Chapter 9
No More Feeling Bad About
A Life That is Pretty Damn Great
I am sure you know negative people who put a negative spin on everything that they discuss or recollect. Even good events can take on a negative tone when recounted by “Downer Dan.” Instead of admitting something was good, he somehow finds a way to downplay it. However, there is something to be gleaned from that ingrained pattern. These patterns are learned, then perfected by repeated practice, and then ingrained. These become what are referred to as neural patterns.
A while back, after telling a group of acquaintances a story that most would consider pretty traumatic, others at the table commented on my positive attitude. I smiled because, until that moment, I had never seen myself as a positive person, per sé. I always considered myself a realist. It was then that I realized I had always viewed a positive attitude as a decision to forcibly put a positive spin on things. I’d thought it was a decision that took strength and fortitude and a giant fake smile that I always believed was more about being in denial. Conversely, for me in this story, there was no other choice, no pushing away a buried resentment; this was the only way to see it. As I have now rewired my brain with these techniques, I see that same perception pervading all the areas of my life.
After practicing these techniques, your brain, too, will begin to naturally lean toward this perception. It won’t take putting rose-colored glasses on—just clear ones.
If you are someone who has often felt that you have been a victim of circumstance, or have never been given your fair shot at the good life, it can be a challenge to release your grip around the neck of negativity. Even your best efforts can be hindered by stubborn patterns of fear, and it can seem almost impossible to review your life in anything less than the dim light of injustice and bad breaks. However, there is way around this.
I created a visualization tool that will allow you to see your life with complete objectivity.
This exercise is particularly helpful if you are struggling with a lot of anxiety, because this mental separation disengages all of the judgment filters that you normally force all information through. Until these filters are dissolved, it can be difficult some days to see your life in a positive light. It is as though you are standing in a courtroom trying to convince a jury that your life has some great things in it when the prosecutor suddenly jumps up and yells, “Objection, Your Honor; this is hearsay and can’t be proven!” Yeah, we all have that guy in our head from time to time.
This tool seems to have the most profound impact on my clients, as it often leaves them in awe.
After you learn to see the greatness in your life, there is no doubt that there is plenty of painful stuff as well. But there is a way to clear out the pain of the memory by utilizing a wonderful technique that has helped thousands of people. This is one of the coolest techniques in the book, as you will learn to literally attach amazing feel-good feelings to past memories so they don’t hurt or sting like they did. The other benefit is you can use the same technique to overcome frustration with certain tasks; I have clients using this to deal with issues at work that are annoying, boring, or frustrating.
Happily, I can report that due to neuroplasticity, most of my clients engage in these techniques automatically without my conscious brain having to remind them. They just naturally find themselves constantly taking in good things, and if they find they are thinking about the past or future, their mind automatically pulls them back to the present. Your brain, too, will begin to rewire permanently. It just takes some consistent awareness.
How You Will Progress
After about three weeks you will find that your tolerance for problems, disappointments, and setbacks has increased. When a bill arrives or your boss has an attitude, your brain will naturally recall these things of comfort before you go into fight-and-protect mode, and you will immediately feel a sense of relief and safety. When you notice that you are reacting to a situation out of habit, you will be able to feel that the emotion is not nearly as strong as it used to be. Your reaction will now be calmer because of the extra supply of DOS you now carry.
After I was five weeks into a regular practice of this training, I remember seeing a parking space and as I approached, out of nowhere, a car pulled into it right in front of me. I had my blinker on, so I believed it was deliberate. I instantly let out some choice words, but then I stopped and had to chuckle. I wasn’t feeling the anger that normally would have accompanied such language. I was reacting out of pure habit, and truthfully, I really didn’t feel anything about it. I wondered, “Hold on; is this real?” I was amazed. I had been making an effort to feel appreciative all day, so this little blip didn’t even register on my radar. Yes, I had to battle my old thought patterns—that out of pure principle, I should say something—but now that was a choice, and I chose to just keep feeling happy.
After reading the book Wired To Worry and putting into practice what you will learn, you will notice changes in the first week. Annoyances from another driver, a derogatory comment, or a family member requiring more than you have to give will sting much less. You will notice how you start reminding yourself of everything that you have learned. After one or two days, this constant choice to remember that you now have a choice is the first step, and although you may not experience happiness or bliss in the first two or three days, you will begin feeling a sense of relief that you are not forced to react. The rewiring has already started.
By the fourth day, of consistently using the tools, you will begin to feel some relief, a sense of hope around this new pattern of thinking developing.
In days 5-7, you will be maintaining a calmer demeanor. You will be less afraid of uncomfortable situations. You will begin to notice that problems are working out without you getting worked up.
In week 2, you will smile more, and although no specific event is occurring, you will have a stronger sense of well-being and you should feel more approachable.
By week 3, frustrating situations should bring only the memories of the old reactions. You may find yourself uttering the same verbal retort or sarcasm, just as I did when I lost my parking space, but you will notice that the old negative emotions are not there nearly as strong as they were before.
After 60 days, most report that they are happier, more easygoing, and more hopeful about their future than ever before. No longer living in fear of the next crisis, they have a sense of strength, confidence, and stability.
You will take great pleasure in affecting your environment; people will begin to relate differently to you because you will be operating out of this base of security, confidence, and safety, and they will notice the change. You just need to commit for one month and your mind will rewire itself! I know you are busy, but most of that busyness is rooted in trying to find the sweet spot of peace. If you are reading this, I know that much of your time is consumed with being stressed and unhappy. You have to decide once and for all—do you want more than anything to wake up with a sense of peace and wellbeing and stop wasting your time and energy, or would you rather continue commiserating with everyone around you, ruminating about future events that haven’t even occurred yet? Don’t you want to recapture and maintain the feeling you have while on vacation? Isn’t it worthwhile to sit quietly when everyone starts ranting about our government leaders, knowing you can wake up with a smile? How desperate are you?
I was desperate. I finally decided I no longer wanted to live opening my eyes each morning and not being sure what mood I would be in, and then have it affect me all day. Even waking up in a good mood for no reason was frustrating because I didn’t know what to do to harness it. Nothing had changed in my life—not a darn thing—but there it was, calm peace of mind! I knew there had to be a way to harness that magic. Well it’s here. The hardest part will be your commitment; the process is very straightforward. It’s up to you. Finding happiness is the motive behind every action, behavior, thought, and idea we concoct. So just do it already!
Sign up in our Facebook Group for the readers of this book (Get Off Your Worry-Go-Round ) and say, “I’m in; I want to feel happy.” Talk with others and enjoy the inspiration and encouragement from those who want to make the most of their lives. And remember, none of us lives in a vacuum; everything we do affects those around us. Whom will you help?
I hope you are encouraged and can see that we really do have a choice about how we feel. No more chasing some elusive promise that we can feel good later, when all our problems are handled—which never happens!
I hope you go to AMAZON right now and buy Why We Are Wired to Worry and How Neuroscience Will Help You Fix It Stop Stressing, Reduce Anxiety, Feel Happy Finally! I sincerely want you to feel better and be able to wake up each morning with a smile on your face. No longer fearful of what life may throw at you. What you have just read was only an overview. The book will take you step by step into that 3lb mass above your neck so that you can learn where all the buttons are and finally love life again!