Confidence speaks volumes about who you are and what you think of yourself. I see women who are heavier set strut their stuff, own their swagger and are wow in a room no matter how many extra pounds others might judge them for. Confidence is not what you look like, how many degrees you have after your name, how old or how young you are and it is the same across all nationalities. One thing remains true, confidence is the new sexy! It defines you as a woman and it permeates every aspect of your life. If you really take into account your identity as the child of a loving God, that this universal life force wants to give you the very best that life has to offer and then some, you would not be worried in the least to grab hold of this idea and run with it! This is no time to be small Divas!
A woman is a mysterious force of nature. By being a woman you simply have the power to create life, are a deep well of intuition, run by and off of emotions and are a complete mystery to men. Men are soooooo drawn in and perplexed by you. A woman is a man’s access to the divine and for that reason, you should recognize yourself as that, divine! You are a divine and amazing Goddess! Own that ladies, really take that in and be confident in knowing that simply by being a woman you open the door for men to connect with that realm of magic, mystery, emotions and intuition.
I can tell a confident woman from a woman who is lacking in the self- esteem department. Simply notice if she looks into your eyes. Ladies if you really want to practice owning it, owning that internal power you have simply because you have a vagina, then try this little challenge the next time you pass a man, hold his gaze and smile, just smile and hold his gaze for five whole seconds! Try it!
What happens when you spot a cute guy in the grocery line or video store? Be honest you usually take a quick peek, blush and then your eyes dash away, right? Next time you spot a guy make a point to try something new, hold his gaze for 5 seconds and smile! Be a radiant flower and invite men to come in and sniff you. Seriously, there is nothing sexier than a woman who is happy and smiling and able to hold a gaze! I don’t care if the man is 80 years old! Try it! It’s a woman who is exuding confidence that invites men and other yummy delicious opportunities to her!
I recently met a woman on the island named Katherine who is dating a yummy younger man. For his birthday, she decided to invite him on her vacation and bought his plane ticket with her points with the agreement that he be the one to drum up travel plans and exciting daily fun things for them to do. Katherine was actively seeking a man to be a man in the relationship, make the decisions and organize the itinerary. How many times have you wished, secretly prayed and desperately wanted your man to just organize and make the decisions for you about your social life together?!
Well the younger yummy dude happily got out the travel guide and went to work. He was still not so sure he was measuring up to Katherine’s idea of fun picks and continued asking her what she thought. When Katherine and I were talking on the beach, she let me know that she was unsure of this guy and I shared with her that men are dying to please women if only women would ask them exactly what it is they want!!! Truth!
I mentioned this before, men and women are different. A man is all too happy to deliver, if he’s a good guy and it takes a confident woman to tell him exactly what she wants! Don’t expect your dude to be a mind reader. Set him up to win with you and tell him the things you enjoy doing, the way you like being touched, the little quirky foods you like, movies and films you enjoy and what really lights you up!
Ask for what you want. Remember all relationships are simply agreements. Problems arise in relationships when the agreements are not being kept or changed or when you have expectations that the other person has no idea about. So make new agreements and clearly state what it is you expect or request from your partner, spouse, lover or boyfriend. Don’t be quick to blame and fume, just open the ticket and submit a new request, make a new agreement, it will save you many tears and much frustration on the path to taking your Power Back!
A good friend of mine Earl Harris whom I met in Costa Rica has a wonderful body of work called Expansive Co-Creation where he helps people terminate old agreements that no longer work for them on the subconscious level.
He explained to me that we live our lives in an inclusion-based reality. It makes sense that if we’re deciding everything and allowing everything into our life by agreeing with it then the only things that we experience is when we allow it by default. This concept can blow your mind quite literally because if you think back to being a small kid anything you did NOT disagree with such as your parents’ rules, their views and perceptions of life, their values and beliefs, you took them on and agreed that they were true. In making those agreements you play them out over and over again in your life until you clean them out and re-make them. If you’ve been trying to change your life and continually feel frustrated with the exact same actions repeated over and over again then you’ve got some agreements to terminate and replace. The great news is - all it takes to change is a decision.
Consciously you decide, “Okay, I am done with that.” But, the subconscious mind keeps hold of the decision. Your subconscious mind is a recording and playback device storing everything in memories. I like to look at it like a garden. In your garden (the mind), you have all of these weeds (old beliefs and old agreements or decisions) and if you want to plant NEW decisions you must clean out the old ones. To make the soil ready for planting season you must till it otherwise you drop a seed (a new decision or intention) into a garden overgrown with weeds and your new intention doesn’t stand a chance.
Now you may be asking, “Vanessa how do I go about finding out which decisions and agreements I have that are no longer serving me and need to be replaced?” That’s the easy part. Simply look at what is showing up or not showing up in your life and you can tell right away.
