And
lastly, Ginkgo Biloba, is another herb that according
to the Wellness Directory of Minnesota, help to increase blood circulation to
the brain. It will impove
memory loss and protect nerve cells in the body. The Wellness Directory has even gone as far
as saying “Ginkgo has been shown to be a very effective anti-depressant,
especially for the elderly. So if you
have a doctor who has studied the benefits of herbs and vitamins talk with him
or her about the benefits of supplements like St. John’s Wort and
Ginkgo Biloba.
In conclusion, be aware every day that nutrition is vital. You can buy many
foods and supplements right over the counter that may be able to allow you
to feel better emotionally.
I have always been a believer in taking vitamins and eating right. I
have
observed that for the last couple of years, as I have really focused on
giving myself extreme self-care for my OCD, taking these vitamins in
conjunction with my Paxil has really helped me.
I have expressed this all in this book because I feel that I owe it to
everyone with OCD to describe my experiences in the hope that some lives can
be changed. With our depression issues, we are a family, and I owe
it you
to let you know what has helped me.
Chapter
10 Learning to Forgive Yourself
“The more a man knows, the more he can forgive” - Katherine the Great
Learning to forgive myself for the stresses that I had with OCD was a vital
part of my recovery, so please hear this. No man is perfect. We are
all
made the same, but some men just have higher self-esteem than others.
As I started to come to terms with my OCD, I looked back over my
life. I
remembered all those painful days when I beat myself up mentally, worrying
about dying and fearing that I had every disease known to man.
I also felt that because of my OCD, I had lost portions of my life to worry.
I realized how the pressures of sports and the pressures of high school and
simply being a kid had affected me. I also think that the divorce of my
parents had a strong impact on my life because kids lose a lot during
divorce. I understood why my Mom left my Dad, but the result was
that I
did not have that father-son relationship that is important to all men.
I was trying to desperately to get control of my life, because a kid can
often feel that his life is out of control. Add OCD to the mix and
you have
double trouble. Many times these daily pressures would trigger an
onset of
OCD with all of its obsessions and its rituals. You can become so
frustrated with yourself because you are doing this to yourself.
I had to learn to accept the fact that that I had a chemical imbalance in my
brain. I had to understand that the imbalance caused me to obsess about
little things, even though I actually had a very good life. For a man to
heal from alcoholism or drug addiction or OCD, he has to get to that day
that when he forgives himself. Reaching that place where you accept your
condition and forgive yourself for having it is a vital step in healing from
OCD.
It is vitally important that you take some time to come to terms with your
OCD and that you show some self-care towards yourself. Haven’t we all been
through enough with our OCD? You certainly won’t help yourself by beating
yourself up.
Forgiving myself was very important, but to make sure I was doing the best
for myself, I also continued to see a trusted psychologist when life would
get stressful.
Life will always present challenges and stresses, so it’s important to avoid
feeling complacent about your recovery. I faced some strong stress when I
was separated from my wife for a little bit and also when we had children.
These events represented major changes in my life and brought on some
anxiety. These are scary times in a man’s and a woman’s life because you are
giving yourself to somebody else, and it is not just about you
anymore. You
have people who are going to be relying on you. I look back on these times
and realize that they were events that brought on feelings of anxiety and
obsessions. When I was younger, they might have triggered bad bouts for me.
Now, I’ve learned many steps that help me to deal with them.
During those times, I also realized that this was my mind and body and
nobody else’s, and that I owed it to myself to get the self-help that I
needed. I have always stayed on my Paxil and talked
with close friends or my
family during stressful times. Doing this is very important, so if you do
not have those kinds of people around, then find them because there are so
many great people in this world.
I am a person with OCD. This is my make-up and who I am, and
I’ve learned
to accept it and to take care of myself accordingly. This acceptance
of
myself is probably why I have been able to accomplish so much in my life.
As a part of my healing process I learned to accept my OCD, and I was not
afraid to say that I was hurting or down and needed some help. I
cannot
tell you how many times in my life lately something will happen and I will
say to myself and to others that I have OCD, and that is why something might
bother me.
I hid my affliction for a long time and obviously lost out from doing
that.
Eventually, I could not continue to live my life that way
anymore. Someone
would say, “Whitey, (my nickname) do you really have OCD or are you just
kidding?” I would say, “You know, unfortunately this is how I am, but hey,
we all have issues of our own and this is who I am.”
