Chapter 13 Freshman Year
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
- Norman Vincent Peale
Ninth grade was my freshman year of high school. I made quite a few friends and started getting active with kids my age. I was in choir, which I loved, and also auditioned for plays. I never got a lead role, but I had fun. Drama and choir seemed to be for the kids that for the most part weren’t jocks, didn’t always get the best grades, and didn’t fit in anywhere else. I never felt like it was a band of misfits, but many of us seemed to need a place to connect with peers who didn’t judge. It was an eclectic group. I liked the small town feeling of knowing all my classmates. My entire class was only about 240 kids.
New Friendships Blossom
I became friends with Sue, who was also in choir and always got the lead in plays. She played the piano and was ridiculously talented. We were never super close, but I respected her talent. She was better than I was, but it gave me something to aspire to. I wanted to be better, and Sue was part of the reason why. I also became friends with Erik and Rene. Erik had taken dance classes, and watching him was like watching art coming to life. He would practice on the dark auditorium stage, and I could watch him for hours. It was beautiful. It was my first experience watching ballet. Erik was gay. He and I never had a “coming out” conversation because we were good friends and comfortable with each other. It was an age when being gay wasn’t commonly spoken about, but I just liked people, and Erik innately knew he didn’t have to pretend with me. Erik, Rene, and I hung out a lot and were loud. Rene’s dad would yell at us to keep it down, and I know we drove him nuts, but we were good kids. We had fun, but we were always respectful. Rene was a lot of fun in an innocent way. He hung out with all the drama and music kids and was our source of entertainment since he always made us laugh. He was the life of the party.
I had a small role in Fiddler on the Roof. I enjoyed the back stage hustle and bustle almost more than actually being on stage. The clothing changes, prop changes, and keeping everything going was fascinating to me. It felt like coming home to me - being with this group of peers. Choir was my passion. I was an alto. It seems like everyone wants to be a soprano, but I liked where I was. I could sing as low as tenor, but my sweet spot was right between them. Being back stage and singing meant having great friends.
Academically, I was never a stellar student. I kept that trend going throughout high school. I never did horribly, but I was never a star either. In classes that I liked, it was easier to do better. Writing, photography, PE, English, and Math were my favorites. I found History and Science boring and dry, and I didn’t do as well as a result. I kind of kept my head down, did what I needed to do, and tried not to stand out. My sarcasm and my desire to make people laugh continued. I also didn’t like anyone being bullied or left out, so I tried to get to know everyone and be friendly. I was least popular among the popular kids.
Farm Life
Kimmie and I spent a lot time at our cousin Morris’s dairy farm. They were hard working folks. I had never really been on a farm before, so it was all new to me. I learned to love the farm like I loved the woods. They had these giant draft horses whose backs were higher than my head. They didn’t have saddles, but wore a huge yoke around their necks. The yoke looked like an enormous leather toilet seat to me. Chains hooked to the yoke down the horses sides and attached to a 6”X6” piece of wood about three feet in length that dragged on the ground. Kimmie and I rode the horses out through the field to the woods where workers were felling trees. They would hook the chains to the trees, and we would ride the horses back to the house. The horses would plod along at a good pace out to the woods, but when they were headed home, they liked to run. With no saddles, riding meant that we wrapped our hands in their manes and squeezed with our knees and hung on. Logging was done in the winter when the trees slid on the ground more easily.
These were some of the most fun days. I helped milk cows and learned how to milk by hand into a bucket. I loved birthing season when we could assist the cows and horses that were struggling with the birthing process. It was most definitely a learning curve and culture shock, but it was a time in my life that I cherish. The farm was a “jump in and help out” kind of environment. You learned things as you went along with whomever was there with the chore that was the most important at the time. There wasn’t time to think about what you were doing, you just did it.
Almost Losing a Friend
In February of my Freshman year, one of my friends got shot. David was tall and lanky. He was good looking with dark hair and eyes. He was always nice to me, although at this point we didn’t know each other well. He was hanging out at his house, in his garage with a friend, Rob. Rob was checking a gun to see if it was loaded. Meanwhile, David was kneeling down tying his shoes. The gun went off and straight into David. Rob was only standing about three feet away from him. At first David didn’t feel anything–he didn’t know he had been shot. The bullet went through his left tricep, into his chest, through his pleural cavity, stomach, and upper two lobes of his liver. For two days he was in critical care and the prognosis wasn’t good. On the third day, he turned the corner. He was in the hospital for three weeks and then home in bed for a month.
I hated feeling alone and I didn’t want David to feel alone, so I went to the hospital to visit him. Several times. That’s when David and I became better friends. I had a connection to him and wanted to spend more time with him. Because of the incident, Rob was an absolute wreck, of course. Kids at school were mean to him and made fun of him. In truth, it was a tragic, stupid accident. David was one of the popular kids and a jock. After our hospital visits, I looked forward to seeing him when he could come back to school.
The Divorce Papers Arrive
My mother drove a Subaru that needed a rubber band around the four wheel drive handle or it would pop in and out on its own. One day we were in the car when my mother opened her mail and got the divorce papers from The Monster. Kimmie and I were hooting and hollering and ready to throw a happy party. My mother was crying. She was devastated. She wasn’t angry that Kimmie and I were ecstatic, but she was a wreck. While we were relieved because she followed through with the divorce and The Monster was no more a part of our lives, she felt like a failure. A big part of me didn’t believe she would follow through, especially since previously we had lived separately from him for over a year and she went back. The Monster was like a drug she couldn’t get enough of. Even with the divorce final and moving to a new state, I worried he’d someday show up for us. But for now, Kimmie and I were elated.
Becoming A Warrior Princess
Sometimes in life there are people you have an invisible thread with. David has always been one of those people. We were both self destructive later in life at nearly the same time–the end of high school and the beginning of college. We went to college our first year at different colleges that were located down the street from each other. That was when David was struggling with his demons the most and I was healing. Throughout our friendship, we learned we both had alcoholic, abusive fathers. We both experienced broken childhoods. We never dated. We were always just great friends. We remain in touch, and he is one of my best friends to this day. He calls me “Sunshine” and I hope I live up to that.
Triumph with Love
Beautiful things come in strange or new places. I loved being on a farm, although the tremendous amount of work it took to run one was never appealing. Visiting, helping, and being physically pushed helped my body heal. I loved being outdoors and feeling like I was contributing to something bigger.
The friends I made in high school still remain great friends. Opening up to a few special people can go a long way in building confidence, self-esteem, and a more positive attitude. I learned that being outside and pushing my body physically felt good and have maintained that in many ways. I enjoy running, fitness competitions, training at the gym, and triathlons. I also learned to slowly and carefully open my heart to a few special people.
LEARN AND GROW
• Slowly and carefully open your heart to a few special people
• One person’s happy ending can be another person’s pain. Respect that
• Slowing down in life can be a blessing