Chapter 96 Building Balance, Wisdom and Virtues on Success.
It is encouraging to know that we continue to mellow and mature psychologically throughout our lives. Mentally and spiritually ripened and balanced people have mastery over themselves, yet they exude virtues and an older wisdom. They are quietly powerful despite their appearance as gentle, ordinary people. John Ruskin, the English writer maintained that "The highest reward for mans toil is not what he gets for it but what he becomes by it. I believe we should sooner or later achieve a beautiful equilibrium and settledness, particularly in the 3 key areas of family, work and leisure activities.
1. Balance. In building balance, growth rather than perfection, and discipline instead of rigidity should be the goal. Strive for clarity and peace of mind with calm control of your resources. Have determination instead of dejection. Use flow, not force, and productivity, not pressure. Moderation is vital, otherwise, can financial success compensate for bad health or a failed marriage? You must learn how to have just enough and not too much of everything, otherwise you reach saturation and boredom. This means you have plenty of optimism to provide enthusiasm, a bit of pessimism to prevent pitfalls, and sufficient realism to see that there are things within and beyond your control. Balance also means you keep the right priority. In their extremes, some people take nothing into consideration while others take account of everything, with scrutiny and endless debates!
Successful people live a life of equilibrium, fulfilling their needs and other peoples in a harmonious way. They divide time between work, hobbies, creative and healthy pursuits, and meaningful relationships. They dont let ambition and greed dominate their lives, instead they have deep friendships, strong marriages and happy homes. Theirs is a balanced lifestyle void of bad habits and excesses, but full of nourishment, activities and rest, excitement and peace.
2. Wisdom. This is the product of good attitude, knowledge, experience, and reasoning. It brings decorum, prudence and vision. In fact it has common sense, street-smartness, acumen, sharp perception, strong insight, subtle intelligence, sound judgement and composure all put together. It needs to grow from the ground of good character, objectivity and neutrality, unmuddled by surroundings and emotions. Wisdom helps you to face and solve the many problems in life, because as you know well by now, it is not what happens to you that matters, it is what you do about it. Cultivate the above qualities in yourself, because you may inherit vast wealth, without the desired wisdom.
Prudence adorns one with discretion and caution. One is street-smart and thorough in all facets and levels of life, in case danger or deceit lurks in the dark. Study all the facts before you act, all the risks before you whisk away. There should always be poise before passion, reflection before reaction. So think and plan far ahead. Even animals work in summer to provide for winter. In human relation, prudence is much needed too. Forego temporary comfort or gain to enjoy the longterm goodwill and support of friends and business associates. Likewise, you should understand someones character before you try to please him or win him over, you might do the reverse. Fortune is helped along by prudence and enterprise. Certain type of eminence go in and out of style, but wisdom is permanent. It is a strong foundation for building virtues.
3. Virtues. The basis for charity is understanding, appreciation and goodwill. Have respect for other people, their needs and hardship. Put yourself in their shoes to fight lifes many battles, instead of treating them as pawns and puppets for selfish ends. If you value others and see good in them, you tend to have higher self-respect and humility, and to find goodness everywhere.
Humility holds peace, poise and power. It also has the capacity for sincerity, understanding, contentment and maturity. Gandhi, Lincoln, Prophet Mohammed and Jesus are revered for it. Interestingly, some people pretend to be rich, but have nothing. Others act poor, but own a fortune. A Danish proverb observed, "The nobler the blood, the lessthe pride. Humility separates confidence from conceit, and it is always the secure who are humble. We need not boast about our achievement, nor complain about our suffering. There is no humiliation in humility, it is not self-disparaging or self-denial. On the contrary, it evolves from a confident and calm view of life. There is no weakness, but strength that grew out of clear understanding. That puts our success in the right perspective without arrogance and haughtiness.
Humility is a strange thing, the minute you think you have it, you have lost it. The strength that comes with confidence can easily be lost in conceit. One dark side of pride is that it sees no room for trial and error, and improvements, which are the basis for progress. Arnold H. Glasows words of caution were: "Conceit is the quicksand of success. One way of cultivating humility is to remind ourselves that we are indebted to many people, our parents, benefactors and Almighty God. Instead of making us feel insignificant, humbleness should remind us of our valuable part in this great universe. No one can succeed alone, or even survive alone. Through humility we grow without complacency and presumption, to reach maturity, wisdom and altruism.
Altruism comprises kindness, caring, helping and giving. Life is too short and precious for us to be idling and contributing nothing. Our well-being is a lesson in love. Charles Dickens wrote, "No one is useless in the world who lightens the burdens of another. In this materialistic world, some tend to think that being prosperous is more important than having a meaningful, purposeful life. In fact, money is just convenience and an asset to help ourselves, our family and our fellowmen towards material and spiritual well-being. Wealth should not be the end, but the means to an end. Your altruism reaches a high plane when your care for others outweighs your concern for yourself.
In life - apart from lottery-winnings - there are few Santa Clauses popping up from nowhere to place bags of gold at your feet. Fewer, if they had to squeeze through the dirty chimney. No movie-producer is going to break down your door to sign you up as a star either. You have to help others, to be helped; to give, in order to receive. You dont get something for nothing, you must pay a price. Dr Maxwell Maltz warned of selfishness: "It robs you of emotional and spiritual security, leaving you an empty human…If your receive, learn to give in return to others who are in desperate need of good will and compassion…Which shall it be, selfishness or selffulfilment?
Start by helping in social work, community projects and fund-raising programmes. Participate in social and governmental schemes that train the young, rehabilitate the delinquents and drug-addicts, and help the distressed and homeless. Visit the sick. Nowadays, celebrities are contributing much to the community. When we seriously consider what really matters most to the world and its people, we begin to think in larger terms than I, me, mine and yesterday, today and tomorrow. We begin to realise how little we have done and how much we can do.
Sincerity, truthfulness and faithfulness are important facets of life as we interact with others, they shape our future. Confucius declared: "Sincerity and truth are the basis of every virtue. Be loyal to your spouse, friends, employer and business associates.
Have receptivity and empathy. Cherish your friends. Think twice before you presume you have outgrown them, they have hidden talents and qualities and you may never find friends like them. Open your door for friendship, enlightenment and knowledge. Only fools shut their minds and ears. Mutual appreciation and understanding are among the best gifts in life, they add to a societys harmony and well-being. So give a friend a gentle pat on the back, reach out to your loved ones, hold your mates hands, hug each other warmly… We have a crucial choice in life, we can approach life with grievance or contentment, in a laughing or frowning style, as a creative or a critical person, as a lover or hater, as a giver or taker.
Courtesy, patience and tolerance are absolute treasures in human interaction. There are many good points in everyone, value and enjoy those qualities. B. Franklin suggested the best policy: "I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody. When you judge others, it may be an indication of your own prejudice or inferiority. Mother Teresa advised, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them. The British writer G. Chesterton remarked, "The real great man is the man who makes every man feel great. Washington Irving noted, "An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the rough weather. Gentleness and tolerance work wonders, and they usually go with self discipline; all are crown jewels in a persons character.
Let us find and develop more possibilities, for growth, balance and beauty, let us appreciate life on earth and adore this universe, and bring increasing wellbeing for everyone.