Chapter 89 More Pursuits of Happiness.
Researchers who monitor subjects over dozens of years find there is permanence in a persons happy disposition. They confirm that well-being grows on optimism, jovial habits, a sense of control, an outgoing personality, altruism, religiousness, realism, and a loving relationship. Blessed with this information, we can now put ideas into practice, in contrast to the theories given in the last chapter. The following guidelines will take you along the right path:
1. Control, even create your thoughts and feelings. If you run after happiness, you may be running away from it; it is inside you. Your mind is your door to well-bring, because happiness hangs around how you think and feel. You are a thinking creature every minute of your life, and your thoughts, whether they are long or brief, constantly create feelings. It is not your circumstances, but your thoughts and reactions to them that determine your experience. What we see is not always reality, only our interpretation of reality. That is why we often found that something disturbing earlier was no longer disturbing later. We respond to the same situation negatively and positively at different times!
Fortunately, thinking is a voluntary function, and it is up to you to master it, to efficiently block negative emotions and bring in positive ones. Build your ability in making, finding and holding cheerful sentiments. Do this all the time. Happy thoughts bring immediate elation, they make you live, work and interact better, allowing joy to escalate. Train yourself to be euphoric inside, regardless of all the imperfections around you. Stop suspicion, resentment, fallacies, fear and frustration. Give yourself a great gift that costs little everyday - happiness. You can be as buoyant as you want, you have a choice. Dr Maxwell Maltz reminded us, "To choose the evil of unhappiness is to choose slavery. Now use your thoughts as a powerful tool to bring meaning, positivism and delight into your life.
If you entertain negative thoughts like: "My boss doesnt like me. and "My mate doesnt seem to love me you are heading for trouble. Here are 2 examples: Case 1. You spill a jug of sticky fruit juice on a brand new bench in a beautiful park, you see a man nearby flashing a reproaching look. You feel disparaged and think angrily: "Have you never spilt anything yourself? Alas, had you only realised he was only staring blankly, and had you noticed the darkening sky, which would flush away the mesh with a torrential downpour, you would have felt differently. Case 2. Marys mother-in-law Maggie, seeing how busy Mary is, offers to bathe the baby. Mary misconstrues this to be her failure as a capable and responsible mother and tussles with her for the baby. Maggie misjudges this as a lack of trust and gratitude and an argument ensues. Two glaring examples of peoples inability to cleanse and beautify their thinking process. Keep these pointers in your memory:
1. Dont let peoples low mood affect you, dont take common mood swings too personally. 2. Beware of low moods in yourself and others; tackle problems in higher moods. 3. Dont take all your thoughts too seriously. 4. Dont try too hard to change others, or to change the world. 5. Learn to let go, instead of being stubbornly right but unhappy. If you over-react, and struggle with a problem you block wisdom and optimism. Stand back and look freshly at the whole picture. 6. Dont live in the past, live for now and the future. 7. Dont attach pre-conditions to happiness; dont say Ill be happy when…You can be happy right now!
2. Control, even mould your behaviour. Experts find that acting and talking positively may make us feel phoney at first, but the bliss soon grows and takes root. As mentioned in Chapter 75, our motions sway our emotions, our gestures form our nature. Take advantage of this technique. Your management of your behaviour also contributes to an orderly lifestyle. A neat, organised and energetic person is a lot happier than a sloppy, shabby, sluggish one.
3. A mastery over life. An active life must be balanced with peace and rest, to boost your vitality and power. Happy people feel and exercise a high degree of control over their destinies. This sense of command is half the battle! Use selfdeclarations to boost it further. Give your mind clear and powerful directions about where and when you want your targets reached and desires fulfilled. Do this all the time and see the results! Circumstances and accessories are then drawn to you to take you to your goals. Taking charge, making decision and executing your plans are all important steps to reach your objectives. If you dont you are giving your great power and privilege to someone else. Never let grass grow under your feet or allow life to throw all sorts of rubbish at you. Break free from limiting circumstances. Many people disabled by accidents soon became reborn with new values and strength. They made do with what they had with greater determination and commitment. Hence, we see jolly paraplegics and skilful blind musicians.
Remember your mind power, and how someone appears, or telephones you when you think of them? The universe is filled with such telepathic signals and wavelengths. Exploit this magnetism to your advantage. Intensify your longing and focus to capture your goals. Use your mind to create and complete your desired experiences.
