Chapter 20 Communication.
Imagine, being born to parents who are deaf and dumb, being taught in schools that use only sign language, and living in a world that is completely mute! You wouldnt become very intelligent, would you? We would still be writing in calligraphy and travelling on horses, without computers and jetliners. You probably wouldnt understand this book; I would be swinging and hollering from tree to tree and my wife would be called Jane. Over the years, children from orphanages have proven that without mingling and communication, people grew up sad and dull. Communication is that important, in social and business environments, in love, in life.
First of all, communication is a vital social skill, with which you win people to your way of thinking, making life and success easier for yourself and others. You can influence and change others with little effort and without their feeling of surrender. You gain affection, respect and co-operation. Such proficiency is part of the winning personality and the mastery of relationships. Conversation, for example, is an art, and like all arts it can be improved by analysis, intelligence and practice.
The 1st step for young people like you is to overcome shyness, if any. You can dispell shyness by boosting your self-confidence through self-affirmation (as mentioned in my 12th Chapter); then you just relax, warm up to people, and cut the ice with a smile and phrases like: „How are you today? „You must be from my school. etc, and you carry on from there, It is quite easy. Building up expertise takes more thinking and practice, of course.
While gossiping is an exercise of the tongue, conversation is an exercise of the mind! It is wiser to choose what you say than to say what you choose! Be an expert and ensure that every word you use is good and pleasing, and that it doesnt jeopardise goodwill, confidentiality or your integrity and responsibility. The art is not only the saying of the right thing at the right place, but to refrain from saying the wrong thing at the tempting moment! Remember always, that in any conversation, it is better to listen more and talk less; unless it is absolutely necessary. You may recall with embarrassment later, that you were talking when you should have been listening. It is equally important that you forget the I, me, mine line of thoughts, and get interested in the other persons topics. The great Mr Henry Ford said: ‘If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other persons point of view and see things from his angle as well as from your own.’
In your real life situation, if you argue with your sister often, it only goes to show the bad I-me-mine attitude, impatience, poor thinking and the use of wrong words. Another obvious blemish in the art of social dialogue is the filling up of silence, with chattering of things which have no purpose or value. Communication should in fact be like a good game of tennis, with fruitful exchange of ideas and enlightenment. There is also nothing wrong with silence, silence is golden. A common flaw emerges when someone arrives at a subject on which he has strong opinion but little knowledge. He jumps in with swinging arms, churning jaw, a raised voice and a show of ignorance!
Kind words are short to utter, but they have endless echoes and far-reaching impact; avoid blunt words with sharp edges! Beautiful words on the other hand, can empower others, who will empower and help you in return. Isnt communication wonderful? It is also interesting to note here, that choice of words is easier on certain subjects, and sometimes in certain languages. There are 30 different words for love in Greek; in English, it is just one, for the love of pizzas, love of children, love of boyfriend, love of husband, love of scenery, everything! In the light of our not-so-perfect English vocabulary, we have to be more considerate and forgiving on any occasion of misunderstanding. Friends and sometimes even spouses, can also be won or lost by careless tongues. Be careful.
As we move from the social context and further afield in business, good communication is even more imperative. After all, life is basically a selling of ourselves, our products and services. A pleasing personality with the gift of the gab enables us to sell, to profit and succeed. The consistent choice of the best possible words is not merely a matter of expression, but a process of thinking intelligently and concurring as far as possible, with your clients and associates.
Amassing and wielding a large vocabulary put you on a strong footing, you can then express yourself clearly, effectively and convincingly. (At one time, I took my children to the library every other day, to cultivate their reading habit and build their powerful vocabulary.) With that strong foundation, you just think, pick the best words, put in the appropriate feeling, vary the pitch of your voice for effective expression, and supported by the right body language, you are off, towards winning, and prosperity!
In addition to your vocabulary, skills in pacing and matching the response of people enhance the quality of rapport - the communication bond, the accord with peoples disposition, feeling and opinion. We can further strengthen that tie and harmony, by going further in pacing and matching a persons breathing, posture, expression and interest! While words affect the other persons conscious mind, the physiology is working on the unconscious! Cues and expressions like „You are right; I see your point; sounds good to me, and so on, help tremendously.
Bear in mind too, that we are living in a world of powerful mass media, of an information revolution, of endless computer messages, Internet, radio, TV, movies, magazines, books and signboards. Your journey to success entails endless attracting, convincing and persuasion. Your ability to care and to listen is of paramount importance, because the more you get the other person to talk, the more he reveals his personality, needs and weaknesses, allowing you to influence him by capitalising on his vulnerability! This is a secret technique I am imparting to you.
Later, when you operate on a larger scale, your ability to develop rapport with the masses can be potent and prolific. You only need to study the style and charisma of great leaders and celebrities to know what I mean. Think of John Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, Bill Cosby, Oprah, and watch how pop star Bruce Springsteen „talks to his audience, touching their eyes, ears and hearts! The use of oral communication is a must for successful leadership. The leader speaks in terms, anecdotes, and illustrations which people quickly grasp and embrace, completing his sway and sweep over his followers. Public speaking is a significant facet of the business world. Please learn more about public speaking in the libraries and in practice in the forthcoming months.
Basically, good speeches depend on extensive homework and preparation, impressive projection of personality, self-image, correct breathing, clarity, a pleasant speed and pace, good pronunciation, voice manipulation and modulation, good knowledge, vocabulary, sense of humour, grooming, poise, gestures, posture and a captivating style. These qualities are also needed in normal conversation, where speech are often ruined by talking too much or too hastily, by fumble and mumble, and worst of all, by the monopoly of a conversation and the inability to listen to others. There is a tremendous amount of skills in speaking! They dress your character and personality, cultivate them.
At the work place, communication is a vital tool of management. Effective exchange of information and ideas is a fundamental force in the development of individuals and the company as a whole. Here the degree of success is intimately dependent on the appropriateness, ease, clarity and overall quality of communication. So you see, verbal and written skills are important everywhere. Even tennis champions and various sports stars rely so much on cues, communication and encouragement from their highly-paid coaches to succeed. I am communicating with you right now, like the coach and his champion!
Last, and no less important is the rapport and interchanges among the loved ones at home. The level and quality of communication in the family can make or break relationships. In the first place, how can babies grow into good adults without proper guidance? How can family members share their knowledge, opinion, decision, encouragement, joy, sadness, and love? Thoughts, words and deeds are extremely important, in building a wonderful home, and a beautiful and fulfilling future for all.
"Miscommunication, poor communication, or no communication will create problems." - Zig Ziglar.
"Good communicators often become great leaders.... Remember: A boss says, 'Get going!' A leader says 'Let's go!'" - George Shinn.
"A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt." - Mark Twain.
"A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about himself; a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself." - R.S. Zera.