Know that it is. After meeting a man who was once very rich and handsome, but is now reduced to living on the beach and picking up cigarette butts because of his drug habit, I finally realised this. He had embezzled funds from the company he worked for; he had kidnapped his mother for a ransom from his family to fuel the habit. He had also sold his house, apartment, and sports car. He had nothing left. He had no teeth, nowhere to live, his clothes were from the Salvation Army. Everything was gone. His family still loved him but he had no contact with them. He was on the disability pension. He had chosen to punish himself totally in this lifetime. He was enjoying the drama of the situation.
I initially judged him as a total loser. I tried to change him through reasoning with him. He had no qualms borrowing money from anyone.
In the end, I realised only he could choose to make his life more positive. Only he could end the love of drama and the need of punishment.
Then one day he said, “I now am totally free. I no longer need anything material. I live on the beach and eat in the soup kitchen. What else do I need? I'm still looking for a high through drugs but that won't change. Don't try and change me.”