Chapter 5 – Brainwashing and its Effects
Throughout history, we have been complacent, letting our leaders decide how we should live. We have been okay with others telling us what is healthy and what is not. We have been satisfied with others telling us what is considered “good” behavior and what is considered “bad” behavior. We have allowed others to tell us what is “attractive” and what is “unattractive.” We have even been okay with others telling us what to wear.
When is this going to end? We need to tell ourselves what is right for us. We can no longer listen to other people’s opinions – because that is all that they are (unless, of course, there is enough evidence to eliminate all other opposing possibilities).
How do we consumers decipher whether or not Colgate Complete toothpaste is better for our teeth than Total Care?
Should I use Pantene Shampoo for thick hair on thin hair?
Is Charmin really the softest toilet paper?
If I drink Arizona Green Tea all day, will I lose weight?
Do I need to eat right, drink right and exercise daily to optimally survive?
What about those of us who don’t eat right, drink all wrong and never exercise and live a long time and live life to the fullest?
You may not believe me, but I’m here to tell you that there is a source other than advertisements that we can believe in. The Life Force of the Universe guides us in every aspect of our lives. I believe this because I have experienced it.
As I shared earlier, at the age of 24, after I had my first child, I gained weight which I had worked very hard the year before I got pregnant to take off. For the next 10 years, I taught aerobics on and off and went to the gym frequently. I hated it. I tried to eat only healthy foods and limited junk food because I loved it so much. I was healthy, but I did not lose any weight after I gave birth. By the time my second child was born, I gained another 10 pounds.
I stressed over this extra weight constantly, always thinking about it. Every time I didn’t go to the gym or ate a potato chip, I would tear myself apart and convince myself that I did not have will power and I was doomed to being overweight because I couldn’t control myself. My husband didn’t help here at all, because he was the one I was ultimately worried about pleasing and he was very clear about the fact that he was not attracted to overweight women, even before he married me.
Long story short, after I went into the hospital in 2006, I lost my desire to worry about my health and my weight. My mind was elsewhere. Four years have passed and I have lost most of the weight and I feel healthier than ever – with no effort and more importantly, no worry. I eat whatever I want now and when I am full, I am finished eating. I exercise when I feel like it, and if I don’t feel like exercising, I don’t (which is most of the time). When I do exercise, I don’t go to the gym. I live in New York City, so my favorite thing to do is hop on the train and get off somewhere in the middle of Manhattan and walk all over the city. Exploring the city doesn’t even feel like exercise while I am doing it, but 5-6 hours of straight walking can definitely be felt the next day.
I am not trying to tell you not to consider your health important. If you are not healthy, you cannot live a long, productive life. What I am trying to tell you is not to worry about your health. The Life Force of the Universe has got that under Its control.
If you don’t feel physically well, consider that an indication that a change is necessary. What kind of change, you must determine. But, if you have faith in the Life Force of the Universe, the change that is necessary will be revealed to you promptly and once you make it, you should feel healthy again.
We should not waste our precious time on this earth worrying about what we cannot control. We know that we cannot control how long we live, because no matter how “healthy” we are, we could get hit by a car tomorrow. We have only one thing to worry about – our purpose – and I refuse to believe that our purpose is mere survival.
Trust
Trust is a huge issue in the world today. We have to try to not fear someone we don’t feel we can trust. Anything that you fear takes power away from you and hands it over to the object of your fear. I am mentioning this concept now because this is one the most difficult problems that I personally struggle with. I intellectually understand that if I want to have complete faith in the Life Force of the Universe, I have to trust that everything will be okay, whatever that means. But, the problem comes when I have to trust other people. What should I do? Should I trust everybody? Should I trust no one? I have no idea what the answer is to that question so I choose to consider a different perspective.
