Chapter 86 More on the Happy Family.
The other day I walked into an optical shop and overheard a mother cursing her 2 shortsighted little boys: "You are both forever bad luck and useless to me; see how much money you have cost me... Ive never seen more sorrowful faces on children. I think she inflicted permanent damage, especially to their self-image. Their sense of worth and self-respect is priceless and carries with it faith, confidence, expectation, and even courage and strength. Please remember this incident. One day, you will have children of your own, take tender care of them instead.
Teach your children well. There is no substitute for good parents, fine parents usually have fine children. Their devotion in time and attention can nurture positive thinking and self-esteem, making them feel loved, secure, positive and enthusiastic. Parents can teach virtue and spread love by example. If you are patient, considerate, responsible and loving, your loved ones will reciprocate and develop the same qualities. The most remarkable thing of all is that parents influence triggers the childrens talents and abilities, and moulds their personality and character. It is amazing how numerous unsung parental heroes around the world have ignited the impetus, genius and calibre of their children. I have given examples in other chapters.
Beethoven su ggested, "Recommend to your children virtue; that alone will make them happy, not gold. If parents run their homes without the right morals and values, it is hard for the schools to teach courtesy, tolerance, honesty, and so on. It is a crime to shrink from these responsibilities and to leave them to teachers. Encouraging or condoning negative attitude is equally grave. If a child is not getting love and attention at home, he will go elsewhere, sometimes to the wrong places, to find it. Many of the troubles in society would be non-existent if we could have fun at home.
Parents should view kids problems as opportunities to jointly learn, grow and succeed. Those who are too busy or impatient to spend time with kids are losing the great opportunity of grooming them for the life ahead. Soon the years would have flown away and they would have no way of making up for the time they lost.
The sacredness of the family. The family is the oldest social entity in the world! It is the birthplace of morals, values, character-building and civilisation. Pope Pius XI pointed out, "The family is more sacred than the state. It should Indeed be the cradle of learning, progress, free expression and creativity; the treasure-house of charm, success, songs and laughter. Home should be a balmy, sweet, sparkling, invigorating oasis, the most sublime place on earth. The great entrepreneur Lee Iacocca admitted, "Ive had a wonderful and successful career. But next to my family, it really hasnt mattered at all.
See the goodness in your loved ones. Never take them for granted; empower and develop them. Discover their hidden assets and enhance these strong points. The keys to motivation and growth are gentle persuasion, warm encouragement and generous praise. Dwell on positive and important things. If your spouse or brother or sister annoys you, focus on his or her qualities, on the countless times he or she has pleased you, and done things for you.
Shared responsibilities. When household chores are shared, many hands make light work and everyones burden is lightened. Besides, children are taught a sense of duty, function and usefulness. Many parents tend to cushion the lives of children, weakening them in the process. They should instead give them a share in the grind, allow them to develop competence and responsibility, and even let them participate in family decisions. Charles Kettering wrote fittingly: "Men who came up the hard way usually try to make things as easy as possible for their children, thus denying them the discipline of struggle and self-establishment that worked so well in their own case.
Commitment to each other"s welfare. Some couples put top priority on children, forgetting that they would also suffer if their parents marriage wasnt harmonious and strong. There should be an equilibrium that brings the best to everyone. A balanced commitment in time, attention, efforts and spirituality is best.
Openness with discipline. Be open about your feelings and convey them, yet disciplined enough to subdue excessive emotions. Sweeping feelings and differences under the carpet may undermine trust and understanding. If you need more comfort and affection, say it. In the light of this, parents should spend half an hour at night on heart-to-heart talks with their children to find out if they are thriving or troubled. What a good way and excellent time to empower and advance them.
Authority with full understanding, for the children. Discipline is important. Some parents give in, and end up giving up! Good parents listen, digest, understand and decide on what are best for the children. They reason and explain rules clearly and convincingly. They must also work as a team; if they are at loggerheads, the children become disorientated or they quickly take advantage to divide and conquer! Parents could also get carried away with control and discipline, neglecting enthusiasm, common aspirations and direction.
Share money matters realistically. Many people do not realise that great sensitivity and stress come from money; even if they do they tend to avoid the issue. Are you spending selfishly, irresponsibly, and spending more than your spouse? Instead of brewing power-struggle and distrust, discuss expenditure realistically. If purchasing something means very much to your spouse, give in, and ask to have your turn to buy your thing next time. Besides, a husband should give his wife extra money above household expenses to spend as she likes. After all, her home-making commands real salary value.
Coping together. Once I lost much of our saving in a business deal, my wife gave me a hug and said, "Its okay, its only money, not you or me. There is always forgiveness. A strong family makes a concerted effort against lifes many challenges, which are only normal. Children should always share their doubts and difficulties with their parents, who can help them tremendously. . An environment for beauty, harmony and progress. My wife and I love colours, flowers and home decorations. Before our wedding we spent weeks choosing beautiful, soothing colours and painting them. Coupled to these were carpets, curtains, pictures, hi-fis, piano, guitar, aquariums, aviaries, flowers, books, and so on. The home should be a centre of intellect, inspiration, wisdom, music, arts, science, entertainment, opportunities, learning and training. Here everyday is a holiday marked with progress. Former U.S. president T. Jefferson recalled, "The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.
Change and growth. Embrace change, the world is transforming. All members of the family must help each other to move in the right direction, to improve and succeed. Change for the better, give up vices and bad habits, for yourself and for those you love.
We have the potential for many qualities and virtues, and they should begin at home, the best place to launch our beautiful lives. If we cannot grow love and accord in the home, how can we find or spread it beyond our walls? Peace and joy in the home are priceless commodities and they build some kind of paradise to earth. Sir J. Bowring jingled, "A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
In ending this chapter, lets remind ourselves that there are enduring values to be imparted to our loved ones: Enthusiasm, optimism, love, beliefs, integrity and courage. The good father and mother are the childrens greatest motivation, mentors and benefactors. They tune into the same wavelengths, show concern, get involved, cheer childrens success and make magic moments and memories!
"The factory that produces the most important product is the home." - Carol Williams.
"Take time to grow. Take time to be healthy. Take time to play. Take time to be quiet. Take time for those you love." - Zig Ziglar.
"Family life is too intimate to be preserved by the spirit. It can only be sustained by the a spirit of love which goes beyond justice." - Reinhold Niebuhr.