Chapter 88 The Foundation for Happiness.
We know by now that happiness starts from within, this is good news because we can now exercise greater control over our well-being. We know too that in life what matters is not the absence of problems but our ability to deal with them. In your pursuit of happiness, your internal preparation will do well along the following lines:
1. Health. Health is wealth, and this cannot be over-emphasised. William W. Curtis observed, "Happiness lies, first of all, in health. You need physical soundness, but psychological and spiritual good health are vital because the key to happiness is in you, and almost every feeling is a result of your views and your thoughts.
2. Self acceptance. Accept yourself as you are now, but recognise your potential for growth and greater fulfilment. You must be satisfied with who you are, otherwise you will never be content with what you have. It is essential that you are pleased with yourself, that you see your beauty and strength, and cultivate a high self-esteem. The best self-image is one that is positive, self-assuring, yet realistic. This is not always easy, as some disenchantment buried in the subconscious may still affect you in hidden ways. A complete house-cleaning is mandatory. The past is gone forever, let sleeping dogs lie. What matters is the present and the future. The persons you are now is the only reality, ready for achievement. When you are committed to your inner self, you will emanate confidence, purpose and character, which are very impressive.
Selfaccepting people are happy, living with "someone they like 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. They have strong grips of reality. They recognise there are things that they can and cannot have, things that they can and cannot change. They know that bad things can happen to good people for a divine purpose. A purpose they may discover later or may never fully understand in this life. Self-accepting people have a high level of self-trust, self-expression and self-respect. They remain themselves, they do not bow to commercialism and resort to self-promotion and publicity, neither do they struggle to keep up with the Joneses. They are secure, knowing that nobody is perfect; they can laugh at themselves and make a brand new start. On the other hand they can be assertive when necessary, pointing out mistakes and voicing their opinion, with good reason and logic.
Experts found that self-accepting, handicapped people are equally happy if not happier, than normal ones. They accept their limitations, make the most of what they have, enjoy a simpler lifestyle, and achieve greater focus and "flow in their areas of work and play. The blind, deaf and physically disabled usually acquire specialised skills in their chosen fields where they shine and excel. The trick is to find some good in the bad, and some advantage in a handicap. At other times you can even retreat to advance!
3. World-acceptance. Happiness is natural and a birthright, you accept yourself, your place in the world, and your interactions with it. Bertrand Russell wrote in The Conquest Of Happiness: "Let your interests be as wide as possible and let your reactions to the things and persons that interest you be as far as possible friendly rather than hostile. Your best motto should be: While we work for the things we desire, lets enjoy whatever we have. Epictetus observed, "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.
4. Optimism, gratitude and contentment. Lincoln noted, "People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Research has shown that optimistic people are less prone to accidents and illness and they recover faster from setbacks and sickness. So happiness depends mainly on our attitude, temperament and disposition. These traits alter and colour our environment. Solzhenitsyn, the famous Russian writer stated, "Happiness doesnt depend on the actual number of blessings... only our attitude towards them. It pays therefore to always count your blessings and not your troubles. Henry Van Dyke suggested, "Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.
You are fortunate compared to the billions that teem this earth. Isnt it sad that people kill hours and days of joy by forgetting their gratitude and allowing dissatisfaction and resentment to linger? A little discontent is enough, it gives you the motivation. Bernard Russell wrote, "To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness. Imagine yourself without the things you have, youll appreciate them more. Doug Larson noted, "The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment. Epictetus enlightened us, saying, "Fortify yourself with contentment, for this is an impregnable fortress.
5. Accept full responsibility for your life. Freedom, a sense of mastery and usefulness are important prerequisites. Hold yourself answerable for your life instead of blaming the world. You have the accountability to create a better person in you, to find peace and delight, to grow and attain success. Happy people rely fully on their personal power to control or influence their fate. If we analyse our lives, we find that whatever happens to us is directly or indirectly, our own making. For instance, one or more of the following often lead to losses and suffering: Carelessness, complacency and stagnancy; lack of caution and wisdom in making choices and decisions (such as the choice of friends, spouses, business associates and risky undertakings); absence of back-ups and contingency measures, and so on. Steer clear of pitfalls and take full responsibility, and life will become an enjoyable game, an exciting journey.
6. Seeing and finding good. If you never miss any of the good things around you and always get enraptured by them, and even go further to see beautiful things in ordinary things, you are miles ahead of others. Attitudes are more important than facts, they carve and colour your reality. If you constantly look for the best in everything, you will find excellence. Did you stop to admire and smell a flower? Do it now, the seasons come and go. The happiest people enjoy every little treat they get or give to themselves, an ice cream. a glass of wine, a favourite song or a walk in the woods. They find pleasure in simple, everyday things. They relish each simple moment, especially those minutes they spend with friends and loved ones. J. Oppenheim concluded: "The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wiseman grows it under his feet.
7. Have great hope, dreams and purposes in your life. In my younger days, special hobbies and pursuits always brought me pleasure: Rearing birds and insects, exploring the jungles for exquisite orchids and plants, fishing, catching prawns and mud-crabs. As we grow we leave those childlike pastimes and aspire to greater things, which bring anticipation and fulfilment. Life would be so barren and boring without aspirations. Putting dreams and ideas to work is the way to success. Rubem Alves declared, "Hope is hearing the melody of the future. Faith is to dance to it. Happy people are hopeful people. You must wake up each day eager to live. Be glad with what you have and pursue what you crave for. Success is getting what you desire, and happiness is loving what you get!