I cannot say for certain who is lying and who is being honest with me, but what I do know for certain is that I can definitely trust the Life Force of the Universe. Now, I proceed to twist and turn situations to see what I want to see. First I say to myself that the Life Force of the Universe needs me to be able to trust It, because It needs me to fulfill my unique purpose for the sake of the evolution of the Universe, and needs me to follow Its lead. I can assume this is true because I am here for something, aren’t I? Next, I realize that human nature tells me that in order to gain trust, I have to be trustworthy. So, based on the fact that human nature is all I have to work with, I accept this as reasonable proof that I can rest assured that the Life Force of the Universe has got my back.
You’re probably thinking that I still have the original problem of trusting other people. Not really, because now I can trust who I feel like trusting and not trust who I don’t feel like trusting. You see, it really doesn’t matter who you trust or don’t trust. Everything you need to know will eventually be revealed to you if you have faith. I can continue doing what I have been doing; keeping myself honest and doing what I choose to do and not doing what I choose not to do; in other words, using my free will.
I also try not to get carried away with what others say to me. Basically, I’d encourage you to take everything with a grain of salt. This is not as easy as it sounds. In fact, I really struggle with this one! The good news is, once you understand the concept, your are half way there.
In my case, I have a particular pet peeve about honesty. I hate liars. That’s just me. Anyway, I find that because my number one requirement in any relationship is honesty, I am the most careful (or try to be the most careful) about being honest. This is a challenge because honesty sounds simple, but its not. Being truthful is hard work, but the rewards are bountiful. You would be surprised how nice people can be when they feel like they can trust you.
We all know how hard it is to trust people these days. We know that if we are saying and doing things that are different than what we are thinking, most likely so are others. Lying is a vicious cycle that it is very hard to break. Lucky for me, my mother and father beat the lying out of me and I am actually scared of getting caught in a lie! Don’t get me wrong, I do lie, when there is no other choice and no long term harm can be done. However, if there are going to be negative repercussions that I may find uncomfortable down the road, I avoid lying at all costs.
What is Brainwashing?
Because of our long history of being brainwashed by leaders who need their constituents to believe in them, some of you may have been bred to believe that if you are rich and successful, you are more valuable as a human. If you believe this, then you also believe that not being rich and successful means that you are not as valuable as a human being. Some of you may have been raised to believe that the lifestyles of the rich and famous are immoral and that money comes from the devil.
As a result, we have now created two separate groups of people, the rich and the poor. The rich hate the poor because most rich people don’t want to defend their right to be able to have what they worked for their whole life. They are definitely not willing to just hand it over to people who obviously don’t want it as much. In their eyes, if they would have wanted it, they would have worked for it. The poor hate the rich because most poor people work very hard for a living. They may not have had the same opportunity to climb the ladder of success, but most poor people do have a good work ethic. Not only do most poor people work hard, but their bosses are usually wealthy. It is very hard to come to work every day for minimal pay and work for a boss that expects your efforts rather than appreciates the fact that you are helping HIM make money.
The entertainment industry and the health and beauty industries are, in my opinion, the biggest brainwashing culprits. What’s funny about what we see in television and the movies is that everyone will agree that what we see is not real. So it it’s not real, why are we trying so hard to emulate what we see?! Most of us view opulence and wealth as some form of reward. A lot of us, even if we don’t admit it, want to look like and act like people we see on TV and in the movies. The problem is that we don’t. Does that make us less of a human being? We buy tabloids that confirm everything we believe to be true. Celebrities really are selfish and self-centered, they can’t stay married, they get cheated on too – but they deserve it, they are terrible parents and on and on. If it weren’t for the tabloids and the media, we would have no reason to believe that we were any better. I think that out of some sort of primitive survival instinct, we created the idea of good and better, bad and worse to make ourselves feel better about ourselves when it was never necessary. All we had to do was know that everything is good, even if you are not living like Bill Gates. And, I bet if you asked Bill Gates he would tell you the same thing!
As far as the health and beauty industries, we must understand that what is considered beautiful nowadays is artificial because the standard changes from generation to generation. In the 80’s, waifs were “in.” Nowadays, ladies gotta’ have some booty! When we run with these ever changing fads, we can never appreciate our true beauty. We are cheating ourselves because we are wasting our time on things that do not last. Money and looks alone do not provide us eternal happiness.
