Consentopia
By: Herisa Takhit
© 2018 Herisa Takhit
All rights reserved. No portion of this eBook may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without CONSENT from the author.
For permissions contact: amber@ambertheactivist.com
This eBook contains information that is intended to help the readers be better informed on health care and sexual assault recovery. It is presented as general advice. Always consult your trusted healthcare professional for your individual needs.
The methods describe within this eBook are the author’s personal thoughts. They are not intended to be a definitive set of instructions. You may discover there are other methods and materials to accomplish the same end result.
Chapter 1- Introduction page 3
Chapter 2- Welcome to Consentopia page 8
Chapter 3- Times Pop Culture Got Consent Wrong page 13
Chapter 4- Enthusiastic Consent page 17
Chapter 5- Apprehensive Consent page 22
Chapter 6- Asking for Consent page 25
Chapter 7- A Message to Survivors page 34
Chapter 8- Healing the Mind page 38
Chapter 9- Healing the Body page 41
Chapter 10- Healing the Spirit page 43
Chapter 11- How to Get to Consentopia page 46
Chapter 1: Introduction
Consentopia, the magical land that everyone is talking about! What’s the big deal with this place and why does it matter? As a survivor of molestation and rape, living in a place like Consentopia would have saved me from a world of pain. Consentopia is a utopian society where sexual violence does not exist. It’s a place where people communicate and respect each other’s boundaries. This introduction will explain a little bit about my background as a survivor of sexual assault, activist, and consent educator.
The first time I experienced sexual violence, I was twelve years old and it was at the hands of my neighbor. Since I was so young and all his words were so sweet, I had no idea that I was a victim of sexual abuse.
In the eyes of a child, I believed that I was in a relationship because the perpetrator told me he loved me. I had no idea that I was being taken advantage of.
I had been warned about rape and molestation my entire life. Everyone always made it seem like older men were the predators. No one ever warned me about those sweet-talking seventeen-year-old boys. Even when they did, I glamorized the attention so much that even when I was uncomfortable, I just smiled through it. “Smiling through it”, I learned, is a subconscious self-defense mechanism that many people use to suppress their true feelings.
I continued to smile through it each time I was sexually assaulted by different friends and trusted individuals. I have been sexually assaulted more times than I can count. You’ll read about many of those experiences in my memoir. Until then, below is a list of significant life events that inspired this book.
TRIGGER WARNING: Please skip this part if reading about sexual assault is triggering for you.
Age 12- molested by neighbor
Age 13- raped at summer school
Age 17- raped on my birthday
Age 18- raped by cousin
Age 21- raped by friend after a party
Age 22- failed suicide attempt that led to my spiritual journey
Age 24- passed same-sex marriage in three different states while working for the Human Rights Campaign
Age 25- raped by a “friend” who targeted me because I was lesbian
Age 26- raped during #StopRapeEducate World Tour
Age 27- raped during a threesome
Age 28- began clearing my chakras and energy field daily
Age 29- became a Certified RaSekhi (Kemetic Reiki) Practitioner to heal myself and fellow survivors
Photo by Nikki Silvers, 2016, Santa Rosa, California
“I can no longer count the times I've been raped (the more you learn about what consent REALLY is, the more you realize you didn't give it) & it was just eight months ago that my body was brutally violated, but, I've managed to keep my sanity in the following ways:
1. Forgiveness. A few days after Shakir raped me in Cape Town, I prayed under the glorious full moon and released ALL negative emotions about the incident and blessed all people involved.
2. I know that it is NEVER a survivor's fault, allowing me to release blame for myself.
3. Staying in the present moment is the key to happiness. If you're busy worrying about the future and feeling sad about the past, then you will live in a constant state of suffering. Being Present allows me to be One with the Universe, and, in that oneness, I am perfectly happy and safe.
4. Staying focused. Living in sadness gives power to the rapist. I released his hold over me when I forgave him and haven't looked back at it since. I have a purpose and destiny to fulfill in life and I know that nothing can get in the way of that.
5. Commit to healing. Healing is a process. I have committed to healing so that I can grow into a dynamic diva.
You can do it! I know because I did. I believe in you!”
-Originally published on Instagram June 30, 2016