8. An outgoing disposition and a life full of love. Joseph Addison declared: "The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. In the social sphere, extrovert people are usually happier than the introvert ones. This is confirmed by experts after exhaustive research. The best way to have good friends is to be one; the best way to beget love is to love. Og Mandino told us to "Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished.
The Koran and the Bible teach us to "Love others as we love ourselves. Happy people have an endless capacity for clemency and generosity. Buddy Hackett advised, "Dont carry a grudge. While you are carrying the grudge the other guys out dancing. Love breeds kindness and integrity, untainted by selfish competition, and materialistic manipulations. When you surrender to the cold and calculating world, you stifle your capacity for compassion; how can you ever find affection and fulfilment?
Its not just p eople, you should be in love with your job too. Be totally engrossed in your work and play, thereby attaining a state of "flow, as hailed by Mihaly Csikszentmaihalyi in his great book "Flow. You can achieve this by living more meaningfully and purposefully, and doing the things that you do best and find most captivating. Find a meaning in your work, well above the reward of the monthly pay-cheque. When work is a toy, life brings joy, when work is drudgery, career is slavery. Franklin Roosevelt, 32nd US President observed, "Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort. Studies confirm that when work is highly creative, challenging, mindful, meaningful and absorbing, the worker achieves a high level of satisfaction and excellence. To enjoy "flow, set targets, give total concentration, and enjoy the immediate here and now experience. Do what you love to do; live as a creator, controller, developer, initiator of your life. Climb out of the rut. Change from a victim to a victor, a slave to a sovereign!
9. Growth not perfection. Paradoxically, the people who get the most out of life are those who dont expect plenty or perfection. They have an equilibrium built on flexibility, not persistence. They have free and creative thoughts instead of stubborn, pragmatic thinking. Life consists of living and working towards our goals, which is 90% of our time, and the retirement, comprising the last 10%. Experts maintain that happiness is a manner of progressing, not the destination. That is why the journey and growth are more important than arrival and perfection. The whole process is the source of accomplishments and satisfaction. Work, learning, progress, discoveries, and even challenges should always be enjoyed.
A capacity for change and progress is important. A person earning $100,000 a year wont be satisfied to revert to his $30,000 yearly income – a state he was once happy in. Psychologists find that all pleasures are passing, continuous satisfaction subsides and we need to move on. Well-being is truly a journey, not a destination.
10. Overall balance. Happy people tend to have multiple, synergistic and interlocking goals instead of a single narrow one. They have healthy and harmonious values. They seek and live a life of equilibrium in which their needs and other peoples needs are met. They know that success is not the product of sheer will-power and hard work. Street-smartness, timing, preparation, creativity, human ties, etc, all have big parts to play. They find time for hobbies, interests and meaningful relationships. Theirs is a balanced lifestyle void of bad habits and excesses, but full of nutrition, activities, rest, laughter and vitality.
Contented folks do not let competitive ambition rule their lives, instead they build deep friendships, strong marriages and happy homes. With right priorities they do not over-market themselves and neglect their self-worth and their loved ones. Neither would they let commercialism slow their growth in creativity, skills, and personal substance. Well-being and harmony would never be sacrificed for production and profit. If a sense of vision, values, and integrity is lacking, money and power are meaningless.
Those without the equilibrium cram their days with hectic socialising and entertainment. True happiness comes from coherence and balance, yet it has no boundaries! You need not set exact conditions for gratification, your gladness doesnt begin with when and if, nor with a flight to Switzerland or a golden retirement handshake. It begins anytime you wish, it begins NOW.
Little do people realise that they can be merry no matter what, and they can be happy anytime they choose, even this very minute! We all need a few luxuries to feel some pleasure, but pleasure is a little different from happiness. Pleasure is more momentary, happiness is more lasting and enhances mental and spiritual well-being. People who retired early with lots of money found that despite the endless freedom and vacationing, there was something missing - a sense of challenge, purpose and usefulness in life. Many of them went back to work! Job satisfaction comes not just from the pay-cheque, but from a sense of control, achievement and self-worth. Great wealth without the right attitude and wisdom will not bring lasting happiness. Look at the late Christina Onassis, who inherited billions from her father. Her vast wealth seemed to have brought her the greatest pain and misery, until she finally killed herself. What a stupendous waste! Think of the social work, accomplishments and great missions she could have mastered, and the thrill, satisfaction, and ecstasy she would have, doing it all! In great contrast, Kelly Stone, (sister of superstar Sharon Stone) recovered from her injury and depression to set up Planet Hope, a charity that helps homeless children. Her work gives her a great zest for living. After her break-up with Prince Charles, Lady Diana travelled to various countries to see, help and cheer up poor and sick children… It is reassuring to know that what we need are the right values, spiritual wellbeing, beautiful lifestyle and relationships. We dont need heaps of money and luxury, which soon bring saturation with diminishing returns. The people with the right attitude and disposition are cheerful from childhood to old age, they can weather any storm and re-discover happiness. Go on and discover yours!