Not only do money and beauty not provide us with eternal happiness, they prevent some people from being happy at all. If we continue believing that those with money, attractiveness and/or fame are “better” than everyone else, the ones that are not “better” are not going to be happy. It is as simple as that. Why should anyone be unhappy over something as silly as an illusion? When we meet someone for the first time, do we study what they look like and assess them based on their external appearance? Or, do we talk to the person and try to appreciate who they truly are?
You may think these little trivial interactions don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, but we can plainly see that they very much do matter. The tiniest, most inconsequential circumstances are often the reason for feuds that spread out over decades, even centuries. Never trivialize the importance of searching for someone’s essence and making that the most important part of a person.
What’s the solution? If society as a whole continues to believe the hype that possessions and artificial beauty are what is “good” to obtain, we are really cheating ourselves. We are leaving the door wide open for the ones “on top” who are making money on these false perceptions to continue on convincing us of their importance. They will, as long as we let them, continue to encourage us to invest our precious time and what little money we already have into gaining even more money and making sure our physical appearance is acceptable to others.
When we die we cannot take our money or our looks with us. Not only that, but if we would put less emphasis on these things, we would free up our time to develop more important ideas, like trying to wake up from our ancient stupor. We also have a terrible tendency of projecting our personal beliefs onto others and in this situation that causes a variety of problems.
Having money and a healthy physical appearance is important, but these two things have turned into two of the biggest manmade illusions, leaving us wide open to the effects of brainwashing.
Giving and Getting “Advice”
My ex-husband and I have two kids together and we have tried over the years to remain very civil, even family-like, for the sake of our children. My current husband set up some boundaries and I abide by them and everything has been pretty much smooth sailing as far as the dynamic of this unusual situation. However, because my current husband has not worked for the last 4 years and he is an avid marijuana smoker, I am unable to live with my children because I cannot afford to. They live with my ex. Now I am not going to waste even one more sentence defending myself to anyone. My kids don’t live with me, their mother, so there. My kids live with their father because it is a better environment for them.
Do I think it’s a good situation? There are good points and bad points about it. Do I think the situation would be better if they were able to live with me? There would be good points and bad points about it. Do you think I want to hear one more person tell me that my kids should live with me and then ask me why they don’t?
Mind you, anyone who knows me will tell you that I don’t take kindly to “friendly advice” unless I am sure its coming from a friend. Anyone who would insinuate that they care more about my children than I do by assuming they would somehow know better than me what is best for my children, would not be a friend of mine. So in this case, “friendly advice” is unfriendly. If, on the other hand, a trusted friend of mine was really concerned about my situation and suggested, without the use of judgment, that if I really wanted my kids to move back in with me and my husband, she could help me do it, this would be true “friendly advice.” By offering her help, my friend has just given me advice that I really can consider that could actually change my situation. But that would be going above and beyond for a lot of people, so it’s better not to give advice.
If you must insist on sharing your pearls of wisdom, I suggest that you try to be conscious of not triggering that person’s Identity Defense System (IDS). This is a term that I created to describe why most of us don’t like it when people don’t agree with us.
Sometimes a person really does have the best of intentions when they are trying to persuade another person to listen to what they have to say. Often, you simply might feel like explaining to a loved one that they are getting upset for no reason. By saying this, you are also implying that you don’t agree with your friend’s reason for being upset. Now your friend has only one choice but to defend their truth. They do have a right to be upset. Who are you to tell your friend that you are more right about her being upset than they have the right to be?
People generally see themselves only through others’ eyes. Meaning, whatever you are told about yourself that makes you feel good forms your identity. Whatever you are told about yourself that makes you feel defensive is igniting your IDS. What people say about you to your face and behind your back is most likely what comprises your personal identity. The problem with this is that people don’t know what they are talking about most of the time and building your own personal identity based on other people’s opinions about you is definitely a gamble.
Opinions are NOT “Facts”!!