When my life got painful, I had a good hard look at my beliefs and thoughts that I must have had for these gnarly experiences I was re- creating. I looked back at my mom complaining about her relationship, and all of her ideas about her self-worth. Most of these things I had adopted myself. My grandmother lived through WWII in Europe and one of the results was she used to save everything which then burdened the whole family!
Once I started poking around and asking myself the question, “What idea could have created this?” I got quiet, listened and the answers came flooding in.
Here is the list of the agreements I found lurking in my past.
Many of these are the same beliefs my parents held and not just my mom. God bless them they did the best they could. I really sat down to look at what I was attracting and saying YES to in my lifetime and recognized that those patterns were theirs. Now to till your garden of the weeds you need to know which weeds you’re taking out and replacing with nice smelling flowers. So what about you? What kind of agreements do you have running your life?
Get into a quiet space, close your eyes and ask yourself the question, “What beliefs, what agreements could have contributed to creating this experience?” Be quiet and listen.
Take a piece of paper right now and begin jotting them down. Give yourself the time and space to do this important work. Make a list like the one above. Look at what’s happening for you in your relationships that you don’t like, look at what’s happening at work or in your career, your health, your wealth, your time management. Once you start looking inside, you’ll be shocked at what you find!
Now that you have this list - it’s time to till the soil! For a guided meditation on how to Take Your Power Back, begin weeding out the old agreements and replacing them with the NEW vision for success, you are creating for yourself.
Get your gardening groove on at TakeYourPowerBackNow.com book-bonuses section and find the audio called Tilling your soil for success! The recording is from one of my group programs that I edited to give you a taste of HOW to actually go about removing the resistance, taking out some of the weeds and then planting your new vision for success that will grow in fertile soil.
I see women everywhere forfeiting their power in order to receive love from men because they are over giving or they are being men instead of being women. This balance is tough to maintain. We have many equal rights now, women can go to a corporate job or run their own business but that requires masculine energy - the kind of energy that goes out in the world and gets things done. Then they come home to their partners and behave the exact same way, in their masculine do, do, do everything energy by running and controlling their man and then they wonder why their relationships are backfiring and why their needs are not being met. A woman relaxes and receives by her very nature. In the same way our bodies our made; our vagina receives a man, we are natural born receptors so why does it make any sense to try and out do a man or out give a man? Men naturally want to give but women are constantly robbing them of the opportunity. Yup, hate to break it to you;; it’s your very own fault.
Try this the next time you notice yourself over giving. Stop. That’s it. Just stop. A man will continue taking from a woman because he thinks, “Oh she’s still happy she is still giving.” Meanwhile the woman is thinking to herself, “Holy smokes when is this guy going to reciprocate?” She keeps on giving hoping he’ll get the point but he doesn’t. He never will because he thinks she must still be happy because she is still giving.
A man won’t give unless there is room for him to give and he wouldn’t give unless he wanted to. So stop, lean back and watch what happens. You’ll quickly realize it will trigger him automatically to begin coming towards you and giving to you. If you’ve trained your man to be a taker instead of a giver, it’s time to lean back, blossom like a delicious fragrant flower and receive!
One of my all time favorite relationship experts is a woman named Rori Ray. I found her on YouTube one day and bought her Siren Program. I was fascinated by her explanations on relationships between men and women, sexual chemistry, how to really attract and engage a man. I was floored!
For years I had been behaving like a man, wondering what was wrong with the guys I was choosing when it was under my power all along! She shared a visual that I will share with you with the hope that it sticks in your memory banks like it did mine.
She said, “When a man comes to the fountain [that is you] make sure he brings water to the fountain, he brings and gives to you before he tries to take water from the fountain. Make sure he is a man to bring water with a watering can to add to your fountain before he takes from it.”
That was a profound shift for me. For years, I was always the woman who was trying to be perfect and a good little woman, who ran around doing everything for my man to make his life easy and I was robbing myself of the joy of receiving from men. Boy did I have it completely wrong!
Men want to win with you and they want to make you happy. You have to tell them how by asking for what you want. Notice when you ask a man what he wants? There is no delay, he will tell you right away without any hint of guilt because they have no guilt about asking for what they want. Understand, OWN and rock it out girl, you are a powerhouse lightning rod of pure potential divine access, men are deliriously magnetized and pulled in simply by your beauty and a smile worn with confidence. Love yourself enough to replenish after a day spent in man mode, take some time to have a bath, put on nice smelling skin cream, take a nap, play with something creative, relax back into receiving, feeling women mode and balance out your masculine-feminine energy in your work, home and relationships. Go out and practice your newfound confidence. SMILE; hold any man’s gaze for 5 seconds and notice, while leaning back that by simply smiling you will pull a man towards you who strikes up a conversation. Any woman who feels confident is sexy! Taking your Power Back will pull men towards you, engage men into your mystery and your fun fabulous self will sky rocket your confidence; guaranteed! You can only go up from here darling!