Chapter Ten: The Six Things That Attract Women
I've done a lot of research on this topic, and I believe that women are most attracted to these six thing:
1) Means (Wealth, possessions, gifts to them or providing for them)
2) Power (Influence, Leadership, provide safety)
3) Fame
4) Looks (Including height)
5) Exclusivity (Royalty, already married, hard to get, affiliation)
6) Personality (Humor, creativity, romance, intelligence, mystique etc.)
Now, numbers one through five are largely out of your immediate control. If you're not rich, you're probably not going to get rich this week. If you're not famous or tall, you're probably not going to be in a hit movie or grow 6 inches in the next 24 hours.
So that leaves us with number six, PERSONALITY.
The good news is that as far as I'm concerned, your personality is your GREATEST ASSET in the success-with-women game.Fortunately, it's the one thing you can change. And it's the one thing that can OVERCOME all of the rest. After you've done what you can to look your best, etc. you have to develop a personality that's absolutely magnetic. Now let's talk about how you can do just that.
By the way, the one quality that attracts women the most (and keeps them attracted) is not something that they can initially 'look' for. It's the way they FEEL when they are with you or thinking of you.In the end, if you don't have wealth, power, fame, or looks you're going to have to use your personality to make them FEEL good. In the end, your personality is the most powerful weapon you have.
Personality Traits That Attract Women
In the next chapter, I'm going to describe MY particular unique personality and the 'character' that I become when I'm meeting women.
But before I do that, I'd like to talk about some of the different personality traits that women find most attractive. Some are better when used with others, and some don't work well together.
Here is the list with brief descriptions:
Funny. Humor is just plain powerful with women. If you can keep her laughing, you will go far.
Intelligent and Creative. Intelligence is sexy IF it's used in a way that's interesting to her. Use your creativity and intelligence to surprise her with ideas, fantasies and unexpected things that charm her.
Educated. Education is attractive to women as long as it's used in an interesting way. Some women are actually intimidated by education, as they're not educated (This usually works in your favor).
Classy and Cultured. If you have class, women pick up on this.Do your shoes and belt match? Do you understand interior design and color contrast? Do you know about different types of wine? Do you like foreign movies? Do you understand fashion? Do you like Frank Sinatra? Do you enjoy exotic foods? Do you serve her Hors d'oeuvres and a glass of wine when she visits? Do you open all doors for her? Women notice this stuff BIG TIME.
Dominant. Women have an unconscious attraction to dominant men. The dominant males in some primate groups account for up to 75% of all the matings, while the less dominant males go without. Same goes for humans.
Thoughtful. Women don't just like gifts, they like knowing that you were THINKING of them. The gift is a SYMBOL. Women feel the same amount of good inside whether it's a card or a diamond (of course the diamond lasts longer, so there are more 'times of feeling good!'). But the fact is that women like to know that you're thinking about them. Even if you're telling a woman that you don't like it that she was out with another guy, she'll like it, because it means you were thinking about her!
Notices Significant Details. Women don't just notice details, they USE them to try to be attractive and attentive. If she is wearing a sexy outfit, she didn't put it on by accident. If her hair is done nicely, it wasn't a fluke. Women are very impressed and attracted to men that notice these details.
Unpredictable/Predictable. Here's a paradox. Women are drawn to men that they can't control or predict. They obsess over guys who flirt and give them attention, then don't call the next day. Predictability is only attractive when it comes to choosing a HUSBAND. Then a woman usually wants a man who's VERY predictable.
Enthusiastic, Fun, Happy. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a killjoy. Some men get upset and pout when a woman is happy, and try to put down the things that she enjoys to sound superior. This is usually a HUGE mistake. Enthusiasm is infectious and attractive.
Adventurous. Women are instantly attracted to men who like to do extreme, adventurous, unusual, even dangerous things. It's exciting. Adventurism is sexy.
