Throughout the world and throughout time, becoming an Elder has been regarded as being a Wise Presence in the community.
Primordial Images of Elders in other cultures follow similar ideas:
Mentor and Teacher Archetype Jung
Wisdomkeeper Tribal Elder
Preserver Ancient Greek
Detached Advisor Hindu
Source of Wisdom Jewish
Custodian of Life Cycle Huichol
These elder archetypes point towards a rebirth of spiritual values that could restore our culture to psychological health and equilibrium.
DISCUSSION - THINGS TO PONDER:
What of these archetypes do you relate to? Why?
Ask participants to name Elder Ceremonies with which they have knowledge and experience. Examples:
DISCUSSION - THINGS TO PONDER:
Rites of passage ceremonies mark the transition between stages of life. They symbolize the movement from one identity into a new one.
Elderhood is often defined as severing people from their former identities and investing them with new responsibilities.
What old identities and responsibilities did (or might) you let go of?
What new identity and responsibilities will (or might) you take up?
What ceremonies have you done?
What kind of ceremonies might be important to you now?
Each of us can create beautiful ceremonies for elders, for ourselves and for others.
GUIDED MEDITATION TO SEE YOUR SENSE OF IDENTITY, NOW, AND WHO YOU COULD BE
Begin by getting comfortable. Sit with both feet on the floor, your hands in your lap. Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths.
Start to relax your body, from your feet to your head. Allow a feeling of relaxation to fill your feet.... ankles...lower legs...and knees.…. your upper legs.
Relax your hips and pelvis … your stomach and lower back ... your chest, back, and sides.
Let your hands relax ,through your fingertips and wrists.
Feel your lower arms relaxing...letting go. Relax your elbows and upper arms, your shoulders, your neck to relax...letting go...and relax your face and head.
Feel your entire body relaxing even more deeply...becoming completely relaxed...comfortable.
Now turn your attention inward... more deeply inside...to find out more about how your see your sense of identity, your self.
Begin by reflecting upon your values. What is the most important to you in life? What do you value? Where does your sense of right and wrong come from? Spend the next few moments reflecting on your values.
(Pause)
The values you have been thinking of make up part of your sense of identity. If you are being true to your values, they will drive your behavior.
Think about how your values are a part of your day-to-day life.
(Pause)
Now consider what else makes up this sense of identity and the role you take on, like father, mother, worker, retired, friend, and so forth.
Imagine the person you believe yourself to be right now. It's okay if you aren't quite sure who you are...just picture yourself going about the things you usually do in a typical day. Imagine that you are watching yourself...observing yourself going about your usual day.
See yourself getting up in the morning...going about your day...imagine the things that you do in a typical day. See yourself doing these activities.
Picture this person...you...standing in an empty room. Imagine watching this person...observe...now imagine you could strip away all the things that hold you back from your full potential. Imagine self-doubt dissolving ...being replaced with confidence and self-assurance. Picture this person before you, and imagine all the things that get in the way of success...such as circumstances, lack of resources, lack of forgiveness, illness, baggage from the past...anything that is holding this person back in any way at all...
See these problems dissolving...disappearing...going away...
Notice your feelings …You know of these feelings, so you must be the observer of them, and not the feelings you observe. You are not the feelings. Let go of them, too.
Now imagine this person, standing in the empty room. What is left? Who is this person when all those barriers are stripped away?
This person is you. Imagine who you are now...what is left when there is nothing to get in the way?
You may only have a vague picture in your mind right now...let's allow that picture to come into focus...becoming more clear...
Think of your motivations...what motivates you? What drives your behavior? What catches your interest? What propels you to action?
Think about your personality and character traits...the characteristics that are left when all barriers are removed and all fears have gone away. At your fullest potential, your simplest form...with no fears...who are you now?
(Pause)
Now create one more picture in your mind. Imagine, in as much detail as you can, the person you want to be. Imagine your ideal self...
How would this person behave? What does this person value? What is important now? What motivates this ideal self? What characteristics are present in this ideal version of you? Imagine all the details of the person you most want to be.
(Pause)
The image in your mind right now, of this ideal person, is you. This is who you are at the core, beneath all of life's getting in the way...beneath the mind … this is you.
Spend a few moments with this image of your authentic self.
Feel a sense of calm and serenity...secure in who you are ... knowing who you are. This is you!
You have always been this person...you always will be your authentic self...a positive, confident person. A person you like and appreciate. Underneath the challenges, the baggage, the demands of living life...this will always be with you.
(Pause)
It's time to conclude...
Keep the image of your authentic self with you. Express this true self...and allow you to simply be you.
Open your eyes and sit quietly for a moment while you reorient to your surroundings...
When you are completely awake and alert, you can return to your usual activities, feeling confident and calm, in touch with your self.
REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS AND DIALOGUE
Invite participants to Choose partners. No spouses, please.
In an Hasidic story Rabbi Zusya of Hanipol posed a question shortly before his death. “In the coming world,” he said, “they will not ask me ‘Why were you not like Moses?’ They will ask me, ‘Why were you not what you, Zusya, could have been?’”
Each of us must grapple with the question: Why was I not what I could have been? And who could I be? This is the basis for the discussion.
Begin in silence. Reflect for a minute or so, “Who could I have been?” “Who could I be now?”
Discussion
Why was I not what I could have been?
Who could I be?
Group Discussion
Then end in silence: Now take a moment to reflect on this.
