Chapter 19 Good Manners and Etiquette.
You will agree with me, that the only place where we can condone bad manners is in a movie like Mr Bean or Rambo. In real life no man is an island, and you will not get very far if people find you rude and crude, unless you want to be a Robinson Crusoe; but then you will not go very far either, until you build a boat. Regardless of your looks or character, if your mannerism is offensive, you lack miserably the key ingredient of a winning personality.
Many people overlook the far-reaching effects of courtesy and social grace. When beset by failures they give excuses like bad luck, poor market environment and even office politics. If they have problems with colleagues and clients, they may actually be losing their respect, affection and support. Some may breeze along initially on knowledge and expertise, but most livelihoods involve other people and thus require much social intelligence like consideration for others, a spirit of give and take, harmony and teamwork. If you are socially skilful, you can get away with some mistakes, but if people dislike you, they may even help you fail! So watch out, if you have the habit of smiling to your cash register instead of customers, you may not be smiling long!
The pressure of population and survival sees the disappearance of courtesy or even the smile. You only need to sit in an Asian city bus and watch the old lady running, panting, to catch up with the bus-driver. Finally she struggles to get one foot in, while he speeds off. Later, she has to alight from a moving bus at her destination. Then there are the waitresses doing their best everyday, to drive customers away. I pity these people. Their lack of compassion has failed them as human beings. In our modern life of go-getting and rat-race, we are tempted to put others as bottom priorities. This is bad for the well-being of the general public, and is short-sighted behaviour because courtesy oils the wheels of society, and brings a smoother and sweeter way of life.
It is sad to see many incidents of rudeness around us. Sometimes, a speeding car splashes the puddle on your new dress, then turns the corner without signal; another flings rubbish out of its windows. Some speeding drivers cannot bear to have a vehicle in front of them. Others seemingly drive to revenge and not to get to their destination. You get a door slammed on you, then you have cigarette smoke blown onto your face at the food-bar. At another time, the drugstore girl keeps you waiting while she paints her eyelids, but the stranger in the public phone-booth will let you wait forever! Some people talk, or sneeze loud enough to wake their neighbours, then they pick their noses in public. In the cinema, you might hear a couple plan their entire new house right through the movie! Some girls have to wrestle with their suitcases at airports while colleagues whisk out of sight; and elsewhere, ladies have to stand in buses. Some folks do not listen or look at you when you talk to them, and you dont get introduced when you meet them and their friends on the street. Others read magazines in the house when they have visitors around them. Occasionally you sent out big presents and received complete silence! Then a friend came late to your dinner because she was too absorbed in a clearance sale... Endless examples of ill manners, they are awful.
Nowadays, both courtesy and discourtesy are contagious, so why dont we revive good manners and spread them again? Hopefully, people might catch on! Some children seem to be natural mimics who act like their unpolished parents despite teachers efforts to refine them. Others with boorish parents have the hardship of learning table manners without ever seeing any! Here are some good tips before bad manners creep up on you:
1. Use these words often: Thank you. Good morning. Good day. Please. Excuse me. Pardon me. May I...?Im sorry for...
2. Give way to others, hold the door, be considerate at all times.
3. Listen attentively and give others your undivided attention.
4. Send thank-you cards, congratulation and get-well cards, etc.
5. Give balanced attention to everyone at a conversation, without neglecting any individual.
6. At an introduction, salute the senior person or the lady first, then introduce the junior person.
7. Understand how each person wants to be treated. Be sensitive.
8. Table etiquette requires that you do not speak with your mouthful, that you ask for things without stretching or standing up to grab them. You do not use fingers unless your hosts sportingly lead the way, and do not put your elbows on the table until dinner is over. Table manners must have been invented by people who were never hungry! Read more books on these.
9. Dress and mingle appropriately at parties and various functions. It is good to do refresher-reading on etiquette periodically, lest we slack in these areas. Although the days of rigid rules have gone, we are still judged continuously by our conduct and social grace. Good manners can always be acquired by painstaking efforts, with the habit of minding small things and doing little acts of kindness. It is also the ability to put up with bad manners. A polite person for example, never yawns in front of others, and he doesnt notice others yawning! Politeness alone is not enough, it must come from sincerity and true courtesy, which costs nothing and yet it buys priceless blessings. Kind words are free, so we should use them to please and empower people. Courtesy is a fortune in itself, a key that opens doors to other peoples hearts and leads to sunshine, opportunities and riches. Many businesses owe their success to customers and friends who remember and cherish their kindness. Courtesy is often better than looks and talents. With your ability to interact beautifully with others, there is no limit to joy and wealth; without it, there may be just nothing at all.
"Whoever makes the fewest people uneasy is the best bred." - Jonathan Swift.
"Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine, ... They give their whole form and colour to our lives." - Burke.
"If I had twenty tongues, I'd preach politeness with them all - for a long experience has taught me that its results are tangible...It is the Aladdin's lamp of success." George Williams, ex-bank president.
"Manners are the happy ways of doing things." - R. W. Emerson.
"To be humble to superiors is duty; to equals, courtesy; to subordinates, nobility." - Anonymous. "Kind words conquer." - Indian Tamil proverb.