This exchange would often spark a conversation because the other person may
have self-diagnosed himself with OCD, or a doctor may have made the
diagnosis. Or, the person may have been on some kind of medication for
depression and anxiety.
When the situation was right I would also be compassionate with them and say
to them that if they had something wrong, I would be happy to help
them. I
usually comment, “that I had OCD and with hard work I conquered it and they
can too.” Their faces would light up with a smile because they then
knew
someone else had what they did. I gave them hope.
One of the biggest reasons I wrote this book was to encourage people to take
their lives back. I want to let people with OCD know that they are not
alone. I have always told people that “God knows I do not have all
the
answers but, I have some.” If people ever wanted to talk, I assured them
that I would be there.” I have accomplished much in the
thirty- eight years of my life but that pales in comparison to getting
through OCD, because those were some scary times in my life.
In addition to forgiving myself, I had to come to terms with something else.
That was my fear of God and of the person that I was raised to be. I
went
to a Catholic school so I was raised spiritually, and religion is a powerful
thing.
A lot of people with OCD really stress about going to hell or perhaps about
being bad people. I know that at times I would really struggle with
religion, and I would wonder if I was truly a good person.
Over the years, I read several articles about religion and OCD being tied
together. Many religious people have had OCD. They feared the devil and
would obsess over even looking at the number 666. If they looked at
a
number like this, it could bring huge anxiety to them, just as it did to me
for years as a kid. Once again, I was trying to get control of my
life and
I would obsess about this number and my faith.
I was raised as a strict Catholic and really desired to be a good person and
to do what was right. I never liked to look at the number 6 because
it
represented evil and despair. Maybe some of you have had these same fears. I
would sometimes look at a different number and make sure I focused on a
number like a 3, 7 or 10 on a clock just so I did not have to think about a
number like 6.
I would go into a video store and be unable to look at the movie covers of
satanic scenes or scary pictures because crazy thoughts could cross my mind.
I hated that so much but I think that was because I was struggling
with my
faith and the person that I was. Today, I can look at a number such as 666
and at anything else because I am at peace with myself and my life, and
because I look at God as my friend and supporter.
I vividly remember one event that may have triggered my obsession with
religion. I was in high school and my parents had sent me on a
religious
retreat that I attended with other students from my school. During
the
retreat, and I think I was only about fourteen years of age, we broke off
into groups with a counselor and talked about our lives and our faith.
Unfortunately for me, my counselor was a very hard core spiritual person and
he said something to the effect that all of us had committed many sins and
that if we were not perfect for the rest of our lives we would go to hell.
I was fourteen years old and very insecure, and he scared me to
death.
Especially for someone suffering from OCD, that event had a huge impact on
me, and I set out to lead a perfect life. Well, let’s face it, that is
impossible and I wish that the counselor had realized that words can scar
people for a long time.
After that, I watched everything that I did and said, and no one was allowed
to say the Lord’s name in vain around me. I drove friends nuts. I
thank God
that many of them are still friends, because I was a pain in their
tails. A
friend would curse and immediately I would correct him like I was a priest
or something. It was my way of gaining control and befriending a
God I
really desired to see someday. I do not remember the retreat or even the
place where I went that weekend or even who the counselor was, but his
tactic of scaring a youth to death really affected me for a long time.
To this day, I remain faithful and always feel like I have a friend at my
side with God. I have learned over the last couple of years to
forgive
myself for beating myself up for fearing God and for ever thinking that I
was a bad person. We have all made mistakes and we will all continue
to
make them as we live. I have sinned as we all have, and my own
personal
relationship with God has only strengthened. With my wife, I have helped to
rear our kids. I have learned to love God and to call upon him when I need
him. If you believe in God, then you know he loves us all.
In conclusion, I’ve shared only a couple of examples of the importance of
learning to forgive yourself. You may have different things that you
have
to let go of, but do yourself a favor and learn to do it to help yourself
heal.
Learning to let go is such an important step to recover from OCD and other
depression because, with the mental hiccups of OCD, you may not have allowed
yourself to do this. As you are healing, learn to forgive your
actions of
the past and focus on growing and feeling great through
self-care. You will not regret it.
Chapter
11 Read, Read, Read
“The man who can make hard things easy is the educator.” Ralph Waldo
Emerson
If you are struggling with OCD or some other disease, something that I found
so useful will be very helpful to you. Hit a library or go online and learn
as much as you can about the illness. It is never good to feel constantly
confused on why you are the way you are. The more you educate yourself on
your illness, the better you are able to understand your actions and not
beat yourself up mentally.
