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Plan your Intimacy
I coached my son's soccer team when he was four. The warm up drill before the game was always the best part of the whole day. As each child coaxed the ball into the goal by themselves, I asked the parents to cheer for each player as if they were in a real game. When the ball finally went in, a great roar of joy came from our side of the field. This is what I would call planning success. During the games the kids were all about making that roar happen again. They played harder than most of the other teams because, in a way, the parents showed them what success feels like.
Once you understand your intimacy needs, the next step is planning your success.
In some countries today, parents often arrange and approve the marriage of their children. These parents are trying to plan success for their kids too. Without a structure like this in western society we have run wild with the notion of "romantic dice," a cosmic plan, fate or luck.
Most people still rely on the "cosmic roulette wheel" because literature, television and movies about star-crossed love collisions are big business. Many single people loose hope in the wheel after a short time and become a little frustrated with the whole dating scene. Others have made bad choices in mates because they felt that the stars where aligned to bring them a partner. The results were disastrous for the couple.
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The new trend is for mating, dating, and sex to move away from chance and get some help from computer software. Scientific rules are being applied to the idea of the wheel of romance because science is now a major driving force in all aspects of life in the modern world. The science behind personality matching in essence denies the existence of the celestial wheel of love. Is this the thing now that controls your social and romantic happiness?
Indeed, some people are exchanging chance for a microchip-match from a large data source. Happy people are not happy by accident nor do they plug their psyches into a database to learn what makes them happy. When you are ready to get hit by a love bolt of lightening, personality matching is like a tall tree in a thunder storm: you are more likely to get a jolt standing there under the branches than in your living room, but there are no guarantees.
Happy people plan and meet their social intimacy needs with some precision. They have the knowledge and skills to choose their "one and only" someone when the time is right for them. There is no cosmic cloud hanging over them. There is no blinking cursor keeping them from a happy life.
Many people report great success with personality matching systems. When you are in Singleship you need to remember if you use a data source to help you find a date, it is only a date. You may have twenty people that match your data set and that is good. You will have many new opportunities for social intimacy, but you are not looking for a mate.
Think of intimacy as food for your heart that is not sold in any store. You have to make it happen. Grow feed it. Care for it. You have take steps to make intimacy happen and see where it takes you. No one else can do it for you.
Write two ways you could plan and enjoy platonic intimacy.
Write ways you can plan and enjoy romantic intimacy. Where are the closest venues where you are able to group and be apart of a community (like a local library or coffee shop) and feel safe?
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