You created where you've come from and where you've ended up. There is only you. Stop blaming others for this being that stares at you in the mirror every day. Maybe your childhood was full of violence and hate, but your soul chose this as necessary for it to develop long before you arrived here in your body. Next time, don't choose the drama and negative lifestyle. You've been through the negative. Now your existence is devoted to realising this and creating the positive. Only by knowing the negative for what it is – destructive and ultimately leading nowhere but hell within yourself, can a new positive equilibrium be achieved.
Want to change?
Look around you. Maybe at present you can't go and sit in a blackened room. But envisage life outside and inside. Look at yourself. You have a body that can function perfectly itself. A heartbeat that creates life. Breath provides necessary oxygen to the body and waste is eliminated. Allow it to function properly and it does everything unconsciously. That's perfection. Look at a leaf and the same unconscious perfection applies. It's all one and perfection exists. Only mindlessness destroys that perfection.