Two websites that have been very helpful to me are:
www.webmd.com and
www.ocfoundation.com
These sites talk about OCD and ways to get better. They contain some
fantastic articles written by doctors and prominent psychologists. I
went
in and typed in “OCD” and “Depression” and was able to read, read, read,
countless articles on OCD. After reading so much about my disease, I looked
at things much differently.
Right away, I felt better because I realized that I was not the only one
with OCD. I remember reading, as soon as I started searching for
information, that I share the disease with eight million other
Americans. I
thought, “Now wait a minute. There are many other people out there like
myself.” Mentally, it made me feel stronger to know that I was not in this
by myself.
I found the website for the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation
extremely informative. The compassion that I saw on the page was
amazing in
that these people have such a strong desire to help others.
The foundation offers clear advice on support groups and conventions that
OCD sufferers can attend. It’s also possible to make contact with and talk
to others who have OCD. You are able to bounce questions and your
concerns
off people who have what you have, and that is invaluable.
The site also has a list of psychologists and doctors in your area who can
help you. There is also a glossary of OCD terms that you can read to
understand the definitions that pertain to your disease.
If only...
If only I had had access to sites like these in the 1980’s, when my OCD was
at its worst, they would have helped me to realize that I was not alone with
OCD. Such a site might have changed my life.
The OCD Foundation’s website clearly describes the so called mental hiccups
that one might experience with OCD. Kudos to the OC Foundation for caring
enough about mankind to open an informative website and to hold conferences
that enable people to communicate with each other.
I am also a big fan of Barnes and Nobel Bookstores. It’s wonderful that you
can go in there and use their free wireless internet services with your
computer, get coffee, and read some books before purchasing them.
For months I would go to the self-help sections and read whatever books I
could find on OCD so that I could come to terms with myself and understand
who I was. Knowledge of OCD is so important, and it can cut down on
so much
anxiety. I was able to continue to forgive myself because of
understanding
OCD and so many of the symptoms that go along with it. To this day, I
continue to read self-help materials on OCD to better educate myself to talk
to others about OCD and to understand myself. Understanding yourself
and
your actions is what can help a man or woman to develop awesome self-esteem.
As I continued to educate myself, I was very touched by a couple of books
that you may want to read as you get better. I read a good book about Marc
Summers, who was a former host on Nickelodeon and a host of a children’s
show called Double Dare. He is also a national spokesmen for the OC
Foundation and he wrote a wonderful book about his own trials and triumphs
with OCD.
As I read the book I felt so much for this man because I had many of the
same fears as he had in his life, and I really empathize with him. I was
touched by his honesty and courage and for opening his life up to his
readers to help others. His book is a must read.
Another wonderful book, from which I gained a ton of knowledge, was
“Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders - Treating and Understanding Crippling
Habits” by Steven Levenkron. Mr. Levenkron is a behavioral therapist who
has worked extensively with OCD patients, and I respect him greatly for his
direct experience.
As I read his book, I felt as though I had my own personal psychologist in
the room with me. The book was easy to read, and because of his
experience
as a therapist, it was easy to trust his written words. He seemed to
be a
man who genuinely cared about the patients that he treated over the
years.
There are many books on the market for OCD, but this book is one you should
definitely add to your own library.
In an indirect way I loved the book “Energy Addict”, written by Jon Gordon,
who became a good friend of mine. Jon is not an author of OCD
materials,
but an author who has written about maintaining energy physically, mentally,
and spiritually.
Energy Addict was one of the best books I had read in years. I am an
A-Type
personality guy and I thought Gordon’s book gave me an energy kick and a
positive outlook on life that is helping me to beat OCD even more. I thank
God I picked up that book a couple of years ago while on a business trip.
Some people do not think that a book can cure a condition, but this book
definitely changed the person that I am today and for that I thank
Jon. If
you want to feel great and eat well, and learn to foster a spiritual
relationship with the Lord, read this book.
Take advice from a past suffer like me, that once diagnosed you can get
better by searching the internet and reading books, along with receiving
therapy.
Reading books at night and over lunch was almost like having a second job,
but beating OCD has made all my reading worthwhile. It was comforting to
know that others were wired like me and that there are medications that I
could take to change my thought patterns. I also decided one day
that
although I am not a psychologist, I wanted to become an expert on this
disorder to help others because others had helped me.
