Chapter 18 Friendship.
Some people can feel lonely living in a city teeming with people. This is the paradox of modern society. People must now intermingle more and reach out with hands of friendship, because the sharing of delight and distress, of work and recreation is part of nature, and adds to a fulfilling life. Without hobbies, interests and real friends, no one can claim to be truly happy. There is nothing worse than a self-centred, inward-looking, withdrawn, lethargic, zestless, friendless existence, out of tune with the world. When we limit ourselves to a small circle of acquaintance, we tend to acquire or cultivate some form of narrow-mindedness. We should instead, groom ourselves to regularly meet new people and ideas, and develop as broadly as possible our horizon of contacts and consciousness. Our capacity for a wide sphere of associations is also a component of good luck, which I will analyse and discuss in detail later. You wouldnt refuse good luck, would you?
The following boost our much-needed ability to win friends:
1. Have genuine interest and liking for people. Remember names.
2. Have a positive attitude, which puts everyone at ease, with good humour, cheerfulness, sincerity, courtesy and zest for life.
3. Be an excellent listener, be absorbed in their topics and issues. Interests enhance friendship and chances for more friendships.
4. Accept imperfections, accentuate positives, avoid differences.
5. Show delight, gratitude, appreciation, humility and receptivity.
6. A give-and-take spirit, caring and giving more than receiving.
The list goes on, but this is quite sufficient. The rest relies more or less on our good judgement, common sense and wisdom.
Now that you have won many friends, you should understand friendship. After our family, our friends follow closely in importance, because they provide a variety of enlightenment and support to supplement those of our family. In the absence of our parents, brothers and sisters, especially when we are out of town attending university or working, our friends assume great significance and influence, and they usually take over some roles inour familys absence. Their company is less demanding and involves less boring routine like vacuuming and lawn-mowing, so we can dwell better on carefree and fun things. Friendships reinforce our identity instead of changing it, and doing something with a friend somehow increases the enjoyment of that experience. When things go wrong or get tough, a good friend can really comfort and empower us.
We can choose our friends, usually on the basis of common interests and complementary goals. However, we should be careful about our choice. Friends can bring us success and happiness; they can also lead us astray, into squandering and failure. When friendships merely patch up peoples feeling of boredom or insecurity, and help to pass the time, their real value and potential for personal growth are minimal. The existence of pub-pals and beer-buddies illustrates this point. They drift away the hours with gossips and teases, games of darts and cards, which, other than good relaxation and business rapport, could well be a waste of time. People (with little warmth at home and poor realisation of inner resources) fear loneliness, and usually become addicted to this kind of daily pastimes of joking and drinking. Some took the fun further into drunkenness and gambling, and that is exactly where wastes and doom begin to cast their ugly shadow. Stay clear of these people and such behaviour!
The choice of friends is extremely important because as a rule, we tend to become like those we continually associate with. This also reflects on the type of person we are, and will be in the future. Choose friends who have character, moral sense, virtues, and noble purposes, people who are positive, kind, and courteous. In the event of one of us going astray, the other, as a real friend, should speak out bluntly against wrongdoing.
Despite all the criticisms, friends can be priceless treasures, and those who have none are social paupers. The finest friends are those in adversity, those who can share our burden and weather the storm with us. The fair-weather pals come only to split our fun and fortune. Real friendship is not withered by time, it remains evergreen over the years. True friends are therefore like diamonds, few, lasting, and precious, and false friends are common pebbles.
After years of research, experts confirmed that people experience the most positive moods when they are with friends, which sometimes outshine those provided by their spouses and families. This occurred across the spectrum of ages from children to elderly. Even among modern, happily married couples, the manner of treating and respecting their spouses as their best friends actually boosts marital bliss!
It is in the company of friends that we enjoy the freedom to communicate and shine. Above all, all human interactions are grounds for learning, imparting, helping, redoubling joy and lightening grief. Can you recall Chapter 4? The experts concluded that the extroverts who spend time mixing, talking and laughing with people are the happier ones.
One day, when we are old and grey, we will recall with emotion those bittersweet memories, the great outings, vacations, adventure and excitement we shared with our families, and friends. Those wonderful buddies in primary school, high school and university, with whom we have lost touch and may never meet again... All those memories will bring tears to our eyes.
"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." - J. E. Newton.
"This communicating of a man's self to his friend works two contrary effects; for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half." - Francis Bacon.
"A friend is one who gives you the spark of assurance when you doubt your ability to fulfil your noblest aspiration, climb your special mountain, or reach your secret goal." - William A. Ward.
"It is the individual who is not interested in his fellowmen who has the greatest difficulties in life....It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring." - Alfred Adler, psychologist.
"Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and be loved is the greatest happiness of existence." - Sydney Smith.
"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me." - Henry Ford.