4. Bring in external inputs of Happiness. You have seen happiness as an inside job. Now go outside to complete the picture. Go and enjoy peoples company and the many good things in life. Open up to people, most will reciprocate your friendliness. Joy is often the ability to be delighted in both big and small ways. Some of the nicest things cost nothing, like fresh air, greenery, sea breeze and pretty sunset. As we have seen in previous chapters, the simplest things can be the most satisfying. Enjoy things sparingly before you get weighed down by saturation. Coke tastes better in smaller bottles! Step out of the inertia and comfort zone. Strike a balance too, and get down to basics. Watch the little bird outside your window. He is continuously smiling, singing and searching for delicious worms. He has no time for a dull moment. He doesnt pause to whine or worry and he never gets sick… Learn from him!
Dont be self -centred. There is little meaning or purpose if you exist on your own. Depression is drawn to lonely people. Extroverts have a wider circle of friends, hence, more assistance, opportunities and rewarding experience. We tend to be hilarious among high-spirited people. Social delight helps us enormously, especially in chasing blues away. Research confirmed that widowed people, in contrast to those blessed with friendship and family, are more prone to disease and death. Those who share their problems and pain with others instead of bottling them are happier.
5. Find something big, beyond yourself, and serve it. There is much more to life than what we see and realise. There are endless possibilities, knowledge, adventures and new experiences; it is up to us to explore and discover the many secrets of this universe. Enlarge yourself into a life of meaning, purpose and excellence. You can do this by maximising your potential to live a life beyond that of the ordinary people, full of dreams, creativity, achievements and social contributions. Youll be thrilled to be busily committed and useful, engrossed in something challenging and fulfilling. To be happy is to make others happy, so put others first, especially those in need of help. Break free from your emotional addictions like dependency on family, fear of the outside world, poor confidence and self-image. Boost your self-esteem, then identify your grand purpose and noble goals. Awaken and unleash your boundless energy, make life a great work of art and accomplishments. B. Disreali remarked: "Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. Live a worthwhile life, plan and complete great missions that improve and beautify your life and the lives of your fellowmen.
6. Stay Close to God, and God-loving people. Surveys confirm that religious people on the whole have a higher level of contentment, bearing out a strong link between religion and well-being. There are less substance abuse, broken marriages, depression, and less of the various mental and physical disorders. Religious groups provide the friendship that multiplies joy and divides sadness. Those with confidants and intimates reported that they were happier; with close relationships they coped better with losses, grief and traumas. When people interact they share companionship and ideas, they enjoy some kind of empowerment and synergy. Sometimes, by cheering someone else, you cheer yourself up too. Generally, we need a sense of belonging to our family, our society and our Creator.
7. Humility, gratitude and realism. Despite all the preaching about positive thinking, be realistic too. Not 100% of your dreams will come true. Accept some impossibilities, respect the forces of the universe and tolerate things that are beyond your control. Often it is most relieving to admit our conceit and constraints. In other words, stay enthusiastic and optimistic, but have enough pessimism to prevent complacency and carelessness. Remind yourself you are a lot better off than others and it could be worse. Make comparisons with those less fortunate than you are, then count your blessings. A visit to the hospital stresses this point. Accept contrasting situations, and know that no pain, no pleasure; no sadness, no joy; no hunger, no sumptuousness. Suffering accentuates our enjoyment..
Capitalise on whatever is available on this good earth. If you are not enjoying life, you are wasting it. Some days may appear long, but life is short, too short for unhappiness. R. L. Stevenson noted: "There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. Take advantage of freedom, nature and the wilderness. Many people dont realise what they are missing! It is not merely material possessions; it is the attitude and the readiness to find fun and fascination in ordinary things, to be happy unconditionally. Otherwise you have money without meaning, grandeur without goals.
8. Continue to build your love-nest. Make an incessant effort to cultivate the intimate, fun-filled, task-sharing, sexually-warm relationship. Home is where the heart, the health and happiness are. Numerous surveys have confirmed that married people are better off than single ones, enjoying psychological support, common goals and achievements.
Conclusion. Happiness may elude you if you go on a wild-goose chase, so it is not easily rationalised, but you can improve your understanding of it. If you just dwell on anticipation and achievement, going places, meeting people, doing things, job-loving and top performance, jubilation, enjoyment of your colleagues, customers and loved ones, happiness will find you. John Barrymore remarked, "Happiness sneaks in through a door you didnt know you left open.
One simple thing you can do is to keep telling yourself: "Ill always be cheerful and optimistic no matter what. Whining and worrying only make things worse, besides, I wont let anything rob me of my happiness… Such an attitude helps instantly and tremendously! P. Sondreal suggested: "Happiness is never stopping to think if you are. That is why well-being should not be a narrow goal, it should embrace a spectrum of emotions, dreams, meaning, purpose, expectations and visions. True happiness comes from growth, and more from striving to fulfil our dreams and desires than in attaining them. It is a manner of travelling, the trip is more fun than the destination.