Aggressive. Women love men that know what they want and go after it. Passion is a sign of life. I'm not talking about the kind of aggressive that turns into date rape. I'm talking about the kind of aggressive that turns into setting a goal and then going after it with passion and getting it no matter what.
Confident/Cocky. Women are magnetically attracted to men who are just a little bit too cocky. Just a little bit. This is a tough one to explain. Many men take this to mean 'overly arrogant' which is not what I mean. If you watch Pierce Brosnan in 'The Thomas Crown Affair' or Clarke Gable in 'Gone With The Wind' or Tom Cruise in 'Top Gun' you'll get an idea of what I'm talking about. The confident/cocky trait is mild overconfidence combined with humor. drives women wild.
Expertise. If you're an expert in an area that is interesting to your kind of woman, this can be attractive. It needs to be presented from a "I know a lot about this, let me show you" perspective, not a "I'm cool and you're not" angle.
Attention. Women like attention. And interestingly enough, it's better to hint at the attention that you're giving them than to be too overt about it. If you say "I was thinking about you earlier today. And I just wanted to mention that I really like the sound of your voice..." it's much more powerful than listening to them complain about something so they think you're paying attention.Get it?
Disinterest, Indifference, a Challenge. Most women are used to being pursued by men in one way or another. If you are indifferent to a woman, make her think that you're only calling because you're bored, and act almost disinterested sexually,they'll often do their very best to get your attention. Different is good in this case. Again, this drives most women crazy, and even though they'd hate to admit it, it's ultra interesting to them.
Charm (attention with a polished, smooth approach). This is hard to describe. Watch a James Bond movie to get an idea. And watch 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.' Pay attention to Michael Cain's character. Charm is powerful because it has a certain 'prince on a white horse' aspect to it.
Romantic Imagination and Perspective. Watch the movie 'Don Juan DeMarco' and listen to how Don Juan interprets the world. Instead of just looking at the surface of a woman, he looks within to find the beautiful part. A romantic imagination sees opportunities for poetic comments, interesting stories, fascinating history, and emotional interpretation in everything.
Expert in Body Language. This is important, as women are constantly sending signals. I'll talk more in a later chapter about this.
Sexual Mastery. Women love sex just as much as men do. But just like everything else in life, a great lover is not easy to find. Women become instantly addicted to skillful lovers who know how to make them feel ecstasy and teach them new ways of feeling incredible.
Every woman is slightly different. There is no one magic system that every woman responds to. If what you're doing doesn't work, don't throw out the system... try it on a different woman. (The most successful men I know will tell you that they are only successful because they are able to accept 'no' and not take it personally. Again, unsuccessful men take a 'rejection' as a personal assault on their inner child. Don't make this mistake.).
So start right now. Take a moment and describe the type of woman that you'd like to attract. Then write down the qualities that you think will attract her. Then go to work cultivating these qualities. The idea is to create your own winning combination and then find a place to use it that has the best chances of working for you. You want to come across as interesting, unique, original and desirable.
By the way, if you don't know what the women that you're interested in are attracted to, ASK! That's right, just walk up to them whenever you see one, and say "Can I ask you a question? I'm sure that you're probably in a relationship right now, but will you tell me something... I want to know what it is that attracts a woman like you to a man. What do you look for?" You'll find that most of the women you ask this question of will be glad to tell you. As a matter of fact, you'll even find that some will help you in other ways if you ask.
They'll go shopping with you, help you decorate your house, help you choose a hairstyle... everything.
But most guys are afraid to ask, or they feel like a puss because they are asking a woman for help. Do yourself a favor. If you are having trouble, get help. Women are amazingly generous when they are helping a man get his 'attractiveness' together.
Here are a couple of rules of thumb that I use:
1. Never give a woman a direct answer… unless the answer is NO. This is a big one. If she says ‘Can we sit here?” I say “No, let’s sit in this one next to it” or if she says “How do you like my dress?” I say “Well, I think that I like it… just give me a few minutes to see it on you” or if she says “Call me tomorrow” I say “No. You call me tomorrow… cummon, you want me and you know it” Get it?
