bully will become the organized crime leader. The wife basher will become the murderer. Loving someone does not mean allowing them to do anything they want to you and others. Love of yourself and others demands that you stop them. To allow a person to continually hurt others and inflict damage is not the most loving thing to do. Highest love requires a forceful response.
Take control of your self and your life. See yourself for what you are and know you can change. You will eventually have to anyway. If you don't do it now, at some stage you will have to see yourself for what you have become. You won't like this image and have to do something about it. Why wait?
How do I choose not to be a victim and martyr ?
The great martyrs such as Jesus choose this state through free choice. It was never inflicted on them and Jesus always knew he could stop his crucifixion at any time. He chose this state, as He knew that humans would only heed the message after He was dead. He overcame death by rising again on the third day. Then you knew the truth and followed the message. But the message has become distorted over time and each religious group feels their message is the right way. So people think suffering is necessary in life to follow the religious path.