In our spiritual eldering work we broaden our horizon and see beyond the human time scale. Zalman Schachter-Shalomi writes:
We acquire a long-term vision of our place in the cosmos. Transcending our normally shortsighted perspective, we root ourselves in something vast, immeasurable – something so transpersonally grand and enduring. ZaLman calls it the “eternity factor.
Share, now from your elder perspective as a representative of Earth’s long-term investment in evolution and guardian of the Universe,
What are the blessings of the longer vision?
Continue this meditation after the session.
AFTER THE SESSION
READING
From Age-ing to Sage-ing, chapter 6, pp135 - 158
Buddha’s Brain, chapters 6 & 7, pp 97 - 120
Ethical wills with Definition
Journaling:
Why was I not what I could have been?
What are the blessings of the longer vision?
What transcendent meaning and purpose does your life have?
Mindful walking – 15 minutes per day.
The ethical will is an ancient document from the Jewish tradition. It can be an aid to estate planning; desires or advance directives for health care and hospice, and as a tool for spiritual healing. You can use it to communicate your values, experiences, and life lessons to your family.
This type of Will is purely voluntary. Unlike a legal Will, which is a tool for transferring your assets and property, an Ethical Will is designed to pass on things like guiding principles, memories, spiritual values, and wishes for your family’s future.
REASONS TO WRITE AN ETHICAL WILL
Writing an Ethical Will allows you to communicate your personal story to your family, share your thoughts and memories of your life, and leave a document that details your accomplishments and values. By leaving your family with your Ethical Will, you will be leaving something meaningful behind, so they -- and future generations -- can learn from you and remember your stories after you are gone.
You can also experience the benefits of writing your Ethical Will during your life. By articulating what you value most in life, reflecting on your personal experiences, and thinking about the decisions you’ve made, you can learn more about yourself. In this way, an Ethical Will can be used as a tool for self-reflection and, if you’re so inclined, self-improvement.
Ethical Wills can also be a tool for distributing personal property that has little financial value. Examples of the type of property that might be included in an Ethical Will are: family photographs, recipes, items of clothing, or other objects with great personal (but not necessarily commercial) value
They can also be used to explain to your survivors your intentions behind the decisions you made in your legal Will, in case you think there may be any confusion or bad feelings.
Ethical Wills have no standard form or structure, so feel free to personalize it. It can be a formal written letter, an informal note, or a diary. You can assemble a scrapbook or a collage, make a video or audio recording, create a PowerPoint presentation, write a poem or a song, or choose any other form that would be most comfortable and natural for you.
The items on this checklist are not prescriptive, that you should do the all of them, but rather are intended to stimulate you as you consider what to write about. If your ethical will includes none of them, that is fine; it is YOUR ethical will.
ETHICAL WILL WORKSHEET
This is to get you started thinking broadly about what you might want to say. These are just ideas of how and where to begin. They are not prescriptive. Use this to think about what you want to say. And to whom?
I am creating my ethical will because:
I want to share my ethical will with:
My Favorite Things
● My favorite place in the world is:
● My favorite artists (musicians, painters, actors) are:
● My favorite books are:
● My favorite movies are:
● My favorite foods are:
● My favorite sports and teams are:
● My hobbies are:
● My favorite sayings are:
My Family
● The most important thing I learned from my parents is:
● The most important thing I learned from my grandparents is:
● The most important thing I learned from being a husband/wife is:
● The most important thing I learned from my children is:
● When I was growing up, these were our traditions:
● My favorite story about my mother is:
● My favorite story about my father is:
● Some things I’d like to share with you about my family when I was growing up are:
My Professional Life
● The best job I ever had was:
● The worst job I ever had was:
● The reason I choose my profession/career was:
● If I had it to do over again, I would have become a:
My Experiences
● Some of my fondest memories are:
● Some of the events that had the greatest impact on my life were:
● I am most proud of:
● I am most grateful for:
● One of the happiest moments of my life was:
● The people who have influenced me the most are:
● My biggest regret is:
● The hardest decision I ever made was:
● The most difficult time in my life was:
● In difficult times I have found comfort in:
● In my life, I was most afraid of:
● I would like to ask forgiveness from:
● I would like to offer forgiveness to:
My Beliefs and Values
● My most fundamental belief is:
● My thoughts on religion and faith are:
● I believe that God is:
● My most valued traditions are:
● The causes that have always been important to me are:
● For me, success means:
My Hopes for the Future
● The values I hope to pass on are:
● My wishes for my children are:
● My wishes for my grandchildren are:
● My wishes for my spouse are:
● A mistake in life I hope you can avoid is:
● An experience I hope you get an opportunity to have is:
● When you encounter hardship, I hope you will remember:
Notes:
WEEKLY MEDITATION: MINDFUL WALKING MEDITATION
It is recommended that you include this in your daily routine for the next week.
This is an adaptation of traditional Buddhist walking meditation by the modern mindfulness movement. Instead of being a practice of concentration (focused attention), it is more of an open monitoring practice. In other words, the attention is not laser focused on the soles of the feet; instead, it is present to the variety of sensations and perceptions of the present moment. You use the feel of your feet as the “anchor,” that is, the feeling, the sensation, you return to when your mind wanders, and the noisy mind starts up again.
This is not a social exercise. If you are with someone else, it is good if they do this too, or at least not bother you while you meditate. If you see other people, it OK if you nod or greet them in some way, just don’t engage in conversation.
Here are some pointers:
TRACK YOUR PROGRESS
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