We are not bound by other people’s opinions. In fact, one of the funniest things I find is that people get offended if someone doesn’t like the food they cooked. If I cooked it and I think the food is good and I served it to you, why would it (or should it) bother me if the food didn’t suit your taste? But yet, despite the fact that taste varies from person to person, so there is no accounting for it, most of us either get offended if someone dislikes our latest culinary creation or think that what they like or dislike sets the standards. I know this has to make reasonable sense to you, but there are a few arguments that you could make, such as, what about the great chefs of the world? Isn’t their pallete more refined, thereby making it “better”? If you think that having a refined palette amounts to being better then, yes, you have a point. But, my point is that “refined” does not equal “better.”
Developing any sense to a higher level than the average person is definitely admirable and if I wanted to learn how to refine my sense of taste, I would take lessons from the masters. However, no one else can benefit from your developed sense of taste except you. You may gain greater enjoyment from the foods that you eat, but you don’t have “better” taste as far as what another person will enjoy. You cannot be assured, even if you are proclaimed to be the best chef in the entire world, that everyone will enjoy all of your food all of the time. In fact, most people with a less refined sense of taste will not be able to appreciate the subtleties of upscale cuisine and may not even find it tasty at all.
Does that mean that if I don’t like a dish that Daniel Boulard created, I have “bad” taste? That’s for you to decide. I have decided that according to my reality, I like my taste and I trust my taste, so my taste is good to me! If someone doesn’t like my food, my food tastes bad to them, but I still have good taste. Even if my food tastes bad to everybody, my taste remains good to me, because, I’m the only one that can taste what I taste. I am the only one who can judge what tastes good to me. Following through with this idea, treating everyone the way that I would like to be treated means allowing others to their personal tastes as well.
Does that mean that I should keep serving meals that everybody hates because I like it and I have good taste? No. I would never want to feed people food that they dislike, so it pays to tell someone that you did not enjoy the meal so they can make something different next time. Now everybody’s happy and no one is offended. What is wrong with building relationships in this manner?
But we don’t. Instead we go to family weddings and complain about the quality of the food. And when the bride or groom ask if we are having a good time, we tell them we’re having a great time and the food is great. So, what are you supposed to do…tell them that the food was bad? Of course not, they may get offended. Simply don’t eat what you don’t like and eat what you like or don’t eat anything at all and get something later, but whatever you do – keep your mouth shut! It doesn’t do anything but cause other people to start following in your footsteps and pretty soon everybody at the wedding is whispering about how bad the food is, and for what? Is anyone getting their money back? The food wasn’t rotten, it wasn’t to your taste. All that was accomplished by being verbal with your silly, unimportant opinion is now everyone at your table won’t be able to enjoy their food in peace and the people who paid for the wedding will feel very disappointed. Did anything good come out of this scenario? I think not. So, when you are at a wedding and you don’t like the food, keep it to yourself. And tell everyone else to also.
Just know that your opinion is your opinion and you are entitled to it, but no one is entitled to embarrass or berate someone. Remember to give other people the same respect that you expect.
Opinions and tastes are relative to the person holding them. Just because you hate anchovies doesn’t mean that I have to hate anchovies. This philosophy, once practiced and deeply understood, goes a long way in helping most people deal with a lot of their problems. You must realize that you’re entitled to every single last opinion and every single last taste that you have. Not only are you entitled to have them but you are entitled to change them as often as you want as well. You are, and so is everyone else!
Adopting other people’s opinions without first taking the time to research their validity or even just simply thinking about ALL OF THE implications of that opinion, is called being brainwashed.
We are all brainwashed in one way or another.
Formalities & Etiquette
Formalities and rules of etiquette frustrate me very much. Some people, though they have every right to follow rules of formality and etiquette, insist that everyone follow those rules as well. My question is, what are the “rules” of etiquette?