Chapter 12
Surround Yourself Only With People Who Love You
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is
someone who will take a bus with you when the limo breaks down.” Oprah
Winfrey
When writing this book, I really wanted to find a quote from Oprah Winfrey
because over the last couple of years I really learned to respect, this
woman so much. Gretchen, my wife, is a huge fan of Oprah, and as I would
watch some shows with Gretchen, I learned to love this woman.
With all the junk on TV today, it is so refreshing to watch such an
endearing and caring woman as Oprah, who has uplifting programs
which show
everyone how to love and respect mankind. I would love to meet Oprah
someday and tell her how much I respect her grace and unselfishness to her
fellow man.
Since we are on the subject, I have gained some admiration for, and
this
may be a surprise to some, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, Jerry
Jones. I
remember a couple of years back, I spent some time in Dallas on my wife’s
business trip. I was able to drive around Dallas and talk with people and
also spend some time with some friends. They were quick to point out
to me
that there were a lot of people in the Dallas/Fort Worth area who did
not
care for the man.
Maybe it was jealousy of the billionaire or because some fans feel that he
unfairly let legendary coach Tom Laundry go as the Cowboys’
coach. Because
I’ve been able to interview Mr. Jones several times in the Cowboys locker
room, after games against the Eagles, I have seen a different side of this
man. He is an intense and passionate man who looks at losing as not
being
an option.
I have seen him pat many players on the back after games whether they won or
lost. One of the things I have most respected is that this guy is so
down
to earth and so honest. Ask Jerry a question and he will say it as
it is
and answer you honestly. In our lives, we should all seek out people
whom
we respect, like a Jerry Jones and an Oprah Winfrey, and learn from them.
As a result of my parents’ divorce, I spent most of my youth outside
of
Philadelphia,
in a small town named Berwyn,
PA. I also call Wyckoff, NJ
my
second home. Wyckoff
was the home of my father, and I spent many years
there.
Like many children of divorced parents, I had some tough times in my younger
years. I was a confused kid and I grew up predominantly with my
mother and
sister. However, my twin brother, Chris, was raised by my stepmother and my
father.
If you were to meet me today you would never believe I was once
shy, but
through junior high school and high school I was about as shy as they
come.
Some people, and even my wife, looked at me as being cocky, but really I was
quiet and shy because of all that was going on in my life.
A lot of this was because I was so unsure of myself, and my OCD really held
me down when I was growing up. Through all this, though, I still had
great
friends and a loving family. I played a ton of sports in both towns and was
still able to be a good student. If I did not have the family and
friends I
had, I could have had a drug problem or drinking issues, but never
did. I
was lucky that I did not have those issues to hide some of my insecurities.
I attribute a lot of my conquering of my OCD to so many people who have
loved me in my life. My greatest cheerleader was my own mom, who was
always
there to take me to my therapy sessions and doctor appointments, when I was
hurting and in trouble. Even though I was suffering she always
instilled in
me that I was great and someone special. She still does that to this
day.
Later in my twenties, I later was able to love a father I once disliked
because I was not always a priority to him. He was dying of cancer in my
early thirties, but we had some fun times together talking and watching
sports, and he had a sense of humor that I will always
cherish. Plus,
before he passed away, he was able in his own way to let me know that he did
love me, and that was so important to me.
Also along the way, I had friends who knew I was struggling. It would have
been easy for them to walk away from me, but they hung in there. I
also had
some girlfriends along the way who taught me what love was all about and
cared for me.
I have a twin brother and a sister, and through our turbulent times we have
always loved and cared about each other. Today, I have a beautiful and
caring wife Gretchen, who is my friend, lover, and mother of our kids. We
met in college, and she has always accepted me as I am. I have good,
positive, supportive people in my life. If you don’t have such people in
your life, people who accept your OCD and support you, go out and find them,
because they will change your life.
Everyone with whom I have shared my life has always supported me through my
OCD. Some people are not fortunate enough to have a support system,
and I
feel for them. If you ever need a listener, I’m available. My email
address
is dbwhite20@yahoo.com, so email me and you will have someone because I
would not have made it without the love of others.
I remember my psychologist, Bruce, saying to me that it was important that I
let all who loved me know that I had OCD, because keeping that inside was
not healthy. I still hold on to that advice today because if I had
not told
my