! There is no one like you in the entire world!” she exclaimed enthusiastically.
“Really, there is no one else like you in over 7 billion people! Moreover, there never was another you before, and there never will be another you again! Your life matters and there is a reason and purpose why you are here,” she continued.
“I want to share a poem with you today that caught my attention,” said Professor Ismat as she pressed the clicker.
Before you were born,
And were still too tiny for
The human eye to see,
You won the race for life
From among 250 million competitors.
And yet,
How fast you have forgotten
Your strength,
When your very existence
Is proof of your greatness.
You were born a winner,
A warrior,
One who defied the odds
By surviving the most gruesome
Battle of them all.
And now that you are a giant,
Why do you even doubt victory?
Against smaller numbers,
And wider margins?
The only walls that exist,
Are those you have placed in your mind.
And whatever obstacles you conceive,
Exist only because you have forgotten
What you have already
Achieved.
Suzy Kassem
American Writer
As the class took notes, I couldn’t help but feel something inside me begin to shift.
I don’t know whether it was the professor’s presence, the way she repeated certain phrases, or the quotes that she was sharing, but she was certainly having an impact on me. My earlier despondency began to fade away. I felt a sense of hope. It felt as if Professor Ismat was igniting a flame of optimism and purpose inside me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. My rumination was interrupted by Professor Ismat’s voice.
“You are the most valuable currency that you have. Regardless of whichever country you take this currency to, you will be able to reap rewards in accordance with how much you’ve invested in yourself,” said Professor Ismat as she took a sip.
“You have gifts and talents inside of you that you’re not even aware of. However, you and no one else must take the responsibility of developing your gifts. Again, don’t be afraid of what others around you might think – you owe it to yourself to see what you can become. By not persisting to discover who you are, you are doing an injustice not just to yourself but the entire world. You are doing an injustice not just to the people on this planet right now but all those who are yet to come!” stressed Professor Ismat as browsed through her notes.
“Before we proceed, can anyone tell me the richest place on earth?” she asked.
“America,” immediately responded a student sitting in the front.
“Saudi Arabia”, “Germany”, said a few other students.
“China!” said a student from the back. Without saying anything, Professor Ismat smiled and pressed the clicker.
“The richest pla