These rules vary from person to person. For example, I could care less if someone sends me a thank you note for a gift I may have given them. However, because I don’t care about this issue, I am a little lax about sending thank you notes. I explain this to the people who know me well, but people who don’t know me well have a hard time with my informality. But, I also really want to be able to live my life the way it is comfortable for me and if our ideas of comfortable clash, then, what should I say? I will seek out members of my own “soul group” who see my views as comforting and we shall co-exist peacefully.
I have nothing against people who insist on formalities, except that they won’t like me. Does that offend me? Not at all, because truthfully I feel that formalities are a waste of time. To be honest with you, formalities are against my principles because they rely on someone telling someone else what they should be doing. Do I dislike people who have a passion for formalities? Not necessarily. I may not be the closest of friends with those who will inevitably take offense every time a gift is exchanged or invitations are handed out, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like them. That would mean that I wouldn’t like the majority of civilized people, because most civilized people require some sort of formality between friends and family. It only means that unless they can understand my disinterest in any sort of formalities, they may be subject to what they consider offensive behavior.
Choosing to do something that may not be in your own best interest, such as going against your own principles, does not lead you towards your purpose in life. Your purpose in life has to feel right. If you don’t feel “right,” you are not moving towards your unique purpose. I particularly find it hard to deal with individuals who “enslave” others by insisting certain behaviors are acceptable while others are not.
In the past, when such individuals have tried to establish this master-slave relationship with me, I wouldn’t immediately understand why I felt such intense animosity toward them. The feeling that I would get when someone would insinuate that their way was more desirable, smarter or cleaner than my way would drive me crazy. I did not understand at the time that it didn’t matter that they thought their way was “better,” because I should know that there is no “better” way. There is only the unique “path” that each human being decides to take. Insisting one way is better than another, irrespective of the fact that everyone is different and living with a different set of circumstances, is, to put it bluntly, ignorant.
Religion and Brainwashing
Religion is tricky. Everyone who is “religious” is sensitive to anti-religious talk. Anything “anti-religion” is considered blasphemy. Everyone who is not “religious,” will have nothing to do with anything “religious” because, among other reasons, G-d is not a recognizable force on the earth. Secularists don’t want to be controlled by a set of rules that were supposedly handed down to us by a “G-d” that may not exist.
This is precisely what I mean when I say that accepting and adopting opinions from one side of the story without at least thinking about the points made on the other side is a very ignorant thing to do. In this case, both sides of this millennia long controversy clearly have points that cannot be denied.
Religionists believe that the almighty G-d is the ruler of the Universe and we, his lowly creations, have to worship him the way he wants us to if we want to be rewarded in the world to come. This understanding of G-d leaves a person with no choice but to avoid anything that even sounds slightly blasphemous lest they go to hell for their lack of obedience.
Secularists do not understand why anyone would blindly follow rules that were given thousands of years ago by a thing called “G-d” that does not makes His presence known and expects His followers to blindly serve Him – or else.
This is the point where you must think about your view of “religion” and decide what makes sense to you. I want to imply that organized religion, in some cases, definitely seems to have ulterior motives, but I know this is a very offensive thing for some people to hear. So I am not going to imply it, but if you are serious about making an “educated” decision about religion, please read about all of them and their history and you will understand that politics and religion, unfortunately in this case, do integrate and the result is that we sometimes cannot tell the difference between the two.
The real test is getting over the fear of asking questions about something you were taught never to ask about. Most of us, if we had a religious education of any kind, are afraid to ask questions because we were taught that we just have to believe. Asking questions means that you have doubt and doubt prevents you from having true faith.
Food for Thought
Questions are the only way you can build your faith.
In order to figure out why we are here and what our special purpose is, we have to ask questions. We have the right as human beings to believe that we somehow matter in the Universe. Everyone we ask may say things like “yes, if you do this or that” or “sure, if you think like this or that,” but all they are really saying is that they think they know a better path to the feeling of being integral to the Universe. They want to help us find that path to a purpose and the only way they know how is the way they are trying to explain to us. But it is your responsibility to ask questions and try to find answers on your own. Someone else cannot be responsible for your understandings. If something does not make sense to you, don’t just sit there and accept it as true, do your research. Be responsible for yourself.