2. If she complains about you or doesn’t like something, turn it up a notch and do it more. If she says to me “I don’t really like it when you say that” I say “Well then you might want to leave, because I say it a lot” Get it?
3. Women are CONSTANTLY testing to see if they can get you to comply with them, and as soon as you do, they hit the road (or marry you). This took me years to see and understand, but the fact is that when you’re dealing with a powerful, hot woman, she will do all different kinds of things that make no sense at all logically, but all the sense in the world when you understand her mindset. Hot women can have anything they want. What they want is a challenge… something that keeps their interest. Here it comes… If a woman can have anything she wants anytime she wants it, then WHY THE HELL DO GUYS THINK THAT THEY’RE GOING TO BE INTERESTING BY DOING THE SAME THING THAT EVERY OTHER GUY HAS DONE? Duh. Hey, I used to think this way… but then I got a clue. Now, I pay very careful attention, and never let her have what she wants. If she says “Kiss me” I say “No” if she says come over to my house I say “I’m busy right now, I’ll come over later” if she says “I want you so bad, please make love to me” I say “Well, I think that you need to wait a little longer, and besides, I’m not finished kissing you” Get it? I NEVER give a woman exactly what she asks for… EVER!
4. Always send mixed signals. Tell her I want to be friends, and kiss her. Tell her that what she just did was unacceptable, then go kiss her. Spank her if she does something nice. Also, respond differentlybto the same thing. For example, one time if she comes over and sits on my lap, I kiss her. Another time I push her off… get it? Never be predictable… NEVER.
For the record, when I say "always" and "never" I don't really mean "ALWAYS 100% WITHOUT EXCEPTION EVER." I mean do these as much as you possibly can, because you really can't overdo any of them as long as you stay cocky and funny while you're doing them.
The test is always "Is she laughing, smiling, having fun most of the time?" If so, you can't overdo these four rules.
The Very Attractive Women Are Approached All The Time
I'm going to remind you of something that I talked about earlier in this book: Most attractive women are approached in one way or another all the time by men.
I was watching Chris Rock doing a stand up routine recently. Chris was telling the women in the audience that anytime a man is being nice, it's because he's offering sex (or 'dick' as he said).
So if a guy says "Wow, you look great" what he really means is "Wow, you really look great, would you like some dick?"
And remember that 'desirable' women including rich women, beautiful women, famous women, whatever are used to being treated like queens. (It's really no fault of theirs - even very handsome men are notorious for acting arrogant. It's part of being a human. We can all become spoiled easily if the right combination of circumstances arise. By the way, it's good to keep a "You're spoiled, and I don't really blame you for it... you were just luck to be born beautiful and have everyone kiss your ass" attitude...).
Being spoiled, these women act bratty to get their way, but the ass kissing and always getting their way also has another effect. Since they are so used to being courted and having a man kiss their ass, when you show up and act funny and charming, and don't play into any of their games (make fun of them, do the pretend ass-kisser imitation, tell them that they want you, tease them, don't answer ANY of their questions about job, car, home, social, where you go, etc. And even label all of those questions as "Did you get a list of these questions like all the other shallow women around here?" etc.) it often has the effect of them thinking "Wow, this is sure DIFFERENT." and it gets their attention. The humor and arrogance (arrogance based on a self-knowing, not an outer success or trappings thing) keeps their attention.
I think that it's all about interrupting the current train of thought with some type of DIFFERENT AND INTERESTING behavior. You can use tricks or props or whatever, but you have to interrupt the woman and first get her attention... then you can get to the good part of doing the things that give her the FEELINGS that she wants and playing the part of the MAN that her unconscious wants.
Many experts talk of getting rapport, acting like them, etc. initially... I've found that breaking